


Outlander Forever

by Kazroo



Category: Forever (TV), New Amsterdam, Outlander (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2018-04-16 18:15:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 153,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4635315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kazroo/pseuds/Kazroo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While not a cross-over in the strict sense of the meaning, I have appropriated several plot devices from both the current show about immortals, Forever, and another earlier show about an immortal, New Amsterdam (which starred Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) that I actually preferred the back-story for, and pulled them into a purely Outlander character-scape. The Outlander references are a mix of the books and the TV series, so don't jump down my throat on date differences!<br/>Simply put, Jamie Fraser is immortal, and his path is about to cross once again with Claire, and Brianna, the daughter he has never had the chance to meet. Picking up where Dragonfly in Amber left off, what happens if Claire can't go back, but Jamie never dies?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Outlander Forever

Prologue

I’d seen him before, twice, but I thought it was just a trick of the light, a reflection of what I wanted to see. We were each on our own train, separated by the teardrop-shaped platform of Government Center. His broad smile merely one of thousands that I had seen from behind the semi-clean windows of a Greenline trolley. The first time had been his birthday, two months ago. I had taken the B train to make my way to Brianna. She was moving out of the dorms into her own apartment, and until the congregation of roommates returned in the Fall, I was to be staying with her.

She was nearly on her own, but I was clinging to these months, holding on, perhaps, too tightly. It was hard to believe she would be twenty-one soon. Wasn’t it only yesterday I ran headlong into the cleft of the stone at Craigh-na-Dun? Perhaps if I had gone at a more measured pace. But, no. Jamie’s touch was still fresh on me, and redcoats were at my heals. I could not allow them to stop me. I could not put Jamie at risk by letting them stop me from going back.

As strange a place as I had spent the previous three years, where I landed was no less foreign. I had expected things to change – much could happen in three years, but it was clear very quickly that I had not returned to my own time. Jamie had thought he was sending me back to Frank, back to a life, a man I had known, and loved. Perhaps, in truth, I could no longer think of Frank as my husband. My only thoughts, as I felt torn apart by the noise and vibration of the stones, were for Jamie. Jamie, and the child he was sending me away to protect.

~~~~~


	2. Trains Can't Take A Wrong Turn

Trains Can’t Take A Wrong Turn

Boston, MA, July 2015

I stepped off the train. My eyes snapped shut as the squeal of metal hit a shrill high note when the train made the sharp curve and pulled away. As many times as I heard it, it always plucked at my nerves. I looked across the platform. I looked into every window of the train sitting there. I knew it couldn’t be him. All else aside, it had been two and a half centuries. As timeless as I thought our love was, there were limits. But hadn’t I traveled two hundred some years into the past?

I tightened my jaw as the next train pulled in, and dropped my gaze to my feet. I had to laugh. How fashion had changed! I could still picture Jamie in his kilt – the jaunty way it moved when he walked, the chug of the fabric behind him, or the alluring glimpses of his knees as he approached. The little flats I was wearing barely kept my skin from blistering against the pavement, and underground was no cooler. In my years with Jaime, I would have been thought to be out in my undergarments for the way I was dressed, but by today’s standards I was overdressed! At least my leggings didn’t need to be tied at the thighs, and I wasn’t passing out because my corset was too tight. But there were days I missed it all.

I was lost to my reverie when I noticed the large boat shoes pointed toward my feet. I casually drew my gaze upward, smiling as I noticed the very nice calves, and swallowing hard as the knees looked familiar. Red Bermuda shorts, belted at the waist, and a nice white cotton shirt traced a toned torso. I got as far as the collar, but could not bring myself to look any higher. Corset or no, I felt like passing out. I managed a deep breath.

“Will ye no look me in the eye? Or has the devil’s own courage left ye?”

My head shot up and my mouth dropped open.

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ.”

“So it is you, Sassenach.”

Even if I hadn’t seen it, I would have heard his smile.

The warm tones of his voice sent chills through my body. I pinched myself and gritted my teeth. I was awake. I tentatively reached a hand toward him and he plucked it from the air just before I cupped his chin. Our hands interlocked. His thumb stroked my palm then placed it over his heart, holding it there with his rather much larger hand. My eyes had traveled with the movements of our hands, and I now stared at his hand pressing my hand to his heart. It pounded against my palm nearly as hard as the pounding in my own chest.

I was struck with the only word I could fathom.

“How?” we said in unison.

I felt the vibration through my hand as he chuckled. His free hand slid between my shoulder blades and drew me closer, his lips touching my ear as he spoke.

“All in time, Sassenach, do ye live close?”

He felt the nod of my head.

~~~~~

We were on the next train that would take us close to the apartment Brianna had let and that I was sharing. I normally got off at the first above ground stop after Kenmore Square and walked the remainder of the way. It was a bit of a trek, and the thought of being alone with Jamie was just too strong. One stop early I sprang to my feet and towed Jamie to the sidewalk. He had to hold me back from walking into the side of the train before it could pull away. We crossed the remaining lanes of traffic and thundered up the front steps. I turned at the foot of the stairs and he pressed me against the newel post.

We were both shaking slightly. I had twenty years of repression passion, but Jamie had more than ten times that amount. I opened my mouth to speak, not knowing what I could say, but he subtly shook his head. Words were too civilized for what we were feeling.

The ground floor tenant walked by us as he left his apartment.

“Afternoon, Dr. Fraser.”

I smiled and nodded as he passed. Jamie’s right eyebrow quirked and he smiled broadly. He pushed me harder against the post, his body speaking for him. I was still his, in name, in soul, and if we could manage the four flights without being too badly winded, soon once again in body.

I don’t remember climbing the stairs. I think Jamie may have carried me the last part of the way for I remember the feeling of my feet reconnecting with the floor. The dark of the hallway was replaced by the brilliance of the common room in the apartment. The walls were white, the floors pale wood, and at this time of day a blinding light came in the windows making the room glow like an illuminated page. I turned to watch him as he closed the door and stepped into full light. He heard me suck in a breath and he tilted his head. A slight shake of my head relieved him of serious worry, but even after two and a half centuries, he could read me like a book of transparencies. He was beautiful. He didn’t look a day older than when I had left him – in fact I’m not sure I had ever seen him looking so young. I felt a shiver and rubbed my hands over my upper arms, self-consciously taking stock of my body, and feeling down-right cougar-ish.

I averted my eyes, mentally grasping for what to say or do next. I glimpsed the back of the couch a few steps behind me, extending my hands back until I reached it, guiding myself to the solidness of its support. He watched this slow retreat with guarded fascination. When I finally looked up again, his eyes were boring into me, and there I was, espaliered along the back of a large floral sofa, no means of escape.

A hum of pleasure in his throat broke the silence. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks as he scanned my body, but I could not move or speak right then. He stepped right up, looming over me, until he bent his neck sharply, and without touching any other part of me, placed the softest kiss on my lips. My hands clutched and sank into the padding of the couch as I stretched my neck up to keep his lips on mine for as long as I could. I guess that was encouragement enough. His hands gripped my shoulders and he gave me a very thorough kissing.

Breathless, and inches from each other, it would have been simple to cast our inhibitions to the wind and let loose our passions, but we were both quite aware we could kill each other with our desire. To survive this reunion would require a controlled release, lest we explode.

I smiled and Jamie took a step back. An odd nervousness caused us to laugh and I bit my lower lip to keep from saying anything ridiculous.

“Ye kept my name,” he stated calmly.

“I did.”

“So, there’s been no one?”

“No one that mattered.”

My hand finally came loose of the sofa and I stroked his cheek, fingertips tracing down until I outlined his lips. He kissed each finger. For a moment I thought he was going to cry, but he swallowed it down.

“I need you, Claire.”

“And I want you,” I replied, looking into his eyes until I shut them to enjoy the kiss I engulfed him in. His arms came around my back, pulling me from the support of the sofa and completely off my feet. My shoes fell off in a pair of soft rubberized thumps. When Jamie put me back on my feet, I curled my hands around both of his and began backing my way to my bedroom.

I hadn’t made my bed this morning, and there it sat, open and inviting. We each looked at the bed and then back to each other. I couldn’t help but think of our wedding night. I saw the smirk curl up one side of Jamie’s face. He slipped off the boat shoes and padded to the foot of the bed.

“I ken verra well what to do this time; ye taught me well.”

“You were a quick study,” I said in all truth. And he was. The first time may have been awkward, but by the end of our first night together he was well on his way to being an amazing lover. I remembered very well how it could be with Jamie, and hoped we could find even a fraction of what we once had.

I grabbed the hem of my sleeveless tunic and inverted it as I removed it and left it on the floor as I advanced upon the bed from the side. He looked approvingly at the view of me in leggings and sports bra, and I was encouraged. I was half-way out of the bra when he decided to assist me, and I became aware that the removal of spandex was best performed as a solo event – at least as far as bras were concerned. Had anyone walked in at that moment they would have been convinced we were engaged in some sort of bondage ritual, bound together at the wrists, and struggling like we were trapped in a Chinese finger puzzle – the more we pulled the more trapped we became.

“Hold still,” I told him, and without him pulling against me I was able to disengage my wrists and then free him as well. He was staring at my breasts with a sheepish grin. He grasped me by the waist and I took in and released a long breath.

“Shall I try the tights myself, or will you risk hanging the pair of us?” I asked in jest. His fingers were on the waistband in an instant. Apparently I was worth the risk!

Once getting the fabric down to my knees, I collapsed against the edge of the bed so he could pull my lower legs free. He was nearly back to the wall when the tights finally relented sending him sprawling into the chair across from the bed. He balled them up and threw them down in frustration as he stood again.

“Christ, Sassenach, it was easier to get you out of your corsets than this.”

I laughed, and heard him begin that wonderful rumbling chest laugh. The sound stopped abruptly, though, as he saw me leaned on the bed, elbows behind me, legs akimbo, wearing just the thinnest little underwear. He mumbled something, I believe it was in Gaelic, and being out of practice I couldn’t say precisely what he’d said, but I could gather the meaning. I rose to my knees on the mattress and reached for his belt, which appeared to be the only thing keeping his shorts from slipping off his hips. I was glad to see that even after two plus centuries some things never changed. As his shorts dropped, the tails of his shirt unfurled halfway down his thighs and I smiled at the sight. The fabric was more refined, and the cut a little closer to his shape, but the shirt was not all that different from the one I had him remove on our wedding night so I could look at him for the first time.

I began unbuttoning him from the top, but he took my hands and pushed me back up the bed as he stepped flush with the end of the mattress. He made each button an occasion, stopping to grin at me with each one he slipped free.

“This is damned torture” I said, “and you know it.”

“Oh, aye,” He nodded.

“Now, where was I?” he purred, defiantly re-buttoning the last one he had undone. I rolled my eyes.

“You bloody, bloody man.”

“Well, Sassenach, it’s already been two hundred and fifty years, what difference will a few minutes make?”

I flipped onto my stomach and sprawled toward the foot of the bed and set up on my elbows.

“I know I once told you to go slow, but timing is everything, and a window of opportunity is running out.”

“Do ye want me, or no?”

“Oh, I want you well enough, but you keep me waiting much longer and I’m gonna think it’s all a dream and pull the blankets over my head.”

The shirt disappeared in a heartbeat, and somehow it took my underwear with it.

~~~~~

He landed with a bit of a plowing motion, scooping me up and placing me on my knees as he knelt as well. Our thighs pressed their full lengths as we struggled to retain balance on the soft mattress. It became an awkward dance as we wobbled to and fro, our expressions a mix of humor and concentration as we attempted to stay upright. It was like two opposing forces in a rowboat, if either of us went too far without the other taking the other tack, we’d both topple.

I let out a “whoop!” as our luck ran out. Jamie over-corrected and went over like a redwood, taking me down atop him. As our breathing calmed, a wall of nervousness started to come between us. I was seated, straddled, over his thighs, my hands locked together between my own legs, as if that provided cover. Jamie covered my hands with one of his own and I looked down as the warmth sank in. I turned one of my hands over and lifted and caressed his hand in amazement.

“Jamie…your hand. How did they fix your hand?”

He smiled nervously and gave my hand a little squeeze.

“I’ll tell you everything, but not just now.”

His hand went to my cheek and slid to hold my jaw. The animal glint I saw in his eyes sent my insides doing summersaults. His first kiss was gentle, but each one became more possessive. That need for ownership was not one sided and every muscle in every limb began to fight for supremacy. As much as I wanted to dominate him, the urge to surrender, to let him take control, was impossible to ignore. While Jamie was very much a sensitive man, there was a primal energy that had attracted me to him from the very start. He sensed my acquiescence and quickly subdued me, pinning my body beneath his. He could tell by my body language that surrender was imminent, and that I would not challenge his mastery.

Jamie was hitting every possible erogenous zone as his hands and mouth explored me. It had been some time since I’d had a thorough going-over, and my synapses were overloading. He hadn’t been expecting an unconditional surrender. This wasn’t the first time I’d thought myself to an orgasm using Jamie to get me there, but, damn, he was actually here this time!

“Oh, God,” I moaned.

“Can you wait for me next time?” a terse voice inquired. “I barely got a hand on ye.”

“Sorry. I’m outta practice,” I said jokingly.

“Well…good,” he laughed back. “I’d hate to think…”

“You may not want to finish that thought if you want a next time.”

“I’d hate to think I’d lost my touch was what I was about to say.”

“Oh, no, you’ve definitely NOT lost your touch.”

“Good to know.”

I moaned again and relaxed under him. It may have been a good thing that I couldn’t wait for him. My nerves were gone, my body was limber, and I felt a molten heat growing to accept him. I slid my hands down and groped his bottom, and he reciprocated with a laugh.

“Ready, are we?”

I could tell he was ready, and as he pushed one thigh then the other of mine wide apart, I knew I was too.

We both drew a deep breath as our bodies joined. It was foreign and familiar at the same time. As he moved, he unlocked the doors of memory, and I cried as I regained thoughts I had pushed aside for the sake of my sanity. We moved together in undulating pleasure until my body gripped him tight. He pushed up on his arms and I saw the trails of his tears running down his cheeks as a pulse of heat made me close my eyes. There were several aftershocks that served to ameliorate our pleasure as we came down from the fierce need that had overtaken us.

We moaned questioningly at each other for some time, each hum answered by one slightly shorter, quieter, and more dreamy in quality than the one before it. Moving was out of the question other than lips finding each other briefly, reassuring each other we were real. I fell asleep with his warm body half on top of mine, one hand tangled in my hair, the other cupped between my legs. I hadn’t felt this level of contentment in years, and I hadn’t slept this peacefully since the day before Culloden, the last time Jamie had exhausted me with his passion. If it was a dream, I wanted to stay in it…forever.

~~~~~

Jamie was absently twirling a length of my hair around his index finger and smoothing it against his thumb. I don’t think he was aware he was doing it. It woke me enough to make me turn toward him. His tresses showed their myriad of gold and red tones against the stark white of sheets and pillowcases. He was wearing his hair short, but it still framed his face in a flattering fashion. I nestled my chin against Jamie’s chest and felt his arm come around my back and his hand curve against my hip. I had so many questions, but for the moment I was content to languish in his arms, feel the heat of his skin, and listen to his heart beating.

~~~~~

My hands must have wandered as I slept, for the next thing I remember Jamie was laughing in my ear.

“I’m no sure what you’re doing, but I don’t mean to stop you.”

“Hmm?” I inquired as I came awake. I sat up and looked down at him lying in my bed. I couldn’t explain what I was feeling even to myself. I took his hand again and traced the lines of his fingers – all perfectly straight, no scars, no twisting, no frozen joints. I kissed the back of it where the nail scar had been. I kept my lips pressed against it and my eyes filled with tears. He was whole, in a way that I never thought he could be, even in my dreams. I don’t know how long he’d been watching me, but he stroked the tears off my cheeks with his other hand and sat up enough to kiss me.

“How?” I asked shaking my head at the improbability of it all. How could he still be alive? How does he still look like a man in his mid-twenties? How could his hand be intact? What about his other injuries?

I pulled him to a sitting position and wedged myself behind him. His back was a clean slate. No silver slashes of healed multiple floggings -not a mark to be seen. I ran my hands from shoulders to waist. Oh, God, it was a nice back. I never thought to know it in this form.

“So beautiful,” I cried, laying my ear to the space between his shoulder blades. He reached back and pulled my arms around his chest, crossing my hands and holding them in place. I wrapped my legs around his waist and sobbed as I clung to him. He bowed his head and let me cry, kissing my hands now and then to let me know he was there. I know it wasn’t just about his hand or his back, and he knew it too. There was so much we had to tell each other.

~~~~~

As my breathing normalized, Jamie uncurled my legs from around him. He moved my arms up over his shoulders and pulled me up his back like a sack of potatoes. My feet dangled loose as he got up on his knees. He fell to his stomach with a little grunt as I landed on him. He stretched out width-wise on my bed, half on the sheet, half on the folded back blanket. His toes just extended beyond the edge of the mattress, and the tips of his elbows touched the other edge as he propped his head on the bend of one. His entire back was on view. He was putting himself on display for me, letting me revel in the un-marred symmetry. And revel I did. With my palms flat, I smoothed them over the surface of his back. I tried to hold it in, but the ecstasy of touching his back like this, seeing it so broad and clear beneath my hands, elicited sounds from me even Jamie had never heard. He lifted his head and looked over his shoulder at me. I pushed his head back down and kissed the base of his neck.

I kissed my way down the center of his back, sighing, massaging the sides. What started in him as sounds of relief as I soothed his muscles were quickly becoming the moans of a man who was on the edge of a greater need. I rolled off to my back beside him, and he lifted himself just enough to pull me beneath him. I couldn’t resist filling my hands with his thick hair and burrowing right down to his scalp. His eyes widened at my touch and I pulled him in for a kiss. I held his head, trying direct where and how fierce the contact of our lips would be, but he was quickly away from my lips, nibbling at my neck, mouthing my breasts.

Each time my back arched I inched closer to the edge of the mattress. Everything above my gluteus muscles was cantilevered out in mid-air. Just Jamie’s weight and the hold of his arms kept me from tumbling to the floor. I pulled my knees up to plant my feet as steadying out-riggers, but Jamie thought it an invitation. I was startled at first and let out a surprised cry. His hands tightened on my hips and I felt secure. We were still relearning each other’s bodies, but I knew he wouldn’t drop me. I wrapped my hands around his arms and held on, sighing as he shifted my hips up to meet him time and time again.

He had pulled me further onto the mattress and I was on the verge of calling out for Jamie, God, or whoever when the door opened, and Brianna, wide-eyed and shocked, walked in and her mouth fell open.

“What the - ? MOTHER!”

My head fell back, the only way it could, and I saw an upside-down image of Brianna, face turning red, blue eyes blazing with anger and embarrassment. I brought my head forward and looked into the same eyes, though they were Jamie’s this time.

“Mother?” he questioned, then looked at the source of our interruption.

Brianna met his eyes, silently saying, “who the hell are you?”

“Bree,” I breathlessly said. I looked at her, highly embarrassed, and parentally guilt-filled. I wanted to explain, but Jamie had been unable to stop himself at this stage of our interactions, and I could feel my expression changing to one of sexual satisfaction and contentment.

“Oh,” I let out as a breath.

Brianna looked mortified and backed out of the room, shocked stiffness in her limbs.

I slowly brought my head down to look at Jamie’s face again. He was smiling broadly, his breath coming quickly.

“She’s mine?” he asked.

“You did look at the girl,” I said with a growing smirk.

“Aye, she’s mine - ours.”

Jamie arched his back and drove hard into me, repeatedly. We had much we had to tell each other.

~~~~~

Jamie was letting out contented heavy breaths and pulled me all the way back on the bed where I was clinging to his side. His hand encompassed my shoulder, and his fingers absently stroked at my skin.

“Ought you go after her?” Jamie asked, staring up at nothing.

I puffed a light laugh.

“She’s got your temper.”

“Oh,” he said, smirking. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so he did both. The joy in his eyes brought a lump to my throat, and the tears streaming down his face tore my heart out. His hand curled around my belly, and his thumb stroked back and forth.

“I wish I could have seen you, round and plump, or with her at ye’re breast. Was she – was it, a, hard birth?”

“The birth was the easy part, keeping her in there until she was ready nearly killed me, and her. But I’d be damned if I was going to lose her.”

I started to choke up and swallowed over and over trying not to break into sobs. He gathered me in and rubbed his face on mine, reassuring me with Gaelic endearments. The words hit me like a paralytic, and I went limp.

“Was she big, as a baby, I mean?” Jamie asked once I seemed able to talk again.

“She was so small – almost a month early, but so determined. The moment I saw her eyes, and the profusion of auburn fluff on her head, I knew. I knew she would make it – she had your spark of life. And I swear she let out a battle cry the first time they put her in my arms… I’ve got pictures – thousands of them. They aren’t here, though. They’re in storage.”

Jamie sat up, alert as could be. He pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around me and I leaned my head back against his shoulder. I could feel his heart hammering.

“Oh, Claire,” he said breathily. “I wondered so many times – had ye made it, if our child had survived – boy or girl,” He lowered his voice, and spoke right into my ear on those words. “Years went by. Once, I got totally pissed, charged right up to stone, pressed my hands to it and yelled, ‘let me go to Claire or end me here!’…the next morning I woke clinging to the bank below the mill pond again! But when I’d lived long enough to meet you on the other side of the stones, and there was no sign of ye, I feared something had gone wrong, that ye’d never made it back. I was heartsick. I went to the stones every year I could, hoping to hear stories of your return, a rumor or anything. There was no sign of you.”

I slipped my hand into his and he folded his hand around mine. I swallowed and thought of how to begin.

“The only way I can explain it is that I over-shot. I don’t know why or how, all I can think is that, I hit the stone too fast or hard, or that I was so bathed in adrenaline that it somehow affected how far I traveled. Or that you were the only thing on my mind, and I was never meant to return to Frank.”

He squeezed me a little tighter at the mention of his name and I looked up sideways at him. His expression was odd.

“Tell me,” I said flatly.

He made that Scottish noise I had tried so hard to emulate and never got quite right.

“I met your Frank,” he began.

I turned in his arms, and stared open-mouthed.

“When you didn’t show up the year you told me, I tracked him down. I asked him about your disappearance. I said I’d heard rumors about the stones,” he said, bending toward me and smiling wickedly. “What did he say?” “At first, not a thing. He wouldn’t even admit you were missing. He said all I’d heard about Craigh na Dun was fantasy, and that his wife had been kidnapped or run off. But then his eyes narrowed, and he came at me pointing an accusatory finger in my face. ‘It was you’, he said, all angry like. ‘You were the Highlander was watchin’ my wife!’ Well, I backed away, but he kept a-coming. I didna know what he was about, but ‘twas clear he knew nothing of your whereabouts at the time.”

The look on my face must have been unabashed delight, for Jamie gave me a hungry look.

“Do you know what he was talkin’ about?” he asked as he grinned.

“I do, in fact. The night before I ’fell through time’ on my way to you, Frank thought he saw a ghost. A man in full highland garb, standing below my window, watching me- you wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

“Well, it was before we actually met, could be my ghost was out lookin’ for ye, to fetch ye to me. Perhaps that’s why I fell for you at first sight - I’d chosen ye for myself.”

That thought made my heart flutter. We sat quiet for a bit, just our hands rolling over in a Mobius strip of motion.

“I did see Frank one time, after I was back. It was his one hundred and fourth birthday, as it would happen. Which meant he was a damn-sight older than he ever let on to me!”

“You like your men immortal, lucky for me.”

We smiled at each other, but I blushed quite red. One of my husbands lived over a hundred years, and the other was still going strong at over two hundred and fifty!

“I’d tracked him to an assisted living facility in Glasgow. Apparently sometime after he’d given up on me he married a local woman, with three daughters. He’d always wanted children… anyway, I’d arrived and asked after him, and the nurse at the desk said, ‘Ooh, but you’ll be here for the party, then!’”

Jamie laughed at my attempt at the Glaswegian accent and I gave him a poke in the ribs. He grabbed my hand and kissed it. He nodded for me to continue, still holding my hand.

“I dared not contradict her – I recognized a nurse in authority when I saw one. I slipped into the back of the room. Three women sat around him, all with grey hair – his daughters I assumed. I tried to remain inconspicuous, but I was the only one under the age of sixty. I was comforted by the way his daughters looked at him. They loved him. I felt a little guilty, but it seemed he had had a good life, after me.”

Jamie gave me a squeeze on the knee. “I thought he either didn’t see me or didn’t know me anymore. He hadn’t said a word all night. I volunteered to get him back to his room, I figured I owed him that much. I’d gotten him settled and tucked up, and kissed him on the forehead. I stood to leave, and he grabbed my wrist. I tried to pull away, but despite his age, he had a grip of steel. I looked into his eyes, and the recognition was clear. He knew me, he knew who I was, and he spoke. ‘Claire, where have you been?’ he said. It wasn’t angry, just a simple question, one I’m sure he’d wanted to ask for a long time. So I told him. Everything. Craigh na Dun, meeting you, Black Jack Randall – the reason you’d married me, and why I had ‘agreed’ to it. I even told him I’d chosen to stay with you, that there was something so compelling about you that I couldn’t leave you. I told him about the days leading up to Culloden, and about Brianna, and how you’d loved us enough to make us go, and live. I spoke about over-shooting our time, and that I was coming back to him, but fate intervened. I confessed that a part of me was glad not to have…put him through the pain of raising a child who could not help reminding me of a man I could not have.”

I dropped myself sideways into Jamie’s lap and buried my face against his chest. He slid his chin over the top of my head and held me still.

“Do you think he believed you?”

“I don’t know. I went to see him again a few days later, and he was dead. The man lives one hundred and four years, and drops dead two days after I visit him!”

“Hardly your fault, Sassenach.”

“Perhaps.”

“Something you’ve left out?” he asked, feeling the tension rise in my shoulders.

“His final words…the nurse told me, just before he died, he said, ‘the highlander’, that was it. We freakin’ killed him. Between the two of us…”

“Too many M&M’s in his snack could have shocked the life outta him at a hundred and four! You said it yourself, he had a good life after you. Maybe he was just holding on to know the truth. You may have given his soul the peace it needed.”

I nodded below his chin and released a deep breath. God it felt good to be held.

~~~~~

Jamie sucked in deeply through his nose and pursed his lips.

“Do ye smell something, Sassenach?”

I sniffed too and frowned.

“Defcon brownie.”

“Hmm?”

“Brianna made brownies.”

“There is clearly significance to what you’re saying, but I canna ken.”

“She went straight to chocolate –“

“Oh, I see now. What is it with chocolate and women? Ye turn to it like a religion.”

“Be thankful we have it, for it solves many ills.” I could see him pondering, but words were not forthcoming. He looked apprehensive.

“When she’s had a good dose, I’ll go talk to her.”

Jamie sighed and began to rub my back up and down. There had always been something about his touch. I sighed, then, and began reviewing some of what he’d said in my mind.

“What did you mean about waking up in the mill pond again?”

“Oh, well, that’s how it happened the first few times, when I came back from the dead. One minute everything was black and peaceful, next I know I come out from under the water, and the waterwheel’s turnin’, and there I am, naked as the day I was born. And that first time was in April, and all. Now that was a chill.”

“Wha – wait, what is this?” I pulled my left knee in tight and turned in his lap until I was sitting cross-legged between his knees. He could see I had questions, but that I had no clue how to ask them. It was my turn to listen to his story, and believe the unbelievable.

“It was a shock, the first time to be sure, for you know I meant to die at Culloden – and I did, too – for a moment. Randall and I traded mortal wounds. I felt the darkness overtake me. I was drifting, like I was floating up out of my body, but next I knew my head bobbed to the surface just below the mill at Lallybroch. I figured I must be a ghost, sent home to see everyone one last time – or that I was to be haunting the place now. I stayed clear of everyone at first. I figured they had enough to deal with, what with my death and everything.”

I lowered my gaze, then brought my head up and looked deep into Jamie’s eyes. I offered a slight smile.

“So, when did you realize you weren’t dead after all?”

Jamie reflexively rubbed the back of his head and smirked.

“When Jenny knocked me out cold with the laundry fork!”

I laughed loudly and turned my back to Jamie’s chest, pressing against him as I continued to spasm with mirth. I heard the wooden legs of a kitchen chair scritch across the floor in the distance and I sobered quickly. Brianna had heard the sound of me laughing, to be sure.

“You alright?” Jamie kindly asked.

“I have to go talk to her. Can we bookmark this conversation for later?” Jamie nodded, broad smile extending all the way to his eyes.

“Would you like me to come with ye?”

“Not just yet.”

I disengaged from his arms and scooted to the edge of the bed. I lunged forward to retrieve my tunic and tossed it over my head as I stood up. I looked over my shoulder at Jamie. I felt a bit embarrassed looking at him naked in my bed. We had been happily reminiscing, unconscious to the fact that we were not wearing a thing. I blushed and took in a nervous breath, trying not to look at him, but it had been so long, and I was giddy at the thought of his reappearance in my life. He leveled his eyes at me and stared, lifting a hand to press up under his chin. I rolled my lips into my mouth and pressed them tight.

“The sooner you talk to her, the sooner I get to meet my daughter, and I verra much would like that.”

I fought tears and left the room.

~~~~~

There was a three by three inch piece of brownie missing from the nine by twelve inch baking pan. I picked a corner off one of the neighboring brownies and nibbled on it. It was very good. A chair was pushed back from the table, and the gallon of milk was still out of the fridge. Brianna had retreated quickly after hearing my laugh, taking milk and brownie to her refuge.

“Not gonna make it easy, are you?” I said under my breath.

I slung the milk back onto its shelf in the fridge and looked down the hall. I walked slowly to the other end of the apartment. I had chosen the room as far from Brianna’s as possible to give her a bit of space. Now I stood outside her door, heart in my throat, poised to knock.

Two quick taps and I turned the knob. Brianna was sitting in her chair by the window, feet planted well up the wall, taking what little breeze was blowing in.

“Bree – “

“Please tell me you at least know the man, and didn’t just pick him up on campus on the way home.”

Her voice was calm, on the surface, but I found myself growing angry quickly at her words.

“Of course I know him!”

“Well, there’s that then.”

Her tone was beyond judgmental. She sat up and glared at me.

“Will you allow me to explain?” I asked, sitting on the foot of her bed and pressing my hands to my knees.

“We’ve had that talk.”

“That’s not what I mean - he – Jamie – “

“I don’t want to know his name…How could you? He’s barely older than I am! People are gonna think you stole my boyfriend!!”

“He’s not that young!” I indignantly retorted. “You have a boyfriend?”

“No!”

“Brianna – “

She stormed out of the room, and a few moments later, I heard her angrily roar, “Let me go…I said let me go, dammit!”

My feet reverberated on the flooring as I sped toward the confrontation. I saw Brianna struggling against Jamie’s hold on her elbows. They had each leveraged their strength, and were each other’s balance.

“Jamie!” I called to him. He ignored me, eyes solidly fixed on the daughter who didn’t know him.

“Brianna,” I said switching to look at her. She was snarling, hair flailing, twisting against Jamie’s grasp. I could think of only one thing that would end her struggle.

“Bree, he’s your father!”

She let go and they both fell backward onto the floor, landing hard on their backsides. Jamie had, thankfully, put his shorts back on. I made a move toward Brianna and she scrambled back, recoiling from my approach. I was hurt by her rejection, but I understood the bomb I had just dropped on her.

“He can’t be – he’s too young. Besides, you said he was dead,” she accused.

I turned to Jamie, shaking my head.

“I never told her that,” I swore to him. When I looked back, Brianna had retreated to her room once more, and my legs collapsed beneath me.

~~~~~

I woke to the feel of Jamie’s hand on my shoulder and a bag of frozen French fries pressed to the back of my neck. I rolled to my back and looked up at him.

“Not the happy reunion you were expecting?” I said dryly. He stroked his index finger along my right eyebrow a few times, smiling down at me. He shifted the bag behind my neck and I felt a dart of cold.

“What?” I questioned, groping behind my head. I extracted the make-shift ice pack, holding it up so I could read it. “Oh, no, you better put this back in the freezer – it’s organic, and very expensive – and Brianna’s.”

“You need it just now; it will last a bit longer.”

He put it back under my neck and ran it back and forth. I sighed with relief.

After a deafening few minutes of silence, I had to speak, had to make it clear to Jamie.

“I swear to you, I never told her you were dead. I never would because…I couldn’t bring myself to believe it. You were just…beyond reach.

Everything went dark as Jamie blocked the light and gave me a kiss.

“I know, Claire. You couldna lie to save your soul, let alone save her feelings.”

Jamie took the bag of rapidly dripping fries and clamped it to his own neck until it had left most of his back damp, then propelled the bag in a high arc over the couch where it landed with a thud in the sink of the galley-like kitchen.

I slowly sat, Jamie at my back, his hands, still icy from the fries, stroking my lower arms. My mind was everywhere and nowhere. I hadn’t prepared Brianna for any of this -not that she would have believed me anyway. She was a very practical girl, very grounded. Time travel and eternal love were not in her vocabulary. I might be able to talk her around where the love was concerned, but she would never believe her mother had lived for a time in the 1740’s, and that that was where she had been conceived.

Jamie stood and slowly pulled me up. I was a bit unsteady, so he put an arm under my legs and conveyed me to the island counter, sitting me there like a small child with a skinned knee. It was more like a skinned soul I was suffering from.

“Looks like you could use a dram,” he counseled, and went to looking in cupboards.

“I can’t say as I disagree, but you won’t find anything stronger than vanilla extract behind those doors.”

He turned and stared like it was an absurd notion. I found myself apologizing for the lack of alcohol.

“Brianna’s not of age to drink, and I only brought my barest essentials for the summer here.”

“And nowhere among your bare essentials was there room for even a flask of whiskey, woman?” he said, stalking back to where he had deposited me.

“And don’t get me started about there being an ‘age’ where you suddenly become auld enough to drink! The way they do it now just makes the young people go mad with it once they can have ‘strong’ drink.”

He grabbed the counter on either side of my thighs and leaned right into my face. “And do ye know what it’s like to be ‘carded’ for nearly fifty years, Sassenach? And then when you prove to be old enough to have the drink, to have the barman tell you, ‘this stuff here is older than you are, sonny, sure you can handle it?’”

He wheeled away from me and threw himself upon the couch, feet landing over the armrest. He threw his hands up to his temples.

“Christ, and they call this ‘progress’.”

He hadn’t really raised his voice during the tirade, but his frustration was clear, if misplaced. I slid off the counter, and stood until I was sure of my balance. I came around the couch and lifted his head and shoulders enough to lay him back on my knees.

“Oh, Jamie Fraser, you complicate me.”

His mouth twisted and he raised an eyebrow.

“Aye? Oh, Aye,” he laughed the second time. I had hoped enough of pop culture had rubbed off on him to get my reference, but it was true – never had my life been more in turmoil than when I was sharing it with Jamie, and never had I been happier.

“You complicate me too, Sassenach, always have.”

There was a long pause in our conversation as I held my forehead to his and we just breathed.

He sat and took my hands in his.

“Why, Jamie?”

“Why did I grab her?”

I nodded.

“I saw her leaving, and I got a feeling I’d never see her again if she walked out that door…I know it makes things harder for you, but I’m not prepared to lose either of you again anytime soon.”

We gravitated toward each other, my head leaning on his shoulder. The sadness in his eyes reminded me of the forlorn look he had had just after he slipped his mother’s pearls over my head. How our wedding day just keeps coming back! He might as well have reached into his chest and handed me his heart. I didn’t know how deeply he felt for me then, and, sadly, the feelings weren’t mutual, but I responded to him, none-the-less. I was about to kiss him when he abruptly stood and moved behind the couch.

“I should give you some time alone with her. I’ll go.”

He was halfway to my room before my brain could grasp what was happening.

“Wait – what?”

I ran after him and found him slipping into his shirt and righting his shoes to put them on. I closed the door and locked it this time.

“You are not going anywhere!”

I caught him by the arms and looked up. His mask was incomplete, his feelings sitting on the surface. In his mind’s eye he had already thrown me down on the bed. His hands grabbed the small of my back. He had unbuckled his belt to tuck in his shirttails, and with little more than a nudge his shorts were well on their way down.

“I’m not prepared to lose you again either,” I whispered, lowering him into the chair. I knelt over him, my tunic pushing up around my hips. A desperate need drove him to action. I guided him slowly and delighted in the way he incited my body. I needed him to displace my thoughts, and with each slow move of our bodies on each other, sensation replaced words and pure pleasure and sense memory surmounted all else.

~~~~~


	3. Dead Men Wear No Tartan

Dead Men Wear No Tartan

Lallybroch, April 21, 1746

 

Jamie thought he was a ghost, but he was cold none-the-less. Damp April mornings were never warm, but he woke this morning shivering uncontrollably. The apron of Jenny’s he’d swiped from the clothes line did little to help the situation, but it was all he’d been able to make off with. Today was laundry day, though, and there was sure to be something on the line he could wrap himself in. He watched in sadness as the women prepared the cauldron to boil the clothes and linens, Jenny the Major General barking out orders. He was going to miss fighting with her. Nothing had prepared him better to be a soldier than a lifetime of defending himself against her superior intellect and reflexes.

He watched as windows were thrown open and blankets and mattresses were carted into the yard. Jenny took Spring cleaning seriously. All the better for him, Jamie thought, planning how to make a quilt into a make-shift kilt.

Being dead was strange. Jamie was surprised he still had such an appetite after dying, and that he needed sleep as much as when he’d been alive. But he was still in transition, and sure it would pass sooner or later.

Jamie made his way stealthily to the cold house for a bit of milk. He’d have preferred a nip of whiskey, but as a ghost, and a thieving one at that, he procured what he could for himself. Laundry was an all-day event, so Jamie found a deep pile of bracken surrounded by thick over growth, and settled in.

“Ye best stay out of ye’re mam’s way, Wee Jamie,” he heard Ian say. “The way things have been going missing this week past, she’s in no mood to be trifled with.”

Jamie smiled and he unconsciously turned to where Claire should have been, by his side. The joy sank out of him. She was gone from him, but at least she was alive if all had gone well. She wasn’t at the stones or taken by soldiers, that much he knew. He drew his knees up to his chest and tried to pool whatever heat was still in his body.

He heard random bits of conversations in passing, mostly the daily doings and local gossip, but his sister’s voice was exceptionally shrill today.

“Ye nearly made ev’ry dress I own into cinders, so I’ll be wielding the laundry fork, if ye don’t mind, and even if ye do!”

Jamie heard a girl sob, followed by a boy’s voice, with a decidedly French lilt to it.

“Non, it is not about the washing, it is about Milord. She’s heard not a word, and is in a state of worry. Come, now, dry your eyes.”

Fergus – Jamie worried about him, but knew Jenny would take him in as her own. He was a wild thing, still.

The yard grew quiet as the afternoon wore on. Jamie decided now was the time to see about getting something to wear before the modicum of daytime heat ebbed away. With no one about, he took a well beaten blanket off one of the lines and tossed it over his shoulder. Just as he turned to sneak off to one of the barns for the night, he felt the impact behind his head, and heard a sickening ‘thunk’ before all went dark.

~~~~~

Jamie woke to dim candlelight, a soft bed, and a warm room.

“What were ye thinkin’, ye clot-heid?” Jenny’s voice greeted him. “We’ve been waiting for word of you, and you spend a week skulking around, stealing my apron and most t’other bits that have gone missin’ I will bet.”

“You mean I’m not a ghost?” Jamie asked.

“And why would ye think that?” Jenny asked, sitting next to her brother’s knees.

“Well, I died at Culloden.”

“If ye’d have died at Culloden, ye did a half-arsed job of it.”

“So you had in mind to finish the job?” he asked feeling the goose-egg bump on the back of his head.

“How was I to know it was you? – is it bad, the pain?”

“That depends – if I’m dead, it hurts more than it should.”

“And since you’re livin’?”

“Well, then, the pain’s not all that bad a trade-off.”

Jenny took her brother’s hand, showing an odd level of concern for him.

“What made ye think ye’d died?”

Jamie looked away, leaned his head back on the pillows and settled his eyes on the beams over his head.

“I woke in the mill pond, having been on the moor just moments before.”

Jamie snuck a look at her expression.

“Or ye just don’t remember anything between – which is more likely!”

“It may have been easier if I had died, for it’s no safe for me to live anywhere.”

~~~~~

Boston, July, 2015

“Stay with me tonight,”

I whispered, my lips almost touching his.

“I shouldn’t.”

“Who says?”

“Claire, the lass wilna trust ye if I’m still here in the morning.”

I sighed, knowing he was right, and pressing my forehead to his. He tightened his grip on me.

“I havna gotten my fill of you; I wilna disappear. I have a whole list of things I want to do with ye, some of them even out of bed! I can wait, but not the lass.”

“Just stay ‘til dark, then? I’d like to hold you, feel your skin against mine – settle in your arms for a while, so I can imagine you’ve stayed the night.”

Only his eyelids moved, but it was an agreement, no doubt.

I swept my tunic off over my head as he lifted me from himself and the chair and took the three uncoordinated steps necessary to reach the bed. We just fell back, the mattress rebounding more than I expected, bouncing Jamie on top of me yet again.

“Well, your body certainly thinks it’s twenty-three again,” I whispered, pulling his mouth to mine, as I slipped his shirt back off his shoulders.

“God, I wish this room was sound-proof,” I mumbled, arching my back and jubilantly welcoming his manifestation inside me.

Jamie responded by placing his hand over my mouth, shushing me, and making sure I would remember the feel of his skin against mine. It had only been one afternoon, but I had just had more sex than in the previous ten years, and I wondered, at this age, if one could become a nymphomaniac – please? OH PLEASE!

~~~~~

I was half asleep when I walked Jamie to the door around ten. He kissed me softly and handed me something I saw him scribble down as he was getting dressed.

“Meet me at Faneuil Hall, tomorrow, three-thirty, for a late lunch. If you’re still hashing it out with the lass, call me, the number’s on here.”

He grabbed my chin and kissed me again. “Thank God I’ve found ye, Sassenach. I don’t know how much longer I could have stood myself without you.”

~~~~~


	4. I Can Handle the Truth; It's the Math That's Killing Me

I Can Handle the Truth; It’s the Math That’s Killing Me

 

Brianna had been a habitual early riser since I moved in with her this summer, so I made sure to be up before she could make her escape. I had gotten way more sleep than I anticipated. Despite my attempts to get Jamie to stay the night, he held firm, knowing that if he was still stashed in my bedroom, I would be thinking about him and not have my mind on what I needed to say to Brianna. I handed her a cup of coffee as she came into the kitchen, and lifted my cup from the counter to take a sip.

“Mornin’, sweetie.”

“Is HE here?”

I looked down into my coffee.

“No, he left last night.”

I felt tingling below the pit of my stomach. Just thinking of him brought his touch to life. I did my best to redirect my thoughts.

“Good,” she sourly answered.

“Bree, I know it’s all a shock – “

“A shock? I walk in on you in flagrante, and then you tell me that that child humping you is - he’s my father? And I’m supposed to what? Welcome him with open arms and say ‘Daddy I missed you’?”

I exhaled heavily and sat at the table.

“No, nothing of the sort, but he is your father.”

I rolled the mug back and forth in my palms, the handle touching the back of each hand in turn, then grabbed it firmly and gulped a large, throat burning amount.

“How? How the hell is that man-child my father?”

“Granted he looks young – “

Brianna snorted and rolled her eyes.

“He looks young,” I reiterated, “And he was…is younger than I am, but I can assure you, he is much older than he looks.”

I had seen that look before from Brianna. She was determined to draw first blood, make me think twice about being in the same room with her, let alone trying to talk to her. It was that look that had stopped my attempts to tell her about her father when she was younger. She always looked so injured when I spoke of him.

“Why now? I don’t need him now – I needed him then, and so did you!”

Brianna’s eyes had turned into a Scottish day – not quite pouring, but by no means dry.

“You don’t think I heard you cry all those nights? I’d ask you about my father, and you’d tell me these wonderful tales, assure me he was a great man, and then you’d go to your room, and cry so hard it made my ribs ache. If he was so all-fired perfect, where the hell was he when you were going through hell? It hurt me too much to listen to you, so I stopped asking about him, and in my mind, he was dead. Why couldn’t he just stay that way?”

“Oh, Bree!” I was flattened, crushed by her steamroller of anguish. The only weapon I had was the truth.

“I cried because I thought I’d never see him again. I cried because you would never know him.”

The tears were coming down my face now, dripping into my coffee.

“I cried, because no matter how hard I tried to think of my life without him…I would see certain expressions on your face, or the way you would stand when you were tackling a decision, and suddenly, he would be standing beside me, and, dammit Brianna, I got over the pain a long time ago, but you don’t recover from true love.”

My hand began to shake and I dropped my coffee, the mug shattering and the Rorschach test with cream and sugar covering the floor, settling, disturbingly, into a pattern that looked all too much like the stones of Craigh na Dun.

“Bloody hell,” I exclaimed.

This was going to test every fiber of my being.

~~~~~

I followed Brianna from room to room as she prepped for the day, trying to talk to her all the while. Sometimes getting in her way was the only way to slow her down long enough to attempt to make her understand difficult situations. Smart as she is, pure intellect does not always lead to understanding, and that inborn stubbornness doesn’t help. She was not going to get away until we came to some kind of understanding about Jamie.

“If you will just listen, Bree, please don’t do this – there is so much you don’t know!”

She bulled past me with her clothes piled over her arm and bolted from her room to the bathroom. She closed and locked the door, but one skill she didn’t know I had came in quite handy. With the dexterity of a surgeon – which I had been for many years now, I dissected the lock mechanism and let myself in. When Brianna pulled back the shower curtain, she found me perched on the toilet lid, feet pulled up so my chin rested on my up-bent knees.

“Ok, I surrender,” she ruefully scowled.

“Get dressed first,” I suggested, although looking at my used attire I realized I had little authority on that front.

We met on neutral ground – one of the unused bedrooms, thankfully left furnished so we needn’t sit on the floor. The décor was tacky, but it somehow added to the neutrality, as neither one of us felt comfortable among gingham and lace. Brianna chose her spot well – a Papa-san chair that had been adorned with peacock tails fanned along the high back. She clamped her hands to the rests, tilted her head, and fixed her eyes on me. For a moment, I was standing in front of Colum MacKenzie, his steely gaze giving nothing away as I attempted to explain my presence on his lands. Brianna’s face returned as I came back to today, and I sat on a rolled-edge little oddity that reminded me of something that would have sat in Jamie’s cousin Jared’s house – but clearly a reproduction.

“I know you have a lot to take in,” I began, “And I know what I’m about to say only adds to what you must deal with, but, I still love him.”

I looked into Brianna’s eyes, but could not read a single emotion on her face – something clearly inherited from the father who had unceremoniously popped up in her life. This was all going to fall to me – Brianna had no intention of meeting me halfway.

“So, to the beginning?” I rhetorically asked. “Right. I’m just trying to figure out what beginning, and just how crazy I want you to think I am just now. OK, the beginning – the day I met Jamie, the first time…He was injured. The well-meaning members of his travelling party were about to break his arm in an attempt to fix his shoulder until I interceded. I plucked the proverbial thorn from his paw, or rather put his paw back into joint. Over the next few days, I had occasion to render aid several more times. He later told me he was already falling for me by then, but I was in no place to open my heart, though there was a pull between us. ”

I looked at my daughter. She sat stone-faced.

“God, you look so much like him. I had almost forgotten just how much. Brianna, I’m not going to tell you every detail of our relationship, at least not now, but know this – Jamie Fraser is the best thing that ever happened to me. I have you because of him. Forces beyond our control brought us together, and forces beyond our control kept us apart until now.”

I rose from my seat and walked, half bent, to kneel at her feet.

“He is everything I told you he was when you were little. If you knew what we went through together, you might begin to understand. I know you won’t believe half of what I’m about to tell you, but if you promise not to have me committed, I will tell you how I came to love Jamie Fraser, and why no matter how long it took for him to find me again, I still love him.”

There must have been something in my tone, because Brianna slipped off her chair, and crossed her legs Indian style, taking my hands into hers as she did.

“Tell me about my father,” she said, sounding very much like the little girl who used to ask.

“I didn’t want to fall in love with him,” I began. “I thought I had all I wanted, including the man I thought I was going to spend my entire life with. But I found myself in a dangerous place, alone, unable to protect myself, with all I had to offer being what I knew of medicine at the time – I wasn’t really a doctor, yet. But that knowledge, in and of itself, also put me in danger. When you perform what others see as a miracle, that kind of awe, it creates fear. I knew things, and to some people that meant I was a danger to them – one that had to be dealt with. It was because of a person like that that I ended up married to Jamie. He was willing to risk his life to keep me safe, and the only way he could keep me out of the hands that wished me harm was for our marriage to be officially, um…er, consummated.”

I looked away. I knew my face was as red as when Brianna had walked in on Jamie lying on top of me.

“It was only twenty years ago. Scotland wasn’t that backward,” Brianna said, defenses engaging.

I looked down and laced my two hands together, not quite praying for her understanding, but maybe holding my own hand hoping for support of some kind.

“Jamie and I were married in the late fall of 1743.”

I said it matter-of-fact, no smile, no hint of humor, and unblinking while looking directly into Brianna’s eyes. Her mouth dropped open.

“But…”

“Believe me, I still have trouble believing it, and I was there.”

“How old are you?” Brianna pointedly questioned.

“Biologically, on my next birthday I will be turning fifty years old, but I was born in 1918. In 1945, I was transported through time, landing in 1743. In 1746, Jamie sent me back so I could be safe, so I could have you. I should have returned to 1948, but something went wrong, and I came back in 1995 instead.”

“No…no it…NO.”

If she’d had the space to unfurl her legs, she’d have been gone, but as it was, she was trapped by my presence, and right now I was glad of it.

“Bree, I know how it sounds, believe me I do. Jamie gave me that exact look when I finally told him the first time.”

“When you finally told him? How damn long did that take you? And what institutions did you both escape from?”

~~~~~

“What scares me the most, is that you believe what you just told me,” Brianna told me after three hours of laying my heart on the line and telling her selected events of my life with Jamie.

To her it was a fairytale - a very detailed fairytale full of sexual tension, lusty highlanders, and unnecessary roughness – but a story, a concoction of my addled, sex starved brain.

But the story was out there, and now I had to provide corroborating evidence.

“I told you you wouldn’t believe me.”

“Time travel? Really mom, can’t you just admit you found a hot young guy and wanted to take him to bed?”

“I know you’re skeptical. You can’t quantify what I’ve told you. There is no equation – well maybe there is, but no one has thought to try. It’s a test of…faith.” The word felt heavy on my tongue.

“OK, mom, whatever. Just lock the door next time. I don’t need to see it.”

“Is there no way I can make you believe?”

“Give me his full name. I’m gonna do a criminal background check.”

“His full name?”

“You got a problem with that?”

“No, but you better write this down…his full name is James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser. Make sure you read what he did at Culloden. Your father is a man to be proud of.”

I stood and stiffly limped out of the room. After my entanglements with Jamie, and sitting on that floor for hours, I could barely walk. If nothing else, Brianna had pretty much given me the go-ahead to keep seeing Jamie, as long she didn’t have to see anything – it was an understanding – of sorts. Nothing I could say to her was going to change her mind right now, so there was no point in continuing the conversation.

Just before I went through the door, I looked over my shoulder and said, “If you have any questions, I’ll answer the best I can.”

“They let you cut up people for a living?” was Brianna’s parting shot.

It felt like a knife in my back.

~~~~~


	5. Remanded to Your Safekeeping

“Remanded to Your Safekeeping”

 

My talk with Brianna over, for now, I took a quick shower. I found myself carefully considering my wardrobe for my ‘lunch’ with Jamie. I actually wasn’t sure if eating was in the offing, and after the reunion we’d shared yesterday, it wasn’t likely to stay that way even if it started that way. I opted for three easily removed pieces, just in case.

I felt like I was enveloped in electricity as I took the green line back to Government Center. I tapped my way down the endless short steps that dropped me to street level, and crossed the road into the tourist mecca. If a group from out of state was getting dropped off in Boston, there was a good bet Faneuil Hall was on the itinerary. This being a summer Saturday, it seemed half of New England and a good portion of the Mid-Atlantic States had just exited a motor coach, and were headed toward me.

I looked from side to side, hoping to catch a glimpse of red hair. I could no longer count on Jamie towering over the rest of the crowd. Tall men were much more common, as were gingers, if today’s crowd was an indicator. I scanned back and forth, turning completely around.

“Ye’ve overlooked me four times now, Sassenach, should I be worrit?”

I turned and smiled up at him as he swept me up in his arms. Part of me wanted to cry with the relief of holding him again. He felt my body relax in his embrace.

“The lass gave ye a tough time?” he surmised, then held me back to see my expression.

“She doesn’t believe a word of it.”

“Well, of course not, what sane person would? I’ve met verra few people who could comprehend. Speaking of which, come, there’s someone I’d have you meet.”

He took me by the hand and led me to a corralled table sitting outside one of the eateries. There was an older gentleman sitting, holding a tall glass that still held a good sized gulp of beer. The table had plates scattered about, crumbs and crusts, and the spare sprig of parsley all that remained of their lunch.

“Would you like a bite, Sassenach?” Jamie asked as he seated me in front of one of the empty plates. His companion stood in deference to me.

“Claire, let me introduce you to an ‘old’ friend of mine,” he began.

Jamie and I met eyes briefly, but I looked at this man as he took my hand and kissed the back in greeting.

“My, my, his descriptions do not do you justice.”

Jamie took my hand back from this man and pulled me close against his hip, standing over me protectively.

“That’s enough of that, Griff…Claire, this is Griff. I’ll be ‘house-sitting’ for him for the next year or so, or maybe we will, if ye like?” Jamie’s excited expression made me smile in return. “Seems Griff, here, has gotten himself a speaking engagement on a round the world cruise – better him than me, right Sassenach?”

I smiled again and lowered my head deferentially, feeling unaccustomedly shy. Jamie looked shocked.

“You behave, Griff. I’m off to fetch Claire a bite, and you best both be here when I return.”

I sat defensively across the table from Griff. I don’t know why, but I felt uncomfortable with the man, despite the friendly manner in which Jamie treated him.

“Jamie’s told me quite a lot about you, but despite the glowing tones and rapturous descriptions, he fell short in describing your beauty.”

I ignored his comment except to smile.

“So, you’re ‘old’ friends?” I asked, a bit sharply.

Griff straightened in his seat and leaned back, clearly taking stock of me. He picked a pair of horn-rimmed glasses off the table and set them at the end of his nose.

“Old enough,” he finally replied. “Jamie’s been telling me about finding you again, Claire. Seems to me if you wanted to be found, or he was really trying, he could have tracked you down years ago.”

He was clearly trying to get under my skin in order to induce me to divulge something, but I refused to rise to the bait.

“I moved several times, and I went back to school. You can hardly fault him for not looking at college housing.”

“Quite,” Griff replied. “A learned woman, then? What field of study?”

“I am a doctor – a surgeon, actually, and I have been told my tongue is as sharp as my scalpel,” I informed, crossing my arms and leaning them on the edge of the table, my fingers well extended.

Griff’s face came to life, taking the glasses off before they shook loose with his laughing.

“I see why Jamie never gave up on you.”

I blushed and looked down again. There was something about this man. I couldn’t shake the feeling I knew him somehow. I didn’t know precisely how old he was, but unless he was younger than I thought, he was well preserved. His hair was only mildly greying, and the warm medium brown was full of luscious waves. His eyes were wide and inquisitive, like a Samoyed husky Brianna had wanted when she was young, and I’m sure this man was just as much of a handful! Any attempt at conversation had become a staring contest by the time Jamie returned.

Jamie properly diagnosed the situation upon his return. He looked at the two of us and shook his head.

“I guess I’m lucky you two aren’t circlin’ each other and growlin’.”

He stood smiling down at the pair of us. “I trust each of you with my life – have done so many times over. You,” he addressed at me, “you doona know what he knows of me, so you canna trust him, and you,” he addressed to Griff, “ye know too much of what I’ve gone through to find her, and don’t trust women in general. I’ll no put up with this for long. Griff, ye’ve kept me sane, held my secrets and protected my belongings these last few times. Claire has been holdin’ my heart since the day we met, and has held my soul since the day we wed, so I’ll thank you to know her more than twenty minutes before passin’ judgment on her character. And Claire…I swear, the two of you will find trust if not friendship in short order.”

Jamie sat now, and handed me the plate and glass he’d come back with.

“I hope ye like chicken sandwiches and grape soda, oh” he added, reaching into the left leg pocket of his cargo shorts, “and I got ye a bag of sour cream and onion chips to go with it.”

The food sat in front of me as my stomach gurgled unhappily, but I felt so chastised that I couldn’t bring myself to eat. Griff seemed similarly subdued. I saw him reach across the table and take my hand again. Griff delicately held the tips of my fingers from beneath.

“Dear lady, shall we start over? Anyone Jamie has such trust in, is surely deserving.”

I lowered my head and pursed my lips. “Jamie just found me yesterday, so please forgive me for not wanting to share him so soon. It may also come down to jealousy on my part. For I am sure you shared parts of Jamie’s life that I am still in the dark about.”

Jamie shook his head at both of us and smiled.

~~~~~

We rode back to Park Street and transferred to the red line train that would take us to within a short walk of Griff’s house. I strolled arm in arm with Jamie, Griff walking a few paces ahead of us. It was a nice, tree-lined street. The houses were all well-appointed, and had the look of age if not the actual age to go with it. We turned onto a cobbled walk, a steep staircase ahead. Jamie turned me toward him, gave me a kiss, and said, “I need a quick word with Griff. Will ye wait at the foot of the steps ‘til I signal ye up?”

I nodded and flashed a slight smile. Jamie took a couple of trotting strides and was at Griff’s side as they ascended. I couldn’t hear their words, but I couldn’t help feeling the conversation had something to do with me, and the idea of me living here with Jamie in Griff’s absence.

I watched as Jamie climbed the stairs. His shorts clung nicely to his form, and on each step up accentuated his rear end. I scanned down to his feet, noticing the brown hiking boots -the kind that always seem to come with the bright red laces – and saw the tops of the little white socks peeking out. My hands both clenched.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jamie motion me to catch up. I couldn’t resist squeezing his bottom with both hands as I reached him. He turned sharply, but his stern look shifted when he saw the look on my face and the pink of my cheeks I could feel.

“Couldn’t resist,” my voice professed.

Jamie slid his arm around my back and kept my hands in check as he escorted me the rest of the way up and into Griff’s home.

“Keep that in mind for later, Sassenach,” he hummed in my ear. “I want ye so bad I can barely walk.”

~~~~~

The ground floor and lower level had all we’d need to live in more than comfort. An upper level and attic were deemed off limits, and would see us far from any inner sanctum Griff might have set aside for his secrets. The indoor/outdoor kitchen would be a godsend as there was no air conditioning in the building, but it had been built at a time when there were transom windows between all the rooms, and a wonderful airflow kept it from becoming stifling or stale.

The kitchen would have done Leoch proud – all the modern amenities, but also a large hearth that could have easily handled the catering of a feast all on its own. It opened onto a bluestone patio that seemed to sink into the surrounding gardens, a view of the Charles River in the distance, if one knew precisely where to look.

We walked by what must have been the old kitchen when we headed down stairs. Most of the rooms down here were bunker-like – dark, with minimal window spaces (perhaps even the remnants of an earlier construction that was now almost completely below grade), which made it perfect for the media room Griff lead us into.

“Feel free to watch anything in my video library,” Griff offered. “It’s quite varied – sure to be something neither of you have taken a gander at before.”

The back of the L-shaped sofa sat level with the floor of the entry hall, a ramp running down the near side to access the seating. A chez lounge sat like a curved spine angled along the ramp. A large screen was embedded in the facing wall, assorted electronics, similarly ensconced, sat below. A three tiered pastry tray sat laden with the remote controls to the machines, and one remote the size of a traditional VHS tape sat on the polished cherry wood of the coffee table. I rolled my eyes. How the hell would we look at anything without earning a degree in remote technology?

Tucked in neatly along the back of the entry hall was a wall of bookshelves, floor to ceiling, with a ladder to access the upper shelves. I leaned against the ladder and rested my rear on the wrung that afforded me a seat. Jamie was happily taking in the opulence of his friend’s home, and equally delighting in the selection of books.

“The library wraps around into the next room,” Griff was saying as he drew Jamie through the doorway. I hopped down to follow before they got too far ahead of me. I saw Jamie take note of a particular book, and a smiled spread across his entire face. “Bummer of a birthmark, Hal, Aye?” Jamie chuckled, heartily slapping Griff across the back. They both laughed, but I shrugged and shook my head.

“Do ye have the whole Far Side collection, then?” Jamie queried.

“Not only that, they’re all first editions!” Griff stipulated, returning the hearty hand clamp across Jamie’s back.

Jamie almost lost his footing he was laughing so hard. He was clinging to the library ladder on this side of the wall, his knees buckling intermittently.

“I don’t understand – what’s so funny about first editions?” I asked, totally bewildered by their reactions as I leaned back against the edge of the pool table that seemed to define the border between library and game room. My question merely triggered a new round of serious laughter, and Jamie finally succumbed and slid to the floor, hugging his knees and stomping his feet as he rocked back and forth.

“Dear lady,” Griff said, turning to me, “the books in question contain…cartoons.”

“Cartoons?”

Bemused, he continued, “It is a collection of comic strips. Jamie and I used to exchange copies of our favorites from the daily paper. I’m not sure they would…suit your sense of humor. They aren’t to everyone’s taste.”

“Oh, come on, Griff, Claire has a wonderful sense of humor,” Jamie responded, still bubbling with laughter. “Claire…Claire – come look at this one -come on,” he commanded, waving me over to where he was polishing the floor with his back.

Jamie pulled me down into his lap, his look half laughter, half impending desire. He split open the soft-cover compendium, pushed it up into my hands and pointed me to a picture of a deer with a bulls-eye pattern on its chest, the writing below saying, as Jamie did a few minutes ago, “bummer of a birthmark, Hal.” I shook my head at the absurdity of the image, but laughed anyway. I leafed a few pages ahead, finding myself unable to control my laughter at the parade of images with which I was confronted.

“Oh, my God. Brianna had a shirt with this one on it – Roger MacKenzie sent it to her as a birthday present when she was little. She loved it…well, I guess humor is genetic!”

The joy in Jamie must have been transmuting into lust as he held me in his lap. He smiled lasciviously at me, and leaned on his hip, dragging me down to the floor beside him. His hand traced my naked knee and I tugged at the hem of my skirt, trying to elongate it and stop his wandering hand before it travelled into too private a zone.

“Jamie,” I whispered in embarrassment, trying to keep my admonition below Griff’s hearing. It was very difficult to turn Jamie off once he’d been turned on, but I suppose I started things when I couldn’t keep my hands to myself on the stairs.

“I’ll leave you two alone, should I?” Griff questioned with a raised brow. Jamie was still laughing, but I was attempting to get to my feet before Jamie took Griff up on his offer. There was a pleasant warmth emanating from Griff’s smile that I couldn’t help but reciprocate. He proffered a hand to get me to my feet, and held it while he spoke.

“You have no idea how it warms my heart to see Jamie genuinely happy.”

My throat clogged up. I wanted to hug him just then. There must have been others, over the years, whom Jamie had turned to, had told much or all of his story to, who had protected him from accusations of witchcraft or worse, but right now, Griff and I were likely the only two other people on the planet who knew, and believed. I nodded instead and gripped Griff’s hands in reply.

~~~~~


	6. The Sluiceway to the Floodgates of Memory

“The Sluiceway to the Floodgates of Memory”

 

Every time I thought the tour was concluding, we’d turn another corner, and there would be yet another room. My eyes had almost glazed over, as had my ears as Jamie and Griff seemed to be able to endlessly converse on the most inane of topics. As we entered the umpteenth room, I spotted a nice sturdy looking chair and made a break for it. It had been a long day, but my exhaustion was more mental than physical, thinking about my morning confrontation with Brianna. I had been trying all day not to let her barbs leave scars, but I was feeling the hurt – I was feeling her hurt.

I saw a sad smile on Jamie’s face from across the room as he looked at me, but then he nodded at something Griff said, and his attention was drawn back into their conversation. Jamie slipped something into the right leg pocket of his cargoes, and nodded open-mouthed, his shoulders tightening. Griff’s voice was low but I could hear him say, “She needs to know,” as he placed a hand on Jamie’s forearm.

“I havna had the time yet,” I heard in reply. “Just me being alive was a bit of a shock…and our most immediate thoughts, well…it had been a fair long wait since I’d had my hands full of her.”

Griff nodded slowly.

I felt warm as I thought of Jamie’s hands touching me for the first time in twenty years – it had been amazing – life affirming – and that way of phrasing it – having his hands full of me! Jamie must have felt the desire emanating from me even from across the room like seismic waves. At least a six on the Richter scale, should I guess. His eyes locked on mine, drawing him to me. He crouched next to my chair and put his hands on either side of my waist.

“What is it?” he solicited.

I shook my head and smiled. “Not here,” I cooed, touching his cheek with a curled finger.

A distant sound of a door closing turned Griff around and brought a momentary twitch of a smile to his lips.

“You’ll stay to dinner?” he rhetorically asked just before he disappeared from the room.

We could hear voices far off, one Griff’s, the other belonging to an unknown female.

“A wife?” I asked Jamie.

“Nearly, but nothing so official.”

“Jamie,” I whispered, warmth creeping up my cheeks.

“Can ye make it through dinner, or do I need to make our apologies?”

I smiled at his insight.

“Give me a kiss, and get me a cold drink, and I’ll hold on.”

He did and I did.

~~~~~

A light dinner sat waiting for us as Griff walked us back to the modern kitchen. That was when we met the person attached to the voice we had only heard at a distance. She was a tall, striking woman, shoulder length ebony hair dancing about her face. Griff put an arm around her back and stopped her from setting the table.

“My friends, Jamie, Claire…this is Sidney.”

He looked adoringly at her.

“I hired her as my personal assistant six years ago, and it became…more personal about two years ago.”

She smiled and I think I detected a slight blush rising on her cheeks. Her deeply bronze colored skin hid whether she was outright embarrassed.

The four of us sat around the table, nibbling at the fare, and at first saying little, but Jamie still had the gift of drawing information out of people in casual conversation.

“I didna know for several years that Griff’s assistant ‘Sid’ wasna an old white-haired man. All he’d say was ‘Sid will take care of it’.”

I saw a look come up on Sidney’s face.

“Well, I didn’t know that I wasn’t an old white-haired man for the way he treated me at first! Never met a stiffer bastard,” she said, turning to tease Griff.

We all laughed, but it was tinged with deeper emotions.

“I still don’t know your last name, Sid,” Jamie related.

“I don’t know yours either, Griff,” I added.

Across the table, Griff took my hand and shook it as he introduced himself.

“Madame, I am Griffith Rhys – Jones, at your service.”

At the same moment Sidney was responding to Jamie’s query.

“Sidney Murray, glad to finally meet you in person.”

Our mutual introductions over-lapped some, causing a bit of mis-hearing, but when Jamie shot out of his seat the rest of us fell silent.

“Murray? My sis – ancestor was married to a Murray.” Jamie retook his seat, but still looked overjoyed. “Do ye know your family lines? Maybe we could work out if we’re related.”

Sidney looked a bit taken aback, but she nodded. Less than an hour later, Jamie had found their common ancestor – his sister’s youngest child – Ian. I’d never had the chance to meet half of Jenny’s children, and while Jamie enjoyed getting to the root of their relationship, I could tell he longed to divulge his true relationship to Ian, and Jenny, and I could see the stories dancing in Jamie’s mind. I could almost read the words that Jamie was holding on his lips – ‘I knew Ian, let me tell you about him’, but he kept them locked in his mouth after getting a shake of the head from Griff in answer to his silent question.

“You just keep finding family this week, aye?” Griff harangued.

“So I do,” Jamie concurred.

“It seems all the Murray men in my line have a taste for the exotic. Two married Native Americans, one a woman from China, and yet another married a woman from India – I’m two kinds of Indian! It wreaked havoc on sorting out the genetics.”

“I knew young Ian had a Native American wife, but I was unaware there were any children who’d lived.”

“You say that like you knew him,” Sidney accused.

“Jamie has always been very connected to his family history,” I interjected, taking Jamie’s hand.

“Aye,” he said with a sigh and a nod, keeping his head down as it became a repeated bob. I felt him grasp my fingers, understanding the emotions he was conveying with his touch. It brought a sudden rush of heat through my body and I tightened my hold on his hand, the tension relating the urgency I was starting to feel.

“As much as I would like to stay and trade stories, we really must be going,” Jamie related to our hosts, taking care not to hurt Sidney’s feelings, or make this evening’s conversation seem unimportant to him. He reached a hand out to her especially.

“It would be my pleasure to tell you all I know of the Murray men woven into my family, and I am proud to know one branch of my family tree includes you.”

Jamie kissed the back of her hand. Griff quickly intervened, “that’s enough of that, Jamie,” in an echo of Jamie’s words to Griff earlier this afternoon.

~~~~~

It was still just early evening, not even really near dark, but we dashed toward the T station hand in hand, like a pair of eloping teenagers evading our parents. I’m sure I looked ridiculous, either being pulled or pulling Jamie along with me, letting him draw me in and kiss me while barely missing a step, but I felt overjoyed and…so young. I actually began to giggle, and I saw a smile take over all of Jamie’s face.

“If I don’t get ye to a bed soon…” he groaned in my ear, while I was clutched in his grasp.

“Maybe we should have taken Griff up on his earlier offer,” I whispered in reply.

“Know that I plan to have ye in ev’ry room of that place,” Jamie promised, his eyes telling me that was no jest. My knees felt weak, and I wanted nothing more than a horizontal surface to present itself so I could wrap my legs around his hips and pull him down on top of me.

We almost missed the stop at Park Street we were so involved with our feelings, but at the last moment, Jamie leapt to the platform and yanked me out through the doors that were beginning to close.

“I think we better reign in our thoughts until we get to the apartment,” I offered, and he chuckled and nodded his concurrence.

“Oh, Sassenach, I hope I’ve got the strength. I thought the want was unending in the days after we wed, but it is nothing compared to what two and a half centuries has fostered.”

We each took a deep breath and boarded the green line trolley that was about to pull out.

~~~~~


	7. There's Gonna Be Fireworks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems I set myself a task equal to that of the person tasked to translate "To be or not to be" into Klingon for one of the Startrek movies when I decided to make up a fake song title in Gaelic trying to use only the internet to make the translation. Apparently there is no direct way to translate some simple phrases, and as such I found several round about ways of translating the title in question. As such, I chose the one that seemed to make the most sense. If it is wrong I apologize in advance!

“There’s Gonna Be Fireworks”

 

Claire unlocked the door and carefully looked into the apartment.

She looked over her shoulder at Jamie. “I think we’re clear,” she whispered, but tensed up at hearing the record start playing in Brianna’s room, but no more so than Jamie, who stood tall, his mouth falling ajar.

“A Dhia,” he exhaled.

“I haven’t heard that one in a while,” Claire toned with recognition. “Not since the teenage rebellion years.”

“So she’s played this before?” Jamie asked.

“Only when she’s hating me,” Claire replied, sarcastically smiling.

“I see, um…”

“It’s Gaelic, right?”

As the song continued, Jamie seemed increasingly rattled.

“Aye…aye,” he nodded.

“What does it mean?” Claire asked of him.

“I hate you.”

“What?” a startled Claire retorted, giving Jamie a glare.

“The song – ‘Is beag orm thu’- it means ‘I hate you’, well, literally it’s ‘you are disagreeable to me’, but it’s as close as you can get.”

“So, are you familiar with it, or can just translate it?”

“Aye, I’m familiar, all right. Not only that…it’s me…and my band.”

Jamie kissed Claire’s cheek and headed into her room. Claire turned on her heel and watched him head into her room.

“You were in a band?” she queried, scrambling after him, closing and locking the door before they could be heard or seen by Brianna. She leaned back against the door and stared at Jamie sitting on the arm of the chair across from the bed.

“You? In a band – let me guess – lead singer?” she joked. Jamie’s eyes widened and he nodded. “– but you can’t sing!” she exclaimed, now secured in her room.

Jamie slid back off the arm, chin and knees almost meeting as he slid down to the cushion.

“Well, I know that,” he motioned with his left hand, “and you know that,” he motioned with his right hand, “but nobody seemed to notice at the time…nor care,” he added, eyes opening wide.

Claire stalked up to him.

“You, a man who cannot carry a tune in a bucket, sang with a band?”

“It was the early 80’s - 1980’s, and it was a punk band – melody wasn’t really the point.”

Claire pressed her hands into Jamie’s palms and leaned over him in the chair.

“I’ll tell you about it, but I need to have ye naked first,” Jamie informed her, wrenching himself back up to the chair’s arm.

He stripped the shirt up and off her torso, and eased her skirt over her hips until it fell to the floor. Claire was all too glad to remove Jamie’s garb. The cargo shorts and tight t-shirt in an inadvertently matching Necco Wafer brown had made him look like an over-grown boy scout all afternoon, although it was oddly appealing in a way.

“Oh, Claire,” Jamie nearly cried, his body wracked with sensation.

The mattress had barely stopped bounding when Claire’s curiosity got the better of her.

“How, on earth, did you ever end up in a punk band – or any band for that matter?”

Jamie’s arms slid tighter around Claire’s body and he smiled.

“Like more of my careers than I would have thought – completely by accident!”

A broad smile filled Claire’s face and she laughed, thinking it was so true of Jamie’s life – he fell into situations often with no intent whatsoever.

“I was hauling casks into this little pub. I was workin’ for the distributor, so I was on a route, and far from done for the day. One of the damn casks decided to find its own inertia, and it smashed solidly on my right foot!”

“Ouch!” Claire sympathized, her hand going to rub his foot. Jamie smiled at her gentle touch.

“Well, it did hurt, so I let out a right streak of blue language, loud as could be, and mostly in Gaelic. What I didn’t know was how the storage room echoed! I come up from below, limping, barely touching the ground with the one foot – and find myself to be the fox surrounded by hounds! Three young lads lookin’ down on me, mouths agape.”

Jamie rolled to his side, one arm staying across Claire’s middle.

“’Sorry for the language,’ I apologized, but they just went on staring. ‘Can you make that sound again?’ one of them asked me. I snapped ‘What?’ and all of them backed up. The barkeep ponied up a sip of whiskey – not nearly enough to put a dent in my pain – and I dropped onto a stool in front of him. ‘No breakage,’ I told him, ‘Unless ye count my big toe’.”

Jamie was fully engrossed in his memory.

“Then those three surrounded me again. I was in no mood so I hollered ‘What do ye want?’ Next thing I know, they’d carried me to the little stage, thrust a microphone into me hands, and said, ‘Yell like ye did – in Gaelic’.”

Jamie came back to the here and now with a chortle, and he bounced against the mattress until he’d gotten Claire tightly in his clutches again. He looked down into Claire’s face and smiled.

“Next thing I know, I’m up on stage, people yelling my words back in my face.”

“And what were you called – Jamie Fraser and the atonals?” Claire asked, poking fun at his inabilities.

“Verra funny, Sassenach, but I wasna using my real name for that – nor even the name I was goin’ by at the time.”

“A nom de guerre within a nom de guerre, as it were?”

“Aye – I was Xander Mac Dubh – feared and loved!”

Claire laughed, but stifled it quickly, bringing her hand over her mouth, hoping Brianna hadn’t heard her.

“Did you make that up?” Claire humorously inquired.

“Not me, but some of the ‘ardent’ fans – god were they trouble.”

Claire rolled her head back and forth, keeping her laughter sealed up best she could.

“You had ‘groupies’?”

“Ye find that funny, Sassenach?” Jamie asked, tightly grasping Claire at the waist.

“Yes, but I’m not surprised – you had much the same kind of following at Leoch among the young women. I should know, they all shot daggers at me for taking you off the market!”

“Aye, but at least they kept their hands to themselves...Well, most of them,” he added with a touch of trepidation. “Some of these women got so…bold – I started calling them ‘grope - ies’. I had to keep them at arm’s length, if you know what I mean!”

“What, exactly, were they groping?”

“They were quite intent in finding out what was beneath me kilt…had to start wearing an athletic supporter AND a cup.”

“That couldn’t have been comfortable,” Claire hummed, her hand moving in to do a little groping of her own. Jamie felt his cheeks warming, an almost embarrassed smile creeping up his face with the pinking of his skin.

His voice deepened and softened as he continued.

“Better than…prying a half dozen women off my ballocks each night.”

Claire gave him a squeeze. “Do tell.”

Almost whispering, he went on, “Some of the German women were the worst – you couldna get them to let go.”

“German women? Were they partial to punk?”

“Aye, our biggest audience turned out to be the Germans. ‘I Hate You’ was so big there, we recorded a version in German, and toured for months.”

“Why am I not surprised…what’s the song called in German?”

Jamie happily growled the translation – “Ich hasse dich”, and then moaned as Claire’s grip made his whole body clench.

“God, Sassenach, I’ve missed your hands on me, but are ye sure there’s no German in you?”

~~~~~

I heard Brianna go out, locking the door behind her. I let out a deep breath and kissed Jamie warmly. He must have been drifting near sleep, because he became attentive quickly, like he was trying cover for his slumber.

“Did I wake you?” I toned, placing a soft hand on his chest.

He smirked then pressed his lips down.

“Aye, I guess I nodded off. Sorry.”

“Bree’s gone out.”

Jamie stretched, sitting while he did so.

“Has she got the whole album, or just the 45?” Jamie asked, turning and looking back down at me, remembering what he’d been thinking when he drifted off.

“The whole album, I think – Brianna knows every little hole in the wall record store in Boston. Why?” I said, turning toward him and sitting myself.

“Well, the single was big, but the album is actually a bit on the rare side. It might be worth a bit.”

I got out of the bed and found my robe.

“Claire?” Jamie asked as I unlocked the door and opened it slightly.

“I’m curious now. I want to see what you looked like on the cover – you were on the cover, right?”

“I was on it, and I looked a damned fool!”

“Now I have to see it!” I exclaimed. I flashed an uncontrollable smile that felt evil even to me, but I was out the door and quickly down the hall. I thought a lack of easily regained clothing would keep him in my room, but I was mistaken, and heard him at my heels as I reached Bree’s room.

I picked up the empty album sleeve, my eyes popping wide open along with my mouth.

“My God,” I spouted, breaking into laughter. “That can’t be you!” I exclaimed.

Jamie took the cover from my hands and turned it over to read the back. His expression became serious.

“They were good lads.”

“Were?”

“Aye, we were killed in a plane crash. It made a few headlines at the time.”

I placed my hands on Jamie’s wrists.

“Sorry.”

He looked at me and sadly smiled.

“That was my last death.”

We stood silent for a minute, then he brought his head up and it was as if the scene had reset, his sadness spirited away.

“God, I went out in public like that!” he marveled, and I got a second look at the front cover. It was clearly my Jamie, but not any way I’d ever seen him. The only recognizable thing about him other than his dark blue eyes, and Viking derived features was the black and red tartan of the kilt wrapped around him. Dark leather boots – I couldn’t tell if they were deep red or black, and a studded black leather jacket. And the piece de resistance, his hair, was brushed up into an exaggerated pompadour that looked just like a rooster’s comb. The other members of the band were behind him, hair styled in the same fashion, but the others were dark haired, so Jamie stuck out, holding the square, old-styled microphone, the stand grasped firmly like at any moment Jamie would turn on a foe and wield it as a weapon.

“What were you called?” I asked, squinting at the stylized script on the sleeve.

“Threat of Thunder; Threat of Rain,” Jamie dramatically announced. “Aye, I know – ridiculous - pretentious even, but they were young, swept up in the whole ‘punk’ movement. But their enthusiasm was contagious. They named the band, but I named the album,” he proudly pointed out.

I looked at the cover again, searching out this title Jamie was so glad to take credit for. Printed down Jamie’s side in a feathery hand were the words ‘Cocknammon Rocks’.

“I always thought of you, reading that. The feel of you pressed in the saddle with me, warnin’ us ‘bout the redcoats. Sometimes I wished you’d fought me harder about rejoining the group, given me an excuse to carry ye on my good shoulder. I wanted my hands on ye at any cost.” His breath was warm and my skin prickled as he whispered his recollections in my ear.

“And once we’d gotten to Leoch, and we were alone together, you wrappin’ yourself around me as much as the bandages, God, had I not had so much respect for ye, and a healthy dose of fear, I’d have held you sweetly, and kept ye wrapped tight to my body ‘til mornin.”

His arms came around me and he rubbed his chin and face on me like a great cat. He raised goosebumps all over my skin.

“I remember,” I ventured, “And had I not been mourning my old life, I might have been thinking much the same. You were the first warm body I had willingly embraced in days…I do remember how comforting you were, how…attentive you became. ”

I was drifting on the memories, years peeling away, the touch of his hands transporting me to a fire-lit chamber.

He kissed me behind the left ear.

“Sassenach, I will never get enough of you.”

I was on the verge of melting and turning to kiss Jamie when I noticed the paper stuck to the window here in Brianna’s room. I could hear the questioning in Jamie’s breathing as I stepped from his embrace and fingertip grabbed the note.

“Dear mother, I knew you’d come in here if you didn’t find me home. I’m with friends at the fireworks – Bree,” I read aloud. “Fireworks…I’d forgotten it was the fourth of July,” I observed, turning.

~~~~~


	8. Leafing Out The Tree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to only be adding only a single chapter this time, but I have been wallowing in the volume 2 DVD for as long as the library would allow me to keep it, and suffering great withdrawal since returning it!!

 Leafing Out The Tree

  
Jamie took me by the hips and pulled me close to his body yet again.

“We could…make some fireworks of our own,” he purred, the vibrations tickling my throat as he moved in for a kiss.

“Oh, I rather think we did a pretty good job with the fireworks already tonight.”

Laughter buzzed through my chest as Jamie nuzzled his way around my neck, making it quite clear how he was feeling.

“I’d forgotten how wonderful it feels to be wanted. My body hasn’t gotten used to having this…but I’m looking forward to learning it all over again.”

We made it back to my room and did manage some more fireworks of our own. Knowing Brianna was not down the hall did release my inhibitions a bit and Jamie was all too glad to take advantage. We wore each other out and happily drowsed in each other’s arms, the occasional rumble of the greenline train as soothing background music.

Jamie was looking at the album cover again. I had inadvertently kept it grasped in my hands as he maneuvered me down the hall and into bed. I watched him slide his fingertip along one of the names of his band mates. He must have thought I was still asleep because he exhaled a long, pained breath and rolled his lips into his mouth. He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing several tears onto his cheeks.

For a moment, I thought about pretending to sleep, let him retain a detached dignity, but the look on his face was breaking my heart, and my hand curved over his. He looked into my eyes and his shell broke open, leaving his eyes overflowing.

Up until now, we had been living on the surface, letting our joy of being together again rule the day. I knew it couldn’t last forever, but I assumed I would be the first one to lose the battle. Something about his time with the band had eaten into him, left a raw spot that had never scabbed over.

It had been a long time since I’d seen Jamie so vulnerable. I took him into my arms and smoothed my hands through his hair from forehead to nape, letting him find his equilibrium once again.

I kissed him on the strong chord of his neck and rubbed the wet spot I left until it dried. He was lying calmly, twisted over himself, his chin and knees inches apart. His arms stretched downward, fingers near my up-pointed toes. He was staring that direction as well.

“Can you tell me about it?” I asked.

“I will,” he spoke, “but I’m not sure you’ll like to hear it.”

“I may not like it, but if it has you this unraveled, it’s likely something I should know…Does it have anything to do with the item I saw you slip in your pocket at Griff’s?”

Jamie smirked shallowly.

“You saw that, did you? Should have known your eagle eyes would pick that up.”

I continued to brush my fingers through Jamie’s hair until he took hold of my hands and gave them a squeeze. He was still staring toward my feet, looking off into space, or looking inward more likely.

“One of my band mates…he was my kin…”

I reached for the album sleeve and flipped it over to read the names of the men who comprised Threat of Thunder; Threat of Rain.

“Which one?” I asked, my voice sounding unnaturally high pitched, and a bit strained.

I thrust the cover toward Jamie’s hands and he pointed to a name.

“The bass player,” he informed me. The room was dark, so I squinted a bit and made out the name.

“Ransom MacLeod?”

Jamie nodded.

“Great name for a punk musician,” I commented.

“Aye – and that’s why I suspected who he was – that name. Turns out I was right. He was my six times great grandson…descended from a son I sired in 1758.”

“A son? Jamie, in all the research we did – Roger did, there was no mention of…”

“I was not allowed to claim him, but he was my son, and I loved him.”

“Of course you did. Jamie, I would never doubt the love you have for a child. It’s just…I thought I was prepared…”

I did my best to control the little stab I felt in my heart, but Jamie knew what his words had done to me. He sat and pulled my head into his shoulder. I felt numb. I thought I knew his family tree by heart, but this limb was completely unknown to me.

“Actually, you began the chain of events that led to his existence when you saved John Grey.”

I lifted my head from Jamie’s shoulder, glaring at him in disbelief.

“I began – Who?”

“Lord John Grey was the sixteen year old boy who tried to save you from my savage wantonness – you set his broken arm.”

“That slight, blond boy? What could he have to do…wait…that name…John Grey. He was…oh God, Jamie…I remember that name from somewhere in the research.”

“Ardsmuir,” Jamie simply stated.

“He was the last Governor of the prison I was sent to…It was hard fought, but we became friends, in a way.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. I had been hit square in the face with two hundred and fifty year old reality. Somehow, I was responsible for a son Jamie fathered, but could not raise because I had set the arm of an English boy who had sought to free me from what he perceived as savage Scots bent on taking advantage of me. I knew I could not, truly, be responsible for what had happened in my absence, but it hurt me to think my compassion led Jamie into such a situation.

“I don’t understand, Jamie. I think you better start at the beginning.”

His expression was a cross of a pout and a smirk, and I think his eyes sparkled for a split-second.

“Well, you know about my years at Ardsmuir?”

“That your own tenants turned you in? Yes, we found…”

“That’s not how it was – I told them to turn me in.”

My eyes must have betrayed the shock I felt, because Jamie shook his head slightly and smiled.

“The price on my head kept all the tenants of Lallybroch from starving. I was doin’ them no good by my hidin’, and after you’ve lived in a cave, prison seems somehow preferable if the goin’ there will save the people you love.”

When he made statements like that, I just wanted to hold Jamie tight. At times there seemed no end to what he would do for others, no matter the risk to himself. I both loved him and hated him for that.

He proceeded to tell me how he came to befriend, and even feel warmly toward John Grey. How he very well could have ended up as an indentured servant in colonial America had Lord John not felt the urge to keep Jamie close to hand. Jamie told me about his years at Helwater, the estate John Grey took him to in lieu of sending him across the sea, and of his subsequent blackmail by one of the young ladies of the family that resided there, leading him to her bed, and to the existence of his son, William Clarence Henry George Ransom.  
He told me all the startling details of the child’s start in life – his mother’s death just hours after his birth, and how his legal father attempted to kill the infant as retribution for knowing he had been fathered by someone else. I cried as he told me about the time he was allowed to spend with the boy, though he noted he almost always had to be cautious not to seem too familiar with a person of titled status, even with that person being but a child, and his child at that. I bit my lip as he told me how the child was growing to resemble him, and that he had no choice but to move on before it became evident to all. 

He explained that though John Grey had other leanings, he married into the boy’s family and became his ersatz father, pledging to see the boy well cared for and loved. I took this all in, wide-eyed and open-hearted, and managed to keep my baser emotions at bay even though the thought that none of this would have happened had I been able to return to his side after Culloden kept spinning in my mind.

And I would have kept it all in check had it not been for that item Griff returned to Jamie this afternoon – a miniature portrait of the boy. A portrait - the Polaroid of its time – that could have just as easily been a picture of Brianna at the same age. I gasped, loudly, when confronted with the picture. I had felt the shivers coming up from the base of my spine as he retrieved his shorts and the portrait in the pocket. I was shaking in his arms. He held me tighter and pulled the covers around me to my neck.

“My God, Jamie,” I turned and looked into his eyes.

“This could be Brianna – they are nearly identical.”

“I know. That’s what struck me this afternoon, and nearly the exact words I uttered…it’s why Griff said I must tell you about William, soon as possible.”

“So, you stayed in touch…with John Grey? I mean William is much older in this than when you had to leave him.”

“Aye, we crossed paths over the years…He…helped me through some rough patches.”

“Did you…ever get to be close to William?”

“The closest I ever got were those first years. After that, I only saw him a handful of times, and only one of those times did he see me as well.”

I brushed my fingers along Jamie’s jaw, moving from ear to ear. I longed to take the pain from his eyes, but I knew some pain ran so deep there was no way to remove it completely, only the ability to live with it when you must, and ignore it the rest of the time. He nodded his understanding, his eyes narrowing for a moment until he forced them shut.

“I saw him the day he was born, and I saw him the day he died, but not once did I see him call me father.”

He sighed, but he was all cried out by now. There was more to be spoken of, in time, about his other interactions with William, and the lingering relationship he shared with John Grey, and how the two were intertwined, but tonight, we nestled close together, and at long last, we were there to exchange dreams, and take each other into a night-long sleep, the rest of the world be damned.  
~~~~~


	9. Picture It

Picture It

  
I awoke to Jamie’s face staring down at me. His smile was sweet, but a bit sad. He had been studying my face while I slept, and his hand hovered just above my skin.

  
“Don’t let me stop you,” I hummed, and he allowed his thumb to stroke my cheek.

  
I smiled at his touch, and snuggled in against him, putting my arms around his chest and sliding my hands up the back of his neck. I rolled to my back, and compelled Jamie to roll with me.

  
“Are we hiding out until Brianna leaves this morning?”

  
“Nah, she’s come and gone already. I didna want to slip away and not have you know where I was…not after last night.”

  
Jamie closed his eyes and was quiet until I put my hand under his chin and kissed him possessively.

  
“I know it was difficult for you to hear -“

  
“Shh,” I quieted him. “I needed to know, and you needed to tell me. I have no right to really be upset…you had no way to know if you would ever see me again, and it’s not as if you told me you’d found a deep and abiding love. What happened happened, and frankly, I think the world would be all the better should more of it have descended from you. You merely caught me by surprise last night.”

  
Jamie opened his mouth as if to respond, but closed it again, and nodded strongly, a relieved smile the last thing I saw as he pulled me tight once more.

  
When I woke the next time, Jamie was just finishing lacing up his boots.

  
“You’re going?” I grunted, grasping my blanket in a ball in front of me.

  
“Aye,” he replied, turning his head over his shoulder. He turned and kissed me quick.

  
“Griff and I still have some stuff to hash out…”

  
Jamie hesitated, but clearly had something he wanted to say. He took in a deep breath and looked at me once more.

  
“I know I haven’t really asked…not officially, but…will you live with me at Griff’s? Now that I’ve found ye, I want ev’ry minute I can have.”

  
Jamie’s shy but expectant smile warmed me straight through.

  
“Of course I will.”

  
I thought he might fly right out my window.

  
~~~~~

  
For the next several days, Jamie was busy clarifying what Griff wanted of him in the year to come, and even that short separation had me finding myself with excess energy to burn, and a need to keep my hands busy. I visited the self-storage locker that held my possessions, thinking about what I would bring with me to Griff’s house, but I had one other task in mind as well – get the pictures!

  
I was on my feet after the first tap of his knuckles on the door, and I pulled Jamie into the common room.

  
“What’s got you so fired up?” he asked, beginning to smile.

“And what’s all this, then?” he swept his hand in the direction of a storage tub sitting on the coffee table.

  
“I got Bree’s pictures out of storage. I thought you might like to look at them. I know it’s not the same as having been here, but…I want to share…whatever I have. It might be some time before our daughter will let you into her life, but I’ve got some of the best moments captured here."

  
“Will she mind me bein’ here?”

  
“She’s gone for the day – an outing with some friends.”

  
I reached out my hands and smiled up at Jamie, wanting so much to share our daughter’s life with him. He came with me to the couch, and we sat angled so our knees were touching. I opened the first page of Brianna’s baby book, and saw a picture I’d forgotten about. It was me, one week before Brianna was born. Fiona had collected me from the hospital after a startlingly real-feeling false labor. She’d snapped a shot of me struggling from the wheelchair they insisted I exit the building in. I was humped backward, belly protruding a foot in front of me, but I was smiling, nonetheless. I heard him gasp lightly as he traced his fingers above the surface of the picture. He’d never seen me that pregnant.

  
“I forgot about that,” I softly spoke, leaning my head to Jamie’s shoulder. His arm went around my shoulder and his hand slipped to my belly.

  
“What did it feel like for you? I mean, I remember how Jenny described it, but I would think it is a unique feeling to each person, is it not?”

  
“Jenny captured it pretty well, but I think she really liked being pregnant, and felt secure and pretty sure of the outcome.”

  
“Aye, until she lost one – the redcoats scared her into early labor – it was after you’d gone, Sassenach, and after that…well, no one felt secure about anything.”

  
“Oh,” I said, feeling a knot in my chest.

  
“It was nothing you could have changed, Claire, and I didna mean to imply so.”

  
“I know…but there’s so much of your life I don’t know now. I know the big stuff – at least for your first life – well, second, actually. Roger found a paper trail after Culloden, but the minutia of day to day – it’s lost to history. Only you know what the records don’t show.”

  
We were quiet for a bit. In the excitement of seeing each other again, it was easy to forget how much of our lives were unknown to each other, but whenever we started to talk about events, moments that we lived in our separate lives, that hint of loss crept in. Jamie turned the page, and I felt his throat working. Brianna and I were both matted down, me from the efforts of labor, Brianna from being wiped clean in the moments following birth. The look of amazement on my face as they had just handed my baby to me – Jamie was already breathing deeply to control his emotions, and it was only the first picture of Bree.

  
“So small,” he whispered.

  
I nodded against this shoulder so he could know my response without having to look away from the picture, but he turned and smiled at me anyway. He reluctantly turned the next page, wanting to keep every image in front of his eyes, but knowing to see the next meant looking away from the last.

  
I put my hand on his chest, feeling each flutter of his heart. Jamie was voraciously absorbing the images of his daughter’s childhood – all the firsts, from steps and teeth to school and pets, and so much of the in-between as well. I had been relentless in documenting Brianna’s life. I wanted more than birth, marriage and death to be her legacy.

  
Jamie sucked in a breath as ten year old Bree stared up at him – hair chopped short, looking very boyish.

  
“William,” he breathed. “You were right - she looks the image of him there. Just like the portrait John gave me – how’d she come to have such short hair?”

  
“She wanted it like that.”

  
“And you let her?”

  
“You should have seen what my hair looked like at the time! And she loved it…for about three weeks,” I laughed.

  
He still looked unnerved.

  
“There’s nothing wrong with girls wearing their hair short, you know.”

  
“Och, I know, but to see the resemblance, to see my son in my daughter’s face.”

  
“Strong genetics – I would hazard any child of yours would look remarkably like Brianna and William.”

  
“Perhaps so,” he stopped before launching into the rest of his sentence.

“But I always thought had Faith lived she would be the image of you.”

  
Jamie traced my cheek and jaw like he was sketching me with the soft pastel of his fingertip. I had to close my eyes.  
By the silence that followed, I think Jamie understood that whether it be the twenty some-odd years since I had lost Faith or the two hundred fifty some-odd years since he had experienced her loss, neither of us would ever really be over it, and just now, evoking the image of what she might have looked like, had opened two deep wells of painful memory. We both wanted to remember her and wanted to forget we shared such a loss.

  
I suddenly had a hand encasing each of my shoulders from behind as Jamie pulled me to his chest. I heard him gulp and breathe heavily.

  
“I’m sorry, Sassenach.”

  
I nodded heavily.

  
After we’d each had time to put Faith back in the recesses of our minds, I felt Jamie start to chuckle, his shoulders shaking and hunching as he looked at another picture. I opened my eyes and saw him smiling broadly, shaking his head in the slightest.

  
“She’s the fierce one, aye? Looks like she’s headed into battle.”

  
“She made the varsity lacrosse team as a freshman,” I proudly recounted, looking at her with two great smears of eye black, mouth guard looking like an orange peel clenched in her teeth, and various bits of plastic armor on her body.

  
Jamie just eyed me.

  
“It means she was younger than most of the team, and taller by a head as well. She’s a hell of an athlete – everything she’s ever tried she’s been good at.”

  
He puffed up proudly at that idea. Page by page he learned her passions and personality as much as pictures could allow. I was riding the roller-coaster of emotions and expressions along with him, remembering how I had pictured him on the sidelines of her games, in the stands as she excelled on the floor, sitting front row center when she braved the stage. There were times I think I was more deeply emotional remembering these events than Jamie was seeing them for the first time, but it very well could have been his inscrutable mask blocking me from seeing how close to tears he was.

  
Jamie had pulled every album, seen every photograph, but there remained two boxes at the bottom of the storage tub – one contained my jewelry and keepsakes, the other a number of jump drives and memory cards containing the videos I had taken of Brianna over the years. Jamie fought the urge to touch the screen as she moved across it. I started him off slow – images of Brianna refusing to be fed, learning how much she liked the word ‘no’ – a montage I had made at a time when she was being particularly difficult in her teenage years.

  
“Had they a way to capture such images when I was wee, I have no doubt it would have looked like that,” he insisted, looking delighted to have had such an impact on who his daughter was.

  
“No doubt,” I reassured, tousling his hair and pecking him on the cheek.

  
“She must have been a real handful – still is, really, isn’t she?”

  
“You have no idea,” I declared, “But…I was always glad that I could see you in her – beyond the physical, I mean.”

  
“Aye,” he faltered, his mouth twisting up as he shut down for a moment.

  
I next selected a video I hoped would lighten his mood at bit. He sat up straight and his eyes lit with excitement. He pulled the laptop computer onto his knees.

  
“How old?” he asked, turning to inquire.

  
“She was twelve.”

  
“She mastered the sword dance!” he excitedly emitted.

  
“As I said, she’s good at everything.”

  
As some of the videos were quite loud, and I didn’t wish to disturb the neighbors through the walls (though one of them held no such qualms), I set Jamie up with a pair of headphones, and let him loose to explore the videos of his daughter.

  
At one point he sat back and rolled each shoulder back, relaxing muscles that had been tensed in hunching over the screen too long. I put my hand on his shoulder.

  
“Enough?” I mouthed.

  
He burst into broad smile and shook his head. He couldn’t stop. He needed every single image and sound of her that his brain could get ahold of. If the Vulcan mind meld had been a real thing, I am sure Jamie would be placing his hands strategically on my face to read my memories, and he would want to do the same with Brianna. And I would have done it too – anything to give Jamie back the years he could not have with his child.

  
Jamie slid off the edge of the couch and leaned his back against my legs, tilting his head back to soothe his neck. I took my fingers to his neck and shoulders, feeling the knots relent beneath my touch and he moaned, his face taking on expressions I rarely saw outside the bedroom. I stopped the impromptu massage, sliding my hands under his arms and circling his shoulder joints like a living backpack. I slipped one earphone aside.

  
“After you’re done here, why don’t we get something to eat? I’m starving.”

  
“Sounds good,” he purred, but I saw how he wanted to get back to ingesting Brianna’s life, so I delayed him no more, settled his earphones back in place, and let him get on with watching his daughter grow up through a lens eye view.

  
~~~~~

  
I had curled up on the couch behind Jamie, looking over his shoulder to watch the videos with him in case he had any questions. I sighed contentedly, and reached out to touch Jamie – I was craving the feel of contact. He turned his head to me and nodded. He had already taken in so much this afternoon I thought his mind might overload, but he was emanating this sense of satiety, the warmth and fullness of a man at peace. His eyes sparkled with joy.

  
Jamie was calmly ensconced in the past, fully immersed in the world of Brianna’s childhood when I heard a light thud on the landing of the apartment. I slowly rose back to a seated position and stretched my neck to look over the back of the couch. My feeling of peace was suddenly gone as Brianna came into the apartment.

  
“Mom, I’m back,” she called out, apparently not seeing me, as she went and knocked on my bedroom door.

I kept quiet, not sure what to do, and when I did try to say something, no sound came out. Bree came back up the hall and half-way made the turn into the kitchen, spying me out of the corner of her eyes.

  
“Oh, there you are,” she observed.

  
She looked like she was about to tell me something when she noticed Jamie seated on the floor.

  
“What’s this?” she demanded, pointing at the pictures surrounding us.

  
“Why are you showing him my baby pictures?”

  
I found myself flailing my arms at the air, unable to speak, knowing nothing I could say would defuse her. I saw Jamie turn to face her and push the headphones off. I noticed the tears in the corners of his eyes as he looked up at Brianna, streaks down his cheeks showing he had, indeed, been crying. I don’t know why, but the look on his face seemed to freeze Brianna in place, and she suddenly looked sympathetically at him. She tilted her head. She looked to be about to reach a hand out to Jamie, but she grabbed one hand with the other and pulled them both against her chest.

  
While they were locked in a moment, I took the computer to see what it was that had brought Jamie to tears. There on the screen I saw Bree taking her curtain call from her middle school production of Peter Pan – she was Peter. I had a feeling I knew what had pushed Jamie to tears. Brianna’s big song was called “I won’t grow up”, extoling the virtues of a perpetual childhood, a refusal to become an adult. I can see how it must have struck Jamie on a visceral level. He looked at me and swallowed hard.

  
“Mom, why is he crying?” I heard Brianna ask.

  
She was looking right at him, and he raised his eyes to her again.

  
“I missed so much,” he spoke to her.

  
She shifted her weight uneasily.

  
“Mom – I don’t understand. What does he mean?”

  
She was speaking to me, but her eyes remained locked on Jamie. I pressed a hand on Jamie’s shoulder and then stood.

  
“He means just what he said – he missed a lot of your life, and I gave him back what of it I could. I know you still don’t believe me, but he is your father. And he is a man of strong emotions, so it breaks his heart to know what he missed.”

  
I heard Jamie let out a deep sigh as he wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face into the back of my neck. I hadn’t heard him get up from the floor or move toward me, but there he was. I rested my arms on top of his.

  
“Please,” I pleaded, “give him a chance?”

  
Brianna’s eyes looked glassy, but she was fighting against tears forming, wanting still to hate Jamie. She looked down and puffed out a breath.

  
“OK,” she reluctantly agreed. “I’ll try…did you have to show him all my pictures?”

  
~~~~~


	10. Chopsticks

Chopsticks

With a tentative truce in place, we ordered take out for three. Neither Jamie nor I wanted to go out in public just now, and with Brianna willing to join us, I let her choose whose take-out we would get. My daughter has more of a sadistic side then I would like to admit – I am sure she chose Chinese food in an attempt to show her superior skills in handling chop sticks, a skill set that I was sadly lacking. I think she might have begun to regret that choice when Jamie called in our order – in Chinese.

I smirked when I saw the shock on her face.

“Did I forget to mention, your father is a polyglot,” I quipped.

~~~~~

A lot of smiling and nodding took place while we waited for our food to arrive. I was out of my seat quickly when the door buzzer sounded, telling us our food had arrived in the lobby. Money in hand, I made my escape before either Jamie or Brianna could twitch a muscle.

“I’ll be right back,” I announced.

I saw a look of horror register on both their faces as I left them alone with each other.

~~~~~

Brianna set about getting plates and glasses, trying very hard not to look at Jamie, but her task was done well before Claire had the chance to return. Brianna stood by the tall part of the counter resting on her elbows, breathing uneasily as she saw Jamie walking over. She looked at him briefly, biting her lip and hunching her shoulders. Jamie leaned his elbows on the counter far enough away that Brianna wouldn’t feel crowded, but close enough that he could speak softly and still be heard.

“You’re quite talented, lass…very…capable.”

“Um…thank-you?” she up-inflection-ed.

“I’m sorry if you think me lookin’ at your pictures is an…intrusion. I think she felt she…owed it to me.”

Jamie took the small portrait of William from his pocket. He’d been carrying it ever since Griff returned it to him.

“I think this was why.”

Jamie turned the portrait to Brianna so she could look at it. Her eyes narrowed and her lips drew thin.

“Where did you – ?” she began, thinking at first it was an image of her. She turned and looked at Jamie’s face, a million questions evident in her features.

“He’s my son, William.”

“Son?...So…I have a…brother?” Bree hesitated.

“Had one.”

“Where is he? What happened to him? Mom never mentioned – “

“She didna know of him until a few days ago.”

While neither of them spoke for a bit, you could almost hear Brianna’s thoughts.

“So…he had a different mother?” she said in a very controlled voice.

“Aye,” he said with a nod.

“I thought my mom was the love of your life.”

“Aye, she is.”

“But you had a child with another woman.”

Brianna’s voice held disappointment, but a note of satisfaction as she thought her original opinion of Jamie was spot on.

“Your mother had been gone from me for more than a decade. I didna know if she’d survived her trip…’home’…and…there were extenuating circumstances.”

“You can make all the excuses you want – you cheated on my mom. Is this other woman going to pop up out of time and lay claim to you?”

“No.”

“How can you be so sure? I mean…”

“She’s dead from having him,” Jamie spouted, “And I never meant to be in her bed! The woman threatened my family and all I valued unless I…” Jamie stopped himself abruptly, feeling that, although he owed no loyalty to a woman who would force him to her bed, he wasn’t sure he owed it to Brianna to tell her how her brother came to be.

“Unless you what?” Brianna sternly asked.

Jamie took a breath, a moment to think what to say.

“The young lady had been betrothed to a man three times her age. She wanted me to…oh, God…she wanted…she intercepted a letter from my sister, and threatened to put them in danger if I didn’t…” His voice trailed off again.

“Oh,” Brianna uttered. “She blackmailed you?”

Jamie dropped his head.

“Aye. And she paid with her life.”

Brianna slowly put a hand on top of Jamie’s on the counter, looking at how similar their hands looked, but refusing to look up into his face, fearing the little spark of compassion. It was just then that Claire twisted the knob and the door opened a crack. Brianna snapped her hand back like flames were licking at her fingertips.

“I’ll go help Mom,” she blurted, quickly striding away on her long legs.

Jamie turned and followed her with his eyes, letting out a held breath. It was a start.

~~~~~

Claire saw Jamie’s smile as she drew closer and she raised an eyebrow at him, reciprocating the smile for a moment, but tried not to overdo the look of happiness in front of Brianna. Carton after carton was pulled from the bags and set on the table, and a scattering of fortune cookies fell along with the wrapped disposable chop sticks and packets of soy and duck sauce when the nearly empty bags were turned over to pour out what remained. More than once Jamie and Brianna grabbed for the same boxes, Brianna scowling but Jamie unable to suppress a smile, at least from his eyes. Claire was holding a smile at bay each time she saw these brief interactions. They were so much alike.

“So, I see you’re good with chop sticks too,” Claire motioned, gladly plying a fork to get her food to her mouth.

“I’m surprised you canna manage them, Sassenach,” Jamie teased.

Claire smiled, but Brianna tilted her head like a dog hearing a high pitch.

“Sassenach?” Bree questioned.

“Aye,” Jamie hummed, putting his hand over Claire’s.

“It’s a term of endearment, sweetie,” Claire answered her daughter, “But only the way your father says it.”

Claire and Jamie smirked at each other, slightly blushing.

“What does it really mean then?” she asked, then shoved a long noodle into her mouth pushed along by the chop sticks.

“Outlander – it’s what the Scots called the English, probably still do.”

“That doesn’t sound very endearing to me,” Brianna bantered, staring at Claire and Jamie clutching hands.

“It’s all in the pronunciation,” Jamie burred with a stronger accent than normal.

“Bree, when we met, all Jamie knew was that I was English. It was some time before we were on a first name basis,” Claire enlightened.

Claire and Jamie smiled at each other, memories dancing through their heads.

“Don’t do that,” Brianna complained, clearly reading the happy thoughts on her mother’s face.

“Sorry,” Claire hummed, blushing a bit more as Jamie squeezed her hand yet again, and then let it go.

Another strained minute of silence passed before the sounds of eating were superseded with voices.

“When did you learn Chinese, Jamie?” Claire asked between bites. “It wasn’t one of the languages you had last I knew.”

Jamie’s face busted into a smile with a puff of a laugh.

“Well, let’s see…” he pondered, “I made the acquaint of a Chinaman during my years in Edinburgh, so…that’d be more or less twenty year after ye left, Sassenach - learned a lot from him, too, the language notwithstanding.”

“Like what?” Claire further questioned.

“The wee man taught me to control my seasickness. Turned me into a damned pincushion, but I was able to handle being asea, at least – not that I enjoy it, mind ye!”

“Some kind of acupuncture?” Claire inquired between bites.

“Aye. I never would have done it left to myself, but…Joan insisted when I took her and Marsali and Fergus to France.”

Jamie turned to look at Brianna.

“The girls were my step-daughters, and Fergus was like a son…to us.”

He looked back at Claire and she smiled at him.

“Yes…he was,” Claire ventured.

“Did he…”Claire began, “did he have a good life?”

“Overall, I’d say he did well…he…found love – married my Marsali, had wonderful children of his own. It wasn’t all good, losing the hand, losing one of the bairns. Times were not always what he hoped for, but he was a good man.”

Brianna sat and listened to all this, shoveling food in like she was watching an engaging scene on TV.

“Who were their mothers?” Bree asked curtly, curious but not wanting to look like she really cared.

“Fergus, we don’t know for sure, although there’s a bit of a story there…for another time. Marsali and Joan were the daughters of my second…wife,” Jamie struggled to say.

Claire stood and walked to the fridge abruptly, stopping Jamie before he named the woman. Brianna read her mother’s body language and Jamie’s reaction to Claire’s reaction, and knew she had struck a raw nerve between the pair of them. There must be one hell of a story, she surmised, tucking the tidbit away for future use.

When Claire returned to the table, the thread of the earlier conversation was severed. Brianna watched as a look passed between her parents, Jamie looking remorseful, and Claire adrift in a sea of memories, but smiling sadly when he touched her hand again.

After the lull, it took some time for Claire to find her voice again.

“Did you say Fergus lost a hand?” A concerned Claire asked.

“Aye – Red Coats – it was an accident, but still…considering his expertise, a devastating loss.”

“His expertise?” Brianna questioned. “Was he an artist or something?”

With a sheepish grin passing between the pair, Claire finally gave voice to their reluctance.

“Pickpocket,” she softly said.

Brianna leaned back and almost took her chair over as well.

“WHAT?” she exclaimed, sputtering into a cough, her face turning red.

Seeing Brianna’s distress, Jamie was quickly on his feet. He looked to Claire to see if she had any instructions for what to do to help their daughter. She reached her hand up flat to stop Jamie from making any move for the moment, watching to see if Bree was simply coughing or if she was choking on something. She stood and put a hand on the table edge as her breathing calmed. Claire handed her her glass.

“Small, slow sips,” she suggested, getting slow nods from Brianna.

“You OK, lass?” Jamie queried. She nodded a couple of more times, looking at Jamie this time, seeing fear on the edge of terror in his eyes.

Claire slid her hand into Jamie’s hand and stepped closer to him, trying to calm him with her proximity. She was surprised how icy his hand felt in hers, and knew his look of concern was more than skin deep. Brianna let out a deep breath and her face began to regain its normal color. She put down her glass and placed that hand on the edge of the table as well, standing bent as she recovered from the body wracking cough. Without a word, Bree sat back down, leaned against the back of her chair and tilted her head back.

“Stop staring,” she growled into the air. Jamie and Claire looked at each other, each smiling with relief. Jamie extended his arm to escort Claire back to her chair and then retook his seat.

“Sorry I caught you so off guard,” Claire apologized.

“God, it’s like I don’t know a thing about you!” Brianna spewed.

“It was a very different world,” Jamie related. “What was…acceptable, necessary…would be…unthinkable today.”

“Bree, we were trying to stop a war…trying to prevent the end of a way of life,” Claire added impassioned.

“My mom…the straight-laced doctor,” Brianna commented with the slow shake of her head. “It’s like families that find out that one of their parents was a bomb making radical - on the run from the law, assuming new identities, and living the quiet life until ‘dot dot dot’,” she air quoted, like she had been reading the blurb on a book jacket.

Jamie smiled.

“Ye paint quite the scene with your words, lass,” he complimented.

Brianna cast a non-committal glance at Jamie, then turned to her mother and rolled her eyes. Claire raised her eyebrows and smiled with one side of her face at Jamie, relaying that she thought Bree might actually be softening to him.

“I think it’s time to open our fortune cookies,” Claire urged.

Her whole face lit up at the twin scoffing reactions she garnered from Jamie and Brianna.

“Oh, my non-believers, here,” she purred, sliding one packaged cookie across the table to each of them and batting a third one toward herself.

There was a rattling of plastic as each cookie was freed and a snap and crumble as the little slips of paper were revealed.

“Your greatest desire will come true,” Jamie read. He reached out his hand for Claire. Brianna turned away before her parents were able to touch each other, still not comfortable seeing her mother as anything but her mother.

She cleared her throat and unfolded the little slip from her cookie. “You will soon embark on a new life…well that’s a fortune few could dispute in a college town!” she editorialized. “What’s yours say, mom?”

“What you thought lost forever has never been far from your reach – how wonderfully vague.”

“It’s like horoscopes, you can make the words fit anything that’s happening in your life,” Brianna charged. “It doesn’t mean anything,” she scoffed.

“I’m afraid I’ve got to agree with her, Claire. Though, for us…they seem remarkably on target.”

“Poppycock,” Brianna pronounced, affecting her best imitation of her mother’s voice.

Claire laughed, and Jamie hummed a tone. By the look in his eyes Jamie was delighted. Just sharing a room with Claire and the daughter he barely knows lightened his heart immeasurably.

Brianna stood and began clearing her glass and plate away to the sink.

“Done?” she asked her mother.

“Thank-you for clearing away.”

Jamie looked up to see Bree’s face again.

“Anything I can help with?” he asked hopefully.

“I’ve got it,” she replied, taking his dishes as well.

Jamie smiled in a subdued manner, looking Claire in the eye and then dropping his head into an easy series of nods, his lips pressed tight together. With a sigh, he stood and waited for Brianna to come back from the sink.

“I’d like to thank you, lass, for letting me share this time with you and your mother…and for all the memories in the pictures and videos.”

He kept his head down, but his eyes shifted up, hoping to see her looking back. A slight blush came up on his cheeks when Brianna actually looked at him and smiled for a second.

“It’s alright…I guess,” she hesitated.

“I’ll be leaving, then…I hope we can…do this again.”

Jamie turned away quickly, feeling tears rushing up on him uncontrollably. Before he got too far away, Brianna unexpectedly grabbed for Jamie’s hand. It wasn’t quite a handshake, and it didn’t last long, but they each bent their fingers over to lock their hands together. Brianna could see how watery Jamie’s eyes were becoming, so she nodded at him and let him go.

Claire followed him to the door, grasping him by the shoulders for their goodbyes. They didn’t say a word, but when the first tear let go and crawled down Jamie’s cheek, Claire wiped it away and pulled his forehead down to hers. They swayed side to side several times; he gave her a quick kiss, and slipped out the door before he completely melted.

~~~~~


	11. Tell Me How You Really Feel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having internet connection issues during the holidays (and no library time to make up for what wasn't working at home), so it took me a bit longer than I wanted to get this chapter posted. I hope the wait wasn't too bad. And if you're thinking "only one chapter after waiting ?", I have almost 150 pages of story written, and what's been coming to me has been down the path a bit, but if you don't write it when it comes, sometimes, it doesn't come again. I am so excited about scenes I want to get out to you, but they won't work as well out of context, so...

Tell Me How You Really Feel

 

Claire made her way to the couch only to find Brianna already sitting there, pawing through the pile of albums. She moved close and kissed Bree on the forehead.

“He told me about William,” Brianna offered, “That picture…”

“I know,” Claire answered as she sat next to Bree and patted her hand on her daughter’s knee.

“When Jamie showed the portrait to me the first time, I felt a little sick.”

“It doesn’t bother you that he had a child with another woman?” Bree seriously asked.

“Knowing the situation, no. He was protecting his family…and he didn’t set out to have a child with her…and…I couldn’t expect him to be celibate since I wasn’t.”

Claire couldn’t make eye contact with Brianna for a moment.

“It’s a little strange…to know I had a brother, one who looked so much like me, and know I’ll never meet him.”

“I know. I would have liked the chance to meet him myself…to know if he was like Jamie or only looked like him.”

Claire smiled dreamily, thinking about what it might have been like to know William, to see him side by side with Brianna. She was so caught up in her own thoughts she almost didn’t hear what Brianna said next.

“How come you can so easily accept that he had a child with another woman, but you almost swallowed your own face when he mentioned his second wife?”

The dreamy smile faded from Claire’s face and her eyes turned beady and her gaze narrowed. She stood and walked behind the sofa, putting a physical barrier between them to accompany the emotional barrier she was attempting to put up. Claire’s hands fisted and her jaw became set. Brianna twisted on the couch to watch her mother’s transformation.

“I haven’t seen you look like this since…since Roger gave you the completed family tree.”

Bree’s eyes lit up and she began to smile.

“You knew her, didn’t you? The second wife – you actually knew her!”

The huff of breath Claire released told Brianna she was right.

“Yes, I knew her,” Claire spewed, barely opening her mouth. “She was a spiteful, mean-spirited child.”

“She thought Jamie was hers for the taking, even after we were married!”

“That…BITCH.”

“Tell me how you really felt about her, Mom,” Brianna quipped.

“Do you know what she did?” Claire rhetorically questioned, whirling around from behind the couch to stand in front of her daughter again.

“She got me arrested as a witch! Had Jamie not come to my rescue, I would have been burned at the stake because a jealous teenager thought she belonged in his bed! I hated every fiber of her being.”

“And he married her knowing this?” Brianna questioned, eyebrows knitting.

Claire exhaled heavily, dropping her chin to her chest.

“No…I never told him how I came to be in the place I was arrested, but he knew she wished ill will on our union – left a bundle of bones and plants under our bed – an evil charm – God knows what it might have done if we hadn’t been on the floor instead of in the bed -”

Brianna’s mouth dropped open and she began to laugh as she saw Claire’s face pinking up.

“Wow, Mom, you really aren’t the person I always thought you were.”

~~~~~

My face was a dark cloud with eyes that could shoot lightning. I pushed back the albums on the coffee table and sat opposite Brianna. I hated myself just now. More than two hundred years had elapsed, but the things that woman had done could still bring forth a level of anger and jealousy that stung me to the core. Brianna was right. If I’d never known her, it wouldn’t have this power over me. I didn’t know William, or the woman Jamie had been with to make him, and I held no such emotions toward them, but the knife had been twisting in my heart from the moment I followed the line on Jamie’s family tree that lead straight to -

“So what was her name?” Brianna asked.

“Laoghaire.”

~~~~~

The next few weeks were a whirlwind. With Jamie’s help, I slowly emptied my rented storage locker, and my bedroom, taking most of my belongings to Griff’s house. We really didn’t have time to get into deep discussions, and maybe that was good right now. I was having dreams about throttling Laoghaire, hurting her in all possible ways, and waking with a smile on my lips after each imagined thing I did to her. I felt bad that I felt so good thinking about hurting her, but I hoped it would dull my anger so when Jamie and I did speak of her I would be able to do so with a civil tongue.

Brianna allowed Jamie to come to eat with us several times a week, and she didn’t even seem to mind when the two of us decided we could not say goodnight at the door, and closed ourselves into my bedroom. Things were progressing nicely. Bree and Jamie were even starting to talk and get to know each other – she even hugged him, but it unraveled moments later.

After Jamie’s quick hug with Brianna, he wrapped me in his arms and kissed me. We stood staring into each other’s eyes.

“So, I’ll pick you up tomorrow?” he asked.

“Yes,” I affirmed. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“You have plans for tomorrow?” Brianna quizzed.

“Yes – I told you I was moving out before I got in the way of your roommates,” I re-informed her.

“So…you’re helping mom move?” she addressed toward Jamie.

“Aye,” he said with a nod, “I’ve been counting the days.”

Brianna’s visage darkened noticeably.

“Gotten tired of dealing with your reluctant daughter?” she spat out, crossing her arms on her chest.

Jamie tilted his head curiously. “I doona ken,” he burred.

“Only too happy to get her somewhere I won’t get in the way?”

“Bree!” I admonished.

“Well, how am I supposed to feel? He’s ‘counting the days’ until you move into your own place. I’ve been trying – really – Mom, you can see that, can’t you? I know I’ve been reluctant to believe…”

Brianna looked truly hurt. I found myself with her head rather heavily leaned on my shoulder.

“Sweetie, he’s not counting the days until he doesn’t have to deal with you.”

“He’s not?” she snuffed.

“He’s counting the days until I move in with him.”

“Oh,” she hummed.

There was only a beat, a moment of silence before her entire demeanor shifted. Her head came up slowly, and she backed out of my arms.

“What?” she yelped.

“You can’t mean that!”

She took several steps away from me and then turned back sharply.

“You can’t move in with him – I won’t allow it!” she ordered.

“You’ve only known him - ”

“Two-hundred fifty years?” Jamie interrupted.

I held my smirk, but felt my cheeks pinking, and knew Brianna would be displeased if she felt we were taking this too lightly.

“But…Mom.”

She suddenly had me close to tears. The look of abandonment emanating from her features was sending every moment of separation we had experienced to me in an unending stream – the first day of school…first sleep-away camp…all the way up to the day she left for college. It was clear that to her this moment was just as rending – I was leaving her for Jamie.

“Bree…you’re not losing me. I’ll be closer than I have been the last couple of years – just a T ride away, and you are welcome to visit any time.”

Jamie came up behind me.

“Aye, lass, I was hoping to host our dinners there. I still have much I’d like to know about you. You are my family, my child…and hardly the most difficult one I’ve ever dealt with,” he added with a smirk and a wink.

Brianna gulped down a sob.

“But…it’s so quick…are you sure?” she asked me, sounding so parental.

“I’ve been waiting a lifetime – your lifetime,” I added, bringing my hand up under her chin.

“I love him almost as much as I love you.”

Bree looked sullen, but not quite so pained or angry. It was clear that Brianna’s yo-yoing relationship with Jamie had gone from as close as it gets to the end of its string once more. It would, again, take time for her to warm to Jamie, and accept this new development in my relationship with him.

Jamie had gotten to know Bree’s expressions by now, and he made himself scarce for the night so I could talk to her, and answer any new questions that had cropped up in her mind.

“You’ve known for a while you were going to move in with him…why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Brianna somberly inquired, stretching her legs out to the coffee table.

I looked back from the chair across from her.

“I was afraid you’d react the way you did, and I didn’t want to upset you, or give you any reason to be angry with Jamie. I’ve seen how hard you both have been working on having a relationship, and I didn’t want to be the cause of a rift.”

“So you were gonna sneak off and not tell me?”

“Of course not, but I was considering not telling you until we were already moved in together.”

I looked at her expression out of the corner of my eye. It hadn’t changed yet.

“What would that change?” she questioned.

“Well, I’ve found it’s easier to apologize than to get permission…If we were already moved in, it would be much bigger a deal to ask me to move out.”

“I guess.”

“Goodnight, Bree.”

I stood and cradled her cheek when I reached her.

“Are we alright?”

“Working on it,” she replied.

~~~~~

I heard a gentle knock on my bedroom door followed by Brianna’s voice.

“Mom? Can I sleep with you tonight?” she asked through the small crack she had opened the door.

I was surprised, but pleased in a way. My little girl still had some little girl left.

“Of course, sweetie.”

Bree tip-toed in and scrambled up the bed on her knees, quickly tucking herself in. She settled on her back and crossed her hands on her stomach. I was shoulder tip to shoulder tip with her, almost afraid to move.

“You really love him?” she asked, still staring straight up at the ceiling.

“Jamie? Very much so.”

“I’m glad.”

“You are?” I hopefully replied.

“Yeah…I know you put your life on hold for me.”

“That’s not entirely true, Bree. I live for you, and it’s been enough all these years.”

“But you changed – the moment he came back into your life, you changed.”

I didn’t know what to say. My daughter was right. Jamie being back let me remember our life together without it hurting so much. And the opportunity to know what Jamie has seen and done over centuries of living – I could forgive him anything so long as he was by my side again.

“I think it’s good that he’s come back to you, mom. I always thought you led a boring life, that you had no skeletons in your closet, but I’m learning so much about you because of Jamie. I’m not sure how I feel about you living with him, though. I guess if he’d been here all along, it would be normal.”

I reached a hand out and coaxed one of her nearly Jamie-sized hands into mine.

“I don’t think ‘normal’ applies to any part of my life,” I divulged.

“Probably not,” Brianna puffed.

“I know you told me a lot of things when he first came back, but some of it I’m just remembering…Did you say…”

“What?” I prompted as she paused for what seemed a long time.

“You were married when you met Jamie?”

“I was, and I would have said happily so at the time. I was torn for a long time, and tried to get back to him. Jamie was even willing to let me go and return to my former life.”

“Jamie knew?” I heard her turn her head and look toward me in the darkness. A T train click-clacked past the window.

“I had to tell him. I was amazed at how he reacted to the truth of how I came to be with him. He was so understanding even though most of what I told him was unbelievable. And despite how deeply he was in love with me, he was willing to live without me if that was what I chose.”

By now, tears were streaming down my cheeks and Bree could hear in my voice that I was crying. She squeezed my hand tighter, but was at a loss for words that would comfort me.

“But, faced with the choice, I couldn’t leave him. There was this…connection, deeper than anything I had experienced before – deeper than everything other than having you.”

“But, you did leave him,” Bree remarked.

“I no longer had a choice. Jamie thought his death was imminent. I was willing to stay and die with him, but Jamie is so damn observant…he’d…figured out I was pregnant. If it had just been the two of us, nothing would have been able to part us, but he wanted you to live, and he risked his life to get us to a place where that could happen.”

“So, you were…going back to your original husband?” she asked, sounding a might confused.

“Jamie thought it was the safest place for me, for us. I often wonder what would have happened in that timeline; how would my life have been different. You would have been a baby-boomer, born in the years following the war, and I really don’t know what I would have been – housewife…doesn’t sound like me.”

“Oh, come on, Mom, you would have been a doctor no matter what, no matter how unconventional or difficult it was.”

I smiled and laughed as I turned to look toward her in the darkness.

“You’re probably right…if Frank had let me.”

Brianna sucked in a breath of surprise.

“Don’t sound so shocked – women were still expected to ‘obey’ their husbands then.”

“You make it sound like he was less open minded than what you faced in the 1700’s.”

“In some ways, he was. Jamie has always been a progressive thinker, and he nearly always treated me with respect - perhaps something to do with our initial encounter.”

“Do tell, Mom.”

“I did, Bree, but I guess that piece of the story eluded you. Within minutes of being in the same room with him, I was popping his dislocated shoulder back into joint, and facing down a room of armed highlanders to do it.”

“You should write a book, I swear, but please, don’t try to sell it as non-fiction!”

I shoved Brianna playfully, and we laughed together. I held her arm in mine, and leaned my head against her shoulder.

“It’s been a long time since we’ve done this,” I commented.

“I know. I guess I thought I was too old to need ‘my mommy’.”

“I hope you’ll never be too old. I love being your mommy.”

“I love you too…and I’m gonna miss having you so close, even if you drive me nuts sometimes…most of the time,” Bree corrected.

We nestled in the darkness, speaking no more. But I felt a little less torn about leaving Brianna.

~~~~~


	12. Moving Out and Moving On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave you all hanging for so long, but between shoveling snow and losing my beloved Marmalade, it's taken some time to get to a place where I wanted to write, and even longer for me to write something that was good enough to share. Hope this'll do.

Moving Out and Moving On

My last suitcase of things I’d brought to Bree’s apartment for the summer sat just inside the door. I saw her cast a mournful glance at the case as she walked by it. She’d stayed in the common room since she was dressed for the day, making sure I didn’t disappear while she wasn’t looking. It was a clear case of role reversal from when I sent her off to college. She switched between nervously pacing and sitting alertly. She had just sat down again when Jamie knocked. I saw her features tighten, but I raised my hand to her to keep seated for now.

I opened the door and was whisked off my feet as Jamie wrapped me up and spun me around. He kissed me over and over, his face glowing with excitement.

“God, I’ve waited so long for this,” he growled as he placed me back on my feet and spotted Brianna sitting on the tall counter. He toned down his energy level, but kept smiling at me in a way that was making my heart thump in my chest. Bree slipped to her feet and approached where we were standing. I got the impression she needed to talk to Jamie…alone.

“I’m going to check the room one more time,” I announced, and left them together.

It was quiet for some time, but I was trying very hard not to eavesdrop, so I may have missed the beginning of what was said.

“So,” Brianna opened with.

“Aye, lass,” he returned with a bob of his head.

“Mom and I talked last night…I’m sorry about how I reacted…I…I thought the worst of you.”

Jamie pulled one cheek up into a sheepish smile, his eyes blinking a couple of times.

“You don’t know me verra well, so I understand where you’re coming from, but I hope to earn your trust.”

Jamie reached out his hands for her to grasp, but instead she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and whispered, “Take good care of mom.”

“You have my word,” he promised, his arms slowly coming around her back. He melted for a moment in her embrace, but felt her spine stiffen as she pulled away, feeling uncomfortable in his arms.

“You can come out now, mom,” Brianna stated, looking at Jamie as she did.

They smiled at each other, both knowing I was not beyond listening distance, and certainly not above listening in.

“Be good,” she advised, kissing me on the forehead.

“I’m never far away,” I reminded her.

“I know,” she croaked.

“Now go before I start to cry.”

“I think we may be too late for that.”

Brianna laughed in the midst of her tears, dabbing at them, smiling despite how sad I knew she must be feeling.

~~~~~

It seemed like days ago I left Brianna’s apartment, but it was just this morning. Jamie came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I melted and sighed.

“Holding up?” he asked.

“Barely.”

Jamie backed up to a corner of the bed and pulled me down to sit on the tip of it while his arms and legs enveloped me. He was so warm. I almost began to cry as he warmed me, like I was melting.

“You miss her,” he surmised.

“And it’s only been a few hours, really, hasn’t it?”

“Give her a call, Sassenach. You can say goodnight to the lass, at least…unless you think it would upset her.”

I smiled, actually, I beamed at Jamie for the suggestion of what had been on my mind since it started getting dark out. I fished the phone out of my pocket and hit the speed dial, breathing deeply while I waited for Bree to answer. I heard the click-over that meant voicemail was about to pick up and my head dropped.

“Bree, sorry I didn’t catch you…I just wanted to say goodnight - ”

Jamie took the phone from me.

“And, lass, as promised, I’m taking good care of your mom. Good night to ye.”

“See you soon, sweetie,” I offered encouragingly.

“I guess she’s not sitting around worrying about me…Good - it’s good that she didn’t answer. She’s out having fun – back to being an adult now that ‘mom’ isn’t underfoot.”

Even Jamie could tell I was trying to convince myself that Brianna wasn’t suffering the pangs of separation the way I was. He rubbed his hands up and down my upper arms.

“Aye,” he reassured me. “She’s a young lady with lots of options.”

I nodded several times.

~~~~~

Brianna placed her phone on the counter after seeing it was her mother calling, but she wasn’t ready to talk just now. Two of her roomies had arrived to move back in, each bringing assorted take-out, and Bree’s phone now sat between boxes and bags of the left-over offerings.

“Not talking to your mom?” one of the other girls asked. “Did you guys have a fight, or something? I told you living with your mom would drive ya nuts.”

“No…no fight…it was kinda hard…letting go again…”

“Now whose voice was that?” she interrupted, hearing Jamie.

“It’s… my father,” Brianna informed her.

“Your father? I thought you said your father was dead?”

“He got better,” Brianna deadpanned, leaving the room without further comment, the confused face of one roommate following her across the room.

“What - ?”

~~~~~

I couldn’t relax. Maybe Brianna was right – it’s all been so fast, but being with Jamie would never be a mistake. Maybe we were both trying too hard to relax. Jamie had made me tea, and rubbed my shoulders. I just found myself pacing around this lavish bedroom in Griff’s house.

“Perhaps we should just…go to bed?” Jamie offered.

I smirked and blushed, remembering the first time we’d been faced with that choice.

“I’m afraid it will be to sleep,” I informed him, reaching a hand out to him.

“Aye, I figured as much,” he sighed, clasping my hand with one of his and cradling my chin with the other.

Jamie gave me a soft kiss on the tip of the nose and another quick peck on the lips.

“I won’t be a moment,” I soothed, heading off to the bathroom.

Jamie seemed to be standing in the exact position I had left him when I returned, me now wearing an over-sized t-shirt in which to sleep.

I saw Jamie smile and heard a low ‘hrumph’ emit from his throat.

“Something on your mind?” I quizzed, draping the day’s clothes over a chair in the corner and placing my shoes beneath.

“Just an observation – you get dressed for bed…I undress for bed.”

I smiled in appreciation of his observation, coming to stand right in front of him again.

“May I help you with that?” I offered, tentatively tracing my finger down Jamie’s chest.

“Still only interested in sleeping?” Jamie questioned with a solicitous smirk.

“Afraid so,” I answered, and turned, heading toward the bed.

Before I had even sat down on the mattress, Jamie was waiting for me under the covers, having denuded himself. The warmness of his skin, and his encompassing embrace were soothing.

“God, I love you,” I mumbled, feeling his smile as it shifted his cheek against mine. He nestled in at the back of my neck, and tangled me tightly in his limbs. Feeling safe and secure in Jamie’s hold on me, I drifted to sleep in moments, the white noise of Jamie’s breathing filtering out all other sounds.

~~~~~

“Good morning, Sassenach,” Jamie purred in my ear.

For a moment I was not only unsure where I was, but when I was as well. I was amazed at how easily my brain could be fooled into thinking the last twenty years had been a dream, and that I had never left Jamie’s embrace, or the eighteenth century.

“Do you have plans for the day?” he asked, arms pulling me in tight, as if to prevent my escape, or at the least change my mind about getting out of bed.

“Nothing concrete – did you have something in mind?” I answered, stroking my hands down Jamie’s forearms until I was holding his wrists.

A deep hum came from his throat.

“I know that sound.”

“I’m sure you do, Sassenach,” he laughed. “Ye’ve heard me make it enough times.”

“It would take very little to entice me to agree today.”

I cast a come-hither glance over my shoulder, smiling coquettishly. It was nearly sunset before we crawled out of the bed, both absolutely starving, but otherwise quite happy with how we’d spent the day.

We kissed our way to the kitchen, Jamie seating me on the counter next to the fridge while he collected the items needed for our evening ‘breakfast’. It felt like a dream, the kind you don’t want to wake from because there’s no way reality could be this good. 

“It’s real, Claire,” he announced with a bob of his head.

I gulped, taken back by his apparent mind-reading, and traced his face with my hands.

~~~~~

Over the next week we completely settled into Griff’s house. It took some time to sort out our belongings, mine more than Jamie’s simply because I had accumulated more items over twenty years than Jamie had managed to collect in over two centuries! But Jamie had never truly settled down, and quite often lost all he owned when he began a new life each time. However, I was quite fascinated with the items Griff held in trust for Jamie. It was a time capsule of Jamie’s lives.

But what grew to interest me were the items in Jamie’s wardrobe. 

“Could you explain to me, how it is that you have two full draws brimming with socks, but own not a single pair of underwear?”

Jamie smirked, then laughed, and I detected a slight blush on his cheeks.

“I’ve…never found a need for them.”

“Never?” I questioned. 

Jamie came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned in.

“I havna heard ye complaining about the ready access to my body, Sassenach, so I’ll assume it’s a sense of morality and modern scruples that have ye concerned for my soul.”

“I was just curious,” I responded, “I don’t expect you to go to hell on account of a lack of Y-fronts.”

~~~~~

I saw Jamie staring intently at me when I looked up into the mirror, and I smiled shyly. I actually got a shiver from seeing the hunger in his eyes. He was stretched out the length of the bed, his head at the bed’s foot, looking like an alligator about to slither into the river to devour me as his prey. 

“You know I can’t come back to bed this morning,” I cautioned.

“I know,” he replied, crossing his arms in front of him and setting his chin where his wrists crossed, “but it is almost as enjoyable to watch you get dressed as it is to help you get undressed, Sassenach.”

He’d already watched me wriggle into a sports bra and pull on a pair of leggings – something I never considered a spectator sport, but that had apparently provided Jamie with a high level of entertainment. 

I finished dressing and left for my meeting at the hospital. My leave of absence was at an end, as were my endless days of lounging in Jamie’s arms any time we wished, but I had not thought in my wildest dreams to have him back just as I was starting to let go of Brianna, and I was not ready to stop working, just as I was sure Jamie would not be content if he were unemployed. Being caretaker to Griff’s house gave Jamie many day-to-day duties and a sense of purpose, and I hoped that would be enough to occupy his time while I was at work at the hospital.

~~~~~ 

Still laying stretched out, Jamie listened for the front door to thunk closed as Claire left for the day. As soon as the sound hit his attuned ears, he sprang from the bed, dressed, and headed down to the lower level to begin work on a special project, hoping Claire would value and treasure what he sought to accomplish.

~~~~~


	13. Secrets, But No Lies

Secrets, But No Lies

“I’m home,” Claire called out upon entering the front hall.

“I’ll be right there,” echoed back to her from some distance.

Jamie strode out of the old kitchen, pulled the door shut, and turned the key in the fully mortised lock, dropping the former into his pocket. His face lit up, and he charged up to greet Claire, having missed her all day.

“And what have you been up to?” Claire questioned, patting dust off his shirt.

“Och, nothing,” he said with a blush and a slight shake of his head, “just poking about.”

“Poking about? I wouldn’t think any part of this house had dust like this,” she retorted looking at her soiled hand.

Jamie grabbed her up and kissed her, hoping to change the subject.

“God, I’ve missed ye.”

“I’m all yours for the rest of the day,” Claire replied, happily letting Jamie hold on to her and ply her with kisses.

~~~~~

It was now the last week of August. Claire had been going into the hospital three days a week, getting up to speed on her upcoming cases, and Jamie had been carefully waiting her out each morning before heading downstairs to work on his surprise for her. This day she’d thrown him a curveball, not leaving the house despite him knowing she was scheduled to have a meeting today.

“I thought…”

“You thought I had a meeting,” she echoed, taking Jamie by the shoulders and smiling.

“Well, I do, but not until later…What are you up to?” she inquired, seeing his desire to escape her direct gaze.

Carefully avoiding direct eye contact, a smile danced about his lips, never fully landing.

“It’s a surprise…and it’s not ready…Can you leave it at that for now?”

“Alright – for now, and it is keeping you busy. When can I expect you to spring this surprise on me?”

“Soon,” was all he said.

~~~~~

Brianna kept referencing her phone, following the map on the screen. She looked tentative and nervous as she approached a door and was about to knock. The door opened, and both Brianna and Claire jumped back from their side of the door.

“My God, you scared the life out of me,” Claire said quickly in a single breath.

“I wasn’t expecting…but it is good to see you.”

“I brought supper, I thought we could eat – “

“I’d love to, but I have a meeting, and I’m already running late. But Jamie’s home. He’s missed seeing you.”

Claire managed to get Brianna into the house.

“I should only be an hour or so,” Claire said, hand clasping Brianna’s shoulder. “I think he’s in the back garden.”

She pointed Bree in the right direction, smiled and nodded at her reluctant daughter, and slipped away to her meeting.

Finding herself alone in an unfamiliar house, Brianna tried to get a feel for the place. She looked up and around the front hall. She felt like she had fallen into a museum or palace, but did her best to move along in the direction Claire had pointed her in. When she reached the modern kitchen, she put the bags of takeout on the counter. She turned all the way around, taking in the room, and finally spying movement out of the corner of her eyes, made her way to the open French doors the led onto the patio and out to the garden.

Jamie was focused on a vaguely human shaped target pinned to a bale of hay some distance away. He held a small dagger in his hand. Brianna ambled onto the patio just as Jamie sent the dagger sailing toward its target, sure of a good body blow, and smiled at the faint footsteps he’d detected moments before.

“Couldn’t resist one more goodbye, Sassenach?” he teased, thinking full well Claire had sought him out before leaving for her meeting. He turned, the look of utter surprise overtaking his face.

Bree smiled as the look of surprise on Jamie’s face bubbled into an overjoyed smile and he took the few steps necessary to be standing right in front of his daughter. He hesitated a bit, but they accomplished an awkward hug. Jamie wanted so much to grab her again and give her the most powerful bear hug. 

Brianna’s focus had shifted – to Jamie’s feet. His long, slender, bare feet. Jamie looked to his feet, then back to Brianna’s intense visage, then back to his feet yet again.

“Something wrong with my feet?” Jamie finally voiced.

“Hmm?” Bree hummed, bringing her eyes up.

“My feet – is there a reason you find them…of such interest?”

“I just…do you have trouble finding shoes that fit?”

She then eyed her own feet, and pushed the slip-on sneaker off her right foot and placed her foot right next to his. There was a remarkable likeness between Bree’s feet and Jamie’s. There was a silent moment as the pair of them slowly looked up from their feet to make tentative eye contact. Each raised an eyebrow, mimicking each other’s expression. A slowly building smiled led way to trying not to laugh, each pressing their lips shut to hold the puffs and short snorts at bay. Each finally gave way and laughed out loud.

“Good lord, lass, of all the things I might wish you to inherit!”

~~~~~

“What were you doing there?” Brianna asked, pointing toward the target.

“Och, just keeping my aim sharp,” he uttered, blushing and looking up and down from her face to his feet over and over, almost not knowing what to do with his joy at seeing her again.

“If I had my bow, I’d give you a run for your money.”

Jamie raised a finger, indicating for her to wait, and he dashed off to the house. With his long strides it took little time for his return.

“There ye go,” he offered, handing a basic bow to Bree.

“It’s a little primitive.”

“If ye need one of those all tarted up bows, there’s a couple of ‘em inside.”

A challenge if ever Brianna had heard one.

“This’ll do,” she retorted.

Sure and smooth the first arrow slipped free and before it had a chance to travel to its target, she had loosed two more – striking the heart, the eye, and the nether regions of the human – ish form. Bree smiled wickedly as she watched Jamie react to the third hit, drawing his legs together as if feeling the target’s pain. But he started to nod, slowly at first, and then more quickly and with an equally wicked smile to Bree’s.

“I’m lucky you were unarmed when first we met.”

“Damn right,” she threw right back.

“Gah,” he vocalized.

“What?”

“You reminded me so much of Claire just there.”

Both now completely unshod, Jamie and Brianna stood side by side as he instructed her before her next attempt at sinking the blade of his dagger into the distant target. Bree’s shoulders tensed a bit when Jamie realigned her stance by shifting her hips with his hands, but it was gone in a flash, and all but forgotten when her throw stuck solidly into the bale behind the target.

“Verra good,” Jamie exhaled with a smile.

When Jamie found that Brianna had reached the same level of accuracy in her throws as he was displaying himself, he felt the lesson was complete.

“Oh, lass, I think we best stop before you show me up any worse,” He commented, climbing the slight incline and seating himself on the bluestone topped wall at the edge of the patio.

She smiled and followed him up, sitting on the facing end of the wall. They smiled at each other, each trying to think of what to say, both hoping and wanting for there to be some instant conduit for a relationship.

“So, what brought you over?” Jamie asked, knowing Bree and Claire had been playing ‘phone tag’ since her message the day they moved into Griff’s house.

“Actually…I brought dinner…I…I know I’ve been a little distant…”

“Aye.”

“I have been calling…leaving messages.”

“You’ve been calling your mam when you know she won’t be available,” Jamie softly stated.

“I…I needed time to think…it’s been a lot to take in.”

“It’s been a lot for me as well, finding out for sure Claire had my child, loving you the moment I set eyes on you…and wishing I could have found the two of you sooner…What I wouldna give to have been here…to raise you. I am so verra proud…to have you for a child.”

Jamie reached out his hand and was glad to find Brianna reached back to him. A sheepish smile came up on her face.

“I doubt either one of us could successfully deny familial association…but it’s going to take me a while to get used to having a dad.”

“Aye, I know, but I’ll be here.”

Bree nodded and Jamie smiled.

Over the next hour, their conversation progressed. Claire arrived home, and not finding Jamie or Brianna in the kitchen, but seeing the food bags on the counter, hoped that Jamie’s dagger throwing hadn’t turned into a blood sport with his own daughter. She tread lightly toward the patio doors, but stopped short when she heard laughter – coming from both of them. Claire peeked carefully, hoping not to be seen. They were engaged in an animated conversation, both appearing quite happy. It was then Claire realized Brianna was wearing a pair of cargo shorts that were nearly identical in style and color to the ones Jamie had on today. She was sure they had not realized how similarly they were dressed. A feeling of warmth rose through Claire’s chest, and she retreated before she managed to put a damper on this moment between them.

When Jamie and Brianna brought their conversation indoors, Claire came out of hiding, hearing just the tail end of their discussion. Brianna smiled and went over to Claire for a hug.

“Mom,” she greeted, “Jamie’s invited me to come over to watch some historical movies so he can point out where they got it wrong.”

“Sounds like fun,” she replied dispassionately.

“Such excitement from you,” Brianna issued, continuing to the counter where she had left their dinner.

“It’s not your mam’s cup o’ tea, talkin’ ‘bout the past – she was always more into changin’ the future,” Jamie professed, fishy grin overtaking his face, his eyes finding Claire’s across the room.

“You still haven’t eaten?” Claire asked.

“No yet, Sassenach. What’d ye bring, lass?”

As she unfurled the tops of the bags emblazoned with golden arches, Jamie laughed lightly.

“You know, I was verra disappointed to find that McDonald’s was not a Scottish restaurant – despite the ancient dispute between our families.”

Bree smiled at Jamie and rolled her eyes, acknowledging his statement.

“It must be cold by now,” Claire said of the food, Jamie’s joking comment ignored.

“We can nuke it,” Bree off-handedly related. 

~~~~~

Jamie was sitting in the middle of the bed, his thoughts a million miles away, but by the smile on his lips, I was pretty sure he was thinking about this evening with Brianna. I sat at my dressing table watching thoughts flicker through his mind, not wanting to disturb him, but unable to look away. He felt my eyes on him and drew his lips in, blushing and readjusting his focus on me.

“You really got along well with Bree tonight. You have no idea how happy that makes me,” I told him.

“Aye…she’s…quite something – such a quick study. I’ve never seen anyone take to throwing a dagger like that,” he excitedly blurted.

I made my way over and knelt on the bed, wrapping my arms around his neck from behind.

“She’s your daughter, I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

“Aye,” he spoke, but seemed a bit detached, already back in his mind.

“But something’s bothering you.”

Jamie nodded, a contemplative expression masking his face.

“Is…she…always so uncomfortable to be held? I mean, she hugs you…and seems to enjoy it, and I know we’ve not known each other long…but it is as if she’s afraid to let herself…relax when I hold her.”

I slid back from holding Jamie and pulled my knees up as I felt my stomach turn as a memory surged to the surface. Jamie turned and wrapped his arms around my knees, coming almost nose to nose with me.

“Something happened to the lass, didn’t it?”

Jamie pried my fingers loose and held my hands tightly. I looked at his hands as his fingers caressed mine, his thumb over-stroking my knuckles softly.

“When Brianna was sixteen, she spent the summer with her best friend and their family at their beach house on the Cape. I knew both parents, they’re doctors I’d worked with for many years. That’s how Bree became friends with their daughter. They were in the same class, and both spent a lot of hours waiting around the hospital for their parents to be able to come home. So, when Bree begged me, I saw no reason why it wouldn’t be a fun way for her to spend the summer.”

I stopped and took a deep breath, Jamie continuing to rub my hands in support.

“She’s always been strong willed, but never in a bad way. Even though she was a teen, I trusted her. She wasn’t boy-crazy, and we’d talked about sex, much to her embarrassment, so I felt quite secure in letting her go. She’s a good girl – not one to be talked into doing something she’d regret. For most of the summer, everything was fine. Her friend’s younger brother was being a pest – hitting on her and stuff like that, but Bree handled herself just fine.”

My mouth scrunched in, and anger welled up in me. Jamie squeezed my hands extra tight, holding them in place, holding me in place.

“Three days before Bree was supposed to come home, they dropped her off at the end of our driveway. They didn’t know if anyone was home, they didn’t call me, or anything. I heard this loud sound in the front hall. I thought a tree had come in through the window or something, but it was just Bree dropping all her things and falling to her knees. Her eyes were glassy, and I could tell she’d been crying. She grabbed me around the waist, almost knocking me over, and all she said, over and over again was, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry’. It took me more than a day to get the story out of her.”

I couldn’t even look Jamie in the eyes for the moment. The building empathy and anger I knew I would see would put an end to me relaying this life-changing moment not only in Brianna’s life, but in mine as well. My breathing had become fast and shallow, and I was amazed at how all the feelings from that day were rearing their ugly heads as if it was happening all over again.

“Her friend’s brother – Lucius – who unbeknownst to me was called ‘Lucifer’ by his friends – and his parents – that bastard…he drugged Bree, and then he…he…he raped her. His parents walked in on the attack, but it was too late…and then they had the audacity to blame Brianna for what had just happened. They knew what kind of person their son was – apparently Bree was not the first girl he’d done that to.”

I gathered the strength to look into Jamie’s eyes.

“She doesn’t remember all of it, but for weeks, months after…she’d jump if I touched her. She stopped being comfortable in her own skin. She had a sense memory of him touching her, and nightmares. I hated myself for not keeping her out of harm’s way.”

“It was not your fault, nor the lass’s – If only I had found you sooner, Sassenach.”

I shook my head.

“You couldn’t have stopped this from happening, either, Jamie.”

“But I could have done something after,” he affirmed, gaze narrowing and mouth drawing tight.

I aimed a pained smile at Jamie.

“No…I went down that road.”

I was shaking my head.

“It made me feel better, but it only deepened Bree’s guilt. She thought I was disappointed in her, when nothing could have been farther from the truth.”

I was rapidly degenerating into tears.

“Mo nighean donn,” resonated into my ear as Jamie endeavored to hug the hurt out of me. One arm had me deftly pinned to his chest while his free hand brushed through my hair.

“I know you did everything she needed of you, or she would do more now than flinch at the unexpected or non-initiated touch. She’s a strong one, our lass. I still wish I could have found you sooner, so she’d know no real man would treat her so.”

~~~~~

In the pre-dawn hours, I found myself awake. I took a deep breath. Thoughts of Bree’s attack were strangling the sleep out of me. Jamie squeezed me, confirming he, too, was awake.

“Don’t tell Brianna that you know. I don’t know how often she thinks about it,” I said with the shake of my head, “and I hope she thinks of it less and less as the years go by, but I think the thought that you know her darkest day would make her close down just as she’s starting to open up to you.”

“Aye,” he whispered, “Some old wounds never heal completely.”

~~~~~


	14. Blueprints To A Family

Blueprints To A Family

Brianna and Jamie sat lounging on the couches of the media room. Jamie had been happily pointing out the inaccuracies in the historical and biopic films they had pulled from Griff’s collection, but now they just sat. Each sighed, and hearing each other, smiled at finding another shared trait.

“So…” Jamie broke the silence with.

“I enjoyed today,” Brianna told him, “thank-you.”

“Och, no thanks needed. It was my pleasure.”

“Well, thank-you anyway. It was nice to…unwind after my first week of classes.”

Jamie smiled proudly.

“I didna realize…I canna believe I didna ask before – what are ye studying?”

“Architecture.”

Jamie sat up tall, and Brianna did the same seeing his sudden alertness.

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s challenging at times, but I love it.”

“There’s something I’d like you to take a look at, if you would,” Jamie excitedly requested. “Stay right there – I’ll be back.”

He sprang to his feet and headed to the old kitchen unlocking it and fetching his plans from the make-shift drawing table. He relocked the door and checked that the door was secure before hurrying back next door. He took the scrolled up plans and unfurled them across the coffee table.

Brianna sat forward and studied the plans.

“What’s this for?” she asked.

“The room next door – I’m trying to restore it to how it would have looked at the time the house was built. It bears a striking resemblance to a room your mother and I shared at Leoch, our first apartment, if you will. It’s a mirror image, of course, but I saw the similarities, and I wanted to do this for her.”

Bree continued to pour over the details on the page.

“You drew this?” she happily inquired.

“Aye.”

“This is good – not just the drawing,” she said, raising her eyes up and smiling at Jamie. “What you’re trying to do here – it’s…beautiful.”

Jamie, reacting to something Brianna didn’t hear, quickly snatched the plans out of her hands, rolled it, and shoved it between the cushions of the couch. He sat and turned his suddenly masked face toward the book shelves at the back of the room.

Now hearing footsteps, Brianna mirrored his pseudo-relaxed posture and tried to make her face appear neutral just as Claire appeared behind them.

“Done with the film festival?” she asked coming down the side ramp.

Jamie moved over, sitting in front of the rolled plans in the couch, and patted where he had been seated to direct Claire where to land next to him. Jamie leaned over and kissed her demurely.

“We just finished,” he detailed, then looked at Brianna with a warning gaze and barely detectable shake of his head.

“Yeah,” Bree responded, “Jamie’s pointed out so many things I never would have thought to challenge.”

“I always find it amazing what things the writers and producers of movies and TV programs will change just to make something more exciting,” Claire interjected, “History be damned,” she added with a jaunty tilt of her head.

“Aye,” Jamie concurred, placing his hand on her knee.

Brianna looked down, but she found herself smiling, and looked back up enough for both Claire and Jamie to see her approving expression.

“So…is there a round two for your viewing, or would you like to take a dinner break?” Claire inquired.

Bree looked questioningly to Jamie with a shrug of her shoulders.

“Hungry?” he asked. Bree nodded.

“Why don’t the pair of you head up and decide what we’ll have, I’ll tidy up, put the films back and such,” Jamie offered, raising an eyebrow in Brianna’s direction.

“Oh, yeah, Mom, this new place just opened – all slow roasted stuff, hand-made home-style. One of my roomies brought it home the other night – the apartment smelled like Thanksgiving dinner.”

Bree wrapped an arm around her mother’s back and began walking her up the ramp. She flashed a triumphant grin over her shoulder at Jamie, getting a nod in return. He laughed lightly once he was alone. That girl understood every subtle signal he’d given her. He retrieved the plans, slightly squashed, from below the cushions, and saw them safely back into the locked old kitchen before he rejoined his girls for a meal.

~~~~~

Jamie, seated on a park bench just beyond the stairs that lead into Brianna’s apartment, was waiting for her to come home. He hadn’t had the opportunity to explain his secrecy about the special room he was renovating in the old kitchen of Griff’s house. Jamie didn’t want to risk leaving a message in case it somehow fell into Claire’s hands. His plan was too important to him, but after seeing Brianna’s initial reaction to his drawings, he knew he wanted her to be involved.

“Jamie?” he heard Bree’s voice inquire.

She lowered her dark glasses down to the end of her nose.

“What are you doing here?”

Jamie got to his feet, head slightly lowered and fingers in his jeans pockets. For a moment, a spike of trepidation pierced his heart.

“Is something wrong?” Brianna continued, her heart skipping a beat.

“No, no,” he diffused, his hands caressing the air as he stepped up to her.

“I…” he smiled shyly, the sun making his eyes match the chambray shirt he was wearing, “I’d…like you to help me with the room for Claire…if ye the time…and the want to help me.”

“You could have called.”

“Ah…well…I didna want your mother to catch me – she’s already quite curious as to what I’m up to. Long ago I promised her that we might have secrets, but no lies between us, and I couldna think what to tell her should she catch me.”

Brianna laughed at his sheepish grin.

“Come up then…we’ll talk – get everything figured out so you can still surprise mom without breaking your promise.”

They walked side by side, stride for stride, up to the fourth floor. Jamie hesitated at the threshold, not having been in this apartment since Claire moved out.

“With your knowledge of architecture, I thought maybe you could help me get all the details right,” he said to still the nerves that had grown as they climbed.

“I’d like that,” she replied.

“So…I’m assuming there’s a special occasion you want this room ready for…”

“Ah…it’ll be the anniversary of the day we met…many, many years ago – she saved my life that day…and then she stole my heart.”

His smile spoke volumes he didn’t need to say, and it made Brianna smile in return.

“Mom really knocked your socks off, didn’t she?”

Jamie laughed as he nodded.

“That’s one way to put it.”

Jamie let out a sigh as he remembered the first time he had Claire in his arms.

“She was hurtin’, but still brave as could be. She’d tended me, my wounds, three times before her situation got the better of her…She let me comfort her.”

“So it’s…a really important date to commemorate,” Brianna stated.

“Aye. Without it, there’d be no other dates to celebrate.”

Jamie reached out and held Brianna’s chin.

“Nor would I have you.”

~~~~~

Jamie and Brianna hashed out a schedule of when she would come to the house, making sure they were done with the day’s work in the old kitchen and happily ensconced in the media room before Claire was anywhere near the house. Bree pointed out certain legalities – the need to have the chimney cleaned and inspected for one.

Jamie didn’t have the plans with him, so much of what they went over were style details and aesthetic choices. Brianna brought out several books she had to see if she could find a picture that would give them a reference, and maybe even provide simple plans for building an appropriate bedstead for the room. They stood shoulder to shoulder pouring over pictures and diagrams in Bree’s books, and later employing her laptop for further research.

At one point, Jamie found himself just watching Brianna. She caught him looking longingly at her and raised an eyebrow in his direction.

“Sorry,” he faltered, “Sometimes I canna help myself…I wondered for so long if you even existed.”

He looked down slowly nodding. Bree took his hand in hers.

“I wondered if you existed, too.”

Her words made Jamie smile and brought a tear to his eye. He wiped it away with his free hand and sighed yet again.

“Well…it’s getting late. I suppose I should be getting back before I arouse any suspicions. Is there anything you need?”

“Nah, I’m good.”

They walked to the door swinging their joined hands to and fro.

“Mom and I used to do that when I was little. She made it into a game so I wouldn’t pull away.”

The pair just stood face to face for a time.

“Like I said the other day,” Brianna ventured, “It’ll take me some time to get used to having a dad.”

“Och, I know.”

Brianna pulled the door open, and Jamie stepped aside as two of her roomies walked between them from the landing to the common room. Bree and Jamie nodded goodbye and he headed off down the stairs.

“OMG, who was that?” roomie one asked.

“Are you dating him?” asked roomie two.

“No,” Brianna scowled.

“Can you set me up with him, then?” roomie two smarmily burbled.

“NO!”

“Why not?”

“Because my mom would kill you.”

“Is he your brother?” roomie one wanted to know.

“He’s my father – God, you guys!”

“That’s your father?” both roomies shouted, each grabbing one of Bree’s arms.

“Yeah, what of it?” she tersely growled.

“I wouldn’t mind calling him daddy,” roomie one drawled sexily.

“Eww,” Brianna countered, “You guys are sick.”

~~~~~

Between classes and other commitments, Bree was only going to be able to help Jamie with the room one or two days a week, but that didn’t matter to Jamie. Any amount of time spent with his newly found daughter was golden to him.

When she arrived this time, Bree found Jamie out front of Griff’s house, waiting for her to arrive. She was actually taken aback as it seemed a piece of statuary had come to life, but it was merely Jamie rising from a ‘thinker’-ish position by the stairs.

“Oh, God,” Brianna yelled out, placing her hand on her chest, jumping slightly.

Jamie wrapped his hand around Bree’s other wrist, trying to steady her.

“Are ye alright?” he breathily asked, unsure why Brianna had called out.

Bree shook her head and shook off the fear that had suddenly enveloped her thinking the inanimate had come alive.

“You scared me…I thought…” she stopped to take a breath, “I only saw you out of the corner of my eye, and I had been looking at the statues, and I thought…one of them had come alive.”

“Sorry, lass, didna mean to give you such a start…Your mam will be at the hospital until dinner time.”

“Good. That means we have a few hours. We should be able to make a good start of things today. I brought an old shirt to throw on as a cover-up so mom doesn’t wonder how I got dirty watching DVDs,” she informed Jamie as she slipped the small backpack off her shoulder.

“Good idea – that’s what gave me away to your mam – she found me all dusty, and wanted to know what I’d been up to. If she finds you dusty as well, our goose’ll be cooked.”

Jamie carefully put an open palm to the back of Brianna’s shoulder as they climbed the stairs into Griff’s house. For a moment she rested her head on his shoulder. When they reached the door, Jamie pushed it open, and Bree righted her head as she crossed the threshold.

They both felt adrenalized as they walked through the house to the target room, their secret mission about to begin.

“So here it is,” Jamie declared as he unlocked the old kitchen and let Brianna enter the room before him.

Bree looked around. She smiled at the huge fireplace and hearth, looked at the construction of the walls and how it was all supported. She noticed the one head-high window that let the only ambient light into the room. Jamie was taking deep breaths as he watched her first foray into his project room, waiting for her reaction.

“It’s gonna take a lot of work,” Bree commented, “But it’ll be worth it,” she enthusiastically affirmed.

Brianna adorned herself in the cover shirt she’d brought and the pair got to work clearing out the room except for the make-shift drawing table Jamie had the plans laid across. To help the time pass as they worked, Jamie regaled her with tales of his life.

“So I had a feeling I was being followed, but to turn and confront an unknown foe without a secure backstop, well, that’s folly to be sure. And to just draw a sword in public…too many people could be hurt. So I made my way to a nearby shop, and as luck would have it, it was a charcuterie.”

“Charcuterie? What’s that?” Brianna asked as she swept a think bank of spider webs from between the overhead beams.

“They sell cured meats – sausages and such.”

“Why is that lucky?”

“Well, while I could not hold a sword at the ready and just walk the streets, no one would care if I had a sausage in my grasp – even one the size of a small baseball bat, and just as hard.”

Brianna broke out laughing.

“I’m beginning to get a picture in my head,” she said with a grin.

Jamie blushed, but grinned in kind.

“You fought people off with a sausage?”

“It made a fine weapon…and a quite delicious supper as well.”

Jamie cocked his head and shot a side-eyed glance at Brianna.

They both laughed until their stomachs and faces ached.

Once laughed out, they each took in a deep breath and sighed it back out.

“We best get tidied up and the room locked down. I’ve selected a few things for us to watch, and I’ve made a little something for us to snack on if you’re peckish.”

~~~~~

“So you don’t just eat take-out,” Bree commented as they made their way down to the media room. “I mean, every time we’ve eaten together…”

“I think your mam thought it was a safe and quick way for us to spend time together. The meal was ready and in front of us…and there were no knives…” he trailed off.

Bree smirked.

“I guess that was a smart choice…considering…I’m sorry…I was awful to you. All I could see was the life I knew imploding. I couldn’t see how much I might gain…I bake,” she started again, bringing the topic back to where it had started, “but you know that.”

“Aye…the brownies…I didna wish to meet you that way…I didna even know – but the first look at ye…I knew I had a hand in your creation.”

They took each other’s hand again and walked down the ramp into the depths of the media room.

“Needless to say, we were each a hell of a shock to one another.”

“That we can agree on,” Brianna countered with, “But now that the shock’s worn off…I’m glad you’re here. They say you can’t miss what you’ve never had, but it’s not true.”

Brianna gulped and pressed her eyes shut. Jamie longed to pull her in and hold her against his heart, but she was not ready. He sat and waited for her to control her emotions enough to join him on the couch.

~~~~~

“So things have been going well with Brianna? She keeps coming back – that’s a good sign isn’t it?”

“Aye, it is. But I still wish I could hug her, let her know by just putting my arms around her how much I love her.”

“Give it time.”

“I will…I can see a day where we might…well…she’s letting her guard down a bit – letting her emotions come to the surface.”

Jamie sat on the bed to unlace his boots, and once done, he sat and stared at the floor below him.

“She’s a much more emotional creature than I thought.”

I went over to him and took his face in my hands.

“She takes after you that way. She guards herself, her feelings…but just below the surface simmers a well of emotions that would overwhelm most people.”

Jamie slid his arms around my back.

“I hope she lets me see that side…I want to know my daughter as if I have always been a part of her life.”

“I want that, too. You could learn a lot from each other.”

~~~~~


	15. Do They Make A Pre-paid Mailer For That?

Do They Make A Pre-paid Mailer For That?

On the days Brianna was unavailable, Jamie still made progress on the room, but it wasn’t as much fun alone. Bree had left Jamie a list of websites that might help him in recreating the environment of their Leoch room, but paint colors and fabric swatches were not really something he had ever paid much mind to, so after coming away from the computer with a headache after an exhaustive online search, he decided to wait for Brianna’s council before committing himself to a color scheme.

Jamie chose a day he knew Claire would be at work for a long span to call in the chimney expert. And that was a good thing, as it turned out. For as long as it took to make the repairs and upgrades to the chimney, it actually took a little bit longer to catch the flying squirrels that burst into the room when they were disturbed from their ensconced location. (A story Jamie very much looked forward to sharing with Brianna.)

To his surprise, Jamie found a lost hidden door alongside the fireplace. He surmised it had been over a hundred years since it had last been opened. In it he found most of the trappings needed to use the fireplace for cooking. While the arm to hold a pot above the coals was still intact, it had suffered the same fate as the chimney – the mortar had weakened, and even a small pot would likely make it give under the weight. He also found a cast iron pot that must have spent many a year hanging over the hearth, and assorted long-handled tools for the stirring and serving of food. He considered it an incredible coup. By the end of the day, not only was the chimney in perfect working order, but the pot hook was mended, and the hearth was ready for business.

He sketched out what he was looking for in a bed, taking the ceiling height and space available into consideration, and knew after very little research that he would not find anything that fit his specifications in an off the shelf application. He knew he had the skills to make what he wanted, but he lacked the tools he needed, and the workshop that would be required. The dead ends he kept running into were frustrating, but he would not be deterred.

~~~~~

“What on earth happened to you?” Claire asked, seeing scratches on Jamie’s hands and face.

“Flying squirrels,” he replied, “Doona worry, they’ve been taken care of.”

“You’re serious? Do I need to get you a tetanus shot? Or are you impervious as well as immortal?”

“I shouldna think a few scratches will do me much harm, Sassenach.”

“Brianna wasn’t here, was she?”

“Not to worry, she wasna anywhere near. And I’d have thrown myself into their jaws to keep her safe.”

“Did you – “

“Cleaned and disinfected, as per your standing orders – and I had a medicinal whisky just to be sure.”

“Where were these flying squirrels?”

“Ah, in one of the old chimneys.”

“I wonder what made them come out,” Claire puzzled.

Jamie nodded, agreeingly.

~~~~~

“Jamie?” Claire asked into the darkness.

He kissed her on the temple.

“Yes?”

“I think you should get a tetanus shot tomorrow, and I think we need to look into whether you need a rabies shot. Even if it doesn’t affect you, it could affect us – Bree and me.”

“If you think it’s for the best,” Jamie replied. “I’ve always trusted your judgment. I’ll have to leave a message for the lass – tell her not to come over – maybe I’ll have time for a late lunch wi’ her – if you don’t think me a danger to her.”

“As long as she doesn’t touch the wounds.”

~~~~~

As Bree was leaving her first class, she turned her phone back on and saw that there was a message from Jamie.

“I got into a bit of a scrape yesterday and your mam insisted on takin’ me into work and getting me fixed up, so no film festival today, but maybe we could swing a late lunch? That, and I’ve found…well, we’ll talk about that when next we meet.”

Jamie put down the phone and watched as Claire walked directly toward him.

“I’ve talked to the head of Infectious Diseases. She agrees with me about the tetanus shot, and as for the rabies, unless we could have tested the little beasties, it looks like we should set you up for that series as well, just to be safe.”

“If ye need the critter that scratched me, you shoulda said.”

“You kept it?”

“No, but I can retrieve it from the trash.”

“You’re sure that’s the only one that scratched you?” Claire interrogated, completely in doctor mode.

“Aye, the other’s fled, and I meant to catch the last one and send it on its way, but…” Jamie crossed himself and glanced downward.

“I’ll get you the address of the testing lab. After your tetanus shot, I’d like you to go home and package the squirrel in a sealable plastic bag, and then put that in a cardboard carton, and - actually, I might be able to print a mailing label…I’m going to give you several pairs of gloves – layer them when you handle the remains – keep the second pair on while you remove the outer pair, and put all that stuff in another sealable bag. I need you to be really careful.”

“Claire, you have made the gravity of the situation quite clear.”

Claire nodded and exhaled strongly.

“Will it still be OK to visit the lass?”

“Intellectually, I know the odds of you catching anything are small, and the odds of passing anything to Bree or anyone else are infinitesimal, but as an overprotective mom – it should be fine, just…wash well after handling it…and change your clothes, just in case.”

~~~~~

After an odd trip to the post office to mail the remains of a flying squirrel to the state testing lab, Jamie’s phone pinged for an incoming text.

“Dinner still on? Where to meet?”

Jamie smiled at what he perceived as eagerness on Bree’s part.

“I’ll come to you, food in tow,” he replied.

“OK.”

~~~~~

Brianna met Jamie at the door of her apartment and turned him around and took him back outside.

“You don’t want to go in there,” she advised.

He looked at her, puzzled.

“My roomies have declared they think you’re cute – and not in an innocent way.”

“Oh,” he gulped. “I would never…”

“I know that, it’s just…both of them can be…aggressive.”

Jamie’s eyes went a bit wide.

“You mean they’d…”

“You bet they would, and it looks like you’ve had to fight off something just as fierce. What happened there?” she asked, reaching out to trace the scratch on his nose.

He grabbed her hand before it landed on his skin. He held her hands in his palms.

“Your mother said I shouldna let ye touch the scratches, at least until the lab results come back.”

“Lab results? What the hell happened?”

“Well, you said I needed to call in someone to get the chimney squared away, and yesterday, I did just that. Wouldn’t ye know it, though, it had a nest of flying squirrels in it, and one of ‘em didna wish to leave the house of its own accord. I just finished mailin’ the one who got me off to a lab to make sure it wasna rabid – your mother was worrit, and I canna say I disagree with her. I have a family now, and must do what I can to keep all of you safe,” Jamie finished, a subdued smile aimed back at Bree.

“How did you get around telling mom what happened?”

“Och, I told her the truth – I was attacked by flying squirrels from one of the chimneys – I just didna specify which chimney, and your mam didna ask for clarification,” Jamie animatedly relayed.

“You’re good,” Bree complimented.

“I see you’ve got our dinner – what’d you bring?”

“Aye, I hope ye like crunchy chicken strips in a thin bread wrapper – I think they throw some lettuce in…at least there’s somthin’ green, and I hope it’s edible.”

“Yeah, it is. I’ve had these before. They’re actually pretty good.”

~~~~~

Their meal ‘al fresco’ went by quickly. They kept smirking back and forth and Jamie was bursting with energy.

“OK –I can’t take any more. You look like you’re about to explode! Does this have something to do with the other part of your message – the part you didn’t want to say over the phone?”

“Aye, it does. I found a place to make the bed.”

“Someone actually makes the style you’re looking for?”

Jamie dropped his head and smiled.

“Not precisely.”

“I think you better explain, then.”

“That’s why I came to you. It’s just a short walk – or we could take the T – three or four stops. Do ye have the time to come wi’ me?”

“I would have been settled in the media room with you normally, so of course I have the time. Besides, you have no idea how much I’m enjoying the chance to see if I can…function in the real world, if I can…go from student of Architecture to practitioner in the field. This room is sorta like a crash course in restoration – and my first time to be a contractor.”

“Och, ye should have no worries in that department, lass. I have no doubt you can do whatever ye set your mind to, or you wouldna have chosen a field that was so challenging.”

“Is that a…veiled way of saying I chose a man’s profession?”

“I didna mean it that way,” he said with a shake of his head. “I’ve seen enough years go by to know thinkin’ any one kind of job bein’ gender specific is ridiculous – except being a mother – no man can do that.”

~~~~~

They walked to a small shop nestled in a narrow building, Jamie opening and holding the door for Bree. She instantly stopped and looked around, seeing all manner of tool festooning the walls, and assorted sizes and shapes of suction tables that could hold the rails and styles and filler panels for making doors of all sizes. Other work stations were set up for other projects, and in the back were a number of lathes.

“Where have you brought me?” Brianna asked, looking a bit confused.

“To a place where we can construct a perfect copy of the bed that your mother and I shared at Leoch.”

“Construct? – that’s not quite in my skill set,” she gulped.

“I’ll teach you…I had a long talk wi’ the owner, and he’s willing to set aside a work station for us to use. We’ve worked it out, and his rates are quite reasonable…”

Jamie wasn’t sure what Bree was thinking, but he was worried by the expression on her face. With a somewhat defeated tone he said, “I can handle the construction on my own, if I must, but I was hoping it was something we could share.”

“Oh, of course, of course, I’m just not sure I’ll be of much help.”

The owner came out of a back room and approached them, smiling at Jamie’s reappearance.

“Sir, I should like to introduce you to my daughter – she’s almost an architect. Brianna Frazer, this is Mr. Artemus Gordon.”

An absolutely incredulous smirk sprouted on Brianna’s face as he reached out his hand for her to shake. She took his hand and shook it, taking the opportunity to lean in and ask, “Seriously? You must have taken a lot of sh…crap in school over that.”

“Actually, it was my brother who took the brunt of the teasing.”

“Why? What was his name?” She inquired.

“Flash.”

“No way,” Brianna laughed.

“Have I missed something?” Jamie questioned.

“Artemus Gordon was the name of a TV character, and you can’t tell me you’ve never heard of Flash Gordon – that’s a well-known fictional name as well!”

“Aye,” Jamie smiled, “Now that ye mention it – but that’s well before your time, is it not, lass?”

“Yeah…the show is from the 60’s, and the last Flash Gordon movie…”

Bree tilted her head in thought.

“Early 80’s,” Artemis informed them, “Same vintage as my brother.”

Bree laughed breathily. Jamie was intrigued by how animated Brianna was being. A wave of joy swept over him.

“So, your dad tells me you two are trying to recreate a bed from…”

“1743, or thereabouts,” Jamie interjected.

“Yeah, my parents spent part of their honeymoon in a castle, and we’re trying to make a room that emulates it.”

“Big anniversary coming up, then?” Mr. Gordon asked.

“You have no idea,” Jamie hummed, almost to himself.

“Yeah, it’s a big one,” Bree offered in clarification.

Mr. Gordon gave Bree the nickel tour, with Jamie walking a step behind them as he had gotten the tour his first time around. He heard them talking, but his mind was elsewhere, so he didn’t really hear what they said, but it sounded pleasant enough, like he was leaning on a lush hillside, listening to a pair of birds calling to each other.

“This place is so amazing,” Brianna said as she placed her hand at the bend of Jamie’s elbow.

He exhaled sharply and brought himself back to reality quickly.

“Aye,” he answered, nodding.

“Mr. Frazer, it’ll be a pleasure doing business with the pair of you,” Mr. Gordon offered along with his extended hand. They shook on their deal once more.

“Once we’ve worked out a schedule, I’ll contact you. It’s a surprise for my wife, you see, and…”

“Oh, enough said,” Artemus concurred.

~~~~~

The two of them were subdued on their walk back to Bree’s apartment.

“I’m afraid I don’t know much about actually working with tools – you ask me to design a bed, or a table, or whatever, and I’m relatively sure I could do it, but…”

After a few more yards of silent walking, Jamie smiled, a memory dawning on him.

“When your mam showed me all your pictures, she told me that,” he stopped to catch his thoughts together, “you’ve always…excelled at whatever you tried. And I saw it for myself in the videos, and in how quickly you took to knife throwing. You should know what it takes to make the drawing on the page become a reality. It gives ye a sense of understandin’ what you are asking of those who must make your visions come to life.”

Bree nodded in reply, not quite smiling, but trying to figure out how to interpret the warm sensation in her chest. It took her most of the rest of the walk to realize what it was. Jamie’s pride in her abilities was almost tangible, and the feeling of a father’s love was warming her heart.

When they reached the streetlight on the corner by Bree’s apartment, Jamie slowed his pace, and Brianna slowed as well sensing she was pulling ahead.

“Lass?”

The tone of his voice stopped her and made her turn toward him.

“Would it be at all possible for me to…kiss you – on the cheek?”

“I guess.”

Bree blushed bright red as he leaned in and touched a feather light kiss on the apple of her cheek.

“Goodnight sweetheart.”

Bree brought her clenched right hand up to cover her mouth as several tears escaped.

“Goodnight,” she mumbled from behind her hand, and she charged into the building and up the stairs, doing all she could to contain her emotions.

Jamie looked up the side of the building, imagining he could see her climbing to the fourth floor through the walls.

“I love you…Brianna,” he choked out, knowing she couldn’t hear him, but needing to feel her name cross his lips nonetheless.

~~~~~


	16. Bedsteads, Birthdays, and Baked Goods

Bedsteads, Birthdays, and Baked goods

  
Claire walked into the bedroom and switched on the light.

  
“OH,” she exclaimed, seeing Jamie sprawled diagonally across the bed.

  
“What are you doing here in the dark?” she asked as she slipped off her shoes and let her hair down from where it was secured for the work hours.

  
Jamie rolled almost to his back, one arm covering his eyes against the sudden brightness, the other down by his side.

  
“Are you alright, Jamie?” Claire inquired, coming to the foot of the bed and touching his forehead.

  
“No fever…have you been drinking?”

  
He started to smile. It grew broader and broader, encompassing more and more of his face until it looked as if his face was about to split in two.

  
“She let me kiss her,” he began as he uncovered his eyes.

  
“On the cheek.”

  
“Brianna?”

  
Jamie nodded lazily.

  
He reached his arms up to her and reeled her in.

  
“How did she react?”

  
“It was…a bit much for her…she went to her apartment…very quickly. She was…all choked up, but…it wasna a bad parting…Oh, Claire, I love our lass so much. Getting a chance to know her…” Jamie sighed.

  
Claire took his face in her hands and gave him a quick kiss, then got to her feet again before Jamie could stop her.

  
“Where are ye going?” he asked, sliding off the bed and following Claire.

  
“Shower,” she informed over her shoulder as she sauntered from the room.

  
“Wait…I’ll join you,” he requested, quickly catching her up.

  
“I’d like that,” she hummed.

  
~~~~~

  
Exhausted, but clean, Jamie and Claire lay wrapped up in the blankets of their bed. Jamie was breathing deeply and sighing with contentment as Claire was pressed against his chest.

  
“Sassenach?” Jamie queried, “Ye have a birthday soon, do ye not?”

  
“I do, but Bree’s birthday comes up first – the best birthday present I’ve ever been given,” she informed him, garnering a kiss on the cheek.

  
“Glad I could do my part,” he cheekily vocalized, snuggling her body in tight.

  
“With our birthdays only days apart, we’ve always celebrated them together – one cake, one party – we split the difference, chose a day halfway between. It was usually just the two of us,” Claire said with a bittersweet smile and a hint of tears in her eyes.

  
“Mo nighean dunn, never again will ye celebrate alone, I promise…but if ye have a tradition, I doona wish to intrude…perhaps we could alter it, though?”

  
“What did you have in mind?”

  
“Well, I’m not exactly sure, but after you and the lass celebrate your way, you could bring her here. I’d like to do something special for the pair of you…it’s been a long time since I had a reason to celebrate, and getting the pair of you back in my life seems like quite the good reason.”

  
~~~~~

  
Jamie and Brianna met at the small wood-working shop the following week to begin work on the bed frame. She was a bit nervous starting off, but Jamie helped her get her footing, and he kept a careful eye on her to keep her from harm. As he observed her at work a smile came over him.

  
“Are ye a lefty?” he finally asked, seeing how often she switched tools from one side to the other, taking them to her left hand.

  
“Yeah,” she said with a nod, “Something wrong with that?” she snapped.

  
“Nah…I am as well,” he proudly informed. “I’m just…glad it is less objectionable in this day and age. It was considered evil at one time – they tried like hell to cure me of it!” he said with a smirk.

  
“I think mom put the fear of God into some of my early teachers not to interfere with my handedness.”

  
“Good for her…Ah…speaking of your mam…what do you think she might want for her birthday?”

  
Bree dropped her head for a moment, a sad smile taking up residence on her face, knowing there was no reason he’d know her birthday, and assuming he would say something if he knew.

  
“I…I think you coming back into her life is the best present…I’ve never seen her this happy before.”

  
“Aye, perhaps, but the last gift I gave her – she’s already told me it was the best one ever.”

  
“What was that?”

  
“You,” he said, pressing his thumb to the end of her chin.

  
Brianna gulped as she held her gaze directly into Jamie’s eyes. She was held speechless until she looked away.

  
“I’m hardly a gift.”

  
“You are to us.”

  
“Excuse me for a moment,” she hesitated, then headed to the bathroom to gather herself.

  
When she returned, Jamie was unwilling to back-track on the emotional progress he felt he had made.

  
“Then what would like for your birthday? I know it is just days before your mam’s, and I want to do something special for my girls.”

  
“I don’t know,” she toned.

  
“We’ll sort it out,” Jamie assured.

  
~~~~~

  
“No Brianna today?” Claire inquired seeing Jamie sitting in the kitchen when she got home.

  
“She headed home early – I think making her feel makes her tired, like learning a new skill.”

  
“I’m just glad she’s willing to open up to you…Well, I’ve got some good news for you – your test results are in, I mean the flying squirrel’s test results – no rabies.”

  
“Good to hear.”

  
“What is that I smell?”

  
“Dinner – a little something I whipped up.”

  
Claire tilted her head.

  
“You needn’t look at me like that – I survived many a year before ‘take-out’ came along. So come here and let me feed you up proper,” Jamie invited, extending a hand enticingly toward her.

  
~~~~~

  
As much as he wanted Brianna to have a hand in every part of the construction of the bed, Jamie was on a deadline, and with Bree only available a day or two each week, he plunged onward with the wood working, choosing a day that regrettably saw him working alone to form the four posts that would support the structure from the floor to the ceiling.

  
With absolute accuracy, Jamie reproduced the multiple sections for four identical posts on the lathe, leaving square the parts needed for assembly of the lower frame, and beautifully shaping the rest. He left several bits seemingly unfinished, but clamped those parts in a vice and proceeded to carve by hand some of the more intricate designs that would not have been achievable by machine.

  
He hoped Brianna wouldn’t be disappointed that he had gone ahead, but as he looked over the day’s accomplishments, he was almost sure she’d like what he’d done. He fitted the post’s components together in one last dry fit and nodded to himself.

  
“Damn good job, even if you do say it yourself,” Mr. Gordon commented, dropping a hand on Jamie’s shoulder.

  
“Aye,” Jamie replied.

  
“Just you today?” he confirmed.

  
“Aye, the lass has classes.”

  
He patted Jamie twice on the back of the shoulder and nodded.

  
“Well, it looks to be coming together nicely – have you thought about finishes?”

  
“Actually, I have been giving that some thought, but I’m a bit torn – do I go with a natural finish, something that would either compliment or match the woodwork in the room, or choose an appropriate color of a milk paint that might…liven up the space a might. I think I must run those options past my daughter – she’d know better what her mam would like…I hope.”

  
Artemis chuckled at Jamie’s hopefulness.

  
“Good luck with that – I mean figuring out what a woman wants. I mean, look at this grand gesture you are making – if I made my wife a bed for our anniversary, we’d probably not be using it right away. She’d take one look and think I was insinuating something about our marriage that was missing!”

  
Jamie nodded, but chose to keep mum.

  
~~~~~

  
Claire woke to the feeling of Jamie nuzzling her belly button. He then turned his head and radiated a smile up at her face. Claire greeted him brightly with her own smile.

  
“What?” she asked, running her fingers through his hair.

  
Jamie kissed her inner wrist in passing. He smiled broader and waggled his shoulders in delight.

  
“What?” Claire asked again in a chirping voice.

  
“Hmmm…I was thinking about what you would have looked like had you lived through the disco years…A little halter top – bell bottoms that could fit three of you in each leg, and your belly button peeking out just above the top. Your hair, permed and standing out a foot in all directions from your head – and a pair of platform shoes – maybe the ones with little goldfish swimming around in the heels.”

  
Jamie pantomimed a fish, his hand swimming toward Claire’s face until he pinched the tip of her nose, making her giggle.

  
“What made you think about me in the disco era? Do you spend a lot of time thinking about my clothing? I mean, other than getting me out of them?”

  
“I do, actually,” he replied. “I started thinkin’ ‘bout it in 1948. I watched so many trends come and go – pictured what you’d look like in each one. So many changes in the years between when you expected to come back and when you actually did. You missed some interesting years, clothing-wise.”

  
Jamie chortled to himself.

  
“What now?”

  
Jamie’s face pinked deeply.

  
“I was thinkin’ what you’d look like as one of the women from those Robert Palmer videos, and then I imagined you in a jacket with those enormous shoulder pads - even you’d barely have a visible neck dressed like that.”

  
“By the sound of it, I’m better off having missed most of those trends, but I will say it was quite an adjustment going from corsets and full skirts, leap-frogging over brassieres and baggy undies, right into stretchy fabrics and thongs!”

  
“You didn’t?”

  
“I tried them – it was awful, just dreadfully uncomfortable and invasive.”

  
“I would think so, Sassenach.”

  
Jamie slowly rubbed his head back and forth on Claire’s stomach.

  
“So…this is your long day?”

  
“Long will not begin to describe it. I know it’s necessary, but doing the morbidity and mortality case reviews always leaves me in a dark place.”

  
“Give me a call before you head home and I’ll have a hot meal ready for ye.”

  
“I’d rather have you ready for me,” Claire purred.

  
“But you’ll need the food first,” Jamie cooed.

  
Claire bit her bottom lip.

  
~~~~~

  
“Dinner at the house tonight?” the text on Brianna’s phone read.

  
“Sure,” she tapped back, curious because she was headed there to work on the room anyway.

  
She had stopped in at the woodworking shop to see what Jamie had gotten done. Mr. Gordon was surprised at her appearance at the shop today, but had happily shown her the posts Jamie worked so hard on.  
“I just wanted to see how far he got. I know we’re running out of time. I had no idea he knew how to do such carving,” she said with a slight shake of her head. Bree actually teared up as she ran her hands over the intricate designs.

  
“He hoped you’d like them, I could tell. That man would hold up the planet and turn it by hand for you.”

  
Bree smiled with tears in her eyes, fighting not to dissolve into a complete mess.

  
“Taing dhut,” she said with a dip of her head.

  
Artemis pointed and smiled in surprise.

  
“He’s taught you the Gaelic then?”

  
“I’ve looked up a few phrases…he hasn’t used much of it in front of me, but I think I might ask him to teach me more of it.”

  
“Good for you.”

  
~~~~~

  
The ride over the river to Griff’s house felt very long this time. Brianna felt like she was swimming upstream, but her verve returned as soon as the house came into sight. She jogged up the stairs, knocked and quickly entered the house.

  
“I’m here,” she announced.

  
“Kitchen,” she heard Jamie call back.

  
“Whatcha making?” Brianna asked.

  
“Something restorative for your mam – she has what they call M and M meetings today.”

  
With a quickly thrown back head, Brianna said, “Oh.”

  
“Your familiar, then?”

  
“Let’s just say…I got a lot of really tight hugs on M and M days.”

  
“Aye…I can imagine…would you like to make her your brownies for tonight’s dessert?”

  
“I don’t carry the recipe with me.”

  
“Voila,” Jamie accentuated with a flourish of hand gestures, and presented Bree with a copy of the recipe Claire had dashed off for him when he started to do the cooking for them on a daily basis.

  
“I’ve tried it a couple of times, but…”

  
“Stand back and let the brownie wizard get to work!” she happily agreed.

  
“When those are done, and I’ve got the stew on, I need your help picking out…well…everything – what colors your mam would like. I realized when I searched before, I know so very little about her tastes after so long. I talked to Mr. Gordon, and he agreed to let me have items shipped to his establishment so they wouldn’t be showing up here and ruining the surprise. Things that come in boxes I might be able to hide, but I’ve a mattress coming, and I doona think I can talk my way around that even with both of you having birthdays soon.”

  
Brianna laughed and Jamie beamed back at her. If only he could hug her…but he knew, when the time was right, she would hug him.

  
~~~~~


	17. You Can't Always Get What You Want (on the internet)

You Can’t Always Get What You Want (on the internet)

“I stopped by the woodshop – the posts are amazing. The hand carved parts – I had no idea you could do that.”

Jamie blushed as he smiled and looked down. Words were failing him. He placed a hand over Brianna’s hand on the table, giving it a squeeze and nodding twice as his reply. He slowly sat, still unable to speak.

They both nodded and sighed for a while.

“Umm…I better get the brownies before they burn,” Brianna suddenly blurted, making the move toward the oven.

~~~~~  
Seated once again to Jamie’s right, the pair uneasily smiled and nodded and blushed.

“So…you said you went to some of the sites, but…”

“It was rather overwhelming,” Jamie interrupted.

“Maybe if we break things down to categories – you said you picked out a mattress?”

“I found a place that made mattresses in a traditional fashion – I hope that wasna a mistake. We’ve been sleepin’ on a mattress with…um…lots of bounce, and this one…”

“So it’s like a futon?” Bree asked.

“Aye, after that fashion.”

“I’m sure it will be fine,” she offered, hoping to diffuse the need to further this line of inquiry.

“It’s a standard size?” Brianna hazarded to ask.

“Aye, king size.”

“OK…oh, that’s hideous,” Bree commented as she looked at several sheet sets available, “Nope…there’s nothing on this site…Um, I think we need to figure out a few more basic things – have you chosen a color for the bed frame?”

“Mr. Gordon asked me the very same thing. I’ve been thinking about it. I think it needs to be a stain, and something lighter in shade than the dark woodworking the room already has – a warm color – like a fine whisky or sherry – perhaps a…tint of red to it – like honey lit through a stained glass window at sunset.”

Bree bit her lip listening to the way he was describing the color he wanted.

“I think I understand why my mom fell in love with you…”

Brianna stopped herself and took in a deep breath, realizing she’d said that out loud. Without a word, Jamie lifted Bree’s hand and placed a soft kiss on the back of it.

“Thank-you for that. It means a lot.” 

~~~~~

“You’re right, this is impossible,” Bree admitted after coming to another dead end with the internet search to furnish the Leoch room.

Jamie was checking on the pot of stew on the stove and smiled sheepishly in Brianna’s direction.

“Glad it wasna just me,” he quipped.

“We’ve been at this for over an hour and all I’ve managed to order is the mattress cover…and I know we’re running out of time if we want everything to be delivered by our deadline…Arrrrr – this is frustrating!”

Bree tapped her forehead down on the table next to her laptop.

“Don’t fret yet, lass, we’ve got near on a month, and as long as the bed is finished, we’ll make due. Your mam and I survived some spare times – times when both sleep and food were uncertainties – we’ll survive without a ‘duvet cover’.”

“I know you will, but you shouldn’t have to! I want this to be perfect. I’m just beginning to understand what my mom gave up to have me…I’ve always known she loves me, but…”

Bree gulped, unable to continue. She turned her focus back to the computer screen and began typing. Jamie sat once more beside her, his hands nested in each other. He watched his daughter’s face as a myriad of emotions crossed it until he could take no more and reached out for her chin.

“Lass, I forced your mam to leave me…I made her give up everything else so that you might live. I had the hope the two of you lived, and still it broke me…I can only imagine what she went through, for she thought me dead, at least for a time.”

A heavy silence fell over the pair, Jamie unsure how to proceed. He began to pull his hand back, releasing Bree’s chin, when she grabbed his hand, but kept her eyes lowered and dropped her head as well.

“She tried…Mom tried to keep you alive for me, and I wouldn’t let her. She had to hide her feelings, even from me…so I need to do this, and I need it to be perfect. It’s the least I can do.”

Brianna looked up and saw the tear trails on Jamie’s face, and he saw a fiercely determined gaze from her. He nodded slowly and wrapped his other hand around her hands that were wrapped around his hand.

“Then perfect it will be,” Jamie promised.

~~~~~

“I think part of the problem is that we’re trying to pick out things that need to be touched and seen in person,” Brianna mused as the website she was on failed to provide what she needed, “If only…wait a minute – this site has a real store, and it’s in Boston.”

Jamie came and stood at Bree’s shoulder, looking at the map on the page.

“We don’t have time today, but we certainly could get there and back during your mam’s work day.”

“Or…we tell mom we’re going out shopping together – she’d be so happy to hear it, and we wouldn’t have a time limit. We could drop off anything we find at Mr. Gordon’s, or if we’re back earlier, we can put the stuff in the room – maybe even start seeing where everything goes.”

Bree looked up at Jamie and smiled, the tension of earlier all but gone. The eagerness in her visage transferring to his face until the excitement could be felt in the room.

“It would be my pleasure to escort you on such an outing.”

~~~~~

Claire swept into the kitchen and grabbed Jamie, pulling him down on top of her across the table, their heads landing inches from where Brianna was seated. She kissed him repeatedly, almost getting Jamie to forget they weren’t alone.

Brianna cleared her throat and said, “Mom?”

Claire tilted her head back a little further, making eye contact with her daughter.

“Brianna…Hi.”

“Hi, indeed.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to be here.”

“Clearly,” Bree said with a smirk.

“Um…” Claire hummed, looking a bit flustered.

Jamie brought her back up to her feet.

“I thought you might like both of us to be here.”

“That’s very thoughtful, Jamie…and Bree, it is good to see you. It feels like ages,” she confessed, reaching out to get a hug. Mother and daughter squeezed each other tight, Jamie feeling just the slightest bit envious, but also proud of their bond.

“Is this a…dessert first kind of night?” Jamie inquired.

“Definitely,” Brianna gushed, still holding her mother. “I made brownies,” she declared.

“Ooh,” Claire reacted, “Yes, please.”

The three of them shared their meal in reverse order, lingering around the table, but Brianna could see the looks Claire was beaming at Jamie. She realized her mother had other thoughts on her mind.

“I’ve enjoyed this, but I should get going,” Bree offered, standing as she said so.

Jamie stood at the same time.

“You’ll be alright getting home on your own, lass?”

“Sure. I’ve walked the streets of Boston for many years, and I’ve never felt threatened. Be sure to tell mom about our plans.”

“I will. Well, then…” Jamie sighed, putting his hands out to take hers in tow. She didn’t hesitate to clasp his hands in return this time. They smiled and nodded at each other. Bree turned to hug her mother yet again.

“What plans?” Claire murmured in her daughter’s ear.

“Jamie will bring you up to speed. I hope you can put this day behind you…but at least I’m not leaving you alone with your thoughts tonight. I know where your mind goes on these nights.”

They nodded together, each remembering.

“It really was good to see you,” Claire reaffirmed.

“Shall I walk ye to the door, then?” Jamie offered.

“I wouldn’t want to keep you two apart any longer than necessary.”

“And what, exactly, is that supposed to mean?” Claire haughtily voiced.

“You know very well your mind has not been thinking about food since you polished off that brownie.”

Claire’s face showed astonishment, her mouth ajar as she saw that her daughter had seen right through her glass face, and that she had an adult understanding of the signals she had been trying to subdue all evening.

“As promised before, I’ll take care of your mother,” Jamie informed. Claire gave a gentle swat to the back of his shoulder.

In her mind, Brianna snarkily replied, “I’m sure you will,” but she simply smirked, one eyebrow involuntarily lifting.

Bree looked back over her shoulder after leaving the room and saw Jamie wrap his arms around her mother as she at first wriggled like she was attempting to escape, then settled into his grasp and kissed him happily, the smile on her face broad and expressive.

“I love you so much,” Claire sighed, taking Jamie’s jaw in her clasp.

He couldn’t resist engaging her lips. She rose to her tip-toes as they kissed, and she stroked her hands down his jaw to his chin. When their lips parted, Claire pulled back her hands, turned quickly in Jamie’s arms, found his hands with hers and urged Jamie forward and toward their bedroom. A good meal had gone a long way toward her physical restoration, and after she’d had her way with Jamie, her emotional restoration would be well on the way to complete as well.

~~~~~


	18. Hunting And Gathering

Hunting And Gathering

Claire’s alarm went off. With one hand she shut it off, the other hand automatically wandering across the bed to find Jamie’s form.

“Jamie?” she sleepily inquired, not finding him in the bed. For a second, she feared these last few months had been a dream. Claire wiped the sleep from her eyes as best she could and spotted Jamie sitting in the chair for the dressing table, bent over and putting on his shoes.

“What are you doing up so early? Even the sun is groggy at this hour,” she attempted to joke.

“I need to make sure one of the vehicles is in working order.”

“Does this have something to do with the ‘plans’ you and Brianna have?”

“Aye.”

“You’re being rather close-mouthed about whatever you two are up to.”

“Aye,” he replied again, his eyes twinkling as a smiled crept over his face, accompanied by a nod.

“Can you give me a hint?” she wheedled, bending forward in the bed, reaching down and wrapping her hands around her ankles.

Jamie hummed as he contemplated what to say.

“Think…momentous occasions,” he burred, and then stood and shook the ankles of his jeans down over the tops of his hiking boots.

“Does…this have anything to do with my birthday…wait…if it is about my birthday, and you think ‘momentous occasion’ is the appropriate phrase, I ought to swat you,” she said in a mock serious tone.

Jamie just smiled broader. Claire extracted herself from the bed and advanced upon Jamie, wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him a quick kiss on the lips.

“Well, if it’s not _my_ birthday, is it about being able to celebrate Bree’s birthday for the first time?”

Jamie’s smile grew and grew.

“Oh, you can be infuriatingly unreadable – give me another hint.”

“I could, but then you wouldna be surprised, nor would ye be able to tell the authorities ye knew nothing afore hand,” he whispered in jest.

Claire raised an eyebrow, and stared at Jamie with a jaundiced eye. Jamie broke into laughter, and risked leaning in for another kiss.

“I can see I’m not going to get a straight answer this morning,” she concluded, “and I have to get ready for work now. Just promise me you’ll come home safe, and get Brianna home in the same state?”

“Cross my heart.”

“Alright, then,” Claire accepted.

As she headed out of the room, Claire turned back and happily took in the striking image of Jamie gnawing on his lower lip, excited and nervous about his day to come. He sat at the foot of the bed and slumped a bit.

“You look great in that shirt…it matches your eyes.”

He sat up tall, like a Meer cat peering from its den. A shy smile curled his lips, and he nodded once.

~~~~~

Bree was up bright and early, ready to go on her shopping adventure with Jamie. She emerged from her apartment, noticing the vehicle parked at the end of the block. The driver’s side opened, and the driver exited, standing head and shoulders above the roof line. Bree’s mouth dropped open as she realized it was Jamie. She trotted over.

“I was headed over to the house. It’s closer to where we’re headed,” she pointed out, cocking her head, and splaying her hands on her hips.

“I know…but…I was too excited to wait. Are you ready to get going?” Jamie asked.

Brianna nodded.

Jamie leaned down into the cab and reached across to unlock Bree’s side, and opened the door for her while he was within reach. She bounded onto the seat and pulled her door shut, Jamie doing the same on his side.

“Sure you don’t want me to drive?” Brianna offered.

Jamie just raised an eyebrow at her.

“This thing is ancient,” she commented, then blushed, realizing Jamie was older by centuries.

“Well, it is older than I am at least,” she offered in apology. Jamie snorted a laugh.

“It may be a venerable vehicle, but I believe this Jeep Wagoneer has the capacity we need should we find the items we seek for the room.”

They set off, taking a right when they reached the intersection, and shortly thereafter, a left that took them across the Charles River headed back toward the Harvard area. At first, they were both quiet – this was new, riding in a car together felt odd. Brianna decided to acknowledge the awkwardness.

“It’s so strange, being in a car again. My last couple of years of high school we still lived outside the city, and I drove all the time, but since I’ve been in college, I’ve only driven a handful of times. For my needs, it kinda doesn’t make sense right now.”

“So, you do drive, then?”

“Of course I do – I have, well, had, a car in storage. I sold it off, but mom kept her car.”

Jamie couldn’t hold his smile.

“What does your mam drive?” he asked through pinched lips.

“A smart car – I can barely get in it, and every time I have to get out I feel like a baby chicken hatching, forcing my way out of a shell.”

“Hoot,” sounded from Jamie’s lips as a breathy laugh.

“It’s not funny…unless you’re watching me try to get out of it!” Bree began laughing halfway through.

They were quiet again for a bit. Bree surreptitiously studied Jamie, realizing he was wearing the same chambray shirt he’d been wearing a few weeks ago when he’d come to her apartment. This time it was paired with black jeans.

“I like that shirt on you…it goes with your eyes.”

The one-sided smiled peeled up the side of his face.

“Your mam thinks so as well, so it must be true.”

Jamie pulled over to the curb and took out his phone, calling up the map to the store.

“Something wrong?” Bree asked.

“I may have missed the turn - would you take a look,” he asked, handing his phone over to her.

“Nope, we’re still OK. It looks like the next left, and then two rights – we’re close.”

Brianna reached Jamie’s phone back toward him, but he waved her off.

“Hang on to it.”

His focus was already on getting back into traffic.

~~~~~

After securing a parking space and turning off the engine, Jamie exhaled deeply and turned his smile toward Brianna.

“Ready?” he asked, feeling like he was about to start a hunt that would prove more difficult than taking down a large beast ever had been.

As she read his eyes, Brianna’s heart started beating faster, sensing Jamie’s apprehension and thrill of the hunt to come. Bree nodded. She opened the car door and spun herself on the seat in a single move, feet hitting the gravel of the parking lot with a crunch.

As the pair of them cleared the front of the car, a glint at Jamie’s side caught the corner of Brianna’s eye.

“Are you armed?” she asked, leaning in to mumble her concern.

“What? – Och - ” he puffed, “Only with a carpenter’s weapon,” he clarified, pulling a metal tape measure off his belt and showing it to Brianna. She released a worried breath, smiled sheepishly and turned bright pink at her mistake.

The building was unassuming – a survivor of a strip mall whose neighbors had not been so lucky – standing amid a crushed gravel sea. The simple metal and glass façade belied what they hoped to find within the store, and Bree jumped slightly when the sharp ringing of a bell accompanied opening the door. Jamie took the door from Brianna’s grasp, holding it open until she cleared, and then slipping past it himself. He placed his open palm gently on her back, then slid it off to the left as he walked off in that direction, heading into the depths of the store.

Bree stood, looking around, wondering if the website had been false advertising. Shelves were piled floor to roof with bolt after bolt of cloth that was obscured with wrapping to protect it, and anything over six feet up was out of reach.

“How may we serve you today?” an almost overly pleasant voice inquired.

Bree turned her head abruptly, startled a bit.

“Um, hello…yes…We’re trying to recreate a bedroom from about 1743 – We’ve almost finished the bedframe, but so far I haven’t been able to find blankets, and pillow covers, or pillows for that matter – and the curtains – those have been impossible…Would you have…anything like that?” Brianna asked, not overly encouraged and trying to steel herself for disappointment.

“Why, yes, we should be able to find you something quite suitable.”

“Really?” Bree almost squealed with delight, finally taking note that the voice was attached to a woman of average height with medium brown hair that flowed around her face like wide kelp. Her eyes were also brown, Bree noted as the relief washed over her.

“We provide the bed linens and other assorted textiles for a number of historic inns in the greater New England area. Follow me.”

“Um…” Bree tried to clear her throat to call out for Jamie, but then wondered if she should. She looked back and forth from where the woman was quickly disappearing to where Jamie had slipped into the depths of the shelves of merchandise. She made a turn in his direction and made a single call of “Jamie!” before following the woman into a completely different part of the store, hoping Jamie would hear her voice and try to follow it.

A few of Bree’s long strides and she was right at the salesperson’s heels, surrounded by dark, bold colors and tapestry–like prints set up on truncated bed end displays. Most had a window in a mocked-up wall to show drapery for the specific style that was represented. A number were a little too ‘cottage whimsy’ to even be considered, but there were several that drew Brianna’s eye almost immediately. She walked, nearly spellbound, her hands reaching out to feel the fabric, stroke it like a beloved pet.

“This one,” she softly hummed, “or this one,” she thought out loud, as she caught sight of a second color scheme she was sure her mother would like. Brianna was in deep consideration of four differing color/pattern selections when Jamie finally made an appearance with a triumphant smirk and swaggering step that would have had his kilt swinging side to side had he been wearing one.

“Have ye been here the whole time?” he asked.

“I called out…I guess you didn’t hear me,” Bree replied, wondering if he would have heard her had she called him ‘dad’ instead of ‘Jamie’, but knowing she would have choked on the word had she tried to voice it this soon since their meeting.

“I’ve got it narrowed down to four choices – what d’ya think?”

“Not that one,” Jamie said with a wince as he surveyed a selection of blue and green hues.

“It makes me feel sea sick.”

“Oh, really?” Bree murmured, mildly surprised.

“Aye – I would feel trapped aboard ship if I were to wake to that each morning.”

“This must be your husband,” the kelp-haired woman wrongly reported as she returned to see if Brianna had made her decision.

“He’s my father,” Bree corrected, making the saleslady seem to shrink into the floor a few inches.

“You can make custom sizes on the curtains?” Jamie asked before the poor woman got swallowed up by the floor any further.

“Oh, yes,” the woman gratefully answered, happy to get back to business after sticking her foot in her mouth.

“If you just provide the measurements you need, we can have items on their way to you within a week of the order,” she fell into a well-rehearsed spiel with her overly-happy vocal style.

“Thank-you,” Jamie said with a single nod of his head, and then turned his attention back to Brianna and the choice they had to make.

Bree had Jamie touch the different fabrics of the remaining choices. They came to a consensus, called the salesperson back over, and placed the order for what needed to be customized. They collected up the off-the-shelf items that were standardized sizes, and Bree began carting their purchases out to the Wagoneer while Jamie settled the bill.

Bree was about to get into the passenger side when Jamie came out and leaned his weight against the door before she could open it.

“Come wi’ me?” he asked, extending a hand.

Brianna raised one brow and gave Jamie a curious look. His smile engaging, Bree melted just a bit and took his hand.

“There’s another side to the business here,” he informed Bree as they walked around the side of the building toward what looked like a garage or a siding for train cars.

“I accidentally walked out of the cloth shop and into…well, have a look, will you?”

They ambled side by side into the voluminous space, Brianna’s eyes going wide.

“It looks like a castle threw up in here!” Bree proclaimed.

“The man who runs this side of the business calls it ‘salvage & overstocks’ – it’s all things no one wants anymore.”

“I love places like this,” Brianna clucked, “Many a college dorm room has been furnished out of stores like this – half the time at the end of the term the hallways look like this with all the stuff that’s been left behind. I don’t know if you noticed, all the dishes in my apartment are salvage.”

“I hadn’t, actually, but it makes good sense. I think we may be able to find most of what we’ll need for the room here.”

Jamie threw a friendly wave at the proprietor as the pair of them dove into the endless stacks of stuff, looking for just the right items for the Leoch room. Several times the measuring tape made their decision for them, with Jamie shaking his head to inform Bree that, while what they found seemed perfect, it would not quite fit the space he had allotted it in the room.

“Och, what a shame, there’s a crack in this chamber pot.”

“You do still have indoor plumbing. Why would you need that thing?”

“Sentimental reasons, perhaps?” Jamie sort-of joked.

“Ugghhh,” was the reaction he elicited from his daughter, and it made him laugh.

Some time later, Brianna heard Jamie sigh an “Ahhh, perfect,” and turned her head to see her father caressing a pair of small stemmed glasses. Not delicate flutes by any means, these glasses were sturdy, yet still elegant and beautiful.

“We drank from glasses much like these on our wedding night,” Jamie waxed, a faraway flame burning in his memory. “Your mam is the most beautiful woman, she was then, and she is now. I had no choice when it came to falling in love with her – she owned my heart without even tryin’.”

~~~~~

The day’s hunt successful, father and daughter returned once more to the Wagoneer that was laden with the spoils.

“I could use a coffee,” Jamie declared, massaging his brow.

“So could I,” Brianna agreed, “and a little something to eat wouldn’t hurt.”

“Did you not have breakfast, lass?”

“Not one that will hold ‘til supper time,” she sarcastically quipped.

“We’re hours from supper yet lass – what did you have that served ye so poorly?”

“…I had a muffin,” she shyly mumbled.

“Bran? Oatmeal? Blueberry?” Jamie asked one after the other, Brianna shaking her head each time. He raised one eyebrow and tilted his head.

“OK – it was chocolate chip!” she confessed.

Jamie shook his head slowly side to side, broad smiled painted on his lips.

“Well, no wonder, then!”

Brianna crossed her arms on her chest and did her best to scowl at Jamie, but she couldn’t hold it, breaking into a smile of her own.

“OK – I know…I was nervous eating…today seemed…so big…important…and it was chocolate,” she added barely audibly.

“I’ll find us a place to get a bite, then,” Jamie confirmed.

“So what did you have…for breakfast?” Bree wanted to know.

Jamie hesitated as he checked all his mirrors.

“Um…I couldna eat this mornin’ – I was too nervous,” he admitted.

Bree bit her bottom lip. After a lifetime of not having a father, it felt odd to know she took after him so closely, yet it seemed that each new thing she learned about Jamie just made her realize how much like him she was.

~~~~~

No one else was braving the elements, but Jamie and Brianna sat at the outside table with their coffees and sandwiches, letting the breeze make the coffee drinkable.

“I must ask,” Jamie began, “why would you think me armed?” he said as he leaned in.

“Um…well…I don’t know…we were…going into…unfamiliar territory…you might have thought…you needed to protect me?” she inflected.

Jamie caught the laugh just at his lips, and did all that was possible to swallow it back down, but it was no use. It rumbled up through his chest, escaping in spurts until it broke into the open.

“Un…unfamiliar territory? Oh, lass…” Jamie’s hand pressed against his heart as he threw his head skyward, tears streaming from his eyes as the laughter wracked his whole body.

“I…I may no’ be a regular shopper of yard goods, but…I…Ohh,” he shook his head as he beamed at his daughter.

He wrapped a parental paw over the cap of Brianna’s shoulder, thinking he would risk the possible wrath of hugging her had only the table not been in his way. His body continued to quiver, and he held his gaze to the table, letting his head hang limply.

“Unfamiliar territory,” he chortled, “Oh, mo chride, you…” he shook his head and raised his smile so Bree could see it, “You have a wit that rivals your mother’s.”

Brianna had been quietly laughing, watching the joy on her father’s face when she heard him voice words she couldn’t understand, but by the tone of Jamie’s voice, she figured it was either something really sweet or a veiled way to swear.

“Ma cree?” she questioned.

“Och, it means ‘my heart’.”

“I figured it was something like that...do you…think you could teach me?”

“It would be my pleasure, a leannan – it means ‘sweetheart’,” Jamie informed Bree, not wanting to waste a moment of teaching time.

~~~~~


	19. Shields Down, Hailing Frequencies Open

Shields Down, Hailing Frequencies Open

 

“So…shall we try to get our purchases into the room before your mam gets home?”

“Only if you wanna get caught…it’s already after four, and we’ve got a lot of stuff to unpack. I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise at this point.”

Jamie flashed a quick smile and cast a momentary glance in Brianna’s direction, but got his eyes back on the road ahead before he caused an accident.

“Should I call Mr. Gordon to warn him we’re on the way?” Brianna offered.

“I suppose that would be the polite thing to do,” Jamie replied as he switched lanes to take a more direct route to Brianna’s neighborhood, and Mr. Gordon’s shop.

“Mr. Gordon, this is Brianna Frazer…I’m fine, thank-you for asking…um…yes, it has been a fine day,” Bree felt a lump rise in her throat as she looked at Jamie, then had to look away before she felt overwhelmed. “Would it be alright if we dropped a few items off with you for safe-keeping?...Great…we’ll be there in about fifteen to twenty minutes, unless the traffic picks up…What was that?...So true!,” Bree enthused.

“You two have forged a nice friendship. It shows in the way you talk to each other.”

“He reminds me of a teacher I had in high school – always fair, but didn’t take any crap either – I guess kinda…fatherly.”

Jamie nodded.

“I’m glad…that ye had such people in your life since…I couldna…”

“You’re here now, and…I still have a lot of milestones to come – things I’ll be…awfully glad to have a father around for…if you want to…”

“Anyone who tries to keep me away will find themselves in great peril,” Jamie voiced zealously.

~~~~~

Jamie and Brianna were quiet for the remainder of the trip to Mr. Gordon’s shop. Bree slumped down and pressed her knees against the dashboard, the weight of the day finally taking its toll. She was breathing slow and calm as her mind relived everything that had happened since she saw Jamie parked down the street this morning. Suddenly her eyelids felt like lead. She fought to keep her eyes open, but soon she had drifted into slumber, one side of her mouth curling up into a smile.

Jamie pulled into a curbside space in front of Mr. Gordon’s wood working shop, and turned to Brianna, only to see that she was asleep. She was comfortable enough with him, trusted him enough, to let down her guard. Jamie’s heart leapt. Part of him wanted to let her sleep just so he could watch her. He could imagine Bree as a young girl, with Claire tucking the blankets in around her. He almost touched her cheek when her eyes snapped open. He touched her cheek anyway and smiled warmly at his daughter. She smiled in return, and didn’t pull away, in fact, she leaned into his touch.

“Thank you…for being willing to let me into your life.”

“Um…I don’t know what to say to that,” she confessed, then bit her lip.

Artemis came out of the shop and tapped on Bree’s side window, happy to see her, and waved at Jamie across the cab of the jeep. Jamie dropped his head as the one sided smile crept up his face.

“We should…get things unpacked,” Jamie suggested, starting to pull his hand away. Bree grabbed it quickly, squeezed his hand really tight, and then let go. That meant more to Jamie than any words she might utter.

~~~~~

Mr. Gordon assessed each piece as they brought it into his shop, pointing out what little fixes Jamie and Bree might want to employ to improve the longevity of the items.

“You hit the mother-load, it seems,” Artemis quipped.

“Aye, we did,” Jamie enthusiastically replied.

“And it was a lot cheaper than I thought we’d get away for,” Brianna added as she brought one of the chairs in and set it down.“The bedding and curtains were more expensive than everything else for the room.”

“The only time I’ve ever bought something more expensive made of fabric was when I had to finally replace my kilt!” Jamie professed with a roll of his eyes.

Artemis clucked a laugh and nodded.

~~~~~

Once every piece was moved from the jeep to the shop, they all took a breath, surveying the lot.

“Well, this should do nicely to fill the room you’ve described, sir,” he said to Jamie.

“Aye…I’ll be by to collect the bed frame tomorrow, that should help with the space here.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad to do my part. Oh, by the way, I found this article - ” Artemis began , walking away to his desk. “Remember t’other week, we got to reminiscing about foods that have all but disappeared outside of Scotland proper? Well, I found this,” he said, offering the torn off half page to Jamie.

Bree came over and looked over Jamie’s shoulder.

“What is it?” she asked of both Mr. Gordon and her father, whoever would answer.

“It’s…a recipe…for bannocks.”

“Bannocks?” Bree questioned, the sound of the word foreign coming from her.

“Aye…it’s an oat cake – very delicious, and quite hearty. If you started the day with bannocks instead of a chocolate chip muffin, you’d be able to make it clear through to suppertime without so much as a grumble from ye’re wame.”

Bree turned slightly pink, but smiled, knowing he was using her breakfast choice as the basis of a joke, and that it was simply good-natured ribbing, and was not meant to be cruel.

“Perhaps we both could have benefitted from them this morning,” Bree shot back.

Jamie wrapped one arm around Bree’s back and gave her the quickest kiss on the temple before pulling away and offering his hand to Artemis for a solid shake. “Thank-you,” he offered. “You’ve made this all possible.”

Mr. Gordon smiled broadly.

“My pleasure…and meeting the two of you – it is a delight to see a father and a daughter with such an…obvious affection. I canna think of one of you without the other.”

Brianna started to laugh. She cast a sideways glance at Jamie and she could see him holding in his own laugh.

“What did I say?” Mr. Gordon inquired.

“We didn’t meet until this July,” Bree chuckled, “And it may have been one of the worst first meetings in history.”

“Aye, it was…rough…to say the least…but…I think we’re doin’ rather well at finding our way forward.”

“You’d never know,” Artemis Gordon informed the pair, shaking his head. “You’d never know.”

~~~~~

“Come for dinner?” Jamie hopefully asked once they were back in the jeep, not wanting this day to end.

“You don’t think mom will try to find out where we went?” she asked in reply.

“Och, I’m sure she’ll try,” Jamie joked with a tilt of his head. “Perhaps…if there are fresh bannocks awaitin’ her – ev’ry time she asks somethin’ I’ll ply her with another morsel until she forgets what she wanted to know.”

“Are bannocks really that good, or do you just remember them so fondly they’ve taken on epic proportions?”

“Only one way to find out – come and make them with me.”

~~~~~

I arrived home to the most beautiful aroma wafting out the front door, and an even more beautiful scene in the kitchen that aroma was being created in. My two tall redheads were shoulder to shoulder, standing at the counter, Brianna carefully drawing a knife across a patted out dough, Jamie cautiously lifting squares of it onto a baking sheet.

They were giggling and nudging each other, the genuine joy wafting along with the aroma.

“What’s this?” I asked, unable to remain a silent observer any longer.

Jamie turned and came over to me, giving me a welcoming kiss and half hug, keeping his dough covered fingers out of my hair.

“We’re…playing with a bannock recipe, tweaking the ingredients, I think she said,” he voiced with a tilt of his head toward Bree.

I found myself smiling, and feeling that the pair of them had made a breakthrough, an advancement in their understanding of the father-daughter relationship. I was so happy for the both of them. For a moment, I could believe this was the life I had been living for the last twenty years – my husband taking care of our daughter, so I could have the vocation I desired. I could feel the family coming together, and a tear crawled down my cheek.

“Something wrong, Sassenach?” Jamie asked, seeing me wiping away the tear.

“No, everything is right,” I answered, another tear escaping.

~~~~~

I gave up trying to find out where Jamie and Brianna had gone after the fifth try, knowing I was simply going to get a mouth full of bannock and two broad smiles. Jamie and Bree had become partners in crime, and neither was going to ‘rat’ the other out. In a few short months, Jamie had been able to pry open a small crack, and wriggle his way into her heart. I’d seen him do it before. He’s always had a way with people, but to see him find his own daughter’s heart, and bring out the part of her that always reminded me of him – it was magical.

We scratched together a small meal to go along with the bannocks, and were well filled, physically and emotionally.

It was still early, so when Jamie asked Bree and me down to the media room, we both readily agreed. Jamie and I sat together on the chaise while Brianna perused Griff’s extensive collection of DVDs for our night’s entertainment.

She came swaggering down the ramp with an impish grin on her face.

“What will it be tonight?” I asked.

“Something a little different,” my daughter notified us as she slid the disc into the player.

After the FBI warning, and whatever else is legally required to appear on screen, I was surprised to hear the overture to Camelot begin. It had been quite a while since any musical had been played in our house, and I was even more surprised that she’d found it in Griff’s collection. I turned to Jamie.

“I wouldn’t think Griff would have this,” I remarked.

Jamie snuggled his chin into my shoulder.

“Generally anything that has swords, or a good fight, or an historical angle,” he observed about his friend’s taste in programming, then kissed me below the ear and down my neck.

“Don’t make me separate the two of you,” Brianna quickly admonished, glancing at us out of the corner of her eye, but I caught the smile on her face and echoed it.

It was hard to believe the sometimes sullen young woman I had come to know Brianna as was also this happy, bubbling bright spot. I don’t know how, but Jamie had brought forth a Brianna I hadn’t seen in years – one that I missed more than I knew. Jamie gave me a squeeze as Bree began to sing along, her best Guinevere and her best voice ringing out loud.

For the entire first act, Brianna was fully engaged, and singing off and on, but as the night wore on, she settled onto the couch, and became a more passive viewer. Jamie and I both watched as she slowly curled into a ball and fell fast asleep. We stayed put until Camelot had finished, but neither of us could bring ourselves to wake her. Jamie collected a throw blanket and I took Bree’s shoes off. We tucked her in, and for quite some time, we just stood there, watching our baby girl sleep.

“It’s…quite something to see, her sleeping.”

“You say that like you’ve seen her sleeping before.”

“I have – this afternoon…she nodded off in the truck - I coudna bear to wake her then either. She woke on her own, but those few moments…”

“I’ve felt that way from the first time I saw her sleeping – that little curl of her cheek that I saw on your sleeping face so many times. She kept you alive for me.”

Without another word, Jamie drew me off to our bedroom and gently had his way with me. For the first time ever, all three of us were happily under the same roof, sleeping.

~~~~~

I didn’t know Brianna’s class schedule, but I was pretty sure she didn’t have any classes in the eight o’clock hour. I told Jamie not to wake her too early as we went to the kitchen for breakfast, but I needn’t have bothered. We found Bree shoveling coffee into the French press and boiling a kettle on the stove when we got there. She looked sleepy and a little disheveled, but I couldn’t help notice the slight smile on her lips that just seemed to linger there. Bree wasn’t a big smiler – she smiled when there was a reason, but seldom as a state of being.

“Hey you two,” she brightly greeted us, “Coffee?”

“I’ll get the kettle,” Jamie informed her as it was on the verge of whistling – a sound I know he finds annoying.

There were plenty of bannocks left over from last night, so we would all be quite well fortified to make it through the day without a grumbling stomach, or so I was assured multiple times by both Jamie and Brianna.

“Classes today?” I casually asked between sips and nibbles.

“Um…not this week – office hours with the prof. for those who need more direction.”

“And you doona need…directing?” Jamie asked, smirk sneaking up his face.

“Not in my classwork,” Brianna affirmed.

“That’s good to know,” I offered, “…I mean that you’re doing alright…after all I’ve sprung on you this semester…”

I looked down and sighed, suddenly stuck inside my own mind, flashes of her first meeting with Jamie and my subsequent conversations about time travel and true love, and how that must have affected her, striking me out of the blue.

I came out of what felt like a trance when I felt Jamie’s hand on my forehead. He was crouched down in front of me looking quite concerned.

“Sorry,” I offered, “I guess I just realized how much I truly…dropped on you,” I croaked to Brianna.

She took my hand.

“First you hit me with a two by four? Remember? To get my attention?” Bree turned to Jamie. “It’s something she used to say to me – that the only way she could get through to me sometimes would be to hit me over the head…metaphorically, of course.”

“Of course,” Jamie replied.

“You know there was no other way to get me to believe all of this – don’t you?” she said again to me. I nodded. “Good – now don’t be late to work on my account,” Brianna lightly admonished, then kissed me on the forehead.

I felt a sense of absolution, my guilt set free, and off to work I went.

~~~~~


	20. Once Under A Mattress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long to complete. I started renovating Lallybroch on graph paper, and found the drawings in the Companion book are only feasible if the residents can fly and walk through walls! But I think you will enjoy what Brianna does with her ancestral home further down the line...(Hey, wait, is that a spoiler?)

Once Under A Mattress

Bree watched happily as Claire headed out to catch her train to the hospital. She stood looking out the sidelights of the front door, mug of coffee held in her palms, realizing she was doing what her mother had done for years – seeing her loved one off, but keeping an eye on her for as long as possible.

“Did your mam go, then?” Jamie asked.

Brianna sighed and nodded.

“She loves her job,” Bree commented with a smile.

“Aye, she’s always had a passion for helping others – and thankfully for me, the skill to go along with it. Her healing touch saved me more than once.”

“You got hurt a lot?” Brianna asked, looking over her shoulder at Jamie.

“To be sure, but…she saw me through…even when I didn’t think I wanted to live.”

Bree’s eyes darkened, looking sharply at Jamie for his words.

“There were some dark times…for both of us.”

“I guess…I forget, seeing the way you two are together, that there must have been…a lot of sadness. I mean…I don’t know what I mean. It just seems to me…the times you lived in…when you first met – I don’t think I could have lived at a time where you were in constant peril.”

“Is it really all that different now? People can steal your money with the push of a button without you ever having set eyes on them! Battles are still fought over whose religion has the better God – and nowadays, should someone think you an idiot, they post it to the internet instead of saying it to your face and giving you the chance to regain your honor! It’s just a different kind of peril.”

Bree smiled at his observations.

“You do have a point,” Brianna responded, “Well…should we get to work too?”

“Aye,” Jamie said as a released breath, “Are ye up for putting the frame together with me?”

“Try to stop me – I am so excited to see how it looks in the room!”

“You and me both.”

Jamie looked longingly at Brianna, so wishing to hug her, and he could see the want of physical contact, but also the restraint Bree was placing on herself. Overcoming the inertia was still too difficult. Serious emotion still froze her in place and scared her to the core.

Bree cradled the coffee mug in both hands, blue eyes staring into their creator. Jamie cracked a one-sided smile, still holding her gaze. He could see that she wanted to hug him, and that was enough of a step in the right direction.

~~~~~

Artemis Gordon was quite happy to see the pair of them.

“Some things have arrived for you – looks like the mattress and a few other things. How’s the time table for completion looking?”

“We should be able to get it all done – we still have ‘til Halloween,” Brianna declared.

“So, your parents had a spook wedding? Did everyone come in costume?”

“Not really, and I think he wants to celebrate the day they met, not the day they got married.”

Jamie overheard Bree trying to explain things to Mr. Gordon, and interceded.

“I would say the day Claire and I met was as life altering as the day we wed – she tended to my injuries…” Jamie paused, counting on his fingers the things she did for him. “three times before she even knew my name for sure. I wouldna have survived until our wedding day, nor would there have been one had we met any other way. No, the day I met Claire…changed the path of my life.”

“This Claire of yours, she must be some woman. I’d love to meet the woman who evokes such…love and loyalty.”

“If all goes well, she may just seek you out to thank you!” Jamie quipped, slapping the man across the back.

Brianna stood listening, first feeling warmed by Jamie’s obvious love for her mother, and then being rightfully mortified at his joke with sexual overtones.

~~~~~

Jamie asked Mr. Gordon if they could borrow a few tools needed for the assembly of the frame, and he easily agreed. By now he was pretty sure Jamie would sooner bite off his own hand than not live up to an agreement he had made, so he held no qualms in allowing the Frasers to take a pair of rubber mallets, a level, a small hand plane and a collection of files and rasps for fine tuning the fit of the pieces, and it also meant Artemis would get to see them at least one more time. He had grown very fond of the pair, and was already feeling the strains of separation.

Bree ducked out to the jeep when Jamie took their wood-working savior into his arms to thank him once more. She didn’t want to be put in the awkward situation of refusing to hug. She liked Mr. Gordon, but if she couldn’t hug her own father, there was no way she could put her arms around someone who was even more of a stranger.

“Where’d that girl of yours slip away to?”

“I think she was afraid of getting hugged – she’s…skittish – shies from contact.”

“Och, I noticed there was something. That must be it. Tell her how glad I’ve been to make her acquaintance, and that either of you are welcome – and I will not try to hug her, unless you think that would make her even more uncomfortable!”

“It probably would, but I’m sure she’ll be around – we’ve still got the glassware and half the other items for the room to collect.”

~~~~~

Before the door on the jeep had fully closed, Brianna had turned toward Jamie.

“I’m sorry…I know it seemed rude to just walk out…”

“Ye did what you had to – I would never ask you to compromise your comfort for the sake of politeness, and if others canna understand, it is their problem – Mr. Gordon was more concerned than anything else.”

“I guess I’m not very good at being Scottish,” Bree confessed.

“But you’re good at being you, and that’s what matters.”

Bree attempted to smile.

“Thank-you,” she softly stated.

~~~~~

Jamie and Brianna collaborated on carrying the sections of posts, and all the rest of the frame parts, into the old, downstairs kitchen. It was hard to believe the junk strewn, dust laden trap of a room they had started with was now move in ready. It had actually been a while since Brianna had even been in the room, and she walked around marveling at all Jamie had gotten done. The window panes were clean and letting in double the light, casting a shadow across the currently pristine floor. Brianna turned slowly around as she looked from the floor to the ceiling.

“It’s so beautiful,” she cried as she ran her hand across and down the fireplace, brushing her hand along the raised hearth.

“How long did the two of you live at Le-och?” she double queried.

“Not all that long, really…but, a number of the early hurdles of our marriage were tackled in a chamber much like this…You see, your mam…she didna wed me outta love…but I couldna see myself with anyone else. We were…still gettin’ to know one another, and were very much on the outs when we arrived at Leoch.” Jamie exhaled deeply, looking around appreciably at the memories that those other walls held.

“When we found our way back to each other…I knew that whatever feelings she started with were becoming…love. So to me, our chamber at Leoch was the place where our union truly began.” Jamie let out another deep breath, and a little sigh escaped.

“Do you realize your accent gets stronger when you talk about the past?” Brianna probed.

Jamie smiled broadly, the entire array of his teeth on display.

“Do I now?” he replied in an extremely exaggerated burr. “I guess you’re lucky I doona ruminate in Gaelic!”

Bree put her hand on the front of Jamie’s shoulder and smiled. Jamie’s smile went from broad and toothy to heartfelt and eye-crinkling.

“My arms will be open to ye whenever you’re ready,” he confessed.

“I know.”

~~~~~

With all the bed frame pieces spread out in order on the floor, they began to put it together. They assembled the posts first. They just fit below the ceiling, with one of them dragging just the slightest bit as they tilted it vertical. Since it filled most of the vertical space between the two posts, they slid the headboard panels between the two posts at the head of the bed first. Set in place, the headboard stood head high as Jamie and Brianna stood next to it, covering most of the wall, but the posts were still a foot or more taller. Of the tools they had borrowed, only the rubber mallets had been needed to nudge a couple of reluctant pieces into place, and before they could fathom it, the frame stood before them in its entirety.

“That is so impressive,” Brianna whispered reverently, walking along the width of it.

“I couldna have done it without you, you know.”

“You did most of the work. I didn’t do anything, really.”

“But you…had a hand in it. I’m not sure I would have…done so well had you not participated. I am…so proud to have worked side by side with you. You did more than you know…you showed trust in me when I had yet to earn it. That means the world to me.”

Bree shyly smiled and dragged her toe on the floor in an arc, her hands clutched behind her back.

~~~~~

While Brianna trekked up to the modern kitchen to get a drink, Jamie continued working, placing several wide slat sections into place to support the mattress. Stained the same color as the frame, the futon-inspired support system seemed to disappear once it was in place. Jamie walked the tightly rolled mattress over and sat on the slats while he unwrapped the subdued, supple creation. Protective plastic removed, the mattress was secured in four places down the cylinder with synthetic twine. Jamie took his pocket knife out and proceeded to snap them apart one at a time, leaving one near the middle intact as the last. He supported the mattress, bending down to cut the final tie, expecting it to calmly unfurl once he sliced it free. It popped open, almost dancing on one heel, as it whirled like a gyroscope, and opened like popcorn hitting an open flame, knocking Jaime down flat and landing half on top of him on the bed frame.

Brianna came back from her refreshment pause, and looked around, not seeing Jamie at first, and then jumping as the mattress seemed to be trying to rise to its feet.

“ELP”, the muffled plea came from beneath the mattress, one large hand clawing from around the side.

Bree moved quickly to pull the wayward mattress off her father. She grabbed the top of it and folded it back to reveal a quite chagrinned Scotsman.

“I didna know the thing was alive! There should be a warnin’ label,” he exclaimed, Brianna putting her hand over her mouth to laugh behind it.

“You think it’s funneh? I coulda suffocated! And who’d be laughin’ then?...Your mam’d be none too pleased…and to lose me in this manner!”

“You mean, live by the mattress, die by the mattress?” Brianna joked, then gasped at her own joke and turned bright pink.

Jamie’s red-faced anger at the mattress became red-faced shock, and then joy at discovering Brianna did have that kind of sense of humor that he and her mother had parried about with so often.

“Oh, lass, you may not ha’ some Scottish traits, but, the humor, for sure, survived.”

~~~~~

After wrestling the mattress cover up the sides and zipping it closed, they placed the now saffron yellow covered sleeping pad on its base and each released a deep breath after a hard fought job done well. Jamie jumped backward, seeming to float back first down to the mattress, his feet crossed and hands tucked supportively behind his neck as he landed. Bree smiled at his ability to land so gently despite his size and density.

The angle of the light coming in through the windows suddenly caught her attention. “It’s later than I thought,” she alarmed. “I’ll check if we left any evidence,” she declared, heading out of the old kitchen. Bree caught a flash of movement and quickly closed the door.

“Mom, you’re home!?” she sharply vocalized, hoping to both warn Jamie and catch her mother off guard.

“Yes…I was hoping to join you in whatever you and Jamie were watching.”

“We were just about to come up and put together something to eat…join me?” Bree asked as she hooked her elbow around Claire’s and began gently dragging her away from both the media room AND the Leoch room.

Claire looked back over her shoulder, but another tug on her elbow from Brianna redirected her attention.

“Shouldn’t we wait for Jamie?” Claire questioned, looking up at the side of Brianna’s carefully controlled face. She smiled as she realized Bree had inherited Jamie’s inscrutable masking technique.

“He’ll be up soon,” was Brianna’s reply. “So, how was your day, Mom?”

Still smiling, Claire leaned her head against Bree’s shoulder.

“This was one of those good days. I got to see four children go home with their parents, and the parents provided me with the kind of payment money will never deliver.”

~~~~~

Brianna calmly ambled to her apartment and climbed the stairs. After a second dinner with her parents, and another successful day of working shoulder to shoulder with Jamie, Bree placidly walked into the common room of her apartment. The Cheshire cat grin on her face striking her other roommates with surprise.

“Since when do you smile?” roomie one commented as Bree alit on the couch. Bree didn’t answer, just exhaled.

“Wait a minute, when you left here yesterday morning you were wearing these exact clothes – You haven’t been home! You spent the night with someone, didn’t you? No wonder you’re smiling!” roomie two rejoiced.

Whooping and hollering commenced among the roomies

. “You finally gave it up? Who’s the lucky guy?” “Or was it a girl? Is that what took you so long?”

“Stop it,” Bree called out, still unable to stop smiling despite her roommates accusations.

“I was at my parent’s – I fell asleep, that’s all there is to it. I’ve been getting to know my dad.”

“So you were calling someone ‘daddy’, huh, Bree?”

Bree was in such a good mood, nothing they could say was going to get her riled up, and that just convinced them further that they were right about where she’d spent the previous night.

“Why can’t you just admit it?” roomie one accused.

“Believe what you want,” Bree replied with a shake of her head, “I’ve had a long day. Is the bathroom free? I could really use a shower.”

Brianna stood and stretched, sighing at several stiff muscles. She headed off to collect her robe and shed her shoes in her room, and let her virtues be questioned. The giggling of her roommates rang out behind her as she left. They clearly didn’t believe her assertions of continued innocence, but Bree knew the truth.

~~~~~

As they relaxed in bed, Claire pulled Jamie’s big paw of a hand into her two hands and slowly smoothed her fingers over his skin.

“I’ve always loved your hands,” she hummed. “And now they’re as beautiful as I’ve even seen them,” she waxed as she continued to run her hands over the contours of his.

“Glad ye still enjoy them, Sassenach, for I verra much like putting them on ye.”

His free hand curled around Claire’s waist, anticipating the further application of his hands to her body. Claire pulled his hand in close to her chest and held it still against herself.

“When I came home this evening, Brianna wasn’t coming out of the media room. She was quite subtle, but…I saw her closing a door behind herself. You’ve gotten her involved in whatever it is you’re making for me, haven’t you? The surprise you mentioned a while back?”

Mirroring the face Brianna had deployed earlier that evening, Jamie held his tongue and kept his composure, simply pulling her a little tighter to his body.

“That’s brilliant, you know. Bree will rise to a challenge the same way she pushes away what seems to be foisted upon her. You made her come to you.” Claire turned in his arms and looked into his eyes.

Jamie was fighting it hard, but the smile won out, and he happily puffed with joy.

“And that’s why neither of you would talk about your shopping trip, isn’t it?”

Jamie was absolutely bursting, knowing if he didn’t tell Claire something of his time with Brianna, he would lose his mind.

“She’s something else, our lass. She had me in tears laughing,” Jamie began volunteering.

“She thought…” Jamie chuckled just remembering Bree’s words, “She thought I’d be armed because…”

Laughter just spilled out of him, and Claire started to laugh too, not even knowing why.

“We were headed into ‘unfamiliar territory’!”

“What?” Claire giggled.

“It was outside our normal realm, so she thought I’d want to protect her – the innocence of it…What have ye told the lass about me and the times we lived in?”

“Well, there was a time when you’d not have gone anywhere without having a weapon, but I never told her that!”

“It’s alright, though. I wouldna have traded the look on her face.”

“So, you admit you’ve recruited our daughter into your secret?” Claire wheedled.

Jamie placed a gentle kiss on her lips. Claire grabbed his head.

“She is letting you in, so whatever you’re up to, keep it up.”

She pulled him down for a kiss, and his hands got to do the wandering they had wanted to do.

~~~~~


	21. By The Light Of Candles (Mind Your Paraffin, Carnauba, and Beeswax)

By The Light Of Candles

(Mind your Paraffin, Carnauba, and Beeswax)

 

Several days passed without Brianna coming to the house, and I could see the effect it was having on Jamie. But it was hopeless to try to get him to tell me what was going on between them. They had been growing so close, or so I thought, over these last few months, so I hoped nothing had gone wrong. Brianna’s and my birthday were on the horizon, and I was very much hoping we could celebrate both birthdays as a family.

Jamie was still spending much of his time in the locked room next to the media room. I tried the door several times, but he kept it locked whenever he wasn’t in it, and for the life of me, I could not figure where he was hiding the key. He knew I was beginning to lose patience as to what his surprise might be, but he continued to be inscrutable.

Almost every evening, a dessert of some kind was awaiting me – all hand made by Jamie as he practiced several recipes over and over. After a week of this treatment, I was like a Pavlovian dog, almost unable to contain my taste buds. It was delicious torture, but I wondered if he had thrown himself into a baking frenzy the way Brianna did when something was troubling her.

~~~~~

“Happy almost Birthday, Mom,” Brianna cawed into the phone.

“Good morning, sweetie, and thank-you. Just a few days…and I’m…fifty,” Claire gulped.

“Don’t worry, Mom, you never act your age anyway.”

After a short silence, where Bree could almost hear her mother’s cheeks blush, Claire resumed her rumination -“I find it quite difficult to believe it’s been twenty years since I first held you.”

“You do realize you say some variant of that phrase every year, don’t you?” Brianna asked.

“And it’s true every year…Um, Bree?”

“Yeah?”

“You and Jamie didn’t have a disagreement or something, did you?”

“No…why?”

“Well, you haven’t been here in a few days, and Jamie…well he seems a bit sad.”

“No, we’re fine…it’s just, we’ve spent a lot of time together recently, my classes are gearing up, and require my attention, and…um…I…I needed some time. I’m not used to it – he’s been wonderful,” her voice cracked, “But…”

The suppressed crying was clear in her voice even over the phone.

“I understand,” Claire soothed. “I’m proud of how far you’ve come with him, and I know how happy you are making him. He probably needs some time, too.”

“I’ll be back around soon,” Bree promised. “It is my turn to pick our birthday restaurant…is…Jamie coming with us?”

Claire wasn’t sure how to interpret Brianna’s tone.

“We spoke about that briefly – he wants us to continue any ‘tradition’ we might have established, but by the way he’s been baking this past week or so, I think he wants us to have cake together.”

“I’d…I’d like that too…it’s the first time we can celebrate…as a family,” Brianna affirmed.

She could almost hear her mother’s smile through the phone.

“I’m glad you feel that way, Bree sweetie.”

“So, is Friday good for you? I know it doesn’t split the difference like we usually do, and I know you usually power-down after a long week at work.”

“I’ve, well, um, had good reason to stay alert once the work week is done lately.”

“Mom! You could have just said Friday was good!”

“Sweetie, you’re turning twenty – you are no longer a child I need to try to hide things from. Your father makes me feel alive when I used to only live for you and work. Be happy for me?”

“Of course I’m happy for you…that doesn’t mean I want to hear details…so, I’ll see you Friday?”

“Will you come a little early…so Jamie can see you?”

“Sure,” she said to her mom, knowing full well she intended to be there all day to help Jamie continue to set up the Leoch room.

~~~~~

“Your Mam is really getting herself worked up over what her surprise might be – she’s known from the start I was working on something for her. I suspect she thinks it’s a birthday gift.”

Brianna smiled broadly.

“You know, she’s…afraid we’ve had a falling out because I haven’t been here in a few days.”

Jamie smiled to her in return.

“That’d be my fault,” Jamie admitted. “Spending time with you…it…makes me feel…I waited so long to…”

“I understand,” Bree responded with a nod.

“Of course you do,” Jamie happily toned.

In Brianna’s absence, Jamie had collected more of the deliveries that had been shipped to Mr. Gordon’s shop. Brianna had returned the mallets and other assorted tools to the woodshop, feeling apologetic about ducking out on a ‘proper’ goodbye, and managed a handshake and a warm smile for Artemis. She all but apologized for her inability to be demonstrative, but thanked the man sincerely for all he did in helping her find a relationship with her father. His assertion that she mustn’t be a stranger left her secure that she’d done the right thing in coming back to see him without Jamie. She’d set things right on her own terms, and it felt like a big accomplishment – a step toward being a complete person, someone who could function in the real world.

“I saw that you’d picked these up from the shop,” Bree commented as she fingered the curtains that now surrounded the bed.

“You’ve been to the shop, then?” Jamie queried as he worked to place candles in just the right locations around the hearth and throughout the room.

“I took back the tools, and I thanked Mr. Gordon for everything – but you know that, don’t you? He told you everything I did and every word I said,” she stated as she sat by the small table and crossed one knee over the other and raised an eyebrow in Jamie’s direction.

“He was very excited to tell me, again, what a wonderful child I have in you.”

Jamie came and sat opposite her at the table, leaning his elbows down on the table top as he leaned in.

“I didn’t like the way I left things…skulking out like a coward. I don’t want that to be the impression I make…so I corrected it.”

Jamie beamed proudly across the table until Brianna blushed.

“I love you,” Jamie relayed to his daughter, who he was still afraid to address by name face to face, something that made him feel cowardly.

“I think I love you too…and it scares the hell outta me – I know it shouldn’t,” she quickly qualified, shaking her head back and forth.

“If it didna scare ye, lass, at least a little, I’d know it wasn’t true. Opening or giving your heart to anyone…it takes courage.”

Jamie put his hand out and Brianna clasped it.

~~~~~

Knowing what time Claire meant to be home tonight, Jamie and Brianna stopped working on the room early so Bree could change for her birthday dinner out with her mother. The newly twenty year old Fraser got herself gussied up for an early autumn evening out in Boston. The weather had held out nicely this year, and there was still a summery air about, thankfully, so a parka needn’t be part of the wardrobe, as had been necessary previous years. Bree tentatively walked down the side ramp into the media room. Jamie heard her footsteps and his head came up and turned, watching her come down into the seating pit.

Her crushed panne leggings seemed to change color as the light struck them – like the feathers of an Australorps hen, switching from true black to iridescent shades of green and purple. A mid-thigh length short sleeve tunic in a purple and green pattern traced her long torso, making her upper body seem as long as her legs.

“I’ve never seen ye in something so fancy – you clean up nice,” he lightly commented.

“It’s not like we’re going somewhere with a dress code, but…it’s something we’ve done since I was little, getting dressed up for our birthday dinner – it made it special…and this year is even more special, because we’re not alone anymore.”

Jamie was fighting his tears, and failing. He couldn’t even stand up he was so weighted down with emotions. He took her hand and strongly kissed the back of it, keeping his face pressed to her hand for quite a long time.

“You’re gonna make me cry,” Brianna croaked, “And I don’t want to have to explain my tears to mom.”

Jamie came up smiling through his tears.

“Aye,” was all he could think to say.

~~~~~

As Brianna and Jamie slowly made their way up to the main floor, Bree asked, “So, where are you hiding the cake?”

Jamie turned quickly, eyes wide open.

“Mom says you’ve been plying her with cake every night, and you’d have to really rush to make something while we’re at dinner, so…”

“You are such the clever one.”

“And you’re not going to tell me, are you? OK, but it better taste like heaven, or I’m going to be really disappointed, and so will mom.”

“What will I be disappointed with?” Claire’s voice rang out as she appeared and followed Jamie and Brianna into the modern kitchen.

“Oh, sweetie, you look so nice tonight,” she complimented, giving Bree a quick kiss on the cheek and a one armed squeeze around the back.

“I was trying to get him to show me the cake, but he’s feigning innocence,” she accused, leaning her head pointedly toward Jamie.

“Oh?” Claire questioned, moving to get a hug and kiss from Jamie. He beamed back at her, and released a deep breath with a bit of a growl.

Claire stared at Jamie, trying to see if she could make him give anything away. His expression never changed.

“I could stare for hours, and still never know what he’s thinking,” Claire stated, turning to look at Brianna. “Although, the staring in and of itself…quite enjoyable.”

Jamie’s face turned bright red, as did the tips of his ears. He dipped his head, unable to bring his blushing under control.

Unseen by both her parents, Brianna’s face and ear tips did the same thing as Jamie’s, and she, too, was fighting to get her galvanic response under control.

“Ohhh, did I embarrass you,” Claire teased. She put a finger under his chin and lifted his head up until he was looking her in the eye. “Ogling is a two way street. Did our wedding night not teach you that?”

“Aye, it did,” he nodded in acknowledgement.

“Should we reschedule?” Brianna asked, “I mean, if you two want to…”

“You two have plans,” Jamie pronounced, looking from Claire to Brianna and back. “You should have your dinner…I’ll be here when you get back.”

“Should we save room for cake?” Claire inquired.

The one-sided smile crept up Jamie’s face.

“I would.”

~~~~~

Claire got changed quickly, and looked quite glamorous and quite delectable by the look she elicited from Jamie.

“We’ll be back in a couple of hours,” Claire hummed in Jamie’s ear as she pulled back from his embrace.

“Take your time,” he advised, taking her hand and reaching out for Brianna’s. He escorted his girls to the door, one on each hand. They both looked back at him as they crossed the threshold, for a moment standing in a triangle formation. He gave each of their hands a tight squeeze, then released them to their night out.

Once he knew they were safely away, Jamie headed back to the modern kitchen, and removed the cake layers from their hiding places. Each cake level was about four inches tall, with the largest one being approximately six inches across. He slathered a mousse-y chocolate frosting between the layers of dark chocolate cake and waited for the tower to set up. Once it seemed secure, Jamie began the outer frosting – actually a white chocolate ganache that poured over the whole thing, like a shiny volcanic outpouring. Just before it solidified, Jamie took a toothpick and traced off-set lines into the ganache to emulate the division of stones in his tower of cake – an edible Broch Turach.

Jamie stood back and admired his creation. There was just one thing left to do to complete his tower of cake. A conical candle was placed atop it, representing the thatched roof cover, and, when lit, the candle would also represent one more thing for Jamie – the first year he could celebrate both Claire’s and Brianna’s birthdays, and know that both the love of his life, and the child they’d made, were alive and safe, and part of his life.

~~~~~

After a nice dinner, and leisurely stroll through Harvard Square, Claire and Brianna found their way back to the red line T station, and headed back to Griff’s house, both anticipating the dessert that promised to be awaiting them.

Jamie had been using the time remaining after he finished the cake to set the scene, and the table. A pot of warm tea, and a carafe of coffee sat steeping among the three perfect place settings of cake plates and utensils. He had draped the table in an autumnal color, and all looked sumptuous.

Jamie heard voices echoing in the foyer, and lit the conical candle atop the cake tower, waiting for his girls to see his efforts.

“Jamie?” Claire called out.

“Kitchen,” his voice boomed in return, and he released a deep breath, relieved they were home.

Bree and her mother were chatting quietly as they came into the kitchen and saw what Jamie had done for them.

“Oh, Jamie,” Claire whispered, looking at the table and then shifting her eyes to Jamie.

“Wow,” Brianna breathed. “I should have known you could do that after…” Brianna trailed off before she could let anything slip.

Claire cast a glance at her with one eye, but both Brianna and Jamie had the same look on their faces.

“Happy birthdays,” He reverently wished. “Shall we?”

They sat around the table, admiring the details.

“What’s the one candle for?” Bree asked.

“My first chance to celebrate birthdays with the two of you – a first of many, taing do dhia.”

She smiled at him as the warmth filled her chest. His voice always richened when he spoke Gaelic, like it was coming straight from his heart, and it resonated deep within her soul.

“A cake broch?” Claire chortled.

“Aye,” Jamie replied with the tilt of his head and a nod. He leaned in toward Claire and enunciated carefully as he said, “A Chocolat Broch Turach.”

Claire blushed and hummed in delight.

“OK…I’m missing something here,” Brianna promulgated.

Jamie broke the gaze he shared with Claire.

“At my ancestral home, Lallybroch, there is a tower, a broch. It is an ancient structure, even older than the house itself. Someday I’ll show it to you.”

~~~~~

The three of them enjoyed cake and coffee and tea, and each other’s company, feeling as if time was standing still around them. Brianna wished it could go on forever, but bigger and bigger yawns were overtaking her face.

“Should I set a room up for you?” Claire asked.

Bree shook her head, trying to shake off the sleep and the suggestion.

“No, I really shouldn’t stay…My roommates might start auctioning off my belongings, and if I don’t get back, they give me the third degree about where I’ve been and with whom.”

“Those roommates of yours…” Jamie began, “they doona seem…the best kind of people to live with. We have plenty of room. Would you not consider…”

He looked longingly at the daughter he wished to know better and make up lost time with.

Bree shook her head again.

“I…can’t. I’ve just gotten used to being on my own, and they aren’t really that bad. They’re just…very… open. But I think I need people like that in my life. They keep things interesting.”

Jamie nodded in understanding.

Claire walked to the door with Brianna in silence until they reached the door. She smiled proudly at her daughter, and they both laughed lightly.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, mom. He’s not too disappointed…that I didn’t want to move in?”

“He understands. I think he just wishes he’d found us when you were still a little girl, instead of the grown woman you are. He has so much love to give, and he wants to shower you with every bit of it. The smile on his face when I got home this afternoon said it all. Thank-you for coming over early.”

Bree pulled her mom into her arms and hugged her tight.

“Give him a hug for me,” she asserted.

“Of course,” Claire responded, closing her eyes to keep from crying.

~~~~~

As soon as Brianna was out of sight, Claire fleetly walked back into the kitchen and wrapped her arms tightly around Jamie.

“Is something wrong?” he breathed into her ear.

“No, I’m just trying to relay this hug from your daughter with the same intensity it was meant to have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it 's taking me longer to complete new chapters, but I've reached that 'fill in the blanks' stage of the writing, where major plot lines are set, but I'm trying to get the details right. During the completion of this chapter, I hit the 300th total page of the work, which means more than half of what I've written is still to come, but those little pieces that tie it all together can be elusive, and they come when they want to, not when you want them to.


	22. Say When

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd post this chapter for a bit of timely content - Samhain was an important date in the lives of Jamie and Claire, so happy Halloween to my readers. Luckily we've reached a point where I have "most" of several chapters ready - just a little tweaking to make them ready for reading. Writing as fast as I can!!!!

Say When

 

In the two remaining weeks before Jamie was to reveal the Leoch room to Claire, there were many little details to be taken care of. Bree and Jamie’s time together was curtailed by her classes increased intensity as the semester wore on, but she made sure to see him as much as possible, and he promised not to become overly sullen when she was unavailable for a stretch of more than two days.

They collaborated on the decoration of the Leoch room down to the last detail, and finally, the day before their deadline was up, both agreed the room was perfect. Jamie laid a fire and lit it for a test run of the chimney, and for how much warmth it would throw off. Bree checked to see how the curtains around the bed operated, and happily stroked a fleecy blanket Jamie had found on his own.

“This is new,” Bree alerted.

Jamie looked over to see what she was talking about.

“Oh? Aye – It reminded me a fur we once slept under – almost as nice to the touch as…nevermind.”

Bree smiled and blushed and could see Jamie doing the same out of the corner of her eyes.

After an appropriate time for both to regain their composure, they toured the room.

“I think she’s gonna love it,” Brianna informed her father. “I feel like…I’ve stepped back in time – It’s…it’s…it is perfect. I hope someday…”

“What?” Jamie inquired, seeing an expression on Bree’s face he’d never seen.

“I just hope someday I find someone willing to go to such lengths for me…and that I can…reciprocate.”

“Oh, lass, as young as you are, a time will come – as me Da told me – when the right one comes along, you know it, you feel it, and you willna be able to deny it…reciprocation will come naturally.”

She tucked a stray strand of hair back over her ear in a nervous movement.

“Even as screwed up as I am?”

Jamie unexpectedly grabbed Bree around each upper arm with his hands, and looked directly into her eyes.

“You are not screwed up. You are perfect as you are, and the right man – the right man will see who you are in an instant.”

They pressed foreheads together at Brianna’s instigation.

“Thank-you,” she barely vocalized.

Jamie slowly nodded, biting his bottom lip to control its desire to quiver.

~~~~~

With the pressure of completing the room finally extinguished, Brianna and Jamie would soon once more do what they intended to do during Bree’s visits – watch TV. But Jamie had one more duty to perform before he took Claire into the Leoch room.

They sat in the media room, Jamie sitting right next to Brianna this time, and taking her hands in his.

“As part of celebrating the anniversary of the day your mother and I met, I am planning to ask her to marry me again, and while I am not asking your permission, I would like your blessing, if you feel you can give it,” Jamie said, looking quite hopefully into Brianna’s eyes.

She smiled and teared up.

“I wondered what was taking so long for you two to make it official again,” Bree quipped, “Even I can see it…you two belong together. You have my blessing.”

“So…you think she’ll say yes?” Jamie asked.

“Why wouldn’t she?”

“Well…a lot has happened in my life since I sent your mother away…I…I doona ken if you noticed, when my second wife came up – “

“Oh, I noticed…I think there are a few things you need to know – things my mom should tell you, but I don’t think she ever will – about your second wife.”

Jamie tilted his head, wondering what Bree could tell him about a time in his life Claire was not a part of, and Brianna should not be aware of.

“After you left that night…I asked her about Laoghaire. Mom has good reason to hate her; things she never shared with you.”

“And she told you?”

“She couldn’t have held it in if she tried. She was so angry, even after two hundred and fifty years,” Brianna cheekily revealed.

“When the magic charm Laoghaire left under your bed didn’t work, she really went to the dark side. She’s the one who…maneuvered mom into the situation where she taken as a witch, and she testified against mom at the trial…When she was telling me, I’d never seen her so filled with rage, except one other time.”

Jamie’s face was drawn.

“I knew, actually, but not until my marriage to Laoghaire had exploded in my face. Claire and I have never spoken of it, but perhaps she needs to know the entire story…Thank-you. I wondered if keeping it buried was the wiser choice, but after what ye’ve told me, it’s a secret that should not be kept any longer. But I am in a quandary as to how it should be revealed.”

“I’m sure you’ll find the right words.”

Jamie nodded.

“Aye…Now what it is ye’ve brought for us to watch this time?”

Brianna blushed.

“I hope you don’t think it’s too childish…it’s a cartoon, but…I kinda saw myself in one of the characters…” And giving a sly look at Jamie said, “and it’s kinda the way I thought my life would be like if we lived in the past – it was before mom stopped talking about you and the other life she lived.”

~~~~~

After viewing a number of episodes of ‘Jane & the Dragon’ together, Brianna looked apprehensive, and sat clutching her own fingers, waiting for Jamie’s reaction. She’d listened to him as they watched, and was relieved to hear him laugh throughout.

“You saw yourself as Jane, did ye?” Jamie asked.

Bree blushed and nodded, finally looking up into Jamie’s eyes.

“Was I the dragon?” he asked hopefully, liking the protective relationship the two shared.

“Sometimes…but Jane does have a father, he’s just not around…all the time.”

“Aye,” Jamie nodded his understanding. “She’s a good role model, this Jane – not afraid to be who she wanted to be.”

“I often wished I had a group of friends like hers…one more episode?” Bree tentatively asked.

“Why not,” Jamie answered, handing her the remote.

At the end of the next half hour, having viewed an episode where the dragon wants to keep hidden his talent for singing, Brianna turned to Jamie. “So, do you have a secret talent? Can you sing like a nightingale?”

“A nightingale in a woodchipper, maybe, lass. No, just because I was the lead singer in a band by no way means I have a voice fit to be heard – no even in the shower!”

“Wait…you were in a band?” Bree questioned, tilting her head in wonderment.

“Aye…did your mam not tell you…after?”

“After what?” she asked with an incredulous shake of her head.

Jamie started to blush, recalling the night in great detail. He was struggling to find the right words.

“Umm…Fourth of July, your mam brought me back to the apartment, and you were in your room, with the volume turned up…It twas…quite the shock to hear my own voice coming back at me, but there it was.”

Brianna searched his eyes as she searched her mind.

“Threat of Thunder; Threat of Rain…is you?”

“Aye, me and a few other lads,” Jamie answered.

Brianna seemed on the verge of tears, but was having trouble containing her smile.

“I…always…feel better after I listen to that album…Do you…think on some level…I knew? I mean, that it was you?...Even though I can’t understand the words…it’s…like a familiar voice, if that makes sense.”

“Aye, it does,” Jamie smiled and nodded.

“Even though I know you didna have ears yet when your mam brought you to safety, I always hoped you’d know my voice…just because I’m your Da.”

Without either of them looking, their hands found each other and clasped tightly together.

~~~~~

“Brianna brought Jane and the Dragon for you two to watch?”

“Aye,” Jamie answered.

“Well, if I didn’t know it before, you’ve won her over,” I spoke, knowing how truly personal allowing him to watch Jane and the Dragon was for Bree.

“I remember watching it on Saturday mornings when it first aired, Bree letting me hold her, and then letting me tell her about life in 1743 Scotland. She was fascinated with the idea of a sgian dhu, and would walk around the house with a butter knife tucked in her high-tops,” I related, getting a smile and puff of laughing air from Jamie.

“I can see it,” he replied, his eyes sparkling.

“She’d have died a thousand deaths had any of her school friends seen that side of her,” Claire revealed as she turned down the blankets and sat on the open bed, pulling her feet up and tucking them under the covers.

Jamie slithered up the bed on top of the blankets.

“Do you need help undressing for bed tonight?”

“Nah,” he breathily answered, “Just felt like doin’ this.”

Jamie gave me a wonderfully lingering kiss, soothing all the tension out of my body, and I drifted to sleep. It must have been what Jamie intended, for I believe I heard him whisper, “Sweet dreams until tomorrow.”

~~~~~

Samhain 2015

 

At mid-morning, Jamie received a text from Brianna.

“Good luck tonight, and I won’t call ‘til mid-week…just to be safe.”

A winking smilie-face sat boldly at the end of the message, and made Jamie laugh. His daughter was coming into her own; her personality blooming, her sense of humor being unleashed. Jamie sighed, his heart warmed to the nth degree.

He looked for quite some time at the screen, smiling and nodding, but after a second sigh, he got to work on his ‘invitation’ for Claire - for what good was all his and Brianna’s work on the room, if Claire never made it through the door?

~~~~~

I had managed to get away from the hospital after my Saturday morning consult, arriving back home almost an hour before Jamie was expecting me. I checked the mailbox, and began sorting through the junk mail and whatnot, when the handwriting on one of the envelopes caught my attention – it was Jamie’s hand – I’d know his writing anywhere. I dropped all the other mail into my bag and opened the missive bearing my name.

A thick square slid out into my palm. I unfolded the note and saw the key pressed into a cutout in a piece of foam-core board. The key looked very old, but with current wear marks in several locations. The enfolded note also bore Jamie’s writing, and I slid the foam into my right palm so I could read what he had written. Upon the paper were the words, “Here’s the key, come to me. You know where.”

I took in a deep breath and exhaled raggedly. I freed the key from its backing and looked at it lying in my palm. I curled my hand shut. The old black key was now warm in my hand. My heart was throbbing, and a pleasant warmth alit on each of my cheeks. Jamie’s secret for me was about to be shared – and it was about damn time, too.

~~~~~

I made my way quickly into the foyer, hoping Jamie would be waiting for me, but he was not there. I followed my nose to the kitchen. It was clear something had been prepared there, but the end result was missing, as was Jamie. My hunt through the house continued. I wondered for a moment if perhaps Jamie had locked himself behind that door whose key I now held, but then I heard his toes hitting the steps, sounding like he was taking them two to three at a time coming up from the lower level. The sound of his steps grew louder and then began fading away as the Doppler Effect ran down the hall toward the bedroom.

Jamie clearly did not realize I had arrived home, but there was one night each year that I endeavored to be far from the hospital before nightfall. That night was Halloween. Spirits did seem to run rampant, and I knew full well certain doorways between worlds were opened. I always preferred to be locked safely behind my own door on Halloween, and died a thousand deaths when Brianna wished to go “trick-or-treating”. Fortunately, her desire to walk the streets asking strangers for candy only lasted a few years.

I quietly tip-toed to our bedroom and peered in. Jamie was down on his knees carefully forming pleats. The cloth of his kilt looked crisp and colorful, probably produced with modern dyes, but still quite beautiful. And I couldn’t take my eyes off him. It had once been an everyday happening, watching Jamie pleat, wrap, and belt himself into his kilt, but it came as a rare treat now. I hadn’t seen him perform this ritual since I left 1745 Scotland behind. I didn’t know how often over the years Jamie had worn his kilt, but he still had a practiced hand, and it left me breathless.

~~~~~

After watching Jamie wriggle into his kilt, I knew whatever he was planning was very important to him, and that I didn’t wish to do anything that would diminish it in any way. I left the doorway before Jamie could see me, and waited down the hall for him to pass by. Once the coast was clear, I slipped into our bedroom and began pawing through my closet. I wanted something that would immediately catch his eye, but considering where our ‘special’ nights usually ended up, I didn’t wish to make it something difficult to remove, for both our sakes. I was suddenly nervous, a part of me wondering what could be so important to Jamie, although in the back of my mind I couldn’t help thinking…what if he asks me to marry him? Am I ready for that? We are inseparable, whether it’s official or not.I looked myself in the mirror.

I selected an emerald green wrap dress, certainly easy to remove, but certain to elicit one of those smirks Jamie always seemed to aim at me when desire was filling his thoughts. Just the thought of Jamie in his kilt again – I felt nervous and excited, and increasingly aroused.

~~~~~

I found Jamie in the kitchen. He was checking the stove, placing his hand above each burner to make sure they weren’t hot. Without seeing me, he went to the doors to the patio and checked the lock. He turned with a swing of his kilt, and he stopped, sucking in a breath at the sight of me. I found myself shyly smiling as my body filled with warmth. Jamie walked very slowly toward me.

“You’ve come home early,” he spoke, never breaking eye contact with me.

I was finding it increasingly hard to breathe as he neared me, and I was shaking slightly.

“Did I interrupt something?” I inquired.

“No…just checkin’ that everything was secure.”

I traced my finger down his chest.

“I haven’t seen you dressed like this in a long time.”

“Aye,” he answered with a nod. “And you…” Jamie purred.

I nodded slowly at him.

“Ye’re home early,” he said, knowing he was not telling me anything I did not already know.

“If I’d known you had so much planned, I’d have taken more time getting home.”

“Just chekin’ the locks one last time,” he murmured, unable to keep from repeating himself as he stared at me.

“Making sure we’re safe in case we don’t see the light of day for some time?”

“Aye, can’t be too careful, now can we?”

I revealed the key in my other palm.

“Shall we…go see my surprise?” I asked with an odd harmonic to my voice.

“In a hurry, are we?”

“No…but…I may go stark raving mad.”

“Well, we can’t let that happen – lead the way,” Jamie burred, extending his hand toward the exit from the kitchen.

“Am I right in thinking this room was an old kitchen? I thought I remembered seeing that when Griff gave us the tour.”

He gave me a little squeeze.

We walked slowly, Jamie rubbing up against me in the hall, and guiding me carefully down the stairs, his hands never letting me completely go. When we reached the door that I now had the key for in my hand, Jamie turned my back to it and pressed tightly against me.

“Now, you’re sure you want to know what’s behind that door?”

“You’ve kept me waiting quite some time, Jamie. I am a patient woman, but I’m dying of curiosity,” I declared, placing my open palms on Jamie’s chest, the key dangling from my right pinkie finger. The feel of his shirt brought back sense memories of a million touches, and chill took over my body.

“You’re giving me chills,” I confessed, “I don’t think I can wait any longer.”

He took a step back, allowing me to turn around and place the key into the lock. I giggled with anticipation when it clicked, and looked over my shoulder to see Jamie absolutely beaming at me. I pushed the door before I even looked back, and stepped into the room with my eyes fixed on Jamie.

He guided me across the threshold and pointed with his chin for me to look straight ahead. I was finally in the room. Jamie had been keeping me from this place for what felt like a year, telling me he was preparing a surprise, and that there was a special occasion that needed celebrating. What I hadn’t expected, however, was that he wasn’t making a gift for me in the room, but that the room itself was the gift. I walked across the threshold and stepped back in time.

A roaring fire danced in the fireplace, warming both hearth and room. A massive carved bed stood ceiling high, curtains grading from saffron yellow at the top to deepest burgundy near the floor surrounded it, only the foot end open to peer in and see lavish pillows and blankets. Across the room, under the only window, a small circular table sat, set for dinner for two, a deep window stool held a decanter filled with amber liquid. I was too overwhelmed to take in all the details, but I felt I’d been in this place before.

“Jamie, it’s…”

“As close to the chamber we shared at Leoch as I was able to recreate. I noticed the similarities between the two rooms the first time I stepped in here, though this is a mirror image. I wanted…well…I hoped…Claire, ye stepped into my life and gave me back the use of two arms two hundred and seventy two years ago today. You saved my life, piqued my interest, and stole my heart.”

My eyes were glistening with tears as I ran into Jamie’s arms.

“You are such a romantic,” I gushed, taking his face into my hands and pulling him in for a kiss.

“That’s why you’re wearing the kilt?” I asked with a smirk, stepping back to admire the beauty of him.

“Among other reasons,” he purred in return, rearranging his pleats like a peacock contemplating a display.

“But first things first.” Jamie turned and took two small half-filled glasses off the table. He handed one to me and raised his glass up to the level of my nose.

“To the woman who has given me more that I could have hoped for; who saw to the safety of my heart, the instruction of my body and the salvation of my soul.”

Jamie took my hand, bent his head, and took a deep breath.

“Will ye take my hand again, and be my wife still?”

I actually whimpered with my next breath.

“You doubt I would say yes?” I lightly answered, feeling as if my feet were lifting from the floor.

“No, but…to hear you say it…”

I could feel my cheeks burning and the muscles aching from the smile I was holding on my face.

“Nothing would make me happier. Yes, Jamie, I will marry you.”

Jamie had been holding his face, trying to look serious, but a smile blossomed, and he exhaled in relief and joy. He raised the glass to the full extent of his reach.

“Slainte.”

I repeated after him the one word of Gaelic I was still truly confident in pronouncing.

“Slainte.”

I took a sip from the glass, forgetting for the moment that I had barely touched a drop of alcohol in over twenty years, and not knowing the strength of what I was about to imbibe. I sputtered as I took too big a gulp from the glass Jamie had handed me, and I couldn’t stop coughing, feeling like my throat was on fire and that if I exhaled too strongly I would indeed breathe fire. Jamie quickly put his glass down, and took the one from my hand, replacing it with a water glass he helped me drink from.

“Sorry, Sassenach, I should have warned ye. I took this from one of the casks Griff has been holdin’ for me, and I guess it’s gained in strength…well, it should have considerin’ its age.”

I was still pressing a hand to my chest, hoping I could continue to breathe. I nodded at Jamie and poured half of the water he gave me into the whisky in the other glass, much to Jamie’s dismay.

“Gah, you’ve gone and ruined it now.”

“I can’t drink it full strength, Jamie. I’ve lost my tolerance. And a little water is supposed to open the flavor, so I’ve heard.”

“What prattling praddock told you that?”

“Prattling praddock? Is that even a real word?”

“Och, probably not, but still, how could ye do that to two hundred year old whisky?”

I smirked and blushed, knowing that for him there would never be an acceptable excuse to water down the whisky.

“Sorry,” I said, with a barely opened mouth.

Jamie smiled sheepishly and flicked his eyes up and down the length of my body.

“Just promise to never do it again, Sassenach, Aye?” he purred, half a smile on his lips.

“Give me your hand,” he commanded.

I obliged, extending my right hand to him.

“Not that one.”

I switched it for my left hand and Jamie gently slipped a ring onto my finger. The band was nearly identical to our wedding band from 1743, but a small, square cut diamond sat ensconced upon it.

“I know it wasna the custom, but in this day and age I believe an engagement ring with a precious stone is expected when the marriage contract is made.”

I held my hand up with the other one and admired the ring.

“It’s perfect,” I told him, and kissed him.

~~~~~

We supped on a wonderful stew Jamie had been working on all day. Bit by bit I had become familiar with, and been thrilled by, Jamie’s culinary skills, gathered over his lifetimes. We talked about those first weeks of our original marriage, the early days at Leoch, both the good and the bad, and how glad we both were to have found our way back to each other after the first, and last, time he had ‘disciplined’ me. There was one problem, one person, we were both reluctant to bring up, but I knew we must.

“How many marriages will this make for you?” I asked, knowing where this could lead.

“Counting the first time to you, it will be my fifth.”

“I guess that’s not so many considering how long you’ve lived.”

“Aye, but I stayed available from 1948 on, in case I found ye. I didna want for there to be any reason I couldna have ye back.”

I was quiet after hearing that, wondering what would have happened had I shown up in his life during the years he would not have expected me.

“Just ask what ye need to – you know if you found the paper trail of my life, I was married to her for a time.”

My mouth drew in and I glared at Jamie.

“I just can’t understand, knowing what she did, and what she tried to do, how you could marry…her.”

“I wish I had known all she did to you, but ye kept it from me, and so, when Jenny decided it was time to get me married again, Laoghaire didna seem such a bad choice.”

“And how’d that work out for you?” I questioned with an edge to my voice, then gulped down the last of my watered whisky, placing the glass with a heavy thud, and flashing a fearsome glare.

“She shot me,” Jamie reported matter-of-factly.

I was horrified at the simplicity with which he divulged the truth of it.

“That was my third death.”

~~~~~


	23. Pistol Packin' Mhathair

Pistol Packin’ Mhathair

If ever there was something in my life I regretted, it was marrying Laoghaire. Jenny was hell bent on me not being alone, but I should have known it was a disaster in the making. Laoghaire had thought I was meant to be hers even after I had married Claire, and while it was nearly twenty years after she first felt I should have been hers, I think she thought things had finally been set right. I never loved her, and I think she sensed it.

For whatever reasons and realities of her life, Laoghaire had gone from a lass who desired to be touched by the likes of me, to a slightly older lass, and mother two times over, who cringed if I merely entered the room. ‘Careful what you wish for’ were more than words to her, but rather than admit we were not a fit match, and simply let me go, she became bitter, insisting that I owed her for the path her life had taken.

Our union was short, and anything but sweet, but I was committed to seeing her daughters cared for, so we were still “officially” married long after we were living separately. I would have been glad to keep things that way for the remainder of Laoghaire’s life, but a situation arose that required me to speak to her face to face.

“Why have ye come back?” Laoghaire demanded.

“And what is he doing here?” she added, her nostrils flared and eyes like an angered ram – glassy and irked – as she tilted her head toward Fergus.

“We have a matter to discuss,” I informed her, knowing I was about to toss a rock into a hornet’s nest.

Laoghaire stood defensively in the doorway to her house.

“I have nothing to say to you,” she retorted, and turned to retreat into the house.

I came up on her quickly and put a hand on her shoulder. She whirled on me and pulled free of my touch.

“But I have something you need to hear,” I fired back.

Fergus looked anxious, but I gave him a nod to reassure him. Laoghaire finally let us into the house, but offered neither drink nor food, nor even a chair upon which to rest. Marsali burst in from upstairs, running straight to Fergus, and Joan clung to the last bit of wall by the stairs. She smiled at me, looked to her mother, and crossed herself. While they were not my daughters by blood, they were my girls, none the less.

“Marsali, come away from that thief, this instant,” Laoghaire insisted.

The girl obeyed, but was none too happy to do so.

“I think ye ken why we’re here,” I ventured.

“Aye, and you’ll have no more success in takin’ my daughter to wed this…” she paused, her face scrunching up as she searched her mind for an appropriately insulting word.

“You need not insult the boy any further, and I’m not seeking permission. I’m their father by law. I have every right to approve of Marsali’s marriage to Fergus.”

“You’ll no take either of MY daughters. Law or no, they are my bairns, and I’ll not have you marrying one of them off to a thief twice her age.”

I planted my hands heavily on my hips and tossed a glance skyward.

“Fergus has not been a thief in Marsali’s lifetime. Can you no give up on what he once was? For Christ, woman. The girl has known Fergus her entire life, and is not one to have flights of fantasy, so I believe she knows her own heart.”

“She knows nothing at her age. I was several years older than she when I thought you were meant to be mine. I’ll not have her make the same mistake.”

“The lass knows what she wants, and I’m of a mind to help her to that end.”

“Madame Laoghaire?” Fergus broke in, hat in hand and hook, and head bowed.

“I know I have come before you and asked before, but I do love Marsali, and would see her well cared for, despite what you think of me.”

It was clear Laoghaire’s dander was up. She paced to the fireplace, and turned quickly, withdrawing and cocking a pistol as she did so.

“Girls, go upstairs, NOW!” I called, seeing them scramble, Joan pulling a resistant Marsali up the steps.

“Fergus, I think you should go as well.”

“No, Milord,” he answered, stepping close to my left.

I saw Laoghaire take aim, and I jumped in front of Fergus, pushing him aside as I felt the impact of the ball. I think she had been aiming for Fergus’ heart, but the recoil of the weapon and the height differential between me and the boy meant I was struck in a rather lower area. At first, Laoghaire looked horrified, but it became a satisfied smirk of triumph.

“Serves you right, for it’s your cock that caused this trouble in the first place.”

Fergus tried to come to my aid, but Laoghaire kept him at bay, and ran him from the house. The pain was quite intense, and I hoped I would die soon. I equally hoped I would again wake in the mill stream, reborn yet again. It was a fortunately quick end, for she had managed to sever my femoral artery along with my manhood.

My younger girl, Joan, later told me she’d overheard Laoghaire telling someone that she meant to put a bullet in me should I ever darken her door again, so I would harbor no regrets for what I was about to do to the lass – in fact, I would enjoy it.

~~~~~

That damned water was always so cold, but I knew I was alive again. I crawled onto the bank and collapsed. For a while I stared up at the sky and pondered where my clothing ended up after each of my deaths. I also wondered how I would explain what had just happened. Laoghaire likely thought me dead, as did Fergus, Marsali and Joan, and God knows who else if Fergus had rushed back to Lallybroch. I should have kept out of this situation, and I had reservations about his marriage plans, but it seems Fergus’ observations about Laoghaire’s behavior had been correct. My financial obligations were never to come to an end. She meant to play the victim, and would make her own daughters spinsters in order to punish me. It was then I decided to use my “death” to my advantage.

~~~~~

As I walked back toward the mill building, I heard the deep inhalation of breath followed by an exhalation of “Oh, good lord”.

I found the nearest bush to step behind before seeing who had come across me naked as I was. I stood there as casually as possible, but felt my eyes go round as I realized who had found me. Lord John Gray was seated upon a white horse, a chestnut brown a few paces behind with a young man aboard that I knew in an instant to be William.

“Have I interrupted something?” he quipped.

“Nah,” I replied. 

It seemed an eternity as I stood there.

“Do ye have a spare blanket, by chance?” I finally asked.

“Oh, oh of course,” John sputtered, reaching behind himself and unlashing it from his saddle. He tossed it to me and I hastily wrapped it around my waist and kept my hand clutched in the fabric as I emerged from my sparse cover.

“How did you come to be out here with not a stitch of clothing on?” John asked, a delighted smile painting his face.

I tried to wrangle my thoughts into something I could tell them.

“Um, twas a fight…with me wife…”

“Wife? Oh, that’s right, you did say you remarried, but did that not end quite some time ago?”

“Aye,” I replied rolling my eyes. “It was a mistake that I am now quite ready to rectify, officially.”

The feeling of anger for Laoghaire was hard to maintain as I looked at William, smiling at what a fine young man he appeared to be, and knowing damn well Jenny would take one look at him and know he was mine. I hoped she, as well as all her children, would have the discretion not to say anything in front of the boy.

“Father?” William asked.

My heart jumped, but the boy was not addressing me.

“Yes, William?” John chimed, turning in his saddle.

“Is this the friend you wished me to meet?” his pure voice piped.

“It is. William, this is Jamie.”

William bowed his head momentarily and then nodded back up to look at me. He scanned me quite carefully, looking intimidated if not a bit frightened of me.

“It is good to see you again, William.”

A tinge of fear came up in John’s face.

“We’ve met before?” the boy asked.

“Aye, but it was a long time ago,” was all I said in reply.

I saw John exhale and William nodded, accepting my words.

While we walked the trail between the mill and the house, I explained, with a few notable exceptions, what had transpired with Laoghaire, Joan, Marsali and Fergus this afternoon.

“So, it is likely she believes me dead by her hand, and for the time being I have no intention of dissuading her from such thoughts – but I must explain what happened to Fergus and the girls, and probably my sister by now, so it might be good to let me go in the house before I’m presenting guests.”

“Oh, my, you do have the most extraordinary problems, Jamie. And as engaging as your letters always are, your life is a damn-sight more colorful.”

I laughed and nodded with a broad, drawn smile.

~~~~~  
I picked up my pace, arriving back home with a few minutes to explain not only my not being dead, but that Lord John was arriving with his son for a visit, whose reason of which I was not yet sure.

I was nearly knocked over backward as Fergus came running from the house.

“Milord, how can this be? She killed you – I saw her.”

Jenny came out into the yard when she heard Fergus’ excitement.

“You great muckle fool. He told us Laoghaire had killed you.”

“Aye, and she thinks she has as well, but I merely had the…wind knocked out of me.”

“From what I heard, it was not a lack of wind, but a shot to the bullocks that dropped you like a sack of rocks,” Jenny threw back at me. “And where the hell are your clothes?”

“Casualty of war, I’m afraid,” I quipped, “But I’m afraid my apparent death is not all we must deal with this evening. Do ye remember my speakin’ of Lord John?”

“The one who sent you to Hellwater after that hell hole Ardsmuir closed? Why would you be bringin’ him up just now?”

“He’ll be here before the hour’s out, he and his…son.”

For some reason it was hard to even say the word.

“And I would greatly appreciate it could you all keep your wits about you tonight,” I said in subdued tones I hoped would impart my seriousness.

“And just what are you implyin’?”

“I would just be…most grateful if you would impress upon all assembled to keep their comments to themselves in front of the boy.”

“Is there something wrong with the boy?” Jenny asked, not backing off her confrontation one bit.

“Can you just do as I ask this once?”

“Alright, brother,” she agreed, shaking her head as she went back inside.

~~~~~

When the sound of two horses clip-clopped into range, I emerged from the house in an array of borrowed clothing, most ill-fitting. I had quickly cleaned up, but chose to leave the day’s growth on my chin and jaw, for I still looked quite young with a fresh shave, and didna wish to put a point on any resemblance to William that was not completely obvious. Jenny came out of the house dusting herself off and wiping a light sheen off her brow as she brushed her wayward bangs out of her eyes. She shielded herself against the setting sun, looking out upon our guests.

“John, may I present my sister, Jenny Murray.”

“Enchanted,” he responded, taking her hand and touching a kiss to it.

“Lord John,” she said with a tilt of her head and slight genuflection.

“And this is…his son…William,” I very carefully pronounced.

The boy stepped out of his backlit position, and his features became clear. Jenny’s eyes shifted up sideways to catch my glare.

“Aye…A fine looking boy, to be sure.”

“Thank-you for your hospitality, Mrs. Murray. Sorry to drop in unannounced. I planned for us to visit Jamie in Edinburgh, but when we arrived we were told he’d made the trip home…”

Lord John turned a hand palm up and roughly signaled to my location.

“Fergus lured him home under the guise of celebrating the day of his birth, and nearly made it the day of his death instead.”

“Aye,” I hummed, holding down a smile so as Jenny wouldna…well, whatever I thought she might do to me.

I stood, somewhat nervously, as Jenny introduced Lord John and William to Ian and to those of their children who were here – most of them, as it was to be a birthday dinner held in my honor. Ian patted me on the shoulder and grinned proudly as he refilled my glass. Happily surprised smiles followed me around the room, all of them quite sure they were welcoming a family member even if the person in question was unaware of the distinction.

I was relieved that William seemed oblivious to the looks from others that moved between me and the boy, followed by broad smiles and stifled laughter. By the end of dinner, it was clear William was the only person in the room not questioning how Lord John came to be the father of my son. But apparently Jenny had impressed upon those assembled to do as I asked, and keep their curiosity contained. I didn’t draw an easy breath that night until William was tucked up in bed and sleeping soundly. 

Lord John and I stood at the door to his bedroom, watching him sleep.

“It’s been a long day for the boy. He’ll sleep well tonight,” I told John, “But I must ask…”

“Why am I here? And why did I bring him?” Lord John said for me.

“Aye…why take the risk?”

We walked down to the kitchen, now empty, and hovered near the hearth, seeing each other only in the dim glow of firelight.

“I’ve been appointed governor of Jamaica, and knowing the dangers of going asea, I didn’t wish to make my goodbyes in a letter.”

“Is William going with you?” I said with some alarm.

“No, but, I thought he would enjoy the adventure of coming here, and I wanted some time with him before I left. I also thought, that should anything befall me, this may be the only time…I wanted you to know more of him than what our letters convey.”

“Thank-you for that – he’s…he’s grown so much,” I said with my throat choking up.

Lord John saw that I wanted to say so much more, but understood my reluctance to let my guard down. 

“I also have something I want you to have that was best not sent, but brought.”

That’s when John took the miniature portrait out of his pocket and handed it to me. William’s face looked up at me, and my knees buckled, John catching me on his shoulder as we embraced over our shared son.

“Thank-you, truly, for letting me…know him. Most others would not be so generous.”

We joined Ian and Jenny, and I stiffened my spine, knowing Jenny would have something to say.

~~~~~

“So, brother, there were some things you neglected to tell me about your time in Hellwater it seems.”

“Aye, but now is not the time.”

“If not now…”

“A time will come when I shall tell you everything, I promise ye that, but we have more pressing problems at present.”

“You mean Laoghaire?” she replied with a hint of regret as to her involvement in getting me married to the lass in the first place.

“Aye.”

~~~~~

I cried myself to sleep that night with the portrait of William clasped tightly in my palm. With the hell the last day had rained down on me, I considered it a mild, but necessary, reaction.

~~~~~

Young Ian was in the yard when Laoghaire rode into sight. Halfway across the yard, Ian saw William, and a smirk sprouted on his face as a devious idea struck him.

“Where is everyone?” Laoghaire demanded as Ian took the reins of her horse into hand.

“Most of them have gone down to the mill.”

William heard the muffled voices of their conversation and turned toward the sound, the light striking his face just right, making him the spitting image of a young Jamie.

Laoghaire looked taken aback, a deep inhale of air coming from her; that reaction cementing Ian’s previous idea into his head.

“Who is that?” Laoghaire inquired, a hint of fear creeping into her voice.

“The strangest thing,” Ian began, “the other night, Uncle Jamie’s birthday no less, when Jamie did not come back from your estate, we went out in groups to search. Fergus had told us he’d seen you kill Jamie, but we found nothing, until, that is, we found a bairn near the mill. We brought him to the house, and he’s grown to that size in the days since. At first, we couldna understand, but now it’s become clear – he is Uncle Jamie, reborn and looking the very spit of him. At this rate, he’ll be full grown by week’s end…So…Fergus was right? You killed Jamie?...But I guess he can’t be made to stay that way.”

Ian looked serious. Laoghaire turned pale.

“I was right…all along. I knew it…that woman was a witch! Claire did this to him – well, you can keep that spirit child far from my door! I’ll not be caught up by what that witch did to my Jamie. He would have loved me had she not cursed his soul.”

Laoghaire whipped the reins out of Ian’s hands and turned the horse quickly, spurring it on as fast as she could take it home.

William came across the yard.

“What did she want?” William asked, coming up beside young Ian.

“Och, nothing important. She used to be married to my uncle Jamie.”

“Is she the one who left him naked by the mill?”

“Aye, but she won’t trouble us anymore.”

“Who was that thunderin’ off?” young Ian heard his mother ask behind him.

“It was Laoghaire,” he answered.

“What did she want now?”

“She never got around to sayin’…Where’s Uncle Jamie?”

“He’s in the study wi’ your Da and John Grey…why?”

“I think I best tell him something.”

“Ian – what’ve ye done now?”

He smiled impishly and ducked past Jenny before she could grab for his ear. He turned to look at his mother, shrugged his shoulders, and dashed into the house.

“Are you in on whatever Ian is up to?” Jenny aimed at William.

“No Ma’am,” he replied politely.

Jenny couldn’t hold her smile.

“If I didna know children so well, I’d almost believe ye. I’ve never met a lad who was as sweet and innocent as he appeared. You best come inside. It wouldna do for you to be out here should Laoghaire return. No tellin’ what that woman might do next.”

~~~~~

Young Ian knocked on the closed study door. The three men inside all came to attention. Jamie pulled the door open and nodded at Ian as he let him pass.

“Laoghaire was just here...and…”

Jamie put a hand on the boy’s shoulder and nodded encouragingly.

“Well…by the way she rode outta here…I may have made her believe…”

“Ian?” Jamie sternly asked.

“She left here thinking William was a reincarnation of you, Uncle Jamie.”

“Oh, Ian, you didna…I should tan your hide…” his father remarked.

Jamie turned to look at Lord John where he stood by the side of the fireplace. He looked mildly bemused. Jamie’s left cheek came up with his one sided smile.

“William didna hear this, did he?” Jamie asked.

“No Uncle.”

“Well then,” Jamie chortled, “I think I may have the answer to our problem with Laoghaire. Or at least a place to start.”

~~~~~

The two Ians, Lord John and I put our heads together. We extracted the encounter details from the boy, and now that Young Ian had put an otherworldly fear into Laoghaire’s mind, it would serve us well in our efforts to take Marsali and Joan from her.

“You are a wicked one,” Jamie said to Young Ian, “But it doesna fall far from the tree,” he harangued.

~~~~~

I was in no hurry to say goodbye to William or Lord John, so I was glad to have them at Lallybroch with me for the better part of a week. It was gladdening to see so many traits in William that marked him as my blood, although the strength it took not to talk with the boy about it was painful. He was nearly as tall as Lord John already and was smart beyond his years. There were several times Jenny and I were speaking Gaelic so we could talk about the boy even if he was within hearing distance, and though I was sure he knew not a word of the tongue, he looked knowingly at each of us, like he knew every word.

I timed my foray to claim my girls from Laoghaire to coincide with the travel plans Lord John and William had for their return home, figuring that if things went well, we could travel as one group until we had to part ways. I had Young Ian and Fergus ride with John and William on the road back to Edinburgh, collecting a wagon that held all the worldly possessions of my girls that they had been smuggling out of the house in dribs and drabs. They left in the morning at the same time I made the ride to Laoghaire’s estate. Fergus had gotten a note to Marsali and Joan informing them that I had not died, and that I would be coming for them, but to not tell their mother. He later met with them on one of their trips to the wagon to deposit a portion of their belongings, and told them the broad strokes of my plan, so they would be prepared to take action at the right moment.

I left my horse a safe distance and walked slowly and calmly toward the front door of Laoghaire’s house. With nothing but old borrowed clothes, I looked faded in the bright sun, somewhat ghost-like and ethereal. Laoghaire met me at the door and stood wide to fill the frame and block my way.

“You’ll not pass my threshold, Jamie Fraser, or whatever you really are now.”

I didna speak, but I opened my palms to her and spread my arms wide.

“You are not welcome here…I should have known she’d not leave you alone, that she’d use her witchcraft on you to keep you from being free to love me. If only they’d burned her…but you saved her from that fate. After all I did to get her on that pyre. She bewitched you and then she left you…unleashed her evil and then disappeared into thin air. The real James Fraser died before I ever got him, and died again by my hand not two weeks past.”

“I’ve come for the girls,” I stated plainly, taking another step toward her.

Despite her bold words of a few moments before, Laoghaire held fear in her eyes. I advanced, one slow step at a time, my hands held out to her. I stopped just inches in front of her, and once again said, “I’ve come for the girls.”

I demonstrably closed my fingers over one palm at a time, like I was taking hold and collecting something in each hand. I nodded to Laoghaire, like I was thanking her, and I turned on my heel. I curved my arms like I held one daughter on each side and was walking them away with me. I heard Laoghaire shriek the girls’ names, but I did not break stride. I only hoped they had played their part, and escaped through the kitchen door while their mother was distracted.

~~~~~

The ride to Edinburgh was uneventful for the most part. Joan and William struck up a quick friendship despite their age difference, and they exchanged letters for many years. I know this because I took custody of her belongings at the end of her long life, and was able read the letters William sent to her. He confided a great many things to her, including his heartbreak when Lord John died, and his learning of the truth of his parentage.

Despite her young age when we arrived in France, Joan began her religious education under the tutelage of Mother Hildegard, who was more than happy that I thought of her when Joan expressed her wishes to live a life devoted to God, but was sad to see Claire was not with me, and that her whereabouts were unknown. I assured Mother Hildegard my search for Claire would be unending, and that I fully intended to find her and, if she would have me, have her for as long as we might. I told her we might have a child, if things had gone right, and she said she would pray for our issue, and for the possibility of a reunion between Claire and me.

I never set eyes on Laoghaire again, thankfully. But I spent some good years with Marsali and Fergus after they wed in France. Young Ian was reunited with his brother Michael who had been in Jared’s employ for some time. Jared had room enough for us all, and jobs to suit us all. We had the printing press shipped first to France, as it was no longer safe to stay in Edinburgh, but the climate there was changing as well – it wasna safe to be on either side -rich or poor. A chance meeting between Fergus and a man who claimed to know Benjamin Franklin put the thought in his head to go to the colonies and take up the printing trade full time – a notion, heading to the colonies that is, that stuck in young Ian’s head. I knew Jenny would kill me were I to let her youngest go off on such a journey alone, so when his mind was made up, and being part Fraser and part Murray there would be no talking him out of it, I made arrangements for Fergus, Marsali, Ian and me, and the printing press, to sail to America. 

~~~~~


	24. All Our Tomorrows Start Today

All Our Tomorrows Start Today

I followed Jamie to the raised hearth and leaned against its warm edge. I found him pressing his thumb on top of each of the bannocks that were lined up along the stones closest to a nice bank of glowing embers that had kept the kettle with our stew warm all night.

“Och, they’re done,” he beamed down at me.

As I watched, Jamie broke off a corner from one of the bannocks, spread something over the broken, porous side, and popped it into my mouth. My eyes widened as a marvelous flavor hit multiple taste buds.

“Scottish lemon curd,” he said with a proud smile.

“It’s wonderful,” I replied as soon as I was able to swallow.

He was nibbling on his own slathered bannock corner and nodded in reply to my reply.

Jamie continued to ply me with curd covered niblets until I let out a sigh, and blocked his next offering from my mouth.

“I really couldn’t eat another bite.”

He ate the piece in his hand, and licked his fingers clean.

Jamie pulled me to my feet and wrapped his arms around me, just breathing deeply and sighing. My entire body began to buzz along with my head. I wondered if that sip of powerful whisky earlier was just now taking effect.

~~~~~

He kissed me strongly as we reached the foot of the bed, and he softened his grip on me enough that I slithered the few inches to the floor, brushing down his body as I went.

“My once and future wife,” he rumbled seductively.

His hand went to the tie of my dress, an eyebrow raised questioningly. I nodded down once, smiling and blushing as I glanced sideways and caught his eyes.

“Now, there’s nothing dangerous under there, is there?” he vocalized with a smirk.

“Well…I guess that depends…how dangerous do you consider my naked body?”

“Verra dangerous – perhaps the most dangerous thing you own, Sassenach,” Jamie breathed, lop-sided smile sliding up the left side of his face as he tilted that side upward.

He untied my dress and separated the sides, pulling me to him with the fabric. Jamie’s right hand slid up the back of my neck, his fingers embedding in my hair like a comb too fine to do the job, enmeshing and molding to the shape of my scalp. He gently angled my head back, making sure I looked him square in the eyes.

“I may have lain with other women, but you are the only one burned into my soul,” he said, taking more of my breath with each of his words. 

His hands traveled down my body as we kissed, getting me completely undressed in the process. My hands kept him close, not allowing him to pull too far away or stop kissing me. I wanted him naked, too, and began fumbling first with the buttons on his shirt, and drawing his shirt-tails loose. My jaw nearly started to chatter as I spied the line of his kilt slipping a bit without the shirt to keep it stabilized, revealing the perfect lines of his muscles.

“Naked…now,” I commanded between kisses, stroking my hands down his chest.

I slipped my hands into the folds of his kilt, hoping to remove it from his body, but was left with my fingers tangled in tartan as he released the belt holding the kilt. It billowed out and over us as we landed on the bed.

His hands traced out my arms as his mouth worked its way down my neck and shoulders. Jamie pushed back on his arms, looking me over like he hadn’t seen me for a long time. The reality of being betrothed seeming to bring a new level of passion to his wants. He plunged his fingers under my back and his mouth continued the interrupted path it had been traveling, soon finding himself poised over my breasts. 

“You are delicious,” he hissed, then returned to suckling and kissing, slowly taking control of my body.

Jamie proceeded to burn any and all memories of other lovers from both our minds, using whatever anger I still might have harbored toward Laoghaire and turning it into a passion to bind us, body and soul, our commitment solidified for eternity. 

~~~~~

My eyes opened suddenly. I’m not sure why. Jamie’s smile was so sweet, but when his eyes opened I felt held in a leonine gaze I could not turn away from. The breath was catching in my chest. He took my hand and began kissing his way from knuckle to knuckle.

“Again?” I questioned, knowing very well what he wanted. “I’m not sure I can even move after earlier…remember, I am twice your age now.”

“Well, Sassenach, that may be, but that just makes me want you doubly as much…Besides, I doubt I would break ye, you’re quite flexible yet from what I can tell.”

“I’ve done yoga for many years.”

Jamie stopped kissing my hand and looked straight into my eyes. He pressed his palms together and as his eyebrows arched he deeply purred, “Namaste.”

My mouth dropped open in disbelief.

As if trying to test the limits of my flexibility, Jamie brought one of my legs up to my chest and began kissing the back of my knee, slowly moving up my thigh. My toes were clutching his shoulder as my hands were searching for a handhold. I finally got my hands on the bolster pillow that ran the width of the bed and dropped my elbows behind it. I think Jamie thought I was trying to escape from him, but his hands adeptly maneuvered me back into his controlling grasp as he pulled the bolster farther under me and drove my hips up against him. I teetered atop the bolster, happily rolling to and fro as Jamie tested not only my flexibility, but my stamina as well. 

“Oh, God, Jamie,” I whispered, our bodies still well entwined. 

“You still rouse me to heights I can barely fathom.”

I was sure he would want to prove that to me again before the night was through, but for now, he drifted to sleep, as all hallow’s eve became all saint’s day, and the veil of timelessness shrouded us.

~~~~~

I awoke alone in the bed, but sensing Jamie was not far off. He sat staring into the flames where he had brought the fire up again, and he was poking at it mindlessly with the wrought iron poker. A glass of the strong whisky kept him company. He took a sip and saw that I had awakened. He smiled, but it seemed somehow sad. I grabbed his plaid and ambled across the room to him, draping myself over him and enveloping him in the cloth.

“I thought I had worn you out as well this last time…what’s on your mind?” I asked.

He puffed a little laugh and smiled for real this time. He drew me into his lap and held me securely against his chest.

“I thought I was the one who could read you…but ye always find ways to surprise me…I was just thinkin’…if we hadna lost the twenty years…och…well…we’ve done a pretty good job of makin’ up for lost time.”

“And I’ve enjoyed every minute,” I hummed, plying his lips with several kisses.

“God, you doona know how many times I thanked the lord for sendin’ me a woman who liked havin’ sex as much as I do – and one who could teach me properly at that. I never forgot the feel of the first time ye touched me. I could conjure the memory of our wedding night, and relive that, and a good many more encounters. It never left me, and it sustained me through many a night.”

I could no longer resist taking his face in my hands and kissing him strongly. Even after exhausting our passions several times over, the well had not run dry, and we both knew it. Jamie slowly stood, keeping us wrapped in the plaid. The only thing toasting on the hearth stones now were my own buns as Jamie leaned me across the mouth of the fireplace.

“Oh, Jamie,” were the last coherent words I spoke as we engaged yet again. All the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck were standing straight out, and every nerve ending in my body seemed to be on full alert.

“Oh, my Lord in Heaven,” I heard Jamie beseech as I traced my fingernails down the back of his head and neck. When my hands stopped, Jamie looked in my eyes and flashed an amazed smile.

I smiled back, then closed my eyes and let Jamie answer his own prayer.

~~~~~

“Ohh-ho,” I moaned deeply. 

Every muscle in my body ached. The night before had been a real workout, but I can honestly say I’ve never enjoyed a workout so much. The bed Jamie and Brianna had made for this room was incredible, and oh so comfortable. Jamie and I were quite warm despite the fact that the fire had burned down to nothing.

“Good morning,” Jamie vibrated against my neck, the tickling sensation traveling the length of my spine. I moaned again.

“I’m not sure about that. I may not walk for a week.”

Jamie laughed in my ear.

“I’ll help you work the kinks out.”

“Hair of the dog may work with hangovers, but I doubt it will take the cramp out of my muscles.”

Jamie turned me to face him, my limbs arguing the whole way. The look on his face was contagious and I forced my arm to move so I could caress his face.

“Last night was...”

Jamie kissed me before I could choose my next words.

“Magical?” he asked.

“Last night I felt the way I did when I was first able to admit I love you. Everything that stood in the way of my heart being completely open to you faded away.”

Jamie seized my wrist and slid his hand up into my palm, our fingers locking our hands tight together.

“Blood of my blood, bone of my bone, our bodies are one, ‘til our lives be done,” Jamie paraphrased from the vows we made a lifetime ago.

“Oh, God, I can’t move,” I groaned, trying to stretch out.

“Good,” popped off his tongue.

Jamie began kissing me, his hands wandering as the extent of my incapacitation became evident.

“Jamie, I can’t even feel my own ass.”

“Don’t you fret, Sassenach, I’ll feel it for ye.”

“Jamie!” I admonished, “I’d love to accommodate you…but…I really need a pee…”

Jamie laughed at me, but began pulling back the covers and the curtains around the bed. He hoisted me into his arms and set to carry me to the loo.

“Then I’ll draw you a bath, Sassenach, to ease those aching muscles of yours, followed by a nice breakfast back in our bed to restore your strength.”

“That sounds lovely,” I told him, enjoying the conveyance. 

~~~~~

It was five days into November before I heard from Bree. She’d seen the progression of my renewed relationship with Jamie and was wise enough to know the effect the Leoch room was likely to have on Jamie and me. By the time Bree called, I had a lot to share with her.

“Did you figure it was finally safe to call?” I teased my now less easily embarrassed daughter, but I could still hear her blushing. 

After a slight pause I heard her hum of laughter.

“I figured if you hadn’t surfaced by now, I should probably call 911 so the paramedics could separate you and provide fluids.”

Her flippant tone delighted me.

“We’re both fine, in fact, we’re engaged.”

“So you said yes, then?”

“You knew he was going to ask me?”

“He asked for my blessing – I’m so glad you said yes.”

“Not only that, I’ve booked the church – I hope you’ll be able to make arrangements for your classes.”

“Why would I need to make arrangements?”

“Um…the church I booked – it’s where your father and I got married the first time – It’s in Scotland, and it’s six weeks from now.”

There was a long silence, and I worried I had just dropped too much on Brianna in a phone call.

“Are you still there?” I asked.

“Yeah, um…wow. You don’t waste time, do you…um…I’ll talk to my advisor. I’m ahead in most of my classes, but I’ll have to see if I can get my exams rescheduled…so…the room…”

“Oh, sweetie, the room took my breath away – and it took me back in time, too.”

“Good. I hoped it would. The vision for the room Jamie has was so clear. I feel like I was actually in the castle – walking into the past like that – it was like nothing I’ve ever felt before.”

“Jamie tells me…he couldn’t have done it without you.”

“He’s lying – he could have easily done the whole thing without me, but I’m so glad he let me help him. He’s…he’s becoming…a real dad. I didn’t know I wanted one until I saw how much he cares.”

A feeling of warmth traveled outward from my heart. I had dreamed so many times of my family being together, of Jamie and Bree having a father-daughter relationship – a genuine kinship. It was hard to believe I was not dreaming.

“I’m glad too…Bree?”

“Yeah?”

“Come for dinner? We can go over the itinerary for the wedding.”

“You already have an itinerary set?”

“Actually, that would be Fiona’s doing – I emailed her with the good news after I booked the church – she and Roger say ‘hi’. I thought if anyone could help me organize a wedding so quickly, it would be Fee.”

“It will be good to see them again,” Brianna emanated, “See you tonight.”

I ended the call and went back to my online search for a good package deal for flights and hotel accommodations for the three of us. There was so much to do in the next month so that I could become Jamie’s wife again.

~~~~~

Bree gave me a big hug as soon as she came through the door, and while we were embracing, Jamie came and put his arms around me, managing to come as close as he ever had to holding his daughter, just with me in between. 

We sat around the table in the kitchen discussing what I’d found online and the suggestions Fiona had sent me – hotel names, places we could hire for the reception, if we chose to go that route, dressmakers, kilt fitters, florists, and what members of her family were available to be in the wedding, if needed. 

I had been sending Fiona regular updates since Jamie came back into my life, telling her the amazing news that Jamie was alive, that he finally got to meet his daughter, and that we still had the same spark we did in 1743. Even after all these years, Fiona and Roger were the only other two people on this planet who could understand all I’d been through, and never once think me crazy.

Brianna took the papers from my hands of Fiona’s emails, and looked through them, coming upon a page of several printed out photos Fee had included with her last message.

“What’s this?” she questioned, looking to me for clarification.

“Fee found some pictures from when we last visited.”

Brianna seemed to be seriously examining the images, piquing Jamie’s interest.

“These were taken at the Black Kirk,” Bree said aloud, showing them to Jamie.

“Aye,” Jamie happily recognized, “I took your Mam there for the first time. She was tryin’ to solve a wee medical mystery.”

“Sounds like Dr. Mom – she never could turn down a good mystery.”

“To be sure,” Jamie said with a smirk, clearly remembering my single-minded determination that got me into trouble more than once. Brianna and Jamie caught each other’s eyes and smiled, and Jamie nudged Bree with his shoulder. I watched as both of them bit their bottom lips, and coyly blinked their lashes.

I took the paper back into my hands and sighed.

“I felt like I could breathe free for the first time when we were there – just the two of, with no prying eyes or ears,” I uttered almost unconsciously.

“That’s why you wanted to go there, wasn’t it?” Bree asked. “It was sorta your…first date?”

The burning on my cheeks caught me off guard.

“It was just…really nice to be able to put down my guard…and I got to know a bit about Jamie’s frame of mind, his sense of humor. And it cemented my trust in him,” I divulged as tears came into my eyes.

“Sorry, sometimes the memories come back so strong.”

Jamie put his hand on my back and Bree took my hand in hers. Jamie took up the print-out and held it.

“How old were you?” he asked Bree.

“Fourteen,” she answered, almost embarrassed. 

“And already taller than your mam,” he said, puffing up with pride.

“Yes, our daughter dwarfed me quite early on – at least when I was able to make her stand up straight.”

Jamie cast a questioning glance at his daughter.

“It’s not always easy being the tallest person in the room, at least for me it wasn’t.”

“Aye, standing tall takes more than height, but you have all it takes, now.”

Bree sat up taller, Jamie’s pride in her giving her ego a boost. I’d seen Brianna grow so much as a person since Jamie was here to be her father. She has always been a wonderfully complete person with me, but now, with Jamie’s influence, my daughter…our daughter, looked happier than I had ever seen before. I had to fight back tears, biting my lip to control the urge.   
Jamie was right – she was slowly gaining the confidence that allowed her to stand tall in the face of whatever was to come.

I took my seat across the table from the pair of them, and we went over Fiona’s lists, Brianna taking down the web sites, and ruling several places out on the spot, but ruling in the possibility of several of the hotels and banquet halls based on their looks and proximity to the church. 

By the time we bid Bree adieu for the night, things were well in hand, and we’d split the duties – Bree would take care of the hotel arrangements, I would take care of flight reservations, and Fiona would handle the catering and flowers, and witnesses (as well as finding me the seamstress for a very special dress to be wed in). And, no, we did not exclude Jamie from having something to do – there were a number of items he needed to collect and have shipped – for the TSA, I daresay, would have something to say about a broadsword and dagger in Jamie’s carry-on!


	25. Nosferatu's Got Nothing On You, Jamie

Nosferatu’s got nothing on you, Jamie

 

Claire slammed a pile of papers on the desk, and I knew she was cranked up about something.

“Is there a reason you’ve killed a whole tree, Claire? You could jack up a car with that pile.”

“That pile, as you’re calling it, that’s the paperwork we’ll have to take care of if you want to legally marry me this time. And I’ve got fewer than ten days to get this filled out and sent to the right people. Right now what I wouldn’t give for Dougal to twist some arms…gahhh.”

She viciously traced her hands through her hair and widened her eyes. I was glad there was nothing breakable within her reach just now.

“Aye, marriage is no simple deal,” I agreed, taking one of her hands captive. She tried to pull free for a moment, wanting to remain angry and frustrated, but I stood and collected Claire into my arms as she sighed and leaned her full weight against me as she took a deep breath instead.

“I had no idea there would be so much red tape until Jem directed me to the National Records of Scotland website – please tell me you have a birth certificate and passport that can be used in an official capacity?”

“Aye,” I exhaled, glad I would not add to her worries. “Griff’s father, Andrew, introduced me to some…detail oriented document experts, and convinced them to make me another set of papers after my plane crash…Hogmanay…1981…I started a new year, but my band mates did not.”

I sighed heavily as a moment of memory caught up with me.

Claire was quiet, but in her eyes I could see she was mourning my band mates. Her compassion knows no bounds.

After our moment of quiet reflection, I had a thought.

“Are your papers in order? And are ye younger or older than I am, Sassenach, I mean on paper?”

“I’m set…Roger” she said with a tilt of her head “…he has a very talented hand for making birth certificates, and I’m the same age I’ve always been,” she teased with a smile. “I had him make me born in 1965, that way I could just count back thirty years from when Bree was born.”

I smiled again.

“Funny, you were three years older than me when we wed the first time, this time I’ll be three years older than you – My birth certificate has me born in 1962.”

“Well, you are older than I am this time!” Claire teased, “Not that you look it,” she said, looking away.

“Och, well, you doona look – “

“If you say I haven’t changed one bit I’ll bite you.”

“Ye changed, but only for the better,” I said with a smirk, hoping to evoke some level of satisfaction from my beautiful lass.

“People are still going to think I’ve robbed the cradle – remember how Bree reacted the first time she saw you?”

“Aye, I recall…but I think being happy has taken years off ye.”

“Flatterer,” she said with a tilt of her head and a smile, “but if we don’t get at it, I’ll be too old to care before we can sort out all the paperwork…What do you mean Griff’s father helped you get another set of papers?”

“He’d gotten me the set before as well, after I was killed in World War two.”

Claire looked concerned about yet another death on my escutcheon, but she just clutched me tighter.

“The paperwork here is only the beginning,” she calmly informed me, tucking her head under my chin. “I think they make it hard on purpose, to weed out the couples that aren’t serious. Thankfully, Jem knows the priest at the church, and is working on our behalf to smooth out the wrinkles, but we need to decide who our witnesses are, and get the fee money – in pounds sterling.”

“Don’t you worry, Sassenach, we’ll get everything done. Nothing is keeping me from taking you as my wife again – though I’d live in sin with ye should we have no other choice.”

I could feel the smile forming on her face, and she beamed a look at me as her cheeks went pink.

“I love you,” she hummed.

“Good to know, leannain…even better to hear you say it.”

 

~~~~~

 

“Artemis,” Jamie beamed as he entered the woodshop.

“Why, Mr. Fraser, back so soon. And what will you be buildin’ for the missus this time?”

They shook hands, and Jamie turned slightly pink in the face. He dipped his head and leaned in close to Mr. Gordon.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a used crate, or some such conveyance that could handle transatlantic shipping.”

“In need of a quick escape? Did I not warn ye about the perils of giving a woman a bed as a gift!” the man joked.

“Quite the opposite…I’m shipping some items for our wedding.”

“Och, seems you knew your woman’s mind after all…And how is Brianna? I miss seeing the pair of you.”

“She’s good, and getting better all the time – but she’s quite busy.”

“I don’t imagine – the demands of college, but she’s smart as a whip.”

Jamie tried not to puff up too proudly.

“Aye,” he said with a sheepish grin.

“A crate, you say…now let me think…I just might have what you’ll need, but it’ll not be acutely what you were looking for. Follow me.”

 

~~~~~

 

I thought Jamie and I had been into every room Griff had said we could use in the house, but there was one more room, and Jamie took me in there for the first time today.

“It’s the treasure room – it’s where I have the cask with the whisky that nearly felled you our first night in the Leoch room. I’ve got several lifetimes of treasures in here. Griff brought much of it when he moved here to Boston. Before that, it took up most of the attic at Griff’s father’s house in Wales.”

“Did you know Griff’s father well?” I asked, following Jamie through the door.

“Aye, still do.”

“He’s alive?” I asked, suddenly feeling uplifted.

“He’s getting on, of course, in his nineties now…but he was…verra important to me. He was the first man in nearly one hundred years who I trusted enough to tell him everything – not that he left with much a choice, but that’s a story for another time.”

“So, Griff inherited the position of confessor, did he?”

“Funny you should put it that way, Sassenach. Between Jenny and Andrew, it was only men of the cloth who learned the truth of my life.”

I smiled, remembering how amazed I had been by Father Anselm’s reaction to my confession of time travel and bigamy. I gripped Jamie’s shoulder.

“Some members of the clergy can be surprisingly open-minded.”

“Aye,” he replied with a nod, “So, as I said, Mr. Gordon had a quite suitable crate for shipping my wears to the wedding.”

Jamie turned me around and my mouth dropped open as I looked at what Mr. Gordon had provided to him. At first, I was somewhat repelled by the crate Jamie acquired to ship his wedding attire, and assorted sundries to Scotland.

“Jamie, it’s a coffin.”

“Aye."

“But…”

“A person whose got the bullocks to pinch items from a coffin, deserves to have them,” Jamie told me, turning me back around and leaning in to kiss me on the forehead. He held me at arm’s length, his hands solidly wrapped around my waist.

“And it’s never been used,” he tried to reassure me.

“Jamie…what am I supposed to tell Roger? He has to pick the damn thing up!”

Jamie cocked his head and pulled one of his hands back to perch it on his hip.

“He’s a Scot, he’ll understand.”

“What?”

“It was free,” Jamie said with an immense smile, and then walked out of the room.

 

~~~~~

 

I found what of mine had been brought here from the storage unit and made my way down through the layers of Bree’s photos to the other box I kept in that storage tub. The beautifully carved and engraved ring Jamie had given me on our first wedding day still made my heart leap when I looked at it. I was just beginning to have true and deep feelings for Jamie when he put it on my finger, and it stayed there until the day I left Scotland for Boston. The risk of losing it was just too great during my years of medical school and residency, so I’d decided new country, new life. I’d boxed up my old life, and left all but a small collection of items – this very box in my hands – behind.

I didn’t even save one item of Brianna’s baby clothes.

I guess I had been caught up in my memories far longer than I realized, for Jamie came back looking for me. I was holding the ring between my thumb and forefinger, totally lost in thought.

“Och…you still have it,” he uttered in a reverent tone.

“Of course, I’d never let it go, I just feared losing it, so it got safely put away.”

Jamie put his hand behind mine and cradled it.

“Do you want to use it? For this wedding?” He asked.

I nodded until he put his other arm around my waist and pulled me in under his chin.

“As you wish,” his voice vibrated. “I’m glad…that you held onto it. I didna wish to ask, in case you’d lost it, or…”

“I would never part with this ring voluntarily, Jamie.”

“Is the ring Frank gave ye…among ye’re keepsakes, too?”

“No. After he died, I didn’t want to look at it – I actually gave it to Roger, and told him to do with it what he would.”

I shook my head and laughed at the thought.

“Roger kept it until I made my intention to move to Boston and attend medical school public knowledge. The gold in that ring paid for Brianna’s and my plane tickets, with a nice sum left over. Frank’s ring launched me into my future – I guess it was fitting that if Frank could not take care of me, his ring could give me the means to be set free.”

“Aye, it wasna what I’d had in mind when I sent you back to him, but it’ll do…”

Jamie continued to hold me, and time seemed to stop. There were times when I just reveled in being in the same place as Jamie, and though he hadn’t voiced it, I was pretty sure he was feeling the same way.

 

~~~~~

 

So many memories had been flooding my mind. And right now, between work and planning the wedding, and thinking of times gone by, I was flat out. When we went to bed, Jamie wrapped me in his arms and spoke to me in Gaelic. He has always had the ability to make that language sound like the very voice of nature, and I was beginning to understand much of what he said, or at least he was able to leave me with that impression.

Again, he lulled me to sleep, but by the middle of the night, I found myself awake, unable to put my mind at ease. Something nagged the corners of consciousness despite the fact that I was in the arms of the man I love, and all seemed right with my world. I did manage to sleep again, but the alarm felt startlingly early.

 

~~~~~

 

At times I worry that Claire and I are not allowing Brianna the full college experience, being so involved in her day to day life, but I’d never turn away a chance to see her. I have so many years to make up for, and so much yet to learn about my daughter. Even though we have no projects to work on, the lass is trying to be here at least one afternoon each week. I think we have seen a full three quarters of Griff’s collection of movies and shows by now.

Today was my first chance to show her the ‘crate’ and she laughed to the point of tears imagining Claire’s reaction.

I showed her the ring, still quite proud I had chosen one that had endured so well.

“Oh, I remember that – Mom wore it all the time when I was really little.”

“Aye, she told me. We’ll be using it again – we had pretty good luck with it the first time.”

I put it safely back in the crate. Claire had a few other items she wanted to add to the crate before we shipped it, but she was being a bit cryptic, if not downright secretive about it.

“Do you have anything we should add to have shipped?” I asked Brianna.

“I don’t even know what I’m going to wear. I don’t own a dress. I don’t want to embarrass you guys, but I’ve never been to a wedding – I don’t know what you’re expecting of me.”

She looked worried.

“Don’t fash, lass – what you wore for your birthday dinner was quite becoming. Would that not work?”

“Is that…fancy enough? I mean, it is a wedding – I want to look right.”

I smirked uneasily, realizing I was bit out of my depth.

“Perhaps your mam, or Fiona, would be better equipped to help you. It’s been a long time since I had to concern myself with fashion. The simpler days, when I would throw on a shirt and a kilt and be done with it – “

“Do women wear kilts?” Bree suddenly asked.

“No, not as such,” I sadly had to inform her. “I regret it reverts to being called a skirt, even if it very much resembles the kilt.”

“Oh,” she bemoaned, a look of frustration creeping up her features.

“Well, no matter what you end up wearing for clothing, perhaps you could add this,” I said, presenting her with a small silver brooch. It was simple silver, engraved with the Fraser crest.

“While not exactly what it was designed for, I thought you might be able to use it to hold your hair, or something.”

Bree bit her bottom lip, and nodded, closing her hand around it and pulling it into her chest.

We were meant to spend the rest of the afternoon in the media room, but Brianna wandered into the library on the way down. We ended up playing pool – and I discovered my daughter is a shark – perhaps the same skill of spatial relationships that makes her good at designing buildings makes her an expert at playing the angles!

 

~~~~~

 

When I arrived home, I found Bree worried a bit about what she would wear to the wedding. Jamie had done a commendable job in keeping her from working herself into a state. She’s never been one to let fashion dictate to her, or bother her much, but I could see how much she wanted to please us. I would have loaned her anything she wanted, but nothing in my wardrobe would fit her, and frankly, my wardrobe held precious little in the fancy dress department.

We only had days to act if Bree wanted to ship her wedding wardrobe, so we started the best place we could think of – Fiona. I dashed off an email, knowing it was way too late to expect a reply because of the time difference, but remembering that Fiona has always been the proverbial early bird, and that we could likely hear from her shortly after midnight our time.

We decided to stay up, so Jamie got to work on a batch of bannocks, and Bree eagerly helped him. Seeing them together always puts such a smile on my face.

 

~~~~~

 

The computer made that odd noise, and I knew we had an incoming Skype call. Bree and I crowded around the screen expecting to see Fiona’s features come into focus.

“I hope everyone is decent,” Jem’s voice burred. “Claire,” he said with great delight, “things are well in hand on our end – I just thought you’d like to know that before I hand the computer over to my mother.”

“Jem, yes, that’s quite reassuring,” I told him, actually rather pleased to see his face again.

“Alright, then.”

I watched as he stood and Fiona slid into the chair in front of the computer.

“Claire, the dress is well underway. We’ll just need to do a fitting once you’re here.”

“Good…but that’s not why I’m contacting you. We…have a small problem – Brianna hasn’t got anything dressy, and we were hoping you’d have some ideas.”

“You never did take to dressing up, sweetie,” Fiona teased Bree.

“That’s putting it politely,” Bree barbed right back.

“Aye,” Fee burbled with a twinkle in her eyes.

“Let me think on it, dears. I’ll scour the closets and see what I have to work with, then I’ll sketch up something. Send me your measurements.”

“We’ll have to take them first,” Bree quipped, “Do you need them in centimetres?”

“Och, you,” Fee threw back as she lifted her chin and threw her eyes skyward.

“Thank-you,” Bree sing-songed into the screen.

“You two get to bed now,” Fiona ordered, and ended the call.

~~~~~

Bree greeted me brightly. While she gave me a hug, I could see her looking longingly at Jamie. As close as they’ve become, she just couldn’t yet overcome her apprehension over the thought of being in someone else’s arms. It was so strong I could feel her hollowness. It seems the closer she gets to breaking down the barriers between them, the stronger her fear becomes. I know it’s a big step for her, but I can’t help wishing the day will come soon that I will find them in each other’s embrace…for both their sakes.

When our hug ended, I was glad to see Bree grasp Jamie’s hand tightly. For the briefest moment I thought…but no, today would not be that day. And then they were off, to deliver the ‘crate’ to the air freight yard. It was only their second chance to be alone together since they finished the Leoch room.

 

~~~~~

 

As we rode together in the Wagoneer, I found myself looking at Jamie, unable to stop thinking, ‘I have a dad.’ I shouldn’t still be in awe of that fact, but I am. Everything I’ve thought about who I am has changed. Instead of wondering why my mom and I are so different, I can look at my dad and see how much we are alike. I used to think I was really strange. As it turns out, I’m just really Scottish. I wonder what it will be like when we go back to Scotland – will I feel like I fit in better now that I know my father?

“Are ye listening?” I heard through a fog.

“Hmm?”

“You haven’t heard a word, have ye?” Jamie said with a broad grin.

“Sorry.”

“I was saying I’d like to show you Lallybroch when we get back to Scotland. I’ve actually been working on a rough sketch – I was wondering if…maybe…you’d like to…fix the place up – Take it on as your first big project. There’s a lot of work to be done. No one’s lived there for some time now, but I would love to see it brought back to its glory. Lallybroch is your ancestral home.”

I was dumbstruck. I tried to speak repeatedly, but nothing came out. We drove in silence until we reached the air freight yard where we would surrender dad’s ‘crate’ for its journey. He parked across the street from the hangar in a single depth graveled patch blocked off by a log on cement stanchions. He stationed the coffin at left shoulder arms, and turned, looking both ways before setting off across the street.

I let out the remnants of a stifled laugh, and followed him, as a memory of something tried to surface – something from a movie. If only I could remember.

The looks on the faces of those we passed were priceless. I guess not too many coffins came in here, at least ones hoisted over someone’s shoulder.

“I just hope it arrives in time for the ceremony,” Jamie imparted as he placed it on the counter.

The man we actually dealt with didn’t react, he just said, “There’s no bereavement discount.”

“That’s OK, we’re sending it postage due,” Jamie joked. The look of shock on my face made Jamie smirk.

“No, really, this isna a body, just a convenient…box.”

 

~~~~~

 

My mind wouldn’t stop working on that movie – you how when there’s something just beyond the edge of your memory, and you can’t let it go until you reel it in – that’s what my mind was doing for a good portion of the ride home.

“Have I…put a burden on you? My suggestion about Lallybroch?”

“No. I’m trying to remember something. I had the strangest flash of a memory when you had the coffin on your shoulder – something from a movie, but I can’t quite place it – it is driving me crazy!”

“I’ve been there,” he agreed with a nod.

When we got back to Griff’s house, I began pouring over the DVD titles, hoping something would jog my memory. Mom helped me look, until her constant calling out of titles was making me more frustrated as it was getting in the way of me making any progress. Once I was left alone with my thoughts long enough, I was able to narrow down where I might have seen someone carrying a coffin. I touched the spine of the DVD I was looking for just as Jamie said, “A-ha,” from the Leoch room next door.

He strode into the room, furled paper in his hands.

“I finished,” he said.

“I found it!” I countered with.

We smiled at each other, each of us giddy with excitement.

“You first,” I told him.

“Come, look at this. This is the Lallybroch I remember,” he proclaimed, lifting the paper horn in his hand. I brought the DVD with me and we headed into the viewing pit. Jamie proceeded to lead me through his intricate drawing of the first place he called home. I could almost see it through his eyes. I was soon looking forward to seeing it in person.

When he sat back and exhaled, I figured he had expended his head of steam, and I made the move to put the DVD in the player.

“I finally remembered what movie it was. It had been so long since I’d seen it that I can’t believe I even remembered anything about it. It’s one of the earliest vampire movies. It’s called Nosferatu, and there’s this scene where the vampire is carrying his coffin, and he stops to look both ways before he crosses the street with it! It was so ridiculous. I don’t know how far into the film it is – but I think it’s pretty early on – do you want to see if we can find it?”

“Aye, I would,” he replied, and he took up the remote.

 

~~~~~

 

Before we knew it, Thanksgiving was upon us, but one would hardly think so as the weather continued to be mild in this New England autumn. I still hadn’t had to fully embrace my winter wardrobe, and Jamie hadn’t donned anything heavier than shirt sleeves yet. Boston still bustled; the areas surrounding the different college campuses still teemed with outdoor life – like bees visiting the last blossoms of summer, caught up in the reprieve.

Bree was one of those busy bees, working to clear her schedule so she could join us for the trip to Scotland that would see us married again. She was making time for Jamie, though in much less quantity now that their secret endeavors had come to an end. I could see both of them were starting to get excited about the thought of going to and spending time in Scotland again, and I, too, was beginning to anticipate our return.

I felt like a woman caught between times, working in a modern hospital, but coming home and settling in front of a hearth where a meal slowly cooked over the open flame, and falling into a bed that always left me unsure of what part of my life I was living.

I’d put so much behind me when Bree and I moved to the states, trying to forget everything except the kindness of Fiona and Roger, and their family that had rallied around me. Subtle things, like the difference between a mizzle, a drizzle, and actual rain, would pop randomly into my mind. I found myself recalling faces – Rupert, Angus, and quite especially Murtagh. I knew Angus’ fate, witnessing it first hand, and though I hadn’t asked Jamie directly, I was relatively sure of the others’. Jamie’s resurrection and transportation would have taken him from the field of battle without the opportunity to know for sure.

I found myself with an embarrassment of riches when it came to things to be thankful for this year. Health, happiness, love, family all found their place.

I was waiting for Bree to come so we could uphold our yearly Thanksgiving tradition of spending the Wednesday night before prepping, and most of Thanksgiving afternoon and evening serving dinner to the homeless and unfortunate who would have no meal if not for the many volunteers. I also offered some basic first aid to those in need. It had actually been Brianna’s idea to volunteer. To her, the excesses of food and companionship juxtaposed to seeing people perched on heating grates was increasingly upsetting, so we began one year as servers, and got more involved each year.

Jamie brought me a fortifying cup of coffee as I sat at the table in the modern kitchen, and found me deep in thought. I looked up and smiled as he slid into the seat next to me and put his arm around my back. He gave me a concerned glance, which I answered with a question he hadn’t been expecting.

“What happened to Ned Gowan?”

Jamie looked shocked, or at least a bit taken aback, but he soon pressed his lips together and smiled as he nodded his head.

“He lived to be a right old codger, and as sharp as ever right up to the end. He’s the one who detangled me from Laoghaire’s webs, in the end – no small matter between her mental state and the demands of her brother, but he removed me from any responsibility while allowing me to retain custody of the girls.”

“They were lucky to have you,” I placidly stated, sliding my thumb up his cheek.

Children, whether of his blood or not, were always so important to Jamie, so I knew any child he looked at as his was truly fortunate.

“What made ye think of ‘ol Ned?”

With a quick exhalation of air I smiled more broadly.

“Going back to Scotland; us getting married again…it’s stirring up the past, bringing people from the shadows of my mind back into the forefront. If not for Ned’s intimate knowledge of the law, our intimate knowledge of each other might never have happened.”

Jamie blushed.

“After all we’ve done and all we’ve seen, a simple bit of word play is what turns your cheeks pink?”

“Well, Sassenach, I had a sudden memory of the first time I saw ye naked, is all. Although, Ned or no, I’d think Dougal’d have found a way to either get us wed or…I hate to think what else he might’ve considered.”

“Too right.”

“You two will be careful? Should I escort the pair of ye?”

I leaned my head into his shoulder.

“You needn’t worry, Bree and I will be fine.”

The bell rang.

“That’ll be our lass, then,” Jamie said with growing joy in his voice.

“I told her to ring, but come in on her own,” I told Jamie as we began to hear footsteps crossing the foyer.

Jamie began to beam seeing Bree come into the kitchen. He was on his feet almost before I could stop leaning on his shoulder.

“A mhuirnin,” he breathed out, taking her hands.

“Ciamar a tha u?” Bree tentatively inquired.

Jamie’s face lit up at her attempt at Gaelic.

“I’m fine. You will call if anything seems amiss, mo nighean?”

Bree rolled her eyes and smirked in my direction.

“We’ll be fine – Anyway, Mom knows where to strike to do the most damage!”

I tried to hold in my laughter, but my jaw chattered the harder I tried.

“You two may not be the end of me physically, but you will drive me insane, I swear it…Off you go, do your good deed. I’ll have something waiting. You go feed others, and I’ll feed you when you get home.”

“Oh, that sounds so good,” I informed my soon-to-be husband.

I used to look forward to Thanksgiving for the chance to do something different, to make a difference for people who had nothing, because I knew how easily I could be one of them. Tonight, I did have more reasons to be thankful than last year, and that made it all the more important that I try to give others something to be thankful for in return.

 

~~~~~

 

Bree sent Jamie a text once we were headed home, and as a result we were greeted with the aroma of fresh baked bannocks and piping hot coffee upon arrival.

I made Brianna try the lemon curd that Jamie had surprised me with the other night.

“Oh, wow!” she gushed, “That’s amazing.”

I nodded knowingly at her discovery of the taste sensation Jamie had introduced me to only weeks ago.

We sat quietly nibbling and enjoying each other’s company until I began to yawn. Jamie stood, preparing to see me to bed. Bree was staying over so we could get a jump on our day of service tomorrow. Surprising us both, Jamie took hold of Brianna’s face with both hands. They stared long into each other’s eyes, and then Jamie kissed her on the forehead.

“I am proud of you,” he told her.

I could see her fighting back tears.

When Jamie was back by my side, I could see he was fighting back tears as well. I wiped away one of his tears so Brianna could see me do it. She flicked a smile at me, but hid her face behind her coffee mug and closed her eyes until Jamie and I had left the room. I’m not sure how long she stayed up after we’d gone to bed.

 

~~~~~

 

Claire and Brianna were off early on their mission of mercy. I made sure both ate a fortifying breakfast, but as soon as they were away, I began _my_ mission for the day. I had spent enough years in America to understand the traditions, and I knew for most Thanksgiving was a day of great feasting. For my girls, it was different, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t want supper when they got home. Despite knowing the madness I was about to encounter, I was willing to endure it, for them.

The grocery store was an absolute mad-house. I actually thought two women were going to kill each other with a frozen Butterball until the meat manager brought out some other large, naked birds.

I made my required purchases and was back at the house within an hour. While exploring several weeks ago, I found there was a formal dining room adjoining the modern kitchen, trapped behind a pair of pocket doors that had long since stopped moving the way they were meant to. With a fair amount of effort, I had restored the doors to working order, and had found a truly delightful space behind them.

Although the elaborate dish sets displayed in the room were meant to be merely decorative, I took the chance that they would survive at least one meal. The gold and white figures and patterns reminded me of dishes Claire and I might have dined on in Paris, but I used them anyway. We’ve not had a formal meal together since finding each other, but I thought the occasion called for it. We would soon be leaving this house as single individuals only to be returning as a married couple, a family – something that had been missing from my life since I lost Jenny all those years ago.

So far I had cooked up offerings of stews and desserts and bannocks, of course, and Claire had yet to have a complaint, so it was time to up my game and make her and Brianna something to eat that required a plate rather than a bowl, and utensils…other than a spoon.

Each of us would have our own small bird – they called them Cornish hens, but as I never heard them speak, I couldna verify their true origin. It was a scaled down Thanksgiving dinner for each of our plates, with all the trimmings. Brianna sent word of their impending arrival. Everything was ready, and enclosed in the dining room for me to present to my girls. I looked upon the table, and couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear. Now all I had to do was wait for Claire and Brianna, my two reasons to be thankful.

 

~~~~~

 

Bree and I were exhausted and invigorated all at the same time. We had served meals to hundreds of people today, which made me feel quite accomplished, but each year it struck an off chord to know we were headed home, to a place with heat, and food and drink, while those we served likely had no place to call home, and no reliable source of either heat or food. Those were the thoughts that drained me, but Bree was always there to pick me up.

I’m glad Brianna never had personal experience of famine and homelessness, or war for that matter. I wish I could say she’d never encountered anything unpleasant, but knowing what she had been through, I saw in her the resilience brought of adversity – an inner strength. In the face of the worst the world had to offer, I had Jamie to bolster me, and while I was there for Brianna, sometimes I think I leaned on her as hard as I had on Jamie, leaving her to find a strength all of her own.

Bree pulled me against her hip as we walked up the path to the house, reminding me so much of her father. She smiled at me, and I felt an openness from her, a lightness of being that had been missing these last few years. She sucked in a deep breath, like she was taking the very essence of Autumn into her soul.

“Something smells wonderful,” she imparted.

“Probably one of the neighbors,” I replied.

Brianna pulled me up the steps as the fatigue of being on my feet had suddenly turned my limbs to rubber as I tried to climb the steep staircase.

“Oh,” I whispered as we entered the foyer. The amazing smell on the wind was emanating from within this house! Each breath was like taking another bite as we followed our noses to the kitchen.

Jamie was just sitting at the table in the modern kitchen, which was covered with a mountain of ‘Black Friday’ circulars. Bree and I looked at each other in confusion. There wasn’t a pot, pan or bowl on the stove or counters, although I noted that the oven was on.

“Is there some kind of air freshener that smells like Thanksgiving?” I inquired, tilting my head and apparently glaring at Jamie. He stood and gave me a disarming kiss.

Bree was a bit more direct.

“If you ate an entire Thankgiving dinner while we were away, and all that’s left is the smell…”

“Mo chridhe, I’d not do that to ye. Come,” he said, signaling with his hand for us to follow him toward what I thought was a dead end. As we stood just behind him, Jamie cracked open what I thought to be a solid wall, and pushed the now visible doors into their wall pockets. He turned and brightly smiled at each of us.

“Dinner is served.”

He reached for a hand from each of us and escorted us to our seats. Jamie had outdone himself, but clearly I must stop thinking anything was beyond that Scot. I shook my head incredulously.

“Where have you been hiding all this?” I finally asked.

“I picked it up today.”

“That’s braver than either of us!” Bree signified. “Shopping on Thanksgiving is nuts!”

“Aye,” he nodded, wide-eyed at the memory of what he had witnessed.

“Well, it looks delicious,” I proclaimed.

“One thing yet,” Jamie announced as he headed back to the kitchen for a moment.

“You stay – I won’t be a moment.”

Jamie returned not five minutes later with a basket of fresh rolls.

“Fresh bread? Really Jamie, how did you?...” I just shook my head.

“Well, I’d finished all the laundry, what else was I supposed to do, Sassenach?”

 

~~~~~

 

I was right. The meal was one of the best I’d ever tasted, made more so by the company. A family Thanksgiving. We sat and ate, and Bree and I told Jamie about our day and the people we’d helped during the course of it. Despite the length of the day, not one of us wanted it to end, and we’d been energized by our conversation.


	26. Do Swans Fly?

Do Swans Fly?

Our layover turned into a stay-over when the weather led to the cancellation of our connecting flight to Scotland. The hotel room we were given, in which to bide our time, was small, but cozy. We were offered two rooms, one for me and Jamie, another for Brianna, but we chose to crowd into a single room together.

Bree showered and took to one of the room’s beds to relax, if not actually sleep. I had applied the needles to Jamie’s face to make sure he’d be ready to fly when we were able to make the next leg of our journey, and Brianna couldn’t hold her laughter at seeing him with a “pin-cushion face” as she’d named it. He was laid out on his back, taking up a narrow column of the mattress, as I sat by the pillows on the other side. I was too tired to sleep, and sat staring at nothing. I felt Bree’s eyes on me, but I did not move.

“What are you thinking about?” I heard her ask, jostling me from a drifting day-dream.

“Hmm?...Oh, I guess heading back to Scotland, and having Jamie with me, makes me think about the last time we were there together…and what I went through after…”

“Am I right in thinking…you never told me what it was like right after…It must have been…difficult.”

I reached my hand out to Bree, bridging the narrow gap between the beds, and stroked my thumb over her skin.

“My world was gone – both my worlds. You were all I had left, and I had no guarantee I’d get to keep you either.”

Bree sat up and tucked her legs under herself cross-legged as she turned to face me.

“Can you…tell me about it?” Brianna entreated, leaning forward.

I nodded and smiled, thinking where to start as Brianna waited for story time to commence. I took a deep breath, and launched into a story I had thought about many times, but had never actually put into words before.

~~~~~

I was surprised to find a paved road so close to Craigh na Dun. It had been dirt roads and narrow lanes, hardly suitable for passage by car when I had left in 1945, at least this close to the hill itself. I was cold and wet, and I wasn’t sure how long I’d been lying in the grass at an almost vertical pitch just below the circle. I looked back down the hill to where I’d left Jamie, the remnant of a building we’d sheltered in the night before I left had been lost to time. I sighed mournfully, gulping at a sob.

“Oh, Jamie.”

I allowed myself that one moment of self-pity, knowing the abyss I could fall into if I allowed any more. The only thing I could do for Jamie now was to go on and keep his progeny safe.

I was taken aback at the appearance of the vehicles that passed me, and by the fact that not one had stopped. I knew I must be a sight, but was I so ghastly as to be honked at? Perhaps I was.

I had stopped expecting a passing vehicle to stop, and was making headway on the shoulder of the road a sign had said led to Inverness. My body clock was so sideways I wasn’t sure if it was morning or afternoon, but my stomach was on a clock of its own, and while it couldn’t tell me what time it was, it could tell me it was sure I was pregnant.

I was quite indisposed when I heard an engine thrumming continuously behind me. There was the opening of a door and slow, gravely footsteps behind me.

“Can I be of some assistance?” a kindly, and decidedly young, voice asked me.

I turned and saw the outline of a man recoil.

“That bad, is it?” I asked, feeling I’d heard those words before, but incoming rather than outgoing.

“Sorry, Ma’am,” he said apologetically.

“Are ye hurt?”

His wonderful burr brought tears to my eyes.

“Not so much hurt, more lost.”

His minister’s garb had eluded me thus far, but the white of his collar flared against the sun.

“Could you take me to Inverness?” I asked, relatively sure I’d get there if conveyed by a man of the cloth, so long as he didn’t decide I was a witch!

“I’m headed there myself,” he happily recounted.

He pulled something from his pocket and aimed it at his car. I stared, amazed, as the whole side of the vehicle slid back to reveal a plush wide seat. I doubted anything I could do would look more like witchcraft than that.

“Were you in an accident?” the young man asked, looking at me through the rear view mirror for a few flash seconds.

“Not exactly,” I responded, not sure what I could tell him that wouldn’t have him taking me to the nearest hospital or police station.

“Here for the remembrance, then? Next year’s the big anniversary, two hundred and fifty years, by God, since…well, since.”

I sat quietly in the back of this strange conveyance doing some quick math in my head. If my figures were right – but that couldn’t be! The year was 1995? I was almost fifty years into my own future. My hand slipped to my belly and my other hand followed. I must have looked stricken because my driver looked concerned.

“Do ye need to…unburden yourself again?”

“No,” I replied, “Just glad to be off my feet…I realize I never asked your name.”

“I’m Jeremiah, Reverend Jem, as the children call me.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Claire.”

“Well, Claire, may I offer you the hospitality of the church? We’ve got facilities at your disposal should you want to clean up, and I’ll give no guarantee of quality, but we’ve got hot tea, or coffee if you prefer.”

I smiled. I must have looked bad, and pretty strange as well, but if there was a gathering for the anniversary of Culloden, I doubt I was the only woman dressed like she’d fallen straight out of the 1740’s.

“I suppose that would be a good idea. I don’t want to show up on my friend’s doorstep looking like I rolled all the way.”

“Someone’s expecting ye?”

“Not precisely,” I answered. “I’m not even sure they’re still alive,” I added under my breath.

~~~~~

It wasn’t long before we were pulling into a space in front of a non-descript off-white building.

“The hall isna much to look at, but she serves her purpose well,” The reverend, Jem, said as he helped me out of the car, seeming to read my mind, or at least my face, as the whole world seemed able to do.

I smiled kindly.

“Thank-you.”

“There’s nothing to thank,” he replied, taking my hands in his and clasping them tight for a moment. He exuded empathy.

When we reached the door, a large woman took me in hand and spirited me away to small room. I had no struggle in me, so I simply stood there as she loosened the laces of my dress and helped me remove my threadbare, if not tattered, garment.

“Such authentic details,” the woman chirped. “too bad it’s been ruined.”

I bit my lip and held back a new wave of tears.

“There you go, lass,” the woman said once I was down to my shift.

“The bath is just through here,” she signaled, pointing at a door next to the exit to the hallway.

“Can you handle things from here?” she asked.

I nodded vehemently, and she left me alone.

The hot water felt like a miracle, and I stood in it until I felt warmed through. I imagined the water was Jamie’s touch, stroking my skin, soothing my soul. I fought the urge to cry, but soon my tears were part of the water flow. I closed my eyes, and willed my mind to conjure Jamie’s voice. Whooshing water became soothing Gaelic slipping off the tongue of the man I would never forget, but never again would I feel his warm breath drifting in in advance of his soft lips dancing along my skin.

If only Jamie could have traveled through the stones with me…but even if he could have come, I’m not sure he would have. Despite how deeply he loves me, Jamie wouldn’t have liked the idea of slipping out in the middle of a fight to leave people he cared about to take up his slack.

As much as I wanted to remain enclosed in this warm, watery cocoon with my thoughts of Jamie, I had a place I had to go, and people whose status I needed to determine. I hoped beyond all hope that the Reverend Wakefield would be alive and of sound mind, for he might be the only one to believe my preposterous story. It would be too much to expect Mrs. Graham, though she might understand just that much better.

When I returned to the small bedroom, I found several hangers full of clothing hooked in the slightly open top drawer of the carved, heavy looking bureau. I had no idea what some of the pieces were, but I was at least able to sort what went on top from what was meant to go on the bottom.

After making myself decent, I set to detangling my hair as best as could be accomplished with the tools on the dressing table. I gave it a gallant try, but I was soon quite sure I needed the help of a professional, and that I would be making a significant sacrifice to the goddess of tangled tresses. I pulled it back best as I could, at least partially taming the rat’s nest I found attached to my scalp.

For the first moment since I woke below the stones, I had time to just breathe. My mind was blissfully blank for almost two minutes…and then I remembered.

“OH…NO, I can’t have lost them,” I called loudly.

I searched the room for the remnants of my dress, but found nothing. I bolted out into the hallway, trying to retrace my steps. I nearly knocked over the woman who had helped me undress and the tea tray she was toting. I grabbed her wrists after keeping her from dropping her tray.

“The dress I came in – what happened to it?” I interrogated the startled woman.

“It was naught but rags – it was tossed out.”

“Did anyone find a pocket? Anything hidden?”

“No, Ma’am – did ye lose something?”

My hands were beginning to shake, so I let her go. I fell back against the wall and felt my knees give way. I slid down the wall, my eyes glazing over.

“I lost them,” I sobbed.

“My last connection to my Jamie.”

“What have ye lost?” she asked with all sincerity, but I was lost in my own mind, remembering the feel of the pearls on my naked skin, remembering how Jamie opened his heart, his world, to me by giving me the last piece of his mother he still had. And I had lost it. I had come close many times, but the string of pearls had always come back to me, until now. My arms were hugged around me, thinking I no longer had something tangible to link me to Jamie.

I felt sick – but it wasn’t just an emotional feeling – I really felt sick. Several waves of nausea rippled through my body, but instead of dreading it, I began to smile. My tangible connection to Jamie was making its presence known, and I would do whatever was necessary to not lose this connection.

~~~~~

I gingerly made my way down the stairs, led by my nose. The smell of genuine coffee was on the wind, and luckily that was one smell that was agreeing with my stomach, for the moment. Before I knew it, I was holding a warm mug between my palms, and sitting on a bench with my feet pulled up so I could rest my mug on my knees should the want arise.

The woman who had tried so hard to figure out what had gone missing came over, the remnants of my dress in her hands. Without a word she handed it over. My hands quickly probed through the fabric and located the secret pocket where I had secreted the pearls and several other valuables at different times. I thrust my hand to the bottom of it, and was alarmed to feel my pinkie slip right through the bottom corner seam. I sucked in a breath in horror, pulled the pocket out into the open and showed my hostess the reason for my distress. I wriggled my finger, making it obvious what had gone wrong.

“Oh, poor lass,” she consoled, pulling my head in at her waist. I had no more tears, but I let her hold me.

~~~~~

After extracting myself from the concern those around me were attempting to convey, and making my escape from the church hall, I walked slowly along the sidewalk, regaining my bearings, getting the feel of Inverness under my feet. It was as if I’d been at sea for three years, and I returned to a port I should know, but did not. I knew where I was, and in theory, when I was, though making myself believe it was still proving difficult.

I guess my body remembered where I was going even if my head did not, because I looked up and found myself at the manse. My heart skipped a beat, and I felt a chill. I just stared at the building – the wall of windows that lit the study, the door I had walked out leaving the Reverend Wakefield and Frank talking about his ancestry. If it had been of more interest to me, I might have never gone back to the stones, I might have never fallen through the looking glass, I might have never…

I was brought out of my head when I was buffeted by a group of passers-by, all talking, but not one to the person standing next to them. Each held some sort of device to their ears, carrying on completely separate and incomprehensible conversations, barely paying attention that there were people other than themselves in existence.

And then it was silent. I was alone with my thoughts on the sidewalk. I couldn’t stand there all day, so I stiffened my spine, and stepped up the walk, and rang the bell.

“May I help you?” a short, slightly round woman inquired.

Her hair was brown, but streaked with bits of silver. She looked like a bird who I’d disturbed from her nest.

“Um, yes…is the Reverend Wakefield here?” I asked.

“The reverend’s been gone some years now.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling a cold pit in my stomach. “I suppose it was a long shot.”

My glass face gave away my distress, and suddenly the woman at the door was pulling me in, like I was a wayward egg she needed to tuck under herself to keep it safe.

“Come now,” she said as she pressed my head down on her shoulder.

“What would you have been needin’ of the Reverend? If it’s religious assistance you’re lookin’ for – “

“No,” I warmly, but firmly replied. “It’s a personal matter. He helped trace my husband’s family line, and I was hoping he’d remember me.”

“You’d have been but a child when he passed!”

“I’m…older than I look,” I declared.

“Aye, but not too old. When is the child due?”

I felt my jaw drop, and I reflexively stood, towering over the woman. I was about to interrogate her about how she could possibly know I was pregnant when I barely knew it to be true and there were no outward signs, when a tall man came up the entry hall behind her. I looked up and up as he approached, his proximity making him far taller than I expected, but I could not take my eyes from his. They were the most striking green.

“Hallo there,” he greeted, just as caught in my eyes as I was in his.

His mouth dropped open just a bit as he stared deeper into my eyes. By the look on the woman’s face who had opened the door, he was her husband, and the fact that he was staring at another woman was leaving her off-put.

“Claire Randall?” he asked out of nowhere.

“And how would you be knowing that?” the woman asked, turning to admonish him with a look as well.

I held my tongue, but there was a curious sensation tip-toeing from my shoulder blades to the base of my spine.

“Yes,” I finally replied.

He extended both hands toward me.

“I’m Roger, Roger MacKenzie. I was Roger Wakefield the last time you saw me, but after the reverend passed, I took back my father’s name.”

Suddenly, I could see the little boy taken in by the Reverend Wakefield and raised by him and Mrs. Graham. He was no longer only knee-high, and the sweet round face was now chiseled and manly, but those eyes were unmistakable. I felt my eyes tearing up, and without thought I moved into his embrace.

As I cried in his arms he began to speak.

“Mrs. Graham always told me ‘when Claire comes back, she will be in need of your help.”

“What are you talking about, Roger?” the woman asked.

“Oh, Fee, give us a moment, will ye lass?” he lamented, then pulled me back to look at me again.

“So you did fall through time after all. There’s no other way you would still look the same.”

I was confused, as was his wife, but Roger was sure of his words, and he smiled broadly.

“They always come back,” he joyously recited.

~~~~~

Roger took me into the study and settled me in a chair near the fire. I was still feeling weepy, and confused. Everything was swirling around me. I pulled a throw blanket from the back of the chair and nestled back, wrapping myself, and drawing my knees up close.

“Fiona, could you get her something to drink and eat? She’s been through an ordeal,” Roger asked of his wife.

“Anyone can see that! Och, man, but what you doona see is she’s also with child.”

“Then Mrs. Graham was right, she is in need of my help – our help…Just get her something warm, aye?”

Fiona disappeared from the room and Roger came over and sat on the ottoman by my feet.

“I supposed you’ll be wondering how I recognized you…”

I simply looked into his eyes for a long moment.

“You said something about Mrs. Graham…is she gone, too?”

“I’m afraid so, my swan,” he replied, thumb pressed under my chin.

“But, she made sure you were not forgotten.”

Fiona came in with a tray. I was about to refuse, thinking she would offer me tea or coffee, and I’d had all I could swallow at the church hall, but instead she uncovered a tureen filled to the brim with what I soon learned was a sumptuous cock-a-leekie, the likes of which I had never encountered before. I took in a deep breath through my nose and my traitorous stomach growled for all to hear.

“Scoop her up a bowl, I’ll be but a minute,” Roger warmly said to Fiona.

“And where are you goin’?” she sharply asked the back of his head as he walked away.

By the time I had worked my way forward in my seat and turned to follow him with my eyes, a now fifty-something Roger MacKenzie was down on his hands and knees, probing at the depths of the bottom book shelf, grunting a bit as he retrieved something from behind the books. He sat back on his heels and smiled widely.

“Gotcha,” he proclaimed, looking over his shoulder. He struggled a bit to get back to his feet, but came back to the ottoman at my feet and sat back down, small box in the grasp of his right hand. Cigar or shoe box, I wasn’t sure right off, but he flipped the lid back and took something from it I had not seen since 1945 – the picture of Frank and me outside the registrar’s office the day we were married.

“After you disappeared, Mrs. Graham gave this to me, and told me to memorize the woman’s face in this picture. She wanted to be sure that someone would be waiting for you upon your return.”

I reached out and we jointly held the photo.

“She was that sure?”

“Aye, she was…I was but five years old, but I remembered meeting you. I never told anyone about the biscuit you snuck to me.”

“I wish I remembered that…sorry that I don’t,” I declared, looking from his eyes to the photo and back.

“I spent many a rainy afternoon lying on the carpet, looking at the picture, and then closing my eyes and trying to remember all the details of your face. I started referring to you as ‘my swan’ because the way you were holding your head made your neck look so long. It kinda became our code word for you, Mrs. Graham and I. She didna want the reverend to know anything about the picture, or remembering you – he didna believe the stories about the stones. I remember the pair of them arguing about the topic.”

While his body was calm, his eyes sparkled with child-like excitement.

“And you never thought to tell me all this?” Fiona chirped sharply, arranging her skirt like a ruffling grouse.

“She was my gran, after all.”

Roger looked up sideways at Fiona.

“I was never sure how to broach the subject, and once she was gone, there didna seem to be any reason to bring up something that had not happened, and might not happen. There was enough talk about the things she’d done. I didna want to be the cause of greater disruption.”

“Talk? About Mrs. Graham? Because she danced at the stones?” I asked, looking from one face to the other in front of me.

I saw Fiona’s eyes open wide, and her lip quivered ever so slightly.

“You knew?” she asked, then raised her shoulders like a chill had come over her.

“I saw her,” I ventured, “The night before I…disappeared. Frank and I went to Craigh Na Dun to watch the dancers, and I spotted Mrs. Graham among them.”

Fiona reached her hands out to me and I took hold of them.

“She taught me to take her place as the caller, and I have taught my daughters the same. She clearly saw something in you.”

I smiled kindly, a feeling of warmth passing from her through our hands. I could feel the inner chill leave my body.

“Sorry I never said anything, Fee,” Roger apologized. “There was never a right time…until now.”

“We’ll talk,” Fiona addressed to Roger, with a smile that belied darker feelings.

She turned back to me.

“Now, we need to get you set up with a room.”

I started to shake my head.

“I don’t want to impose – “

“Nonsense – do ye have any other place to go?”

“No,” I replied with a bit of a tremble in my voice.

“Well then, we have room to spare…and apparently a debt to repay. You will stay, no argument.”

I knew there was no arguing with a mother hen as fierce as this woman, and frankly, I needed a little motherly love.

~~~~~

The next morning I was sitting in the kitchen having a nearly overwhelming breakfast at Fiona’s direction while Roger sat across the table, tea spoon ringing in his cup as he stirred. He was allowed simple tea and toast, but Fiona kept plying me with course after course, the mother hen fattening up her new chick.

I was relieved when a knock on the door took Fiona’s attention. I smirked when Roger took my plate and claimed a good portion of what was on it.

“She won’t let me eat like this any longer,” he explained.

“My kingdom for tea and toast,” I replied.

Roger laughed and reached out a hand to pat mine.

“Poor dear, my wife’s not one to back down…shame we don’t have a dog to sneak the unwanted scraps to,” he leaned forward and whispered.

I smiled, and actually felt it. I guess I could still feel simple happiness, even in the wake of all that’d happened.

“You’re here in time for breakfast,” I heard Fiona say to whomever was at the door.

“Roger, pour a cuppa, our eldest is blessing us with a visit,” she said as she came back to her stove.

“So imagine my surprise…” a male voice trailed off, following Fiona into the room, and I looked up, the shock on my face clear as anything.

“Good lord – how’d you…This is who you were coming to see?”

“Not precisely,” I answered, now seeing both Fiona and Roger looking at me.

Jem came and crouched by my knee.

“You look much better,” he commented, taking my hand and giving it a squeeze before settling into his own chair.

“Does ev’ry one know you but me?” Fiona asked. “How in hell do ye know my boy?”

“Mam, I wish you’d not evoke hell so often – I am a man of the cloth, after all, and not a few members of the church already think ye a heathen, and doona trust me.”

“Jeremiah MacKenzie, a man of God you may be, but God himself ye ain’t. So how is it you know Mrs. Randall, then?”

“Mrs. Randall? – you mean Claire?”

“She does,” I clarified, “But I’m actually Claire Fraser now…You son was kind enough to drive me from near Craigh Na Dun. I never could have made the walk.”

“If I’d known this was your destination, I would have brought you straight on,” Jem chattered, taking the cup of tea his father had poured and taking a sip.

I smiled kindly, but felt I better watch my step.

“So, you’re friends of my parents?” he asked solicitously.

“I was actually looking for Reverend Wakefield when I came here, but I found these lovely people instead, and happily a warm welcome.”

“I must say, it does seem to be kismet that you would be brought to my parent’s house, for it made finding you much easier.’’

Roger and I looked at Jem, puzzled.

“I came back to the church hall to check on how you’d settled in, and was told no one knew of your whereabouts.”

“I’m sorry I…couldn’t handle being around so many people. They were all well-meaning…but…”

“But you needed to be alone with your thoughts?” Jem projected.

I nodded and fought back a want to cry. But then another urge came to the surface, one I could not fight back down. I dashed from the room and into the nearest lavatory, Fiona’s lavish breakfast lost. I made my way back to the kitchen, holding doorframes and walls, and feeling weak. I interrupted a conversation with my entry to the room, and Jem took me by the arm until I was settled back at the table.

“Sorry,” I offered. “It has nothing to do with the food – the baby – “

“Baby?” Jem repeated.

“Aye,” Roger answered for me.

“Why did you think I was tossing my cookies by the side of the road?” I asked.

All I got in reply was a sheepish grin.

“Um, well,” Jem began, “As I was tellin’ Mam when I arrived – the story about pickin’ you up, by the way, I was cleanin’ out the van, and something was caught in the seat, and I knew the moment I saw it, it was very valuable, and needed to be returned to its owner post haste.”

As he spoke those words, he slowly drew his cupped hand from his coat pocket. As the string of Scotch pearls unfurled from his hand I gasped. Suspended over his hand, I could barely bring myself to touch them. I was afraid it was an illusion, and that if I reached out to them, my hand would disturb whatever eye-boggling trick was making me see them.

I put my hand behind the strand and they lay across my palm – absolutely real. I cupped my hand and Jem released them to me.

“They came back to me,” was all I could think to say as I leaned my head into Jem’s shoulder and felt him put an arm around me as I began to sob.

~~~~~

Fiona basically took over my life for the next few months. She made sure I ate well, and that I kept any appointments with the doctors she’d set me up with. I know she wanted me to talk to someone about my experiences, but she understood that most people would think I was nuts, so she did not begrudge my long talks with Roger. And actually, talking to Roger was better than therapy because he could find me answers.

He began looking for any trace or mention of Jamie. Each time he found a tidbit of information, I’d pore over it with him. And I broke into tears the first time he found a mention of Jamie that dated from after Culloden. Knowing that he’d survived that day lifted a weight from my mind that had been siting there like an anchor from the moment I’d left his embrace.

“Oh, Jamie…” I sighed, placing my hand on my growing belly.

“Please, keep looking…I need to know what happened to him after I left.”

“Of course,” Roger said with a nod.

~~~~~

Bree was crying, but trying to hold it in when I’d finished telling her of the first few days and months I’d lived in 1995. I was more reserved than I thought I would be, almost detached from the story for some reason. I’d relived it so many times, but it took on a different tone this time. Jamie was no longer a memory, no longer something I could only tell Bree about – he was inches away, the heat of his body reaching out.

I felt a large, warm hand slowly slide around my hip. What I took to be Jamie sleeping was merely Jamie in deep repose, but listening to every word. I put my hand on top of his.

“I’m glad to know you were in such loving hands,” Jamie told me, “I’ve heard ye speak of Roger before, but didna know how much I owe him, or Fiona.”

“I would kiss you if it wouldn’t pierce my face,” I replied, looking at the acupuncture needles adorning him.

I was struck once again by the resemblance between Jamie and Brianna, and not just the physical similarities. The way they displayed their emotions was…I couldn’t find a word that truly did it justice. It made me realize Jamie was never completely separated from me. The child he gave me had kept the door open all these years, and hadn’t allowed me to think him gone.

~~~~~


	27. Fathers And Daughters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are slowly closing in on Jamie and Claire's wedding, but like a wedding, there are so many little details I need to work in before the actual ceremony. This was meant to be the chapter before the wedding, but I had to split it into two because of what still needed to be written. I don't want to leave something out by mistake that might be vital to the storyline, because there's some BIG stuff happening soon, but it is all dependent on a few key scenes, and I want to get those right. Plus, I am closing in on 400 pages, which means there are about 200 more pages already written, with so much more to fill in.

Fathers And Daughters

 

Jamie, Brianna and I were enjoying our complimentary meal as we waited to be called for our flight when I heard Bree shyly launch into a question.

“So…what year was it…when you came through? We heard mom’s side last night, and I’d really like to know what it was like for you,” Brianna haltingly asked her father.

“Och, lass, I didna come through the stones. They doona call out for me.”

“But…then…how?”

“I guess we should have sat you down and told you everything once you stopped thinking your mam was crazy,” Jamie said, eyes wide open.

Jamie reached out for Brianna’s hand across the table.

“Your mam is the time traveler. My situation is a bit different. I’m…for lack of a better word…immortal. I don’t know that I will never die, but so far, each of my deaths has spawned a new beginning rather than an end.”

Brianna looked like she’d just been hit by a gust of unholy wind as she sat there with her mouth ajar.

“How many?” she gulped out.

“Lives?” Jamie replied.

Bree nodded, although it looked more like a random shaking of her whole body.

“At least a half dozen – maybe even a full one by now, I’ve lost count. I’ve been looking for you and your mam for almost 270 years. If this is the last lifetime I get, it will all be worth it to spend it with Claire and you.”

He clasped her chin with one of his great paws.

“Had I known what year your mam had found herself in, I would have come. I would have raised you from when you were a bairn. It tears my heart out to have lost those years with you, to have not been there.”

“Are you OK, Bree?” I asked.

She looked at me as if I had just awakened her from a fever dream.

“I didn’t just imagine that, did I?” she queried in a scratchy voice.

Jamie and I both shook our heads.

“This is gonna take some getting used to,” she finally pronounced.

Our connecting flight from Keflavik Airport in Iceland to Edinburgh was called before Brianna had the chance to really process what Jamie just told her. She was quiet for this leg of our journey, and I hoped that meant she was sorting things out in her mind. We really couldn’t talk about my time traveling or Jamie’s immortality aboard the plane without risking someone overhearing, so perhaps Brianna’s need to internalize her thoughts was for the best.

The short flight that actually took us into Inverness saw Brianna a little more animated, as she became accustomed to the idea that she was the offspring of a time traveler and an immortal. She spent some time simply staring at Jamie. In some ways, I think learning of Jamie’s immortality helped explain some questions Bree had had from the first time she laid eyes on him – like his youthful appearance. I think I know the exact moment her mind came to terms with what Jamie told her in Iceland. She took his hand, smiled at him, leaned her head on his shoulder, and let out a deep breath. He unconsciously tilted his head against hers and they drowsed in their seats.

~~~~~

We finally arrived in Inverness in the wee hours of Friday morning, feeling bedraggled and quite worn out. Fiona had said to call no matter what time we landed, but I felt a twinge of guilt at calling this late. I wanted to shush the phone with each ring, for it sounded so loud and disturbing.

“Hallo?” a familiar male voice cheerfully exuded. “Claire?” he asked before I could get a word out.

“Yes…we finally landed,” I mustered as my response.

“I’m on my way.”

“No, no, we’ll take a taxi. No need for you to come out in this weather.”

“Nonsense, Swan. It won’t take but a few minutes.”

“Roger, please, I’d rather have you safe at home to greet us.”

“If you insist. Fiona’s got the kettle on. I’m sure you could do with a nibble. Oh, and welcome home, again.”

“Thank you,” I said with a tired smile.

“You talked him around?” Jamie asked.

I nodded.

“Yes.”

“Good,” he replied, pressing a quick kiss to my forehead. “Bree’s finding us a taxi, or some-such way of getting us there, using some kind of APP on her phone.”

It wasn’t long before we had piled our luggage in the back and piled our bodies into the back seat of a rather spacious van by European standards. I was nearly on Jamie’s lap, but I didn’t mind. It was a very nippy middle of the night, with that pervasive Scottish dampness sinking into us, but the heat in our hired car was enough to counteract its effects. I lost track of time, but it felt like nearly an hour before we drew up in front of the old manse.

I expected a quick bite to eat in the dim, overnight lighting of Fiona’s kitchen, and then falling into a bed, but as we began unloading the van, it was as if we had triggered every light in the neighborhood. I was forced to shield my eyes for a moment.

“You made it safe!” I heard Roger say as he came down the walk toward us. “Claire,” he said, beaming a smile and opening his arms to give me a hug. I gladly fell into his embrace and he kissed me on the cheek. He didn’t linger too long with me once he saw Jamie. Roger had his hand extended and had zeroed in on him.

“You must be Jamie Fraser. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

Roger had the over-drawn smile of an excited child on his face as he exuberantly greeted him. Jamie gave me a smirk, took Roger’s hand, and pulled the man into his embrace.

“The pleasure is mine,” I heard Jamie say. “I can’t thank you enough for keeping Claire and Brianna safe. For giving me the chance to find them.”

Jamie let Roger go, but gave him a good pat on the back.

“And Bree,” Roger greeted, trying to give her a hug the way he always had. She tensed up and became as stiff as a board. She released an audible gasp, Roger letting her go, not understanding her reluctance until he clearly remembered what had happened to her.

“Sorry,” he whispered, getting a shaky nod from Bree.

I watched as Bree very carefully made sure her carry-on was hung across her chest in a defensive position to ward off any other potential hugs that were surely headed her way.

My poor girl. These were the times I most wished she could be comfortable in her own skin.

Fiona had been watching from the door, and intercepted Brianna as she got to the house.

“Och, Bree, my how you’ve grown,” she happily said as she looked up into Brianna’s eyes.

“May I?” she asked, opening her arms.

Bree let Fiona put her arms around her, but kept her own arms against her chest as a second buffer, and stiffened the same way she had with Roger. I could tell she was fighting with all she had not to run away.

“Remember me?” Jem questioned.

“Ye-ah,” Bree replied, quaver in her voice.

“Mam is right, you’ve grown up a lot since the last time you were here.”

Jem leaned in to hug her as well, but it was too much for Bree. She held her hands out flat to him and cried, “No!” as she circled away from him. She backed into Fiona, whirled quickly, whispered, “Bathroom?” and moved quickly up the hall to the nearest lavatory.

I stepped up and gave both Fiona and Jem quick hugs.

“She’s not a hugger…not after…”

Jem closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I forgot,” Jem apologetically murmured.

Jamie was right behind me.

“James Fraser,” he introduced, proffering his hand.

“Jeremiah MacKenzie,” Jem returned, accepting Jamie’s hand.

“She hasna let me hug her yet either,” he said with a reassuring smile.

Our luggage was hauled into the rooms we’d be using until we checked into our hotel.

“We weren’t expecting a receiving line at this hour,” I told Fiona as we headed back into the kitchen.

“It’s just me, Roger, and Jem.”

“I know,” I said, looking down.

“Bree used to be so open,” Fee said with a shake of her head.

“I’m afraid that all ended after the attack – She lets me hold her, but…”

“But we’re…strangers, for all intents and purposes, are we not?”

“I’m afraid so,” I replied, finally taking a seat at the table.

Jamie, Roger and Jem came back from who knows where one after another and took up places around the table.

“So, we’ll get that…crate of yours opened up tomorrow – well, later today,” Roger launched into.

Jamie blushed a bit. I think a few words about his choice of shipping container may have been exchanged.

Jamie left one chair between us open, and he wasn’t saving it for Fiona. He sought to provide Bree a safe feeling spot, between us, when she was ready to join us.

“Claire,” Jem beamed, “there is no way it has been twenty years since I first encountered you – and you look younger than when you were here…what is it…six years ago now? Whatever you’re doin’, keep it up.”

Now I blushed, and Jamie smiled at me.

Brianna stealthily made her way to the table and slid into the seat between us.

“There she is, the little wren all grown up,” Roger articulated as he greeted Bree again.

She flashed the slightest smile, but there was such sadness in her eyes. Brianna’s return to Scotland was not off to the best start.

~~~~~

“We have plenty, so please, eat up,” Fiona insisted.

There were plates of small sandwiches, sliced fruits with dips, and nuts and cookies and finger cakes covering the table. Coffee and tea were on stand-by.

“Do you have any ginger ale?” Bree asked shyly.

“Is your stomach upset?” I asked, putting my hand on her shoulder.

“A little.”

“I’m afraid that’s my fault,” Jamie offered. “Claire’s got a steel trap for a stomach, but the lass seems to have inherited my inability to handle turbulence.”

“Was the flight rough?” Roger asked, hoping to draw Brianna into the conversation.

“There was a cross wind,” she simply stated.

“Oh,” Roger said with a nod.

While we discussed the topic, and I wondered if it was the plane rides, or Bree facing down so many people wishing to hug her, Fiona opened and poured out half a small glass bottle of ginger ale into a tumbler and handed it to Brianna. She sipped it slowly through the bend-y straw Fee had placed in it – something from a bit of a gone-by era as far as I was concerned, but I didn’t have grandchildren spilling their drinks due to an inability to find their own mouths!

Everything felt a bit strained. There was a great deal of smiling among the rest of us. Although we’d stayed in touch, we didn’t fall into a natural rhythm. I hoped after some sleep the awkwardness would wear off.

Bree was actually asleep in her chair when Jamie and I had finished taking the edge off our hunger. I gently touched her hand.

“Bree,” I whispered, not wanting to startle her awake. She’d dealt with enough adrenaline today.

“Mom?” she sleepily responded. “…Oh, Scotland, right?”

“Uh-huh,” I hummed back at her.

“I’ll say my goodnights, then,” Jem softly vocalized, “Ruth has to be up early, so I best get myself home, and be quiet about it.”

“Jem,” I said, turning to reach across the table to give him a hug, “Tell Ruth I said hello.”

“Aye, I will. She’s quite looking forward to spending some time with ye while you’re here…and Brianna? She’s always glad to see you, too.”

Bree nodded absently and grunted like a tranquilized buffalo.

“Time to get these travelers to bed,” Roger quipped as light laughter circled the room.

I steered Brianna to her room by her shoulders, and then let Jamie steer me by the shoulders to our bed. I heard Jamie exhale heavily and I wrapped his arms around me like a spare blanket. I don’t remember another thing.

~~~~~

Morning came early, or I should say, early afternoon got here before I knew what had happened. Jamie was sitting in an overstuffed chair with his heels crossed on the far corner of the mattress, watching me.

“Aren’t you tired?” I moaned.

“Aye, a bit, but I couldna sleep.”

“Have you been downstairs this morning?”

“Aye – Fiona puts quite the spread out for breakfast – and then doesna let Roger eat! They have…a unique relationship, do they not? From one minute to the next you canna be sure if they will kill each other or ravage each other,” Jamie related with a deep blush on his cheeks, and a glorious glint in his eyes.

“Passion is a double-edged sword,” I quipped.

“And you would know, Sassenach.”

I smiled at his comment as a wave of heat went through my body. I turned over and sat half-way up, leaning on my elbow.

“Was Bree up yet?”

“If she was, she didna come down to eat. I think we left her comfort zone back in Boston.”

“I was afraid of that…part of me hoped that being around people she used to let hug her might let it happen unconsciously, but alas…”

“I think she handled herself quite well, considering. She will get there. A day will come and something will change, and she’ll be able to open her heart…and her arms”

“I hope so. She deserves to be free of what happened to her.”

Jamie crawled up the bed and settled in behind me.

“Everything in its proper time, Sassenach,” he whispered in my ear. “I waited, and waited…and waited – but then one day, there you were, and it was like my heart began to beat anew.”

I smiled and hummed with my eyes closed. His words were delicious. I wanted to linger all day, but I knew I must be testing Fiona’s patience by now. With a regretful sigh, I turned to face Jamie. I traced his cheek with my hand.

“I’m afraid I must start the day.”

Jamie gave me the sweetest kiss.

“Aye.”

~~~~~

Bree was seated at Fiona’s table when Jamie and I came down.

“You back for another breakfast?” Fiona cackled, seeing Jamie once again seated at the table.

“Merely here for moral support,” he bantered back with a smile.

“I like this one, Claire,” Fiona confirmed. “He’s more than just a pretty face – though he does have that as well.”

I found myself watching Brianna’s reactions, and I could see surreptitious enjoyment flash across her face as Jamie and Fiona teased each other.

“I actually wasna expecting any of you to make it out and about until dinner – You will be up for some light entertaining tonight?” Fiona inquired.

“I’m sure we’ll all be quite prepared by dinner time,” I assured her.

“And you, Bree?” she also asked.

“I’m good,” she softly replied.

“So, who’s coming tonight?” I asked.

“Well, Jem and Ruth for sure. The other boys are both away. Rabbie’s still off at the research station, and Wake has a job keeping him away until after the wedding, or he’d have been here for sure. Janet and Abby have so much to wrangle, they canna even be sure what they will be doing by dinner time, but you will see their shining faces at the wedding, with husbands and children in tow.”

“Good to know we won’t be standing at the front of a nearly empty church then – not that it matters, mind you, since our first wedding wasn’t well attended.”

“Shot-gun weddings seldom are,” Roger joked as he entered the far end of the kitchen.

“I think sword-point wedding might be more accurate,” Brianna quipped, catching us all off guard.

“That’s the girl we know,” Roger resolved, catching the sly look on Brianna’s face as she tried to keep her façade.

She bit her lip to hold back her smile.

~~~~~

Once Fiona had put her kitchen to bed from the second breakfast rush, she produced a folder and placed it on the table in front of her.

“Are we ready to go over some details?”

I felt like I was in front of a strict school marm who would strike me with a ruler should I disappoint in my answer. I suddenly found myself placing my feet solidly on the floor beneath me and sitting up straight, attentive as possible.

“Good,” Fiona sharply replied to my body language, and she shifted her eyes to Brianna. A silly smirk quickly retreated from her face as Fiona used the powers of her mind. Even Jamie checked his smile in favor of a more sober expression.

Fiona opened the folder before her. I almost expected to hear it creak like an old book when she laid the two sides flat to the table.

“Tomorrow, Ruth and I will accompany the two of you for the final fitting of your wedding dress, Claire, and hopefully the final fitting of the outfit we discussed for you, Brianna.”

“What did you…?”

“Doona fash, lass. I found something that could be remade into a quite appropriate show-stopper. And I’ll not say another word about it until the fitting…Now, you will be staying with us here through the weekend, checking into your ‘pre-wedding’ hotel on Monday, although I still doona see why you can’t stay with us straight through.”

“That would be an awful imposition on you, Fiona.”

“Nonsense. Ten or so days is nothing compared to the months you spent here waiting for Brianna to arrive. You didna wear out your welcome then!”

“Fee, trust me, we’ll just get underfoot. I want you to still like us by the time this wedding happens.”

Claire tilted her head, seeing she had not done an iota of convincing Fiona.

“Trust me, Fee. We’ll be traipsing all over the area, coming and going at unpredictable hours – arriving so late as we did must have thrown off your normal schedule. I don’t want to be responsible for disrupting your life.”

“It’s a disruption I’ve been looking forward to from the moment you told me this man was back in your life.”

“Fee?” Brianna reluctantly interrupted.

“Aye?”

“We already paid for the rooms.”

“Spoken as a true Scot,” Fiona sighed, “Could we not keep you for the duration?”

Bree smiled, but shook her head as her answer.

“Alright, then, on Monday ye have a meeting with your priest that Jem has arranged – some official paperwork will be the culmination should Father McBride find you acceptable for marriage, and if not, Jem will gladly perform a Protestant service for ye.”

Jamie was about to protest when Fiona cut him off.

“Or you can continue to live in sin as you have been.”

Her stern look of warning slowly spawned a smirk, and Jamie nodded as his smile held back a laugh.

“You can be as involved or as uninvolved as ye wish when it comes to the flowers and the guest list. But now would be the time to give me any additions to that list. I believe there are only three names you’ve offered me – is there no one else?”

“Well, not here in Scotland,” Claire answered. “I wish a few of the people I work with could be here, but they’re in Boston, and other than that, I really don’t have any friends left here, other than your family, Fee. Jamie, can you think of anyone else you want to invite? Could Griff alter his plans for a few days?”

“He’ll be in the middle of the ocean by now,” Jamie said with a shake of his head.

“Fee, your family will do fine to stand up for us,” Claire promised as she reached across the table with both her hands to rest them over Fiona’s hands. “We know we’ll be surrounded by love.”

“Och, you’ll make me cry,” Fiona said, shaking off the threatening tears.

Fiona looked down and closed her eyes for a serious pause to regain herself.

“I have a few notes here, jotted in the margins, of things you mentioned you’d like to do…let me see…tour Lallybroch? Aye?”

Jamie and Claire nodded, Jamie reaching out his hand and engulfing hers.

“Trip to visit Andrew Rhys-Jones?”

“He’s been a…long-time friend to me,” Jamie informed.

“Why is he not on your guest list, then?”

“The man is in his nineties, and while he is rather spry, he prefers to have guests, not be one!” Jamie explained.

“Well, you have the better part of a week before the wedding to do whatever you wish, but I will be quite disappointed if ye don’t join us for dinner most nights,” Fiona warned.

“I promise, we’ll give you plenty of notice each day of our plans, unless something unexpected comes up,” Claire assured her.

“See that you do…now shoo, the three of you. I have a dinner to get started on.”

“We could help?” Claire offered.

“I’ll not hear of it. It is my kitchen, and the day I canna produce a dinner is the day they pry the spatula from my hand – away with ye.”

~~~~~

The whole house was beginning to smell wonderful as Fiona’s dinner was taking shape. Fiona employed Brianna to set the table, and even let her stir a pot or two despite her stern warning that we not interfere with the creation of this meal. Jamie and I spent our time languishing together on the couch in the study. Roger was in and out, checking on the fireplace, asking us if we needed anything, and shifting in and out of the kitchen attempting to sample components of the meal until Fiona loudly threatened him with a potato masher.

Jem and Ruth turned out to be the only ones who could shift their schedules enough to join us, so it was to be dinner for seven.

We all started out in the study, but it became a matter of competing conversations until no one could understand what anyone else was saying. That led to a division along gender lines.

~~~~~

Roger, Jem, and Jamie headed into Roger’s den since Fiona would not stray far from the study due to its proximity to the kitchen.

“I keep the good whisky in here anyway,” Roger revealed as they arrived at the door, “Though probably no so good as you may have imbibed,” he said, turning to Jamie.

Jamie smiled sheepishly.

“Remind me before we leave to send you one of my reserve casks – but I warn ye – its fumes alone could render you drunk – perhaps even set ye on fire!”

“Sounds promising,” Jem commented.

They drank in silence for a bit, the father and son not really knowing what to say to Jamie, as they barely knew him beyond what Claire had told them.

As they were men, the silence was easier to live with than to break.

~~~~~

After a few drinks, not only were they talking, they were regaling each other with some of the best and worst jokes they’d heard over the years – sometimes all rolled into one.

Jem launched into one particularly long story joke, after informing Jamie of its source – the priest who meant to marry Jamie and Claire, all details permitting.

“And so the man reaches the gate to his yard, hours after his wife had sent him out to get these snails.”

Jem stopped to take a breath and sip from his glass.

“And he drops the bag…Snails are everywhere – on the sidewalk, up the path to his door – just scattered far and wide – And his wife opens the door! She’s livid – ready to eat her husband alive in lieu of the escargot she had planned.”

They were all already laughing a bit under the influence of several glasses of whisky.

“She starts cutting into him – ‘Where have ye been? I ask this one simple thing! What took ye the hell so long?’ And without missing a beat, despite his state of ineb…inebri…drunkenness, the man turns toward the back of where the snails scattered, sweeps his hand along and calls out, ‘come along, lads, we’re nearly there!’.”

“I hope the hell he confessed after telling that one,” Roger blasphemed.

Jamie laughed and drained his glass.

“I have found that often it is the clergy who will tell the most off-color jokes – although sailors and prostitutes can usually hold their own.”

Roger laughed as he pointed at his son, seeing the truth of Jamie’s words.

“I would dare-say you’ve encountered a number of each in your life,” Roger acknowledged of Jamie, alluding to his long life, which sobered the three of them considerably. Jamie nodded heavily.

The room fell silent yet again. All three breathed deeply, seeming to stare at their own shoes.

About ten minutes into the quiet reflection, Roger picked up the decanter and offered, “Another whisky?”

Two glasses beside his own were quickly proffered and filled half-way.

The jocularity had fizzled away, segueing into thoughts of times gone by.

As curious as the MacKenzie men were about the lives and times Jamie had existed through, Jamie was the one asking questions, wanting to know all he could about how Claire coped in the earliest days of their separation by centuries, and what they remembered of Brianna’s beginnings.

“You want to know it all, do you not?” Roger queried, “You want to capture the essence of your infant child, and of Claire at that time – that wonderful, ephemeral space in time.”

Roger leaned in close to Jamie’s ear, and tapped him on the chest with the back of his hand.

“That’s why Fee and I kept at it – to try to recapture that feeling – it was different every time.”

Jamie nodded empathetically, knowing he wanted the impossible – to capture time.

~~~~~

“So…you have how many now?” Claire asked Ruth once the men headed for the den and things quieted in the study.

“Six – the last one was quite unexpected.”

“I think I remember you saying that about number five as well!” Claire recalled.

“Well, he was less unexpected, but we did name him ‘Noah Mhor’. I guess the joke was on me,” Ruth chuckled.

“I can see why you wouldn’t want to bring the wee one, but…”

“Convincing teenagers to come to anything on a Friday night is a struggle not worth engaging in. My eldest, Iona, she doesna mind playing mom to let me out time to time.”

“She’s eighteen, right? Bree just turned twenty – I can’t believe how fast it’s gone by. Fiona, you must be overjoyed with so many grandchildren. I remember how you lamented only having one youngster about when I left for Boston with Brianna.”

“Och, it’s lovely…and when I’ve have my fill, they can go home, but then I miss having them about. For almost a year, though, I get the chills thinkin’ about it – there were thirteen of them!”

Ruth and Claire laughed while Brianna smiled uneasily. Talk of babies wasn’t something that Bree was interested in. As an only child, Bree had never even held a baby, and the thought did not cross her mind, except occasionally to think ‘God I hope no one hands one of those to me’. Claire turned to look at Brianna, seeing the kind of glazed over pleasant expression she took on when she was not the least interested in what was being said, but had to look friendly.

“We must be boring you to tears,” Ruth addressed to Bree.

“Me?” Brianna answered, tapping her fingers to her upper chest.

“You hide it well, but somehow I think even now you’d rather be playing with a box of Legos,” Ruth burbled.

Brianna blushed as only Jamie’s daughter could – cheeks and ear tips blazing a brilliant red. She bit her bottom lip and nodded in reluctant agreement.

“Excuse me a moment,” Fiona requested, going to check on the meal.

When she came back in, instead of taking up her former seat, she began the walk to the other door.

“I’ve taken the main course out of the oven, and put the scones and dessert in. I’m going to tell the men we’ll be eating soon.”

~~~~~

“It’s hard to believe that striking girl in the other room is also the first bairn my wife ever held,” Jem mused.

“They grow up so fast,” Roger sighed.

“To our daughters,” Jem said with the raising of his glass.

“And to the women who gave them to us,” Jamie added.

“Here, here,” Roger interjected, and the three of them drained their glasses, each thinking of the wives and daughters that filled their lives.

The collective sigh of three men sounded as they stood with their backs to the fire, the mantle propping them up by the shoulders.

Fiona stood just outside the door, her heart warming, and a glowing heat coming to her cheeks.

“So…” Roger finally broke the silence with, “Where were we?” he asked, taking a sip of his freshly refilled whisky.

“I don’t know about you, but I think I’ve had my fill of bad jokes, Da.”

“Perhaps we should lend a hand in the kitchen,” Jamie offered.

“I wouldna dare get in Fiona’s way. The last time I offered to help her in the kitchen, she got so distracted we ended up eating scones of stone!”

The warmth in Fiona’s heart and on her face quickly chilled, and her ire was piqued.

“Roger MacKenzie!” Fiona howled, one foot stomping to display her anger as she dried her hands off on her apron. She stood in the doorway, scowling.

“Och, I’ve stepped in it now,” a cowering Roger quavered, using Jamie and Jem as cover against his irked wife.

“You can’t hide behind them forever,” Fiona fired at her husband.

Hearing Fiona’s angry squall, Claire, Brianna, and Ruth arrived at the door to the den.

“What?” Claire quickly asked, looking between Fee and the assemblage of men by the fireplace as she stepped into the room. Brianna and Ruth each took a step into the room behind Claire.

“The whisky has loosened my tongue,” Roger apologized, now emerging from behind Jem and Jamie.

“And I spoke the forbidden words.”

“Forbidden words?” Brianna asked.

Roger tilted his head in apology and question toward Fiona until she felt compelled to acquiesce.

“Fine – tell them – tell them about how you made a joke of my ignominy!”

“Mam,” Jem empathized, heading to comfort his mother.

Jamie invited Claire and Brianna to flank him by the fireplace with a flick of his head, and Roger stayed low as he went and sat on the arm of his recliner.

“Well,” Roger said, mouth a bit drawn. “Where to begin. We’re all familiar with the Stone of Scone?” he nodded, looking for agreement. All heads nodded except Brianna’s obvious shake of ‘no’.

“It’s a big stone that was used in the coronations of Scottish royalty – stolen and used by the British for the same thing. The Scots wanted it back so badly it was stolen and hidden for a time. Eventually, it was returned to its rightful place, in Scotland,” Claire interposed, much to Jamie’s Scottish pride.

“Right, Claire, well…I got in the way of Fiona’s supper preparations one night, causing her to over-cook a batch of biscuits. They were hard as stone, and only nearly as tasty. So I joked that perhaps if we switched one of her Scones of Stone for the Stone of Scone that maybe no one would notice the change.”

There was a smattering of laughter followed by an empathetic undertow of commiseration.

“I’m sorry, Fee,” Claire said with a smile, “but I think Roger was quite clever to come up with that on the spur of the moment. We’ve all had those moments in the kitchen. Sometimes I’m surprised I was able to produce meals Bree could stomach.”

“Who says I did?” Brianna retorted, “Why do you think I learned to bake?”

“Poor dear,” Ruth cooed, “But it doesn’t seem to have stunted ye’re growth any!”

Jamie burst into laughter, getting an elbow flapped toward his chest from Claire.

“So, where were ye Christmas of ’50, Jamie? Bringin’ the stone home, by any chance?”

Jamie found himself the center of all attention. He looked about, his all too familiar sheepish grin on his lips as his cheeks and ear tips pinked like beacons.

“I was aware of the…liberation…but I wasna part of it,” he affirmed with a jaunty tilt of his head.

The lull in the voices was slashed as Fiona yelled out, “Mac na galla”, and dashed from the room.

“Might I suggest you not come up with a joke for whatever part of the meal she has to rescue this time,” Ruth encouraged, placing a hand on Roger’s shoulder.

“Tang dhut, a ghraidh,” he said with a nod.

~~~~~


	28. It's Only Fitting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As with a real life wedding, nailing down those last few details to get everything just right can take longer than thought - that's what happened with this story - and those few words I thought I had to write to fill in what is needed before the wedding scene have blossomed into several more chapters. But I'd hate to skip over any details that I might need to refer to in the future. Please bear with me. In this chapter, if I can make it work, I have sketches of Claire's dress and Brianna's outfit for the wedding.

It’s Only Fitting

 

Brianna brought the pairs of leggings and shirts Fiona had directed her to bring in order to properly pair it with the garment she had constructed for my girl to wear to see her parents wed. My daughter had never been one

to be ‘girly’. She eschewed skirts, hated anything that restricted her movement. I can only imagine if she had had to wear a corset and ankle length skirts, and I know for a fact some of the low-cut bodices I had donned in

Scotland and France would have embarrassed her to look at, let alone wear.

Last night’s dinner, and the time for conversation before-hand, had allowed Brianna a chance to be some-what comfortable with Ruth, seeing as she remembered Bree’s penchant for building, and disinterest in babies.

“What?” Brianna asked, as Ruth once more beamed at her.

“I guess I find it hard to believe you’re so grown up,” Ruth replied.

“I’m not that much older than your first daughter.”

“True, but I raised her, saw all the changes. And now that I’ve seen your Da, it’s remarkable how much you resemble him.”

I came out from the dressing room, having been listening the whole time.

“I did tell you she was her father’s spitting-image.”

“I know, but saying it and seeing it have quite a different impact. Oh, look at you,” she reacted to my dress.

“Did I not tell you it would look magnificent on her – those colors, with her skin and hair.”

Fiona was right. The deep burgundy velvet of the skirt and bodice were set off perfectly by the sleeves and insets in a color that was being called ‘sand’. It was a creamy pale yellow, like fresh butter with a saffron hint of

depth. The shoes I’d brought from home. They were a metallic pewter color, and when the light struck them, they had a pearlescent glimmer, like the Scotch pearls that would be strung around my neck come our wedding

day. Right now, the pearls sat in their case, carefully packed in the small coffin Jamie had used to ship everything from home. I imagined that while Bree and I were here for our fittings, Roger and Jamie were probably at this

moment prying the lid up. I only hoped he wouldn’t find them, for I wished to surprise him when he saw them around my neck once more. He knew I still had them after I told my tale during our layover, but I hadn’t told

him I’d sent them along with his kilt and swords.

“Claire, I think you were off on ye’re measurements. I thought the lacing would pull a little tighter.”

“Are you trying to tell me I’m fat?” I alleged.

“Of course not dear, but…”

“Jamie’s been feeding her,” Brianna chipped in, “Stews and bannocks – and that tower of cake. He’s actually a very good cook.”

“Oh, now I really do envy you,” Ruth sighed dreamily.

“It looks OK, doesn’t it?” I asked, suddenly feeling alarmed that my fairytale wedding was a wardrobe malfunction away from becoming a viral video.

“Nothing’s about to fall out, if that’s what you mean. We’ll just readjust the lacing, loosen the back – bring the front together a bit more. You won’t be in it all that long anyway!”

My mouth dropped open. Bree was laughing – I hoped she’d still be in as good a mood after Fiona had finished with her today!

 

~~~~~

 

When Ruth had arrived at the manse to accompany Fiona, Claire and Brianna to the dress shop for their fittings, she had not come alone. Jem had come along with their three youngest children, twelve year old Roger

Douglas (who they refer to as R.D. just to keep names straight), ten year old Noah Mhor, and the ‘baby’, one year old Sage.

“We brought the younger half of the kids,” Jem said as he passed Claire in the kitchen, the baby in his arms.

“R.D. and Noah wanted to see Jamie’s sword and dirk, and their grandda, in that order!”

Claire smiled, knowing Jamie would quickly turn into his inner twelve year old given the opportunity to show off his weapons in front of an audience.

“Have fun,” Claire offered, finishing her coffee.

“Good morning, Brianna,” Jem greeted as he passed the foot of the stairs with his entourage just as she was coming down.

“Hi,” she replied, waiting for the children to enter the next room before she came off the last step.

“They aren’t coming with us?” she asked, finger pointed over her shoulder as she entered the kitchen.

“No,” Claire simply told her. She exhaled in relief.

 

~~~~~

 

With the exact exhale of relief she’d released in Fiona’s kitchen, Brianna stepped out of the dressing room.

“Isn’t this a bit…form-fitting?” she uneasily asked, raising her shoulders trying to adjust how close the long coat fitted.

“Nonsense, it shows off your assets without putting them on too much display,” Fiona informed her. “You have classical proportions, my dear. It’s nothing to hide.”

Bree smiled shyly and blushed. With darts under the bust, and nips and tucks to bring the waist in, the emerald green coat showed off Brianna’s hourglass figure, accentuating her ample breasts. It was clear she wasn’t

completely comfortable, but as she moved around in the outfit, I could see her starting to feel confident about her own body. Her shoulders shifted back, and she stood tall.

“I guess it’s alright. The fabric feels nice – soft and familiar, almost comforting in a way, like I could snuggle in it.”

“It used to be the dress coat Wake wore with his kilt, but he outgrew it in the chest and back once he left for University. He was rather…narrow before he matured. All I really needed to do was make allowances for Brianna’s

womanly curves.”

Bree ran her hand down the row of little black buttons and spun around, flaring the bottom out, exposing the cocoa-tan of the lining, almost the matte version of my pewter shoes. Bree was wearing leggings that almost

matched that lining, but I could see that both Fiona and Ruth had focused in on that.

“You brought the black leggings, too?” Fiona asked.

Bree nodded.

“I think it might look better with those.”

All Brianna need do was hold the black leggings up in front of herself before they were convinced. I saw the dual nodding of their heads.

“Yes,” Ruth emphatically cried.

“Och, just the touch,” Fiona crowed.

 

~~~~~

 

The ‘crate’ was balanced along the console table that sat behind the couch in the study. Roger had thrown a blanket over the table, knowing he would catch hell if they scratched the finish on it. Jem came back from the

garage with a crowbar, looking like a potential cinematic serial killer, handsome, but dangerous.

“I’ve got it,” he announced, waving off any assistance as he approached the coffin.

“It’ll be a pleasure to…do the opposite of what I usually get to do with one of these, and that it is filled with joyous possibilities.”

Jem exerted considerable force and got the lid loosened with three wrenching strokes. Jamie saw the two expectant faces of Jem’s boys peering cautiously into the container, and he smirked.

He drew the sword from its scabbard slowly and held it aloft as two young voices, and two older voices, said, “whoa”, rightly impressed.

Jamie brought the sword down letting the boys each have a chance to try to hold it up.

“It’s a real Scottish blade,” Jamie said as warning, “a might heavy for you boys yet.”

“May I?” Roger asked, reaching out to take a grip of it. Jamie turned it, supporting the blade as he handed it off to Roger’s hand.

“Ohh…she’s a beauty,” the historian admired.

“I’d like to get some time alone with this – maybe make a rubbing – get some samples for analysis,” he expressed toward Jamie.

“While Claire and I are on our honeymoon, I’ll let you look after the sword and the dirk,” Jamie said with a smile, clamping a hand on Roger’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze.

“There’s a dirk, too?” R.D. asked, getting on his tip-toes to look into the coffin once more. He was tall enough to see without the few added inches, but he liked feeling taller compared to the oak trees of men he was

standing amid.

After happily giving Jem’s boys a chance to look at, and even handle the dirk a bit, he took it back, gave it one spin in his palm and put it away, having to collect his sword much the same, as Roger did not wish to relinquish

it.

“You’ll get it back,” Jamie assured him, carefully placing the items in the coffin.

Jamie removed the bundle that was his kilt, and the shirt and jacket, so he could hang those items and let the wrinkles straighten out.

“Fiona would iron those for you,” Roger volunteered.

“Nah, they’ll be fine in a few days,” Jamie countered.

“What color would ye call that coat?” Jem asked, “I thought it was black at first, but…”

“Aubergine,” Jamie answered with a French lilt, and a hint of a bow in his posture.

“Quite handsome,” Roger commented.

“You will look grand, as I’m sure Claire will in the dress Fiona had made for her – but I am sworn to secrecy about the dress,” Roger happily warned.

“So, that’s the promise kept to the boys,” Jem averred, “But they each have full afternoons scheduled, so we’ll be off as soon as I collect the wee one. Jamie, I’ll see you and Claire Monday to introduce you to Father McBride.

He’s anxious to meet you after what I’ve told him.”

And then it was just Roger and Jamie at the manse.

“What has Jem told the priest?” Jamie inquired, a bit apprehensively, as they both sat on the couch, Jamie tapping his fingers sequentially on his thigh.

“Nothing to betray your confidence, but knowing the man, I’m sure you could tell him the whole truth and he’d not even bat and eye – pardon the term, but he’s rather unorthodox. I think you’ll like the man, as will Claire.

She told me more than once about confessing her experiences, thinking the priest would think her crazy, but finding unexpected acceptance. And if, once more, ye pardon my terminology, he’s cut from that kind of cloth

–and you know he’s got the humor after that joke Jem attributed to him. Jamie nodded slowly, thinking about Roger’s words, wondering if he should consider a full confession.

“So, that went quicker than I thought,” Roger mused aloud, after a peek at his watch, knowing Fiona and company would not be back for some time.

“Aye,” Jamie replied with a nod.

“Perhaps we could make ourselves useful and get the dinner started – Fiona’s not here, so we’ll not be stepping on her toes.”

“Ahh,” Roger hesitated.

“I will take full responsibility,” Jamie avowed. “She’s done so much to make this wedding happen, letting her have a night off duty – come home to a meal cooked for her - is the least I can do. And as you said, things went

quicker than anticipated. I’ll go to the market.”

Roger was paralyzed at the very thought of someone cooking in Fiona’s kitchen, and Jamie was zipped into his leather jacket and on his way out before Roger could stop him.

 

~~~~~

 

Roger wrung his hands the whole time Jamie was gone, pacing between the front door and the study and back again.

“This is not a good idea,” he kept repeating to himself, shaking his head.

He turned on his heel the moment Jamie returned and settled several paper bags on the counter.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked, nervously swallowing. Jamie just smiled and tilted his head.

“Och, in for a penny, in for a pound, aye?” Roger concluded. “What can I do to help?”

 

~~~~~

 

After making the needed adjustments to my wedding gown, and getting Brianna to take off the coat once she found it to her liking, Bree, Fiona, Ruth, and I headed to Fee’s favorite pub and coffee house.

“I thought we could use a drink before we headed home,” Fiona elucidated.

“Three whiskies and a coffee,” she ordered before all of us had cleared the doorframe.

Our glasses were delivered promptly, three chilled, one piping hot. We all took small sips, Bree after a cooling puff of breath.

“Too hot,” Brianna gulped, sticking her tongue out to cool it.

I looked down and smiled. Brianna was often impatient when it came to hot beverages, but she was never deterred, and always launched right in the next time.

We quietly imbibed as the sky outside dimmed.

“I need to get dinner started,” Fiona finally announced, “but at least we got a good bit of business done today.

“I’ll take care of the tab,” Ruth offered, and Fiona put her hand over mine before I could dig in my pocket to chip in, shaking her head.

“Our treat.”

 

~~~~~

 

“So you spent some time in New Orleans?” Roger asked as he acted as Jamie’s sous chef, and minded a large pot of rice.

“Aye, a few years,” he said with a sigh and a nod, leading Roger to believe something significant happened in that time. Something that still pained Jamie to recall.

“So this would be…Creole cooking?”

“My own hybrid of Creole and Cajun – a little bit city and a little bit country. I couldna get the file’, nor the okra just now, so it’s likely to taste different than what I usually make, and you canna officially call it a gumbo, but

it’ll be close enough,” Jamie assured him.

“It sure is starting to smell good – It’ll make a fine last supper!” Roger said with an impish smile.

“Fiona will not kill ye…she might ravage you to death, but you’ll die a happy man!”

“I take it you’ve been making food like this for Claire, then?”

“Considering the calories we’ve burned since I found her again, I had to keep her stamina up somehow!”

“Och, you are Claire’s equal in so many ways,” Roger claimed. “It is truly a miracle…fate may beat the hell outta you first, but if you survive the ride, the reward is worth it. It must really be something to have seen all you

have, and then find the wife you were always meant to have and meet the child…”

Roger could see Jamie was becoming emotional and stopped speaking.

“I’m sorry if I…”

“Nah…”Jamie shook off.

“I know how lucky I am. These have been the best few months of my life, outside of meeting and marrying Claire the first time. And here I am, on the verge of having…everything I’ve waited for…and I find myself…scared.

Whenever it seems things are going really right for me, disaster lurks around the corner…time and time again. I just hope I’ve broken that cycle, and that…finding Claire again means… all those years in between were a

necessary interlude before we could pick up and live our lives.”

It was sobering fodder for thought, but Roger had the counterpoint to Jamie’s fears.

“I know I havna survived anything like what you’ve been through, and that’s just including what I do know, but I have felt like you do right now – that for each moment of joy you achieve, you must pay a toll of sorrow…but

that’s the problem with true joy – there’s nowhere to go but down. But if you can land on your feet, you can push off again.”

Footsteps in the foyer brought their conversation to an end.

“What on earth has been going on in my kitchen?” Fiona ranted.

Wisely not depending on words to defuse Fiona’s anger, Jamie grabbed a spoon and scooped up a bit of the vegetables and sauce that were simmering away, shielding below it with his hand and blowing lightly on it until he

poured it into Fiona’s mouth. Her eyes opened wide. She took the spoon from Jamie and went in for a second taste. After that second taste, she abruptly put the spoon down and turned to face Jamie. She looked on the

verge of tears as she grabbed Jamie tightly around the middle.

“You have permission to use my kitchen whenever and for whatever you wish.”

“I never thought I’d see the day,” Roger whispered.

Claire proudly beamed, knowing Jamie had indeed achieved a rare deed – free reign in Fiona’s kitchen.

 

~~~~~

 

We settled in around the table and watched as Jamie finished off his okra-less gumbo with the addition of several pounds of the smallest shrimp he could find.

“They doona have the personality of crawfish, but they cook almost as soon as they hit the heat,” Jamie instructed us as he looked over his shoulder.

Roger lined each of our bowls with a thick layer of fluffy rice and Jamie added just the right amount of shrimp and sauce. You could taste the onions, celery, and bell pepper mixed perfectly and spiced with garlic, paprika,

parsley, and thyme, with a hint of heat that brought tears to my eyes. Fiona’s face turned bright red as she ate, but you couldn’t have pried the spoon from her hand if you’d tried. This was the first time Jamie had made this

meal for me, but I was sure it would not be the last. We inhaled the food to the last grain of rice, and then leaned back in our chairs, cradling our bellies. I didn’t dare say it, but it was better than anything Fiona had made

for us thus far. Even I was impressed with what Jamie had done to feed us tonight, and he had endeared himself to Fiona – something that would continue to serve him well, I was willing to bet. While Roger, Fiona, and

Brianna reveled in their full stomachs, Jamie leaned in.

“May I have your ear a moment…alone?”

I nodded and took his proffered hand.

“We’ll be in the study,” Jamie said, “Give us a few minutes?”

We got nods all around, and slipped slowly into the study. I gave the coffin a glance as I passed it, wondering if I could sneak the pearls out without getting caught. Jamie sat at the edge of the cushion, and I knew we were

not in the study for a leisurely lounge after dinner.

“Roger said the priest, Father McBride, is a very open-minded sort. And I have been thinking…”

“You want to tell him everything, don’t you?”

“Aye,” he clipped, nodding and looking down.

His hands were folded together and I molded my hands on top of his.

“Why don’t we see how we feel when we meet him? I’m sure Roger’s right, but…”

“But…the threat of the pyre still clings to you,” Jamie put bluntly.

“Well…I doubt we would be burned at the stake in this century, but he could refuse to marry us.”

“Alright…but if we feel comfortable with the man…I’d like him to know everything – and that’s likely to include even some things I have yet to tell you.”

“I know you had lifetimes without me, Jamie. I won’t be hurt to hear about them.”

With the business out of the way, Jamie sat back and pulled me across his lap. I leaned back and looked up into Jamie’s face. The look there reminded me of the way he looked at me in the first few weeks after we’d first

had sex – a sense of contentment that I was his, mixed with an eagerness to learn more and please me. At that time, the look often made me feel guilty, for Jamie wanted me with singular focus, and I was torn over letting

him fall in love with me when I didn’t see a future with him yet. How was I to know that my future would come so far into the future, and that he’d be here, still looking at me with such love.

“I love you,” I softly spoke.

His smile blossomed and he kissed me.

“Love you,” he returned.

 

~~~~~

 

It turns out Jamie and I did spent most of the evening lounging on the couch. And we were left alone far longer than the few minutes Jamie asked we be given. It was a temporary calm before the next storm – and I

wondered just how many more storms we would face before we managed to get remarried. I wanted his ring on my finger; I needed him in my life. I had lived perfectly well without him for twenty years, but the thought of

being without him one more day – I shuddered at the very thought.

Fiona had done the dishes and came in to sit with us for a bit. Turns out, Roger had taken to his den with a favorite book and Brianna had gone up to her room to spend some quality time with her laptop.

“Roger told Brianna before she went to her room, and I shall tell you now, you need not go to church tomorrow, but if you wish to go and hear Jem, Roger will be leaving promptly at eight thirty.”

“Thank-you, Fee, but we probably won’t go,” I responded.

“Och, I figured as much. Roger is quite used to being the only member of this household to be a regular church goer, but he always had a feeling for religion. I think Jem always sensed that in his Da, and it may have been a

factor in his decision to go down that path professionally. Roger is quite involved with Jem’s flock – enjoys sharing what he knows.”

“I never saw Roger as a very religious sort,” I imparted.

“Oh, he has his religion, but it doesna stand in the way of a good joke, a good whisky, or a good shag!”

 

~~~~~

 

We had a good lie-in to start off Sunday, then had a lovely ‘brunch-ish’ meal when Roger got back from church.

 

~~~~~


	29. Three And Thee

Three And Thee

 

Jem drove Jamie and me to our meeting with Father McBride. He presided over ceremonies in multiple churches, one of them being the ancient chapel we exchanged vows in those many years ago, but we met in his office

this day, for convenience sake.

We entered the room behind Jem, and were caught unaware as he gripped Father McBride in a hug and loudly made his greeting.

“Cow Patty.”

“Jem-stoned,” he hooted in return.

Jamie and I looked at each other, a bit shocked, but bemused by their familiar monikers for each other.

“Jamie and Claire Fraser, this is Father Padhraig McBride,” Jem informed us.

“Did I hear you calling him ‘Cow Patty’?” I questioned.

“Och, aye, and he called me ‘Jem-stoned’.

I tilted my head, trying to assess how those nicknames came to be. I could see Jem pinking up a bit, a wicked smirk fighting against his tightening lips.

“Let’s just say, I was…indisposed when we met – the indiscretions of youth,” Jem offered, “‘Cow Patty’ came along a might later.”

“Aye, it did,” Padhraig confirmed, “As you might have noticed, there’s a parcel of pasture land surrounding this church. Well, the day I arrived, I was gifted with three cows – by this joker here. He called them the trinity – the

nerve, aye?”

The look on Jamie’s face was priceless.

“But we’re here for other matters,” Father McBride said with a nod. “So, I understand you two wish to be re-married?”

“Yes,” I said, broadly beaming, reaching out to take Jamie’s hand, “Now that we’ve found each other again.”

“Aye,” Jamie agreed, turning quite red, and squirming like child who was afraid he was about to be chastised.

“I understand you two have a child together?”

“Brianna, she’s twenty,” I offered.

The father nodded, but I noticed him glance at Jamie and then raise an eyebrow at Jem.

“Jem mentioned there were some…extenuating circumstances surrounding your separation…”

I rolled my lips into my mouth and looked at Jamie. We’d spent some time on Sunday deciding what we were going to tell our would-be uniter – a version of the truth, or the whole truth, and it was that time – a decision was

in the offing. I think Father McBride could feel our apprehension.

“I won’t bite,” he tried to make light.

“Do you hear group confessions?” I asked, knowing both Jamie and I had much to unburden from ourselves.

“Well, I know how to deliver a Mass, so I don’t see why I can’t accept confessions en masse.”

Jem, Jamie and I all groaned, and I rolled my eyes.

“And yes, I do confess all my bad jokes,” Father McBride admitted.

“Of course you do. It lets ye tell it to one more person,” Jem charged, making Padhraig tilt his head and pull an imaginary fedora brim.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Jem offered, making his way back out the way he had come in. “I’ll be visiting with the cows.”

“Jem, you don’t have to leave. I know we can trust you – you’ve had plenty of chances to divulge our secrets and haven’t, and I know your parents told you everything I told them,” I acknowledged.

Jem flicked his eyes up in Father McBride’s direction.

“I’m OK with it,” Padhraig stated, “And under the seal of the confession I am obliged to tell no one, and frankly, I’m curious as hell after the cryptic references Jem’s been tossing about – hypotheticals that could confound

the Sphinx himself!”

I barely contained an eruption of laughter. I turned to Jamie and nodded my approval. I know we didn’t have time for every detail of Jamie’s nearly three hundred years, but I’m sure Jamie knew what it was he wanted to tell.

 

~~~~~

 

“Bless me father, for I have sinned…against nature…I have lived an unnaturally long life,” Jamie began as he crossed himself.

“I was born in the year seventeen-hundred twenty-one.”

Jamie stopped to ascertain the father’s initial reaction. I saw our confessor jot down something, pay attention to it for a moment, and come up nodding his head as he let out a breath.

“I conspired with my uncle’s plans to make Claire my bride the first time because I loved her, without regard for her feelings.”

I reached my hand out to Jamie, letting him know with a touch I held no ill will for that choice.

“Perhaps at this time I should say we were first married in the year seventeen forty-three, in the very church we hope you will marry us in next week, and I grew to love him very much,” I calmly revealed, “despite the fact

that I was already married to another man when I wed Jamie – though I was absolved of that by Father Anselm at the abbey we took refuge in.”

The father titled his head as if to say, ‘we’ll have to address that’.

“We had two and a half years, filled with ups and downs, including the loss of our first child…” Jamie gulped.

“Faith,” I barely vocalized.

“Aye,” he confirmed, squeezing my hand.

“And when we were blessed with another child, it was the eve of the battle of Culloden, and I abandoned both of them, forcing Claire to go back where she’d come from as I joined the battle, thinking my death

imminent…and it was. I died at Culloden, only to find myself reborn for the first of many times. In the years since, I have wed three more times, only once in a proper Catholic rite.”

He told the priest about his time with Laoghaire, how she caused one of his deaths, and how he’d taken her daughters so they could live the lives they wanted and needed to live. He recounted the events of several lifetimes

and their affiliated deaths. He told how it was nearly a century after his marriage to Laoghaire that he had the will to wed again.

“That’s not to say I remained celibate for so long, but marriage felt unwise after what had transpired. She left me with no desire to cleave to anyone but Claire, but I didna know when or if she would reenter my life, so I kept

my…dalliances…amorphous for that span. I wasna looking to find someone to live a life with, but someone found me…someone who needed my help and protection…”

“My second era in the Americas I had decided to venture forth from the east coast. Gold had been discovered in California, so there were regular expeditions heading west, and I found myself employed to secure a group

traveling that way. We made it to the banks of the Mississippi river – Illinois. The next day we would traverse the river and make for St. Louis. I woke face down in the river…naked – reborn yet again, not knowing the how or

the why of that death. I was pulled from the river by an industrious young man who worked on one of the riverboats – at the time he went by…Sam – Samuel Clemens,” he said turning toward me.

I looked at Jamie with an incredulous stare, but knowing he would not lie about such a thing.

“By the time we reached New Orleans, I had acquired clothing, jewelry, and a good sum of cash by means of gambling. I also came into possession of something completely unexpected due to one man betting more than he

had. To settle our debt, a young girl of color, no more than twelve, but looking far younger, arrived at the bar I’d chosen to sup at. She handed me a folded note and several sheaves of paper. I opened the note and read the

words ‘She’s yours – debt paid in full.’ The man had…settled up with a slave. I tried for several days to track where she actually belonged, but she fell ill, and I chose to care for her rather than look for someone to foist her

off on.”

“I found the nearest apothecary, thinking the girl might be afflicted with malaria. The herbalist there was a strong willed, outspoken woman of African and Native American heritage, and she determined it was something

else, and also gave me an earful about ownership of another living person and the self-righteousness of ‘people like me’. She took the girl in hand and set her up with a bed upstairs, telling me I could come back in a few

days to pick her up, but I refused to leave the girl’s side. Mira, the herbalist, thought I was unwilling to leave because she thought I was protecting my property, but in reality, I couldna imagine leaving the girl alone among

strangers. I was enough of one as it was. I slept on the floor by her bed so I could check on her through the night. Mira warned me she kept a loaded gun within reach should I have any ideas about visiting her during the

night.”

“The girl’s fever spiked the first night, and in her fever dreams she spoke in French, so I tried to comfort her by speaking it to her. Mira came to check on her while I was holding a cold cloth to her head and mumbling in

French about her strength, and how whatever had happened to her in the past, her life with me would be different. Mira started seeing me in a different light, and I found myself…feeling…falling in love,” Jamie struggled to

say.

I think he was afraid it would hurt me to hear he had allowed himself to love another, but I was heartened by it knowing what Laoghaire had put him through. He looked at me, tears starting to wet his eyes.

“The girl, Delphine, was better in no time, and she had taken to both of us, as we had taken to each other. Mira and I found a willing man of God, and the three of us became a family.”

“For those years, it was as if you were back in my life, Claire, even if it was a visitation in a different guise. Her knowledge of herbs, her ability as a healer…she had your spirit and humor – and propensity to get in trouble,”

he added, the slightest smirk and hint of pink on his cheeks.

I felt as if he was holding something back, something I’m sure he would tell me if we were alone, but it was left unsaid just now. Jamie’s smirk retreated and he looked down, closing his eyes and pursing his lips as if trying

to keep his jaw from chattering.

“She died a few years later. It was the longest I’d stayed in one place since my sister Jenny died.”

Those words stung his lips as they escaped.

“I finished my journey west, arriving in California as many Chinese workers were employed to complete the building of the Transcontinental Railroad, and being fluent in several Chinese dialects, I was hired by the railroad

at first just to translate, and mediate disputes, but I enjoyed the physical labor. Working to exhaustion has always helped to purge my mind, and the other workers respected me more for being willing to pitch in and get my

hands dirty. It was steady work for many years, and even after the construction was completed, I stayed with the rail company. I became a station master near San Francisco.”

Jamie went on tell Father McBride about his next wife – an acrobat with a Chinese circus troupe. He was on hand when the circus train rolled through, and impressed the lithe woman by being able to speak to her in perfect

Mandarin.

“She was a bitty thing, not even as high as my shoulder, but not one who would take no as an answer. Her name, Qiao Xiao-Niao, meant ‘wondrous small bird’ – she could move like a hummingbird – hover and seemingly

defy gravity. It was a wonder. She set her sights on me despite the objections of her entire family. I did all I could to discourage her attentions. After losing Mira…but time does heal, and she was relentless.”

Jamie recounted their sudden elopement, and almost being beaten to death by the girl’s father and brothers when they caught them consummating their marriage, only to be rescued by his new bride.

“It was an adventurous six months…” Jamie trailed off and exhaled heavily.

“Did you lose her?” I asked, seeing a pattern emerging.

“Och, no, not in that way…she survived, but…she took a bad fall. She had told me only hours before she was having my child. She lost the baby, and her family kept me from her during her convalescence. I never spent

another minute with her…not even to say goodbye…I gave up on marriage then and there. I had ruined too many lives.”

“My son, none of these tragedies is your fault. I can see you are a man of deep compassion, who goes whole-heartedly into places others fear to tread,” Padhraig tried to comfort Jamie. “And you have come to be wed again,

hopefully for good this time. With both of you being so long lived…”

Jamie and I looked at each other, agape.

“No – that’s not right,” Jamie blurted.

“What Jamie is trying to say is I just turned fifty, about a month ago. When Jamie said he sent me back to where I’d come from…I met Jamie when I fell through time. I traveled back from nineteen forty-five to seventeen

forty-three. I wanted nothing more than to return to my husband, but circumstances required I marry Jamie to keep me safe, and I discovered in him a love unlike anything I had felt before. When he sent me back, I was

supposed to travel to nineteen forty-eight, but for some reason I landed in nineteen ninety-five. I was only without Jamie for twenty years, but he was without me for more than two and a half centuries. I’m amazed, after

hearing some of his life events for the first time that he can still love me with such passion after his heart has endured so much.”

Father McBride was widely shaking his head.

“Oh, wow, Jem was not exaggerating the incredible nature, the extenuating circumstances, oh, God. For you two to find each other again – the miracle of miracles…”

“Father, I have killed, in and out of battle, fathered children out of wedlock, defied death while those I loved succumbed…I have collected a mountain of sins…is it a miracle or a curse?”

“Most of what you confessed here was not true sin. You have a true heart and a strong mind, else you’d not have such guilt over living so many good lives. I absolve thee of all sins, real or perceived.”

Jamie nodded, almost begrudgingly accepting his absolution.

“We’ve delved into all the marriages of the past, so perhaps we should address the one to come? Neither of you have a currently living spouse, no matter who performed what kind of ceremony?”

“That’s correct,” I offered, seeing that Jamie still looked a little overwhelmed and shaky.

“No one is going to jump up in the middle of the ceremony with a legitimate reason to stop the marriage from taking place?”

“No,” I continued to answer.

We left Father McBride’s office with everything we needed to make our union official, yet again, in place, and it was a relief. I also felt I understood Jamie even more-so after hearing of his other marriages and some of the

lives he lived in the years we were apart.

As we left, two of the three cows that comprised ‘the trinity’ came up to the fence along the walkway. I had taken a more leisurely pace with Padhraig, using the time to explain more fully how I had come to find myself

married to two men for a time. When we caught up to Jem and Jamie, each one was lavishing attention on a ginger-colored Scottish bovine – and they were lapping up the interest being shown to them.

“The third one’s a bit skittish,” Father McBride told me, trying to lure the one ‘silver’ cow over to meet us.

“We call her ‘Holy Ghost’ because of her coloring,” he said as she finally came over.

“Hello there,” I warmly toned, putting my hand out to her. She didn’t shy from me so I rubbed her nose.

“She likes you,” Padhraig happily remarked.

“What are the other’s names?” I asked.

“Well, there’s some debate on that – since they’re the trinity, the other two should be Father and Son, but I didna think the lasses would take to being called such things! I call them Ginger and Cookie.”

I laughed. The interaction with the cows seemed to put Jamie in a calmer mind-set. Therapy cows – who would have thought it – but why not? All manner of other animals had proven to give comfort, why not a shaggy-

topped cow?

Jamie turned and looked at me with a big smile on his face.

“Aren’t they beautiful?” he asked me.

“Beautiful,” I agreed.

Jamie kissed me on the forehead and turned back because the cow he had been paying attention to nudged him in the back, vying for his time once more.

“Is it alright if we go to the old chapel, take a look around?” I asked as the Father and I continued to take some time with Holy Ghost.

“I don’t see why not – I actually made a rather generous window around your appointment, lest something leave me too overwhelmed to go on with my day,” he whispered as an aside.

I smiled and lowered my head.

“Jamie, would you like to see ‘our’ chapel? It might be good to face all the ghosts there before we’re getting married.”

“As you wish,” Jamie said with a courtly nod.

 

~~~~~

 

It was late enough when we arrived home that we had missed Fiona’s lunch. Brianna was just finishing up helping Fee with washing the dishes, and the pair of them turned and gave me the same glare of disappointment.

“You were due back by lunch,” Fiona admonished.

“I know, Fiona. Things took a little longer – and then we went to look at the chapel…I needed to see it before I was going into it to get married.”

Fee looked down.

“Och, well…I can see the logic – are ye hungry?”

“Actually, Jamie and I treated Jem and Father McBride to a pub lunch – I hope you don’t mind too much?”

“It was the polite thing to do.”

“I really am sorry –Oh, is that the time? Bree, we need to get our bags so we can get checked into our hotel in the next three hours – “

“No, we don’t – there was a mix-up with the reservations – just the ones for before the wedding, though, if that helps.”

“How could that happen?” I asked in astonishment.

“Computer glitch – their computer. It’s a good thing we have other options. I just got their oops-o-gram email today, and if I hadn’t checked my emails, we would have traipsed all the way over there before we knew.

They’ve promised a full refund, but it won’t show up right away. I double checked your honeymoon accommodations, and my room for after the wedding as well – those are fine, thank God. So it looks like we’ll be staying

here with Fiona and Roger until the wedding now.”

Fiona looked suitably satisfied, almost smug, as if saying without a word that a higher power had seen fit to keep us within her realm until a time she wanted us to leave.

Brianna had ambled over to the table where I had left the marriage schedule – the vital piece of paper needed to accompany us to the wedding, and had to be signed by Jamie and me, and our two witnesses immediately

after the wedding, and filed with the registrar no more than three days after our wedding or all the trouble we’d put ourselves through would be for nothing.

I watched my daughter eying the paperwork and then smirking. I approached her and wrapped an arm around her back.

“You doing OK?” I asked.

She nodded.

“I saw you smirking a moment ago – what passed through your mind? And don’t tell me ‘nothing’, I know that look – I know it on you, and I know it on your father,” I murmured in her ear.

“My mom and dad are getting married!” she gushed at me, “That thought, just the thought that I have a dad…I thought it had all hit me already, but to see your names on the paperwork…it’s real.”

I smiled and blushed, feeling my heart pound as I listened to my daughter’s emotional revelations. Before her emotions could completely overwhelm her, Brianna slipped away. I heard her feet on the stairs as she sped off to her room.

“Did I miss something?” I asked Fiona.

“Well, a bit ago, some of the older granddaughters called and asked if Bree wanted to spend the afternoon with them. When I asked her…this…wall of apprehension overtook her. I think she wanted to go, but…”

“But…her fear of being touched got in the way…again…I hope they can understand. She’s not purposely being antisocial.”

“I know, dear, but it is a shame.”

I found myself brooding over Brianna’s inability to socialize. It hurt my heart.

 

~~~~~

 

Fiona was so happy about our staying with her until the wedding that she was practically floating two inches off the floor the whole time she was preparing dinner. I suppose it simplifies things some, but now the onus of

making sure our belongings got where they were going fell on the day of our wedding. I suppose if the only thing that arrived at our suite after the wedding was Jamie and me, it wouldn’t matter much that first night. I

doubt we’d need a change of clothes, or that anything else would be of consequence, but it put one more thing on the schedule for a day that was already going to be complex.

It didn’t even ruin Fee’s good mood when we told her the three of us were going to visit Andrew Rhys – Jones, leaving first thing in the morning, and not returning until Thursday, probably late. I’m not sure Brianna really

wants to go with us on this side trip to Wales, but I want her with us.

 

~~~~~

 

Jamie put his head on my lap once we finally retired to our room at the manse. He sighed heavily, and I began running my fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes.

“Jamie?”

“Aye,” he breathed out, keeping his eyes shut, taking in and releasing another big breath.

“There’s more to the story about what happened with Mira and Delphine, isn’t there?”

“A bit more…shall I tell you?” he asked, opening his eyes and looking up at me.

I nodded.

“What was wrong with Delphine? You said it wasn’t Malaria?”

“That’s right, and that was the prompt for the first jaundiced eye Mira launched in my direction – I tried to tell her what I thought was wrong with the lass, but she gave the girl no more than a cursory glance before she

started to concoct her remedy – oil of cloves, black walnut, and wormwood. The shop smelled vaguely like the swirling smoke I had passed through a cloud of when we passed the local smoke shop – they must have been

using clove tobacco, for it had that pungent spiciness.”

“Let’s see…that would mean…ugh – intestinal worms – easily contracted if she spent any time barefoot around animals, or in a garden that fertilized with human waste.”

“Verra good, Sassenach.”

“I’ve kept up my herbal knowledge. I’ve always thought that once I no longer have hands steady enough for surgery, I would consider naturopathy and being an herbalist to continue to heal others in another way – go back

to the time honored traditions.”

“Fine idea, Sassenach – you always did have a fine, gentle touch, thank God.”

I could tell by the look in his eyes that Jamie was remembering the first few weeks of knowing each other. I remembered vividly how he described what my hands felt like simply caring for his injuries, and how he craved me

to touch him elsewhere.

“You said Mira reminded you of me…”

“Aye, I did, and thankfully she forgave me when I called her by your name. We both went into our marriage knowing each had had a great love before.”

“Why didn’t you have children together?”

“Och, well, it was not through lack of trying, I assure you, for that’s one more thing she had in common with you – desirous, at times wanton in her sexual appetites, and nearly as skilled as you. But, she was in her forties,

and nothing came of it, save the pleasure. And we had a girl to raise – one who had been malnourished and mistreated – one who deserved the full attention of two parents.”

“Tell me about Delphine,” I encouraged.

Jamie’s eyes lit up the way they had when he first saw Brianna. Delphine was as much his child as any.

“She was something else! Smart and savvy – you’d never have known that Mira and I hadn’t made that child. She was equal parts Mira and me. She was newly married when Mira took ill. They were set to leave for France –

she married a French citizen – but she exerted her will and refused to go. And to his credit, that man supported my girl, understood how important Mira was in her life.”

“What happened to Mira? How did she die?”

“My best guess would be some form of cancer. She was able to stave off death with her herbal knowledge, but eventually she was overwhelmed by her symptoms. She died cradled in my arms, with Delphine holding her

hands.”

Jamie saw the tears streaming down my cheeks and his memory-filled, serene, story-telling visage changed to a saddened, concern-laden expression as he reached up for my face to wipe away my tears. But as he tried to

stop my tears, his own eyes were filling as he began to feel those events rather than just think them.

“I felt like I lost both of you that day – her for the first time, and you for the second.”

Finally, that deep, unspoken part of the story, the thing, other than sex, that kept Jamie from telling Father McBride every detail, was out in the open.

I kissed Jamie softly on the lips.

There really was nothing I could say, but I could convey my sympathy and empathy and love as we quietly shared our souls and our bodies.

It was cathartic for both of us.

 

~~~~~


	30. Oh, The Places You'll Go

Oh, The Places You’ll Go

 

Fee got up early to make sure we’d have breakfast on board before we caught our train for Wales in order to visit Griff’s father Andrew. It was a journey of over three hundred miles, so I knew it was not just a whim for

Jamie. He felt obliged to make this visit, and with what little I knew of his relationship with Andrew, I understood. Certain people had been touchstones in Jamie’s life, confidants, keepers of his secrets, and Andrew

Rhys-Jones, and his son Griffith, were two of those vitally important people.

 

Bree actually seemed relieved to be among strangers today, relatively sure no one on this train would attempt to hug her. She was tucked up tight to the window, watching the countryside speed past as we rattled along.

She looked happy, but tired, as we had gotten up at an ungodly hour hoping to make it to Wales in time to sup with Andrew. There was something about the rhythmic movements of a train. Even if we hadn’t been fighting

our eyelids, I’m relatively sure it would have lulled us to sleep, that’s Brianna and me. Jamie was wide awake, and unaffected by the gentle swaying, but he was a nice, warm seat mate, and guard dog for his sleeping girls.

 

Yesterday’s confessions seemed to have the opposite effect on us – Jamie had been lightened by the experience, set free of fear of hurting me because he loved another, I had become immeasurably tired. It had been a lot

to take in, emotionally exhausting, knowing Jamie had suffered so much loss, and knowing he felt he’d lost me again.

 

~~~~~

 

“Who the hell is it?” greeted our ringing of the doorbell once we had arrived.

 

“You did tell him to expect us?” I asked my soon to be husband as we stood in the small covered portico.

 

“I did,” he answered.

 

“Perhaps it slipped his mind – Andrew, it’s me, Jamie Fraser…and two lovely ladies.”

 

“Well, why didn’t you say so quicker,” the man quipped as he drew open the door.

 

“Andrew,” Jamie greeted, leaning in for a hug, but getting rebuffed.

 

“You’ll be in need of another set of ID?” Andrew accused.

 

“Not this time,” Jamie replied, “But I thought you might like to finally meet Claire.”

 

“So this is her?” Andrew asked as he gave me a visual inspection. “Well, well, and who is this?” he said as he noticed Bree hanging back behind us.

 

“This is our daughter, Brianna,” Jamie proudly introduced.

 

She stepped forward and extended her hand, determined to take control of the situation, and not be left at the mercy of an unwanted hug. Andrew took her hand in both of his and gave it a reassuring squeeze, seeming to

understand her boundaries instinctively.

 

“I always knew your father would make a very pretty girl, and now I have my proof,” he quipped as he leaned in a bit.

 

“And everybody always told me I made a better boy than a girl,” Brianna asserted, standing tall, and being ever so bold in her first words with this man.

 

“Oh, my dear, as acerbic as your father ever was. Will you take my arm, let me escort you to the dining room?”

 

Bree looked back at me, seeming to seek approval, looking nervous. I shrugged, letting my daughter make her own choice.

 

“I’d rather not take your arm,” she answered matter-of-fact. “But I will accompany you.”

 

“Good for you. Most young ladies can be guilted into taking an old man’s arm…I ‘m glad you aren’t among them. I’d be disappointed if a child of Jamie’s were so easily swayed. Walk wi’ me. Just being in your presence

makes me feel young – come along you two,” he called back at Jamie and me, happily walking shoulder to shoulder with Brianna.

 

~~~~~

 

Every foot along the walls was another displayed treasure, some dating back as far as Jamie. It felt like we were in some grand museum as we probed the depths of the house on our way to the dining room.

 

“I authenticated much of this,” Jamie softly informed me, noticing me casting glances side to side, “That’s how we became acquainted – struck up a conversation when I disputed the age and origin of - ”

 

“I hope you don’t mind pot luck,” Andrew announced, cutting Jamie off.

 

“Tell you about it later,” Jamie whispered in my ear, as if he thought our host was purposely silencing him.

 

“I have a lady who comes in once a week and stocks my refrigerator with groceries and my freezer with prepared meals, so I have something to fall back on should I not want to cook,” I heard Andrew telling Bree as we

entered the dining room, “But this was a special occasion, so I did a bit of shopping for myself this week – so with luck, there’s something really good in that pot – ergo ‘pot luck’!” I could see Brianna smile at him by the

outlines of her cheeks.

 

“Would you be willing to give me a hand getting everything to the table?”

 

Bree nodded.

 

“You two sit,” Andrew commanded of Jamie and me. “The kitchen is just through here.”

 

Bree soon returned carrying a large silver platter with what looked like an even larger piece of meat.

 

“What is it?” I asked, seeing only the brown crust and what looked like blackened onions on the top.

 

“Pork roast with potatoes and onions,” she dutifully reported.

 

“Yes, I was going to go ‘whole hog’ but this was more than big enough,” Andrew joked.

 

Jamie smiled at me across the corner of the table, clearly delighted to be in Andrew’s presence once more, looking like he was attempting to extract my approval of the man. I nodded subtly.

 

“So,” Andrew began as he took his seat at the head of the table, “You finally found them. Sometimes I wondered if the pair of you were simply figments of his imagination, but here you are, and I can tell by the smile on yon

lad’s face he’s found his family – though he was convinced he’d sired a son!”

 

I saw Bree look down.

 

Jamie quickly jumped in with, “But I coulna be more proud of my daughter. She’s better than any son.”

 

“Little girls can wrap their fathers around their fingers,” Andrew offered.

 

“That she has,” Jamie warmly toned, the same blush on his cheeks for saying the words as there was on Brianna’s cheeks for hearing them.

 

The meal sped by, and in no time we were in Andrew’s library with after dinner coffees, sitting before the licking flames in the fireplace. Andrew had instructed Jamie how to build the perfect fire down to the placement of

the last twig, and he had taken each correction in stride, knowing Andrew was trying to get under his skin, and not letting it happen.

 

Without provocation, Andrew began musing about how his relationship with Jamie began. I was quite curious to hear his tale, hoping it might also reveal some details about Griff, and why they were all so close.

 

“I first met your father in the waning months of World War II…so many treasures had been looted, and in many cases the provenance had been lost, the owners disappeared from the annals of time itself. Word of mouth had

it that there was a man who could identify all manner of antiquities on sight, and could quote the historical derivations by rote,” Andrew started telling Brianna.

 

“You were in the war?” Bree said, turning her head to look at Jamie.

 

“Och, Aye…I did my national service two times over. I applied to be part of the tank corps based on some of the stories your mam told me, but I…was too big.”

 

“You hadn’t told me that,” I chimed in with, “ I guess I thought you’d find a way to avoid going into battle again after all you’d been through.”

 

“I tried, but…it couldna be avoided. I found myself conscripted both times.”

 

“It was…quite difficult to avoid military service, and greatly frowned on if you were a capable man…I remember all too well…” I trailed off.

 

“Mom?” Bree questioned, “You…”

 

“I was a nurse in the war. It was before I went back…before I met Jamie.”

 

Bree looked a bit forlorn, haunted by more she never knew of me, but there had been no reason to talk to her about those years. Some of her contemporaries had parents who had been in the military, but my experiences

would not have aligned with what they knew, and it would have thrown up more questions, and made Brianna’s version suspect, seem untruthful, as it was virtually impossible for someone born in nineteen ninety-five to

have a parent who participated in World War II.

 

“Children rarely have the full picture of what their parents experienced in life before they came along, and with you two as her parents, this young lady hasn’t a chance!” Andrew deduced, “But I digress – I was telling you

about your father, and how we met…Like I was saying, his reputation gave me cause to look him up. He came well recommended, and I saw first-hand as he authenticated a room full of armaments. It was impressive, so…I

dug into who this man was – for you must trust the man to trust his word!” Andrew emphasized with a wagging pointer finger.

 

“That’s when he found me out,” Jamie volunteered.

 

“Quite,” Andrew confirmed.

 

I smiled and glanced at Jamie.

 

“Found him out?” I inquired.

 

“Aye,” Jamie breathed out, clearly remembering.

 

“His military record was rather impressive – right down to the posthumous medal for bravery!” Andrew said at a measured pace, to make every word understood.

 

“Oops!” Brianna interjected spritely.

 

Jamie smirked and nodded toward Bree.

 

“I accused him of desertion – demanded to see his papers, prove who he was or I was going to turn him in. I still had connections with the military and the government. That’s how I got my hands on his military records in

the first place…And then he told me this impossible tale of having fought not only in both world wars, but having been on the fringes of the American Revolution, and even having fought at the Battle of Culloden. And of

course he had no papers to produce, having lost anything that was on his person.”

 

“Why didn’t you just give him a fake name?” I asked, knowing Jamie had lived under many aliases over the years.

 

“I did, at first – what was it…Mal Mack, I think I introduced myself as to him, but somehow the truth came out. Andrew was the only person to want to authenticate me! I could tell he was skeptical of my life story.”

 

“I was that, but I just couldn’t reconcile a man with his military record suddenly deserting. It made no sense, for on paper he was such an honorable man, well spoken of…respected by every commanding officer he’d ever

served. I had run across many men who looked good on paper but were unscrupulous, and Jamie had that personable way about him, but he had a depth and a grounding sadness – which I am glad to see is all but gone

from your eyes now that you have this woman and your child back in your life…But after hearing what he had to tell me, I figured he was either out of his mind, or telling me the truth, and he seemed quite sane, so I

believed him, and helped him get the paperwork he needed to no longer be a ghost.”

 

“Aye, and he did it again after my next death.”

 

“So that’s why he asked if you needed new papers,” I calmly spoke, and then took a sip from my cup.

 

“He knew all the right people, and what he couldn’t get through channels, he created himself.”

 

“I was an engraver by trade, at least before the war, so a birth certificate posed no real challenge, especially in an age when few, if any, had babies in hospital, and handwritten doctor’s notes were proof enough of a child’s

existence.”

 

“And after the war?” I inquired.

 

“Diplomat, ambassador, emissary –whatever you want to title it - government speak for bullshit artist! But I had the skills for it, and no entanglements at the time. Once I was married and Griff came along, it became

difficult, and once she died…Well, thank God Jamie was available and willing to help a hapless father out! But I do find it funny, with all the influence you exerted over Griff in his formative years, knowing how much you

wanted your wife and child in your life, that Griff would turn out to be the perpetual bachelor.”

 

Jamie and I looked at each other, wondering if Andrew knew about Griff’s quite long term relationship with Sidney.

 

“Yes, I know, but they aren’t married,” Andrew quickly came up with as a response to our unasked question.

 

Jamie’s once sided smiled adorned his face.

 

“Not yet,” he said to Andrew, walking past him and giving him a pat on the shoulder, making the move to trade in his coffee for something stronger from the decanter next to Andrew’s chair, “But her touch is all over his

house, and her tastes remind me of my sister Jenny, and Sidney happens to be descended from her line.”

 

“Is that whose house you’ve been staying in?” Brianna asked.

 

“Aye, it is. Griff needed someone to take care of the place while he was on a book tour…”

 

“And it is already housing half your treasures,” Andrew interrupted.

 

“But I noted most of the casks didna make the journey!” Jamie accused teasingly.

 

Andrew chuckled at first, but then stopped and suddenly said, “MOST? Why that…you mean to tell me he got some of that whisky all the way to Boston?”

 

“I can attest to that,” I confirmed, “and I’m still recovering from it.”

 

I saw Brianna smirk as she raised her cup to take a drink. I was glad she seemed to be enjoying the stories and banter.

 

“Oh, speaking of the whisky, I promised a cask to Roger MacKenzie and his family for all the help with the wedding, and for making sure Claire and Brianna were here to be found. If I leave you the address, and the money

to cover the shipping, could you have it shipped to them?”

 

“I hate to part with even one of those barrels of nirvana, but they are yours to do with as you wish, and if you are willing to part with a cask of such aged whisky, you must owe a true debt.”

 

“There might not have been a Claire or Brianna to find if not for certain members of that family. A cask of whisky is the least I owe them.”

 

There was a bit of a lull, so I opted to ask a question that would hopefully redirect the conversation in a direction that might salve my curiosity.

 

“You mentioned Jamie helped you out with Griff after your wife…passed?” I found myself asking.

 

“Oh, I tried to do the single father bit, but I was torn up, throwing myself into work, until Griff started getting himself into trouble. The day, at age eleven, he got returned to me in restraints for trying to walk through a

check point heading into East Germany, I knew I needed someone to keep an eye on him, and Jamie seemed the perfect choice. He could give the boy a classical education, as well as a practical one,” Andrew voiced.

 

“Considering some of the more menial jobs I had over the years, being a minder, a teacher, if I dare say, a mentor, was a good many steps up from grave digger. It’s never easy, though, to start a new life ev’ry few years or

so, when all you want to do is go back to a life you’ve had and know you canna have again…But having a hand in raising a child – I’ve never found a more fulfilling vocation.”

 

Jamie looked wistful and a bit misty-eyed, and I saw him look almost longingly at Brianna. Tonight, I thought, I should tell him that while Bree was an adult in many ways, there was plenty of parenting left to do.

 

“So, did you teach Griff Latin and Greek and such?” I teased Jamie, remembering some of what he told me about his education at the hands of a tutor.

 

“Aye, and he taught me about the Beatles and Rolling Stones, and the virtues of long hair and non-conformists. He took it pretty hard when I informed him hair length and politics often traded sides.”

 

Andrew just nodded.

 

“Well, I suppose I ought to let you get settled for the night…and young lady – if you let him be half the dad to you that he was to my boy, you’ll have more dad than you know what to do with – I promise.”

 

“I know,” she said with a smile.

 

“I know,” she repeated, shyly catching Jamie’s eyes for a moment and then looking away and biting her bottom lip.

 

~~~~~

 

Bree lingered in our room after she changed for bed. It took her a while to find the courage, but she finally said what was bothering her.

 

“I’m…sorry if I seemed rude to your friend,” she nervously voiced toward Jamie.

 

He sat up from his reposing position and sat on the corner of the bed.

 

“What’s that, lass?”

 

“I know I was…” Bree was wringing her hands.

 

“He didna mind, so why would I?” Jamie warmly toned, reaching his hands out to take hers.

 

I was glad to know that no longer gave her pause. She readily reached out her hands in reply, letting Jamie have that contact he craved so much from her. I came and sat next to him at the foot of the bed, leaning my head

on his shoulder.

 

“I think Andrew liked how you were with him,” I reassured my daughter, “But I’m curious, Bree, why is it you could talk to a complete stranger with such confidence and surety, when seeing Roger and Fiona again left you

reeling?”

 

She pressed her lips tightly shut and rolled them into her mouth as she former her thoughts to answer me.

 

“It’s like…I’m not sure how to explain it – there were no expectations here.”

 

“No expectations?” I questioned.

 

“Yeah…I love Roger and Fiona, they’re great, but they expect me to act a certain way because they’ve known me since I was little, but I’m not like who I was the last time we were here. SO much has changed for me, but I

feel bad about not being who they want me to be. I guess sometimes it’s easier being myself around people who don’t know me at all. I’m not afraid of disappointing them. Does that make sense?”

 

“Actually, it does, sweetie. It’s part of trying to please everyone.”

 

“Is that a female affliction, then?” Jamie asked, “For I know very few men who worry about pleasing everybody.”

 

“Men don’t have to worry about pleasing everybody, Jamie, but unfortunately it’s still expected of women, along with everything else. A man who doesn’t try to please everyone is serious, professional, all business,

meanwhile, a woman who acts the same way is difficult, frigid, or just plain a bitch.”

 

Jamie had been looking at me while I spoke, but turned back to catch Brianna’s reaction. She slowly nodded her head at Jamie.

 

“It can be like that, especially if you choose a line of work traditionally associated with men,” Bree informed him. “Not that I would have chosen another field just to get along more easily, but I have run into so many

assumptions – It was over a year into my curriculum classes before some of the guys in my major stopped asking who I was there to visit, rather than acknowledging I belonged there as much, if not more, than they did, and

then they got angry when I did better in class. But I didn’t feel any expectations because I didn’t know any of them. I could be who I wanted to be, not what I thought anyone expected me to be.”

 

“I hope you doona feel that I have expectations of ye,” Jamie made known to Bree.

 

“Other than thinking I’d be a boy?” she asked.

 

“Och, I put that thought aside the moment I knew you were you – and I meant what I said earlier tonight – you are better than any son. You are bright and capable, and I’m proud you are so strong. And I hope you can learn

to be yourself even in the face of people who’ve known you since you felt like someone else.”

 

“Thank-you. That means a lot to me,” Brianna tearfully replied.

 

Jamie squeezed her hands.

 

“You should probably get some sleep now. If I know Andrew, he’ll want us up early, and he’ll want to bend your ear all day. I think he’s been waiting a long time to tell his tales about me.”

 

Jamie handed Bree off to my hands and I stood and pulled her into my arms, our necks locking around each other.

 

“Hug him for me,” she whispered ever so softly in my ear. I nodded against her shoulder.

 

When she pulled back from our embrace, she flashed a smile at Jamie, nodded quickly, and made her escape for the night.

 

“Come here,” I said to Jamie, taking him into my embrace.

 

“This hug is from Bree,” I relayed, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. “She asked me to do this. Your daughter still needs her dad.”

 

His smile doubled the light in the room.

 

~~~~~

 

Jamie and I heard voices in the kitchen when we came down for the day. We were both pleasantly surprised to find Brianna was already up listening to the continuing stories of Andrew Rhys-Jones as the pair of them made

their breakfasts.

 

“Ah, finally, Jamie, Claire, grab yourselves something to eat, I’ve been regaling your daughter with tales from the eighties, when you moved back in with us for a bit after that last death of yours…it is still the last death of

yours?” he added, making sure of his information about Jamie.

 

“Aye…I’ve managed to keep myself alive this time – though there were some close scrapes,” Jamie joked.

 

Those words sent a chill down my spine, but only Bree saw my shoulders tighten as it happened. I smiled reassuringly at her, and I think she understood. Jamie making light of death did frighten me, but he needed to look

at that way for his peace of mind. I wondered how I would react if it had been me - would I have been overwhelmed? I knew Jamie was acutely aware of how short a life can be, having outlived so many, but he knew that

long before I ever met him, losing his mother and brothers, and then his father at young ages. He was still quite young in the events leading up to Culloden, losing friends at every turn, and then losing almost everyone he

ever cared about when that decisive battle could not be averted. I’m sure the losses weighed on him at times, but Jamie had always possessed that gallows humor, the ability to take the darkness and twist it sideways to find

that bit of mirth, that image of death slipping on a banana peel.

 

“Don’t fash Sassenach, none of the scrapes were that close,” Jamie informed me, leaning in for a quick kiss, clearly reading every word I just thought like the text printed out across my forehead.

I gave him an evil glare and then a sheepish smile, and we set about to scrounge up a breakfast from what Andrew and Bree had left behind.

 

~~~~~

 

While Claire and Brianna braved the heather and walked the grounds, I had a chance to talk alone with Andrew at length for the first time since we arrived. He’d been doting on Brianna, so glad to meet my child, and see for

himself that I was not insane, and that his trust all these years had been the right move.

 

“I’m proud of you,” Andrew said to me, making me feel like a child in need of a father’s approval, and maybe it was true – I had confided so much of myself to his keeping, and other than his son, Griff, he had shared it with

no one. But in these few days, he could pass those secrets along to my daughter, unburden himself, knowing his son was not the sole keeper of his memories about me.

 

“So how did you finally find her?” Andrew asked.

 

“I stopped trying, and two days later I saw her – but I wouldna have been in Boston had Griff not asked me to come. I couldna believe it at first, years…centuries, and suddenly, my heart was pounding in my throat. It wasna

until the third time I saw her I knew it was real, and then it was so real…and when we touched,” the tears in my eyes flowed down my face.

 

Andrew smiled at me.

 

“You deserve to be happy, my boy, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you more so. It gladdens me.”

 

I smiled through my tears, knowing that second only to me, Andrew wanted my reunion with Claire and Brianna. He knew what it was to lose the love of his life, but he’d had the child to raise, had that tangible link to the

woman he lost, while I had to dream, imagine the child I’d made with Claire until these last few months. A surge of energy rushed through my body as I thought about the moment I knew Claire was carrying my child again,

and the stabbing pain that following it when I knew I must send her away for the very life of that child. But it had worked. Claire lived; Brianna was born; I found them again. And I was able to share my fortunate fate with my

oldest living friend.

 

I saw Andrew open his arms to me, inviting me, wordlessly, to give him a hug. I patted his back, firmly but gently and let out a sigh.

 

“Cherish them,” Andrew advocated.

 

“Always,” I answered, fighting back more tears.

 

~~~~~

 

I knew it was quite unlikely I would ever see Andrew again. He would soon celebrate his ninety-third birthday, so I enjoyed listening to his stories about Jamie and Griff while I could. Bree had developed an interesting

repartee with the man in such a short time that I often felt like an interloper. At times, as I listened to her talk in reply to something Andrew asked, I wondered if I sometimes had expectations that I had put on Brianna. Did I

make her act in ways contrary to who she now was? I was caught off guard how adult she seemed, but also delighted by it. We shared the remainder of Thursday, and half of Friday with Andrew, giving him many

opportunities to divulge what he wished to each of us. While alone with our host, he thanked me for being real. It was a unique experience to be thanked for my existence. I guess Andrew had held a nagging doubt all these

years about the love Jamie expounded whenever the spirit moved him to speak about me and the child he wished to find some day. I guess it would seem too good to be true until confronted by it directly. There were times

I began to wonder if my love of Jamie had been intensified in my mind, so Andrew’s doubts were no surprise.

 

He was an endearing man, if a bit gruff. While it had been a bit difficult to cram this trip into our wedding plans, I was glad we did it after seeing how much Jamie and Brianna enjoyed themselves here. It was beautiful

country, and beautiful company, and it had provided a respite, a bit of calm in the whirlwind of it all.

 

~~~~~


	31. Still Jamie From The Broch

Still Jamie From The Broch

 

It was late Friday when we got back to the manse. Instead of inconveniencing Roger or Fiona, we rented a car, well, rather, an

SUV, once we had de-trained in Inverness. It would come in handy this weekend for our sojourn to Lallybroch, which even now

was well off the beaten path. I was quite looking forward to seeing the house and the lands again, and showing it all to Brianna.

 

It was actually the first time I had ridden in a car that Jamie was driving. We’d shared horses and wagons and carriages

numerous times, but this was new. Brianna happily spread out in the back seat.

 

“God, I’m starving,” she complained.

 

“I’m sure Fiona has something cooked up, and we’re not too late,” I assured her as I looked over my shoulder.

 

“I hope so,” Bree sighed.

 

The lights of the manse were a welcome sight, as were Fiona and Roger. Fee had held dinner, and greeted us warmly upon our

return to her table. She got us filled to the brim, unwanting to move, and then started her questions.

 

“So, you’ll be off to see Lallybroch next?” Fee questioned.

 

“On Sunday,” Jamie answered. “I got through to Joe, the caretaker, and he’ll be meeting us there. I can’t wait for you to see it,”

he said to Brianna. “Lifetimes of Frasers and Murrays, and so on, lived there for years and years, and then I bought it back

after an unexpected return to the land found that it still had my heart. So much of who I am is intertwined with that land, and

the only real home Claire and I ever shared was Lallybroch.”

 

“Sounds like it was a fine home,” Fiona agreed.

 

“Aye,” Jamie said with a proud smile.

 

“Yes,” I said, looking at Jamie’s smile, and matching it.

 

“Och, I know that look. Bree, I think we should leave them alone,” Fiona cajoled, leading Bree into the study. “Come along,

 

Roger.”

 

~~~~~

 

We arrived at Lallybroch using the same road Jamie and I had used the first time. The archway was gone, allowing our small

SUV to pull up within feet of the doorway. I was surprised, but, Jamie, having been here a number of times over the years, and

many times since he reacquired the property, didn’t seem to notice.

 

As I surveyed the great harled structure, I saw the ravages of time, but I also saw the years of family, humanity at its best, that

lived here, whom I lived with, when Jamie and I were first here. Brianna only saw the ravages of time, and her face showed it.

 

“I know it’s no much to look at now,” he murmured as he caught up behind Brianna, “But, it was…quite grand in its day.”

 

She glanced at him, apologetically.

 

“I’m just thinking what it would take to fix it, that’s all.”

 

“You’ve got enough of your mother’s glass face – I can see you’re disappointed.”

 

Bree was preparing to answer him when a car came into the yard. Jamie turned toward the vehicle and beamed a smile in the

direction of the driver.

 

“Joe’s here,” he told Bree, and he signaled me over with a tilt of his head.

 

Jamie trotted over to the car and grabbed the man in a raucous manner, hugging him and patting his back over and over.

 

“Hey, old man,” I heard the new arrival say to Jamie, and I swear I heard my soon to be husband giggling. After a prolonged

greeting, Jamie put an arm around the man’s back and walked him over to us.

 

“I would like to introduce you two to Joe – Joseph Ransom Abernathy MacLeod.”

 

I extended my hand.

 

“I’m Claire, so pleased to meet you,” I offered.

 

He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and smiled heartily with a friendly nod.

 

“So, he finally found you,” Joe said in reply. “I can see why he looked for so long.”

 

“Oh, how sweet of you to say, thank you.”

 

That’s when I noticed Brianna’s fixed stare. She was looking at Joseph as if he was an alien life form. Her mouth was slightly

ajar.

 

“Bree?” I asked, but she continued to stare.

 

It was beginning to unnerve the man, and he looked to Jamie to see if he had an explanation. Jamie was, in turn, staring at

Brianna, unable to understand her reaction. Joe looked back at me with a fishy grin and disbelieving subtle nod.

 

“Has the girl never seen a black man before?”

 

“She grew up in Boston, so I doubt that’s the issue,” Jamie offered.

 

“Bree, you’re being rude,” I admonished, having to actually shake her to break her stare.

 

“I’m sorry – you have the most remarkable blue eyes.”

 

“Well, you have the old man here to thank for that,” he said with a jubilant tone.

 

Brianna looked confused, and then I realized she was missing some rather important and relevant facts of the situation.

 

“Bree,” I began, putting my hand on her shoulder, “Joe is Jamie’s six times great grandson.”

 

“Oh my God,” she spurted, turning toward Jamie. “The picture?” Bree cryptically inquired.

 

“Aye,” Jamie replied, “He’s from William’s line.”

 

~~~~~

 

We toured what of the house and grounds we could safely traverse with Joe as our guide. He’d been keeping an eye on the

property for Jamie for a long time now, coming out periodically to make sure the house was still secure, and that no one had

decided to vandalize what was still standing of the out-buildings.

 

“So, how long have you been looking after Lallybroch?” I asked as we slowly walked up to the tower.

 

“Och, probably twenty years now, more than thirty if you count from when Jamie started bringing me out here, but it launched

my career in a way – I’m a property manager, so taking care of this place was a good training ground. And this one made sure

I had all the practical skills I would ever need,” Joe ribbed Jamie good-naturedly.

 

Brianna was quietly and methodically taking in her surroundings, lagging a few steps behind the three of us. As the only one

of us without endearing memories of this property, her experience was bound to be very different.

 

“Is she always that quiet?” Joe asked me as he pointed his head back at Bree.

 

I smiled.

 

“She can get…introspective at times,” I replied, looking back at her myself.

 

“So, old man, looks like you got yourself an instant family,” Joe propounded.

 

“Aye,” Jamie breathed out.

 

Never had a small word said so much. All manner of emotions were contained in those three letters. Jamie’s smile was so

encompassing I thought his cheeks might spring a leak and let his expression creep right up to his eyebrows.

We reached the foot of the tower – most of the stonework was intact, or at least still here scattered nearby, but the same

could not be said for anything made of wood. We peeked in through the rotted away door.

 

“Because of the way it was built, the steps are still strong,” Joe informed us.

 

“But these floors look suspect,” Jamie added, “Be careful should you climb up there,” Jamie warned Brianna.

 

She nodded.

 

“A lot more of the barns and sheds are gone now,” Jamie concluded, looking around wistfully.

 

“I was about to say the same thing,” I injected into the conversation.

 

“So, you were familiar with the layout here?” Joe asked of me.

 

“Jamie and I lived here for a time…but that was a long time ago,” I answered.

 

Joe nodded in understanding, “Oh, that’s right, I should have remembered.”

 

I had grown to really love this place in each of the short times we had lived here, and it was hard to see it so run-down. I was

sure it was even harder for Jamie to see it so, for he had many more years of living here.

 

~~~~~

 

When they headed back down to the house, Jamie and Claire took their time after noticing Brianna falling into step with Joe.

She had relaxed considerably, and turned to smile at him as they walked.

 

“So, is this the first time you’ve seen the place?” Joe asked.

 

“Yeah – I didn’t know about any of this – which is probably my own fault. I didn’t let my mom talk about my dad. It was easier

to believe he was dead, because what my mom did tell me…”

 

“It’s quite something to wrap one’s mind around,” Joe agreed.

 

“So you know…”

 

“Everything,” Joe said with a smirk and a tilt of his head.

 

“How old were you when you met Jamie?” Brianna inquired.

 

“No more than seven, I’d say, but I wouldna be who I am today if not for him. In fact, I’d likely have gotten myself killed if he

hadn’t taken me in hand.”

 

Bree’s mouth dropped open slightly, unsure how to continue.

 

“After my father died, I stopped listening to everyone – and I was none too happy with Jamie either. He’d come back when my

father had not. I blamed him for the plane crash. I mean – how could he have survived and my father not? But that man does

not give up. He was determined to give me a father figure whether I wanted one or not. So he got through to me the only way

he could – he told me why he had been able to come back when the rest of the band perished.”

 

Bree took in a quick surprised breath as her eyes registered understanding.

 

“Threat of Thunder; Threat of Rain?” she quickly asked.

 

Joe smiled and chuckled.

 

“So you do know some of the story,” he teased.

 

“I knew the band existed, I didn’t know they’d been killed,” she apologetically toned.

 

“It’s a long time ago, lass. No reason to be sad now.”

 

Bree nodded.

 

“Jamie set me straight. We’d come here in the summers, live rough – camp out,” he sought to clarify. “I learned to hunt and

garden, work with wood and stone. I learned to be self-reliant, and who and how to trust.”

 

“I wish I’d had that,” Brianna softly admitted, her brows furrowing.

 

Joe looked at Bree compassionately.

 

“So when did you two meet?” he asked.

 

“July,” she said as a guffaw, almost not believing it herself.

 

“Och, lass, I had no idea it was so recent…You know he’s been looking for you for a really long time. More than once he told

me about his plans once he found you and your mam. He was in love with the idea of you, not knowing if you even came to

be.”

 

Bree blushed and smiled, biting her bottom lip.

 

“How old are you, if I may ask?”

 

“I just turned twenty,” she shyly murmured, shoving her hands in her pockets as they came down into the yard behind the

house.

 

“I’ve got a daughter just a hair older – she’ll be twenty-one in a couple of months.”

 

“Is she your only child?”

 

“Until a few years ago, that answer would have been yes. I have three year old twin boys as well. Sometimes I think they’re

keepin’ me young, other times, they make me feel old as dirt.”

 

Bree laughed, and then she let out a sigh as she scanned the house.

 

“I know it isna saying much, but the house has held up pretty well considering all it’s been through. The original kitchen and

pantry, as well as a number of the upstairs bedrooms are still quite livable. Somewhere along the line they wedged a water

closet in on the second floor.”

 

A glint came up in Brianna’s eyes.

 

“Would it…be safe for someone to spend the night?”

 

Joe’s eyebrows raised at her question.

 

“I…suppose,” he faltered.

 

~~~~~

 

Jamie and I caught up with Brianna and Joe, and seemed to interrupt their conversation.

 

“So, lass,” Jamie began, “do you want to take on the responsibility of restoring your ancestral home? My girl is only months

away from being an architect,” he proudly informed his surrogate son.

 

“Och, that’s wonderful,” Joe said, turning from Jamie to Bree.

 

“It’ll be a big job, and I can’t imagine it will be cheap…”

 

“I’ve been putting aside funds for a really long time. Once I re-acquired the property, I dedicated some of the monies to the

thought of making this a home again…but I wanted to have my family first.”

 

Jamie put an arm around my waist and reached his other hand out for Brianna. She curled her fingers around Jamie’s as a

tentative grin came up on her face. Joe nodded thoughtfully at the scene before him, and I watched him fish something out of

his pocket.

 

“It’s such a big job,” Brianna forecasted, shaking her head, “And I don’t even know the local codes…”

 

“I trust ye,” Jamie said reassuringly.

 

“As do I,” Joe threw in, offering her the key that had been in his pocket.

 

“I was going to hand this over to you, old man,” he said, jangling the key on the ring, “but…”

 

“Take the key, Bree,” I encouraged.

 

“Can I think about it?” she nervously asked, not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings.

 

“Of course,” Jamie burred.

 

~~~~~

 

Before we left Lallybroch, Joe told us he could no longer be the caretaker. His visits were getting farther apart due to his other

time commitments, both for work and family, and the destruction of several out-buildings had left him feeling quite guilty. I

knew Jamie was disappointed, but he took the key from Joe, and gave him a protracted hug, acknowledging all he’d done over

the years to keep the place from decaying into oblivion.

 

“See you tomorrow for the rehearsal dinner, and the next day for the wedding?” Jamie hopefully asked.

 

“You couldn’t keep me away if ye tried – I don’t get to wear my kilt all that often!”

 

“And I bet you look grand in the MacLeod tartan,” I surmised.

 

“That he does, Sassenach, even if it is a bit garish!”

 

“Careful there, old man,” Joe warned in jest, breaking into a broad smile.

 

Joe and Jamie grabbed each other once more, and I heard Jamie whisper, “When Bree fixes this place up, you’ll come help us

celebrate,” out of Brianna’s hearing, quite sure his daughter would accept the challenge, but not wanting to force her hand.

 

Joe gave me a hug as well, and as we pulled back, I said, “I’m looking forward to seeing you in your tartan, and meeting your

family.”

 

“Our family,” he corrected.

 

“Yes,” I stated, seeing in his eyes what had caught Brianna off-guard. Those strong genetics were amazing.

 

~~~~~

 

“I need some time to think,” Bree said to me as she sped into the manse and up the stairs to her room.

 

“What’s with her?” Fiona asked, having barely seen a blur of Brianna pass by.

 

“Jamie has offered Bree the job of restoring Lallybroch once she gets her architect degree, and her head has been swimming

with the prospect ever since.”

 

“Oh, my – she’d do it proud, I’m sure,” Fiona extolled, “What seems to be her worry about it?”

 

“She mentioned different building codes here in Scotland, but I think it has more to do with having such a big project all in her

control, and the possibility of disappointing her father.”

 

“Well, I canna help with her confidence, but you do remember my Wake is an architect, specializing in restoration – perhaps

she could consult with him on what needs to be done before she makes up her mind one way or t’ other.”

 

“Would he be willing?”

 

“I think I could convince him,” Fee avowed.

 

“Before you do any arm twisting, let me check with Bree.”

 

“Too bad he’s not available for the rehearsal dinner or the wedding, I twist arms so much better in person, not to mention,

should he get one look at that daughter of yours…well, his head’s been turned by far less.”

 

“How old is he now?” I asked Fee of her youngest child. “No, wait, he was six when Bree was born if I remember right, so he’d

be twenty-six now?”

 

“Aye, and he’s quite the strapping lad. He’s so like Roger. He looks like him more-so than any of the others, and he’s got that

twinkle in his eye.”

 

“I know what it’s like to raise a child whose father shines through so clearly,” I absently uttered, looking back up, Fee seeing

the amazement I had on my face for saying those words.

 

“Och, I know you do,” she said, reaching out to touch my hand. “Bree and Jamie have that likeness that Roger and Wake share.

It can be remarkable.”

 

Fiona shook her head thinking, I’m sure, like me, about those moments where, as a mother, you are struck by how much of

the man you love is there in the face of your child. Fee sucked in a breath and breathed it back out, clearing her chest of the

tightness such emotions can create.

 

“Well, then, I’ll give him a call if you think Bree would like to consult with ‘im.”

 

“I’ll go ask.”

 

~~~~~

 

Bree was curled up in a ball on her bed when she told me I could come in. I nestled in behind her and put my arms around

her,brushing her hair back so it didn’t get in my mouth.

 

“I know you were surprised by your father’s offer.”

 

“He’s only known me for six months, and he trusts me to rebuild this place that he puts so much importance on – how does

that make sense?” she inflected.

 

“He’s a very good judge of people – reads them, sees potential. This is not a ‘gimmie’ because you’re his daughter.”

 

“You sure?” she questioned her mother.

 

“Oh, I’m sure…but he won’t force you to take this on if you don’t want to – “

 

“I want to,” she quickly shot out, “but…how do I say yes, when I’m afraid of ruining it?”

 

I smiled and tucked my head down behind her shoulder.

 

“I know confidence is sometimes hard fought for you, but you are always your best when facing down what scares you the

most. You may twist yourself in knots along the way, but I have never known you to fail when something you truly wanted was

on the line.”

 

“But, it’ll mean moving here, away from you, away from the father I’ve just met – and I haven’t got a clue about pulling

permits, or codes and practices in Scotland. I’d be lost, swallowed up by red tape.”

 

“What if someone who knew all those things could talk you through what to expect?” I offered.

 

“Who?” Brianna spewed, “Who could I trust to help me, but not take over? I don’t know anybody like that!”

 

“I might.”

 

Bree pulled free and turned to look at me. One raised eyebrow looked down at me. I sat and took her hands.

 

“Fee’s youngest – he’s an architect, does restorations, so he’s bound to know the local codes and customs – he probably

knows who to hire and who to avoid as well. Fee’s willing to ask him to survey the property with you, give you an honest

appraisal, but only if you want to.”

 

Bree’s face brightened. I wouldn’t quite call it a smile, but I saw the weight lift off her shoulders.

 

“Yes.”

 

~~~~~

 

The rehearsal dinner was more of a raucous party than a formal occasion. Roger had made arrangements with his ‘local’ to

take over the entire pub for the night. The regulars were well warned of the impending crowds, and invited to be part of the

celebration. Some of the more quiet drinkers had chosen to steer clear, but there were some stalwarts who’d not miss a night

perched on their regular stool on a Monday night.

 

Claire, Jamie, Brianna, Fiona and Roger were first in the door to make sure everything was set up. The brass had been polished

all around the bar, and all the tables had been arranged in two long lines, and were draped in white paper tablecloths to make

it appear like banquet tables instead of many individual tables.

 

Roger smiled as the smell of myriad foods invaded his nostrils.

 

“Cover me,” he whispered to Jamie, “I’m havin’ a sneak into the kitchen.”

 

He got two steps away when Fiona’s voice boomed out, “Roger MacKenzie!”

 

He turned on his heel.

 

“Yes, hen?” he attentively spoke.

 

She shook her head. Roger shrugged his shoulders.

 

“I had tae try.”

 

Soon after that there was a steady stream of MacKenzies and the clans they’d married into making their way into the pub, all

being introduced by Fiona.

 

~~~~~

 

Gem arrived, dressed as a civilian. As a man who spent most of his time dressed in black, his casual clothing seemed unduly

bright, but perhaps he was making up for time, and being the peacock when he was free of his collar. Speaking of peacock,

that was the shade of blue/green he was wearing – a piqué polo with the buttons undone and nice pair of dark denims. He

still looked quite youthful, and with Roger’s genetics, he had the possibility of looking young for some time to come.

 

“And of course you know Ruth,” Fiona said to me, almost jokingly.

 

“Of course,” I replied, giving Gem’s wife, Brianna’s first baby sitter, a quick hug, “None of girls came?”

 

“They’re sitting with the young ones – not just mine, all of them. They’ll be at the wedding, though. But I fear introductions

will have to wait until the reception.”

 

“No doubt,” I said with a nod.

 

Fiona tried to move traffic along, giving Ruth an encouraging tap.

 

“We’ll circle back to each other before the night is through,” Ruth encouraged as she waded into the depths of the pub,

sucked along by the current.

 

I waved as she shrank into the distance.

 

“You’ve heard me speak about Janet often, but you’ll not have actually met, will you? She was away during the years you were

with us – Janet, come meet Claire – oh, and this is Janet’s husband Robert.”

 

“Nice to finally meet you,” I said, reciprocating as she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, “Robert?”

 

“Aye, a pleasure,” he burred, soon distracted by an hors d’oeuvres tray that passed under his nose.

 

“Like I said before, the other two boys, Rabbie and Wake, couldna be here, but here’s Abigail, you remember her?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“And this is Duncan, her husband.”

 

He offered a very firm handshake and a nod, but said nothing.

 

He took Abigail by the hand and shielded her as they made their way to the bar. I followed in their wake until I could find

Jamie.

 

“You made yourself scarce – I thought you’d want to be there for the introductions.”

 

“Och, well…” Jamie leaned down so as not to have to yell to be heard, “I helped Roger acquired some delicacies from the

kitchen while Fiona was distracted from watching every morsel that entered his mouth.”

 

I cast a controlled smile toward the man I was marrying tomorrow, and exhaled deeply. It was hard to believe we’d been

separated so long, for I found myself feeling the same euphoria I did when I was first falling in love with him. While the years

had changed much in Jamie in terms of knowledge and experience, so much of him was still the young man I’d met those first

months before and after our initial meeting and marriage. He gave me a nice lingering kiss and a squeeze around the middle.

 

“I’m going to mingle,” I told him, getting back into the flow of traffic headed to and from the buffet.

 

~~~~~

 

Jamie signaled to Joe as he saw him enter the room. Joe made his way over, Jamie’s smile growing as he came closer to where

Jamie was standing with Roger.

 

“Hey, old man,” Joe once more harangued Jaime, garnering a moment of one sided smirk.

 

“Roger,” Jamie alerted, pulling Joe in to his side by the arm. Once he had his arm around Joe’s back, he opened his mouth to

introduce the pair, but was cut off by Joe turning and saying, “Hey Professor.”

 

“Joe?” Roger questioned, hoping he had placed the face properly.

 

“Small world,” Joe beamed as the two of them embraced.

 

Jamie stood there and screwed up his mouth as he took in the scene.

 

“So…I take it you two know each other?” Jamie finally came out with.

 

“We’ve sat in together in a few pub talent nights over the years,” Roger warmly recounted.

 

“How do you two…” Roger wavered a hand between the pair.

 

Jamie sucked in a breath and stood up tall.

 

“Joe, here, is my great great…great great…great…great grandson.”

 

Roger began nodding.

 

“Och – small world indeed.”

 

“How about you two?” Joe asked.

 

Roger and Jamie looked warmly at each other and simultaneously said, “Claire,” in a lingering lilt.

 

“Roger and Fiona looked after Claire when she first arrived – took care of her and made sure Brianna came safely into the

world.”

 

Jamie arched his back slightly, happily reliving the feeling that had washed over him when he’d first re-found Claire just six

months prior.

 

“Speaking of Claire,” Joe interrupted Jamie’s daydream, “I’d love to introduce her to my wife. Can you see either one of them?”

 

“I think they may have made their own introductions,” Jamie replied as he pointed in their general direction with his chin.

 

Claire was engaged in conversation with a woman who stood nearly as tall as she did. Her long, dark, and extremely curly

tresses bobbed playfully around her face as the two openly laughed like they were old friends. Jamie was enjoying their

interactions almost as much as they were. He gave Joe a pat on the shoulder and began drifting across the room.

 

“I’ll just be sayin’ hello to your beautiful Finn.”

 

Joe smiled as Jamie slipped through the crowd, leaving Roger and Joe to catch up.

 

“How’s my wild Irish Rose?” he exclaimed.

 

“Jamie Fraser, it’s been way too long!” Fionnula MacLeod squealed as he swept her up into his arms.

 

Claire stood back, a warm feeling enveloping her as she watched Jamie’s beaming face. It was clear Joe’s wife held great

affection for Jamie, and as he put her back down and held her at arm’s length to get a good look at her, an expression of

realization came over his face.

 

There was a certain level of similarity between Fionnula and Claire. Both pale skinned and flecked with nearly invisible

freckles, the two of them could have been sisters.

 

“I’m a domesticated Irish Rose now. I haven’t been wild in a very long time.”

 

“As you say, but…”Jamie rebuked, “not too tamed I’m sure,” he toned in her ear.

 

Jamie turned to Claire and took her hand.

 

“Claire, you’ve met Finn? She’s Joe’s wife!”

 

“We were just sorting that out.”

 

He hugged each woman with a single arm.

 

“Och, Sassenach, I’m sure you’ll be fast friends.”

 

Joe and Roger had made their way across the room to Jamie, Claire and Fionnula.

 

“Roger,” Fionnula brightly greeted.

 

“Hallo there, Finn.”

 

“Looks like we’ve got a good start for the house band,” she commented.

 

“Not tonight, dear. Tonight, Fee and I are the ersatz parents of the bride, and oddly enough, cousins of the groom!”

 

Finn laughed heartily, giving Roger a squeezing hug.

 

“I’d hate to put this family tree to paper.”

 

Claire scouted the room, but still tried to listen to the conversation around her.

 

“Something wrong, Sassenach?” Jamie inquired.

 

“I was hoping to spot Brianna. I wanted to introduce her to Finn.”

 

“You’ll get your chance, I’m sure of it.”

 

Jamie leaned in to speak directly in Claire’s ear.

 

“She’s still a bit skittish about the hugging masses. She’s been keeping her hands full to prevent unwanted embraces, toting

food and drink about.”

 

Claire nodded.

 

“So you’ve both played with Roger?” Claire asked Joe and Finn, trying to get back into the conversation.

 

“Joe? You play the bass, right?” Claire asked, getting an affirmative nod. “So what do you play, Finn?”

 

“I’m a percussionist,” she replied, almost haughtily.

 

“She just hates being called a drummer!” Joe informed us with a smirk. “Isna that right, my drummer?”

 

Fionnula growled at her husband.

 

“What I do is far beyond drumming,” she chided. “You yourself said you’d never seen anyone take to the bodhran like I did,”

she challenged Roger.

 

“I couldn’t get her hands off my bodhran once she had it in her grasp!” Roger told us, all innuendo intended.

 

“I can never get her hand off my bodhran either,” Joe said with a smirk that instantly reminded Claire of Jamie’s smile when he

had said something laced with sexual overtones.

 

~~~~~

 

Fluctuating groups of conversation formed and changed, ebbed and flowed through the entire pub until Roger silenced the

crowd, which was mostly comprised of his family.

 

“Find a seat, everyone, if you could, please.”

 

The stalwarts at the bar all turned to face out if they weren’t already, ready to drink to whatever was proposed in the toasts

they were sure were forthcoming. Jamie and Claire took side by side seats roughly in the middle of the long table for seating,

Brianna to Claire’s left and Fiona next to that.

 

“Alright now,” Roger said a bit more forcefully, as those assembled were finding their seats with all the decorum of a cattle

stampede in slow motion.

 

“Friends and family, at this time Father Padhraig McBride, who will join our happy couple tomorrow, will cut the haggis and

recite the Burns poem over it.”

 

Roger yielded the floor to the priest with the leftward wave of his hand.

 

“Address to a Haggis,” The priest announced, holding a knife in one hand, and a book held open to the page the poem sat on

with the other hand.

 

“Afraid I don’t know it by heart,” he cautiously admitted to those assembled, garnering a ‘boo!’ from a single man at the bar.

 

It seemed to take a lifetime as he stumbled in places through the multi-stanza-ed poem, but the crowd reapplied their

attention as he brought it into the home stretch.

 

 _“But mark the Rustic, haggis fed,_  
The trembling earth resounds his tread.  
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,  
He'll mak it whissle;  
An' legs an' arms, an' heads will sned,  
Like taps o' thrissle.

 _Ye Pow'rs wha mak mankind your care,_  
And dish them out their bill o' fare,  
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware  
That jaups in luggies;  
But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer,  
Gie her a haggis!”

 

And with the last word, he made a plunging cut into the haggis, as if stabbing into the heart of a great creature. The applause

rose and subsided quickly as Father McBride handed the blade to Jamie’s hand. He looked the length of the table, taking in all

the faces. He cast a glance down at the blade in his hand, mumbling, “this holy iron I hold in my hand.”

 

“Thank-you, father, well, I’ll not keep you that long, with all manner of unnecessary words.”

 

Jamie raised his glass.

 

“Slainte Mhath.”

 

The whole room seemed to repeat his toast and take their drink.

 

~~~~~

 

After the haggis had been presented, all the toasts offered, and everyone had eaten at least something, Brianna escaped the

hubbub, slipping into the bathroom until she was ready to face the crowd again. The Scots were a far huggier group than she

was used to, leading Bree to have to avoid contact frequently during the evening without appearing too aloof. She was looking

at herself in the mirror when someone stepped up to the other sink. Bree gave her a shy smile and a nod.

 

“Hi,” Bree softly said.

 

“Hi,” the other girl answered, “Feeling a little outta place?”

 

“How’d you guess? Kinda ironic, too, since this is for my parents,” Brianna divulged to this virtual stranger.

 

“So you’re Brianna…my parents kept saying I should try to meet you, told me we were close in age and they were sure we’d hit

it off.”

 

“Parents can be clueless,” Bree tossed out there. “Brianna Fraser,” she introduced, holding out her hand.

 

“Cassidy MacLeod,” she replied, shaking the proffered extremity.

 

“Oh, you’re Joe’s daughter? And I met your mom earlier tonight. There’s so much family I never knew anything about, but…I

like knowing I have people. For so long it was just Mom and me.”

 

“You didn’t know your dad?” Cassidy inquired.

 

“I just met him six months ago, before that, I kinda thought he was dead, or that my mom just made him up.”

 

“Oh,” Cassidy sadly toned, her eyes narrowing.

 

“What is it?” Bree asked.

 

“It’s just…I’ve known him since I was little. He’s been one of my parent’s best friends…”

 

“I know…It’s OK – it’s a long weird story.”

 

Brianna beamed a smile at Cassidy, putting her at ease.

 

The two young ladies left the rest room and continued to talk.

 

~~~~~

 

Brianna was careful with her words as she talked with Cassidy, not knowing how much she knew about her parent’s

peculiarities, but soon finding out Cassidy had been read in to the situation.

 

“He was just mam and da’s friend. He’d come around every so often, bring gifts, take me to the playground. But one day, after

he’d dropped me off home, I came back outside and it looked like he’d been crying. I remember asking what was wrong. He

shook his head no, ‘nothing’s wrong,’ he said. My da came up to us then, and I saw them looking at each other, and after a

bit, my da just nodded.

 

‘I’ve…misplaced my family – I sent them somewhere to be safe, but when I got to where they were supposed to be, they were

missing.’

 

‘Can I help you look?’ I asked, naively.

 

He leaned in close and looked both ways.

 

‘I sent them through time,’ he whispered, ‘and I canna seem to catch up with them, or I’ve passed them by, either way I havna

seen them in a long time – many, many years.’”

 

“I asked him ‘how many years?’ – I was only about eight, so I’m not sure what I thought ‘a long time’ meant. ‘You really want

to know?’ he asked. I nodded ‘yes’ eagerly, and he leaned into my ear once more. ‘Two hundred and fifty years.’”

 

“What did you think?” Brianna asked with great interest.

 

“I really didn’t know what to think,” Cassidy replied, “other than was he crazy.”

 

“That sounds familiar – I asked my mom what asylum they escaped from.”

 

Cassidy laughed.

 

“It does seem crazy, doesn’t it? But we know better, don’t we?” Cassidy articulated.

 

Bree suddenly looked forlorn. She clasped her own hands together and sighed out a breath.

 

“Did I say something wrong?” Cassidy asked.

 

“No…I just…it’s all too much sometimes. I’ve found this all out in the last six months. And the moment I feel like there’s

nothing left to surprise me, something new comes out into the light. Instead of waiting for the next shoe to drop, I find myself

awaiting the whole shoe store.”

 

Cassidy put her hand over Bree’s.

 

“I’ve had a little more time with it. If you need someone to talk with, I’m here.”

 

“I’d like that. Anyone else who I can talk freely with is…older…” Bree trailed off.

 

“And they don’t always understand?” Cassidy extrapolated.

 

Brianna nodded as she curled her lips into her mouth.

 

“We’re kinda sisters, six times removed,” Cassidy concluded, “I’ve always wanted a sister – someone I could confide everything

to.”

 

“I’ll be headed back to Boston for the next few months, but after I graduate from college, I think I’ll be coming back.”

 

“You think?” Cass asked.

 

“My dad wants me to restore Lallybroch, and I’m pretty sure I’m gonna say yes. And while I’m sure Fiona and Roger and their

whole family will be here for me, it would be nice to have a friend my own age,” Brianna confessed.

 

“You have one,” was Cassidy’s reply.

 

~~~~~

 

Claire, Jamie, Joe and Finn found Brianna and Cassidy still talking when the night had wound down and most of the people

had left.

 

“Did I not say it?” Finn extolled, seeing the pair sitting together, “I said you two would hit it off.”

 

“Yes, mam,” Cassidy toned, rolling her eyes so only Brianna could see.

 

Bree smirked.

 

“Well, it’s time we were going,” Joe enlightened his first born. “By the time I get them home it will be time to start primping for

the wedding.”

 

Finn gave Joe a swat on the back for that comment and a fearsome look.

 

“I know – I’m the one who needs all the primping time,” Joe admitted, “That kilt takes some work to make it look right.”

 

Jamie patted his descendant on the shoulder.

 

“You need to wear it more often, get a more practiced hand,” Jamie informed him.

 

“If I could, I’d wear it every day,” Joe declared.

 

“I think you could bring it back into style,” Claire reassured. “I know I wouldn’t mind seeing more kilts – I think they’re

striking.”

 

“Aye, but not always practical in modern life,” Jamie notified.

 

~~~~~

 

Just as we were all headed up the stairs to get as much needed sleep as was possible before the wedding, I noticed Bree

lagging at the foot of the stairs. Just before we were out of sight, she choked out, “Jamie?”

 

He stopped, and I turned and stopped as well.

 

“Can I have the key? For Lallybroch?...I need to see it again.”

 

“Does this mean…?” Jamie tried to draw words from Brianna, hoping she was about to tell him she’d made up her mind.

 

“I don’t know yet,” she said, cutting Jamie off before he could get his hopes too high.

 

Jamie did not question her further, just pulled the key out of his pocket, and tossed it to her. It landed in her hand like it knew

the way there, landing solidly and staying put. Jamie raised one eyebrow and nodded courtly at our daughter. She closed her

hand over the key and brought it in against her heart, smiling reassuringly up at both of us.

 

I wanted to be able to read her mind, or go to her, but there was a look on her face that said her guard was going up, and she

would not be receptive. I found Jamie’s hand and gave it a quick tug. We continued to our room while Brianna held her position.

 

“I wanted to run down those steps and spin her around in my arms,” Jamie confessed after we closed the door.

 

“Would it help if you spun me instead?” I offered.

 

Jamie sealed his lips to mine, but picked me up and spun me as well, keeping me from waking the house with my sounds of

delight. I felt a little wobbly, still spinning on the inside long after Jamie had placed me back on my feet. It had been a long,

eventful day, and tomorrow promised to be even longer. I closed my eyes to center myself.

 

“Already asleep?” I heard burr next to my ear.

 

“Yes,” I jested, “I need to save up as much energy as I can for tomorrow.”

 

“You’ll bear up. You have a well of strength that has proven bottomless,” Jamie said as his hand caressed my bottom.

 

I cracked one eye open.

 

“Save it for the honeymoon.”

 

~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, you are all cordially invited to the re-wedding of Jamie and Claire. (FINALLY! - I heard you all saying it.)


	32. The Unexpected Guest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And without further adieu...wedding time.

The Unexpected Guest

 

I couldn’t believe how much noise could be generated by people getting themselves ready for a wedding. I was afraid of getting caught in a staircase stampede. I wanted to soak in those last few minutes of sleep, but just

as I lapsed back into that blissful state of drifting to the surface, Fiona knocked on my door.

 

“Brianna, dear, breakfast is waiting.”

 

I cracked one eye open.

 

“Did you hear me, dear?”

 

“Yes…I’m coming.”

 

As I sat up, I noticed my outfit for the wedding hanging in my room – it hadn’t been there the last time I’d opened my eyes. Fiona the magic elf had been very busy already today. I looked both ways in the hallway, and

slipped into the bathroom. No one was trying to hurry me along, so I took a quick shower. I wrapped my hair in a towel and got back to my room before anyone seemed to notice. I put on everything else but the coat, afraid

I’d spill something on it before we left for the church, and pulled my sweatshirt on to cover up. I could finish with my hair after I ate.

Jamie was finishing his breakfast when I made my bleary-eyed entrance into the kitchen.

 

“Mornin’ lass,” he said, looking like a man who was trying too hard to be composed.

 

“You’re allowed to be nervous, you know,” I said.

 

He grinned at me.

 

“I was nervous the first time – afraid she’d not go through with it, desperately scared she’d not be mine,” Jamie recalled, clearly ensconced in the past, “This time, there’s no need – she’s been mine all along, we’re just

letting the rest of the world know.”

 

“If you say so,” I mumbled.

 

It wasn’t until I sat down to eat that Jamie noticed what I was dressed in.

 

“You’re no wearing that?” he suddenly erupted.

 

“My coat is upstairs still – I didn’t want to wear a giant jam stain to the wedding.”

 

“Time to get dressed,” Fiona instructed Jamie as she came into the kitchen, “Roger’s cleared a space in the study for the donning of the kilts, and he’s in there pleating his as we speak. Your items are hanging by the

fireplace to get the creases out, tsk, tsk,” she admonished wordlessly.

 

Jamie raised an eyebrow at me and smiled sheepishly, and I almost choked as I laughed.

 

“You alright, dear?” Fiona asked.

 

I gave her a thumb’s up, because any attempt to speak would just trigger another round of coughing.

 

As he stood, Jamie curved his hand around my shoulder and nodded at me. He looked happy, and I was glad for him.

 

“I did intend to hang it up myself,” Jamie softly spoke to Fiona as he approached her, “but it slipped my mind…thank you,” he said with a nod, and open arms that Fiona easily slipped into. I found myself fighting a wave of

intense emotions, having to breathe slowly to alleviate the strange feelings. I guess, in part, I was…jealous that a hug was such a simple undertaking for everybody else, and so…traumatizing for me with anyone other than

my mom.

Jamie smiled broadly as he headed out of the room, a spring in his step.

 

“Make sure you eat something hearty this morning, it may not seem it, but we are hours away from the reception, and that’s the next time you’ll get to eat today,” Fiona warned me.

I wasn’t really hungry yet – my body and brain were convinced I should still be asleep. I took a chance I’d be able to eat with my mom when it was her shift to get ready – Fiona made sure my parents were on separate

schedules, pulling Jamie out of his bed before my mom woke to fulfill her need to avert bad luck. (I wouldn’t be surprised if my mom faked being asleep just to keep Fiona from being too upset!)

 

~~~~~

 

“Jamie!” Roger said with gusto as he entered the study.

“I’ll be but a minute,” he said, lowering himself down to his pleated plaid.

“I’ve always preferred the feileadh mhor – each of the boys got one once they could handle the weight of all this fabric – Jem will be wearin’ his today, as he’s a guest, and not presiding over the ceremony. I wish the other

boys could be here, but alas…give us a hand.”

 

Jamie helped get Roger to his feet once more.

 

“That’s another great thing about the kilt – no worries as to whether it will fit!”

 

Jamie nodded as he collected his breacan and unfurled it across the floor. He made short work of the pleats, and then quickly exchanged his tee for his dress shirt and dropped his jeans off beneath.

 

“Such ease of movement,” Roger lamented, shaking his head, as he watched Jamie get himself dressed and back on his feet without assistance.

 

“Aye, but I suffered incapacitation often in my early life, and understand its affect.”

 

“Och, I know. Claire shared your trials, and it was always a painful revelation for her…in a way, you’ve lived backward – been pained and crippled in youth, but freed of it as you age – consider yourself lucky that arthritis is

not in your future.”

 

Jamie nodded, grabbing one hand with the other and rubbing with his thumb the spot on his palm where a nail driven by Black Jack Randall had once penetrated, the memory of the pain still palpable.

 

“Sorry if I dredged up any unpleasantness, this should be a day of joy and looking forward,” Roger apologetically groveled.

 

Jamie tilted his head and shot the one sided smiled momentarily.

 

“Let me help you with your coat,” Jamie offered.

 

“Aye, aye, and then I’ll give you a hand with yours, whether you need it or no.”

 

When Jamie went to the crate to get his boots, he saw the brooch he’d given to Brianna to wear today. He hoped she hadn’t forgotten about it. He slipped it into his sporran so at the very least it’d make it to the church and

he could give it to her there.

 

“Is it safe to come in yet?” Brianna called out as Jamie pulled his second boot on and sprang to his feet.

 

“All clear,” Roger announced.

 

Bree made a bee-line for the crate, and Jamie made a bee-line for her.

 

“Is this what you’re lookin’ for, lass?” he asked, displaying the pin in his palm.

 

Brianna smiled and let a sigh of relief.

 

“Yes – where should I pin it? Shoulder? Lapel? Is there significance in locating it?”

 

Jamie smiled at her worry.

 

“Just so long as you wear it, you make me proud – now promise me you’ll get your mam to the church?”

 

“I’m surprised Fiona didn’t shove a chair under the doorknob to keep mom in her room until you left. Nothing is going to derail this wedding.”

 

Bree looked down for a moment, giving Jamie a side-eyed glance as she spied a bare kneecap. Without a word, Jamie stood back and did a turn.

 

“What d’ya think?” he asked.

 

“It’s a good look – not everybody could pull it off, but it looks right on you.”

 

“Am I included in that compliment?” Roger asked.

 

“It just takes a while to get used to the bare knees,” she said as she blushed.

 

“Alright now, time for the men-folk to head out so we can go about getting Claire ready. Shoo with you,” Fiona insisted.

 

Brianna wished she had her jacket on so she could attempt to escape with Jamie and Roger. She followed them to the door and waved goodbye after the two of them had shoved all that tartan into Roger’s car.

 

“No time for dawdling, get your mam out of bed and down here for breakfast – and maybe you’ll actually take some sustenance. Last batch of muffins comes out of the oven soon, if nothin’ else catches your fancy.”

 

~~~~~

 

I walked up the stairs slowly and slipped into the room with mom. She was stretched out on her back, relaxed, but wide awake.

 

“Did you sleep at all?” I asked.

 

“I slept fine until Fiona dragged Jamie away – he was keeping me warm.”

 

She sat and stretched in the middle of the bed.

 

“Have they gone?” she asked.

 

“Just drove away – they looked good all dressed up,” I answered as I leaned against the closed door to the room.

 

“A kilt has its charms,” mom toned with a warm glint in her eyes.

 

“I have orders to present you for breakfast.”

 

Mom frowned.

 

“How am I supposed to think about food right now?”

 

“I couldn’t eat either. It’s too early, but Fiona is insisting.”

 

“Come here,” mom invited, reaching out her arms to me.

 

I sat on the bed and took her hands.

 

“You probably won’t see much of us for the next few days, so I wanted to make sure you’re OK.”

 

“I’m fine – I’ve got a lot to keep me busy. Fiona said she’d been able to set up a meeting with her son for the eighteenth. She’ll drive me out to Lallybroch herself, and then he’ll drive me back to my hotel.”

 

“Do you…remember him at all? From before we left Scotland, I mean.”

 

“I don’t think so. Should I?”

 

“You were a toddler, and he was just a little boy – and he looked a lot like Roger when he was a boy. I really only have a vague recollection of him myself. Not to worry – I’m sure he’ll tell you what you need to know to make

your decision.”

 

“I hope so – I am leaning toward doing it – but that’s for another day. Today is your day – yours and Jamie’s. Is there anything I can do? I’ve made the arrangements for the luggage to be shipped to the hotel.”

 

“So we are going to be at the same hotel?” mom attempted to wheedle out of me.

 

I had been tight lipped about the after-wedding accommodations, and I wasn’t about to break now. I just smiled and held my tongue.

 

“You look just like him right now,” she breathed out, eyes filling with tears.

 

“Don’t do that, mom. It will just get me started, and we’ll both have puffy eyes in the pictures.”

 

“I don’t mean to…”mom snuffed, taking me into her arms.

 

“I wanted to hug him, so badly this morning,” I admitted, “and I know he wants me to…He knows, doesn’t he? That’s why he only tries to hold my hands now.”

 

“He asked – he sensed something had happened, and I wasn’t going to lie to him. He understands…we both do.”

 

I didn’t really react. I couldn’t. What do you say when your mom has as much as said both she and Jamie had been raped? It was not a topic to delve into today.

 

“Come on, breakfast, shower, dress for the wedding, get married – that’s the itinerary, and Fiona will be up here if we don’t make our appearance in her kitchen.”

 

Mom and I split a hot oatmeal muffin and some fruit before a desperate Fiona offered to make us anything to make us eat up before the day got in the way – and she meant it. We settled on hash browns and I had an

English muffin with peanut butter and jam, piled high with thin sliced ham – and it was a good thing I hadn’t put on the dress coat Fiona had made for me – jam obeys no rules.

 

Mom was a bit sluggish after giving in to Fiona’s demands to eat, but we got her into the dress, and her hair done up.

 

“Oh, I almost forgot – the pearls. I haven’t been able to get them from the crate since we got here – I wanted to surprise your dad. Could you get them for me?” she asked, sitting there, trying to be calm.

 

I put a hand on her shoulder the way Jamie had with me this morning.

 

“Be right back.”

 

~~~~~

 

The pearls were around her neck, breaking up the rather large expanse of exposed skin above the dress, and I could suddenly see why Roger called my mom ‘swan’. And then it was my turn for the final primping. I attached

the brooch from Jamie to the upper chest on the left side of my coat and swapped it for my sweatshirt, and I decided to wear my hair down, but not so it obscured the pin with the Fraser crest.

 

“You two take a minute,” Fiona insisted, not knowing we’d said all there was to say, and then some, before arriving for breakfast.

 

“I’m gonna throw on my dress and drag a comb through my hair. Keep an ear out for the hired car.”

 

And then we were on our way.

 

~~~~~

 

Jamie stood poised, just steps from the church Claire had reluctantly married him in in 1743. This time, they both wanted this union, and were both in love – desperately in love. Getting them into separate rooms as the

wedding loomed was near impossible. Actually finding that their original wedding date was available at this church confirmed the idea that they would again wed in this place. It was pure chance that Claire found this

church again. A late night ‘Googling’ shortly after his proposal had brought her to the webpage, and when she clicked ‘show image’, she couldn’t believe her eyes. Her jaw chattered, but her fingers automatically typed the

date of her marriage to Jamie into the box titled ‘open dates’. She snatched up the laptop and took off through the rooms, finally finding Jamie out-dueling himself at a game of pool. Her cheeks were blazing as she set the

computer on the felt.

 

“You won’t believe this,” she assured him as she directed his attention to the computer screen.

 

“Aye? What is it, then?”

 

“It’s available,” she said cryptically, getting just a raised eyebrow from her betrothed.

 

“The church is available on our anniversary.”

 

He looked at the picture and felt a wave go over him. Every feeling from that day insisted on making an appearance, trickling down his spine. Fear, pride, desire, nervousness – all swept him in a flash and he bent forward

and grabbed the rail of the pool table.

 

“Christ,” he muttered, his knees barely under him.

 

His heart was pounding as he remembered the sight of her – and the way she looked at him brightly adorned in his highland finery. He felt the pit in his stomach that had come with her saying ‘I can’t marry you’, and the

actual weakness of his knees when they spoke their vows. And the feel of their bound wrists – the first of many touches their marriage would allow, and the love he was not yet ready to reveal to her.

 

“I remember it more through your memories than my own, but what I do remember makes me love you all the more,” she emotionally recalled, surprised to see a tear dangling from the end of his nose as he looked up from

the screen.

 

“Available, ye say?” he croaked.

 

“Will you take my hand again in the same place that made you mine for all time?” she asked.

 

“As you wish,” he whispered, and bowed courtly.

 

It was booked before he’d stood.

 

And now he stood outside that church again, ready to share another life with Claire, for however long that would be.

 

~~~~~

 

“Jamie?” Roger said with some concern, “You OK?”

 

Jamie came out of his trance and shifted the smile up one side of his face yet again.

 

“Aye, just remembering.”

 

“Of course you are – this is where it all began for you, is it not?”

 

“Aye, taking Claire as my wife gave me a life I never would have had – I might not be here now if our paths had never crossed, and were I not looking to find her again, I’d have long ago lost the will to live.”

 

Roger patted Jamie on the back.

 

“She’ll be here soon enough – would you like to meet my sons-in-law? The family encompasses a good many clans now, and I’m proud to add Fraser and MacLeod. Come, I’ll keep you distracted ‘til she arrives.”

 

Roger directed Jamie toward the throng of people who were milling about outside the church. It would be quite crowded once they all entered the church, and there was no way to make that many small children stay calm or

sit still for a long time, so rather than try to shove them all inside until such a time as everyone had arrived, nearly everybody was satisfied to be outside, children running about (within reason). As they walked into the

group, two other tartan-clad men approached, and Jamie scanned each one, identifying the plaid patterns, one predominantly dark blue and dark green, the other appearing to be the faded cousin of the first. Jamie smiled

as they approached, liking the thought that there were so many kilted men attending his wedding.

 

“Duncan Strachan,” one man introduced himself, reaching out to shake Jamie’s hand. “I hear that through you Joe MacLeod is part of the family by blood. He’s truly one of us, and as a musician, it makes me proud to know

my children share a heritage so rich.”

 

Jamie gladly clasped his hand and patted him on the back of the shoulder.

 

“Aye, too bad the music genes skipped me.”

 

“But Joe told me you sang.”

 

“Technically true, but it was a punk band – I more yelled and screamed – not musically in the least.”

 

“Well, pleasure to meet you none-the-less. I better get back to Abby – we’ve got the three young ins with us this day, and I’ve left her to fend for herself long enough for resentment to set in.”

 

He got a pat on the back from his brother-in-law as he retreated.

“Robby Ferguson, pleasure,” he said as he shook Jamie’s hand. “I can’t sing a note, myself – doesn’t go over too well with this crowd,” he said, leaning in, “but they decided to keep me anyway,” he added with a wry smile.

 

“Hey, old man, looks like we’re about to get this show on the road,” Joe MacLeod hooted as he came over and gave Jamie a hug. “I believe that long black car holds your bride to be.”

 

“You made it, survived the wait,” Roger expressed joyfully, smiling broadly at Jamie until he shot back a smirk and turned to face the driveway, watching as the car drew closer, along with its precious cargo…his family.

 

~~~~~

 

I had the dress specially made because I knew Jamie would be breathtaking in his kilt, and I wanted to be half as beautiful as he was. The feel as the corset was tightened behind me squeezed the butterflies that had been

flittering all week. This was not a day to be sick, though. There was no reason, after all, for me to be retchingly nervous. We’d been married – technically still were, if you could make anyone believe the truth of it, and I

wanted very much to be married to Jamie again. Brianna helped me out of the limo – it had been a while since I’d dealt with such voluminous skirts. And it was a good thing she was there! Jamie broke into a broad grin that

enchanted me so deeply that my feet tangled on each other, and she had to catch me. Unfortunately, she grabbed me tight around the middle, and those damned butterflies would have no more of it.

 

“Let go, I need to be sick,” was all I managed, lunging for a stone light pillar, hanging on for dear life as it all came up.

 

Hanging like a damp rag flung with great force, it was some time before I was up to moving. I knew I heard Jamie and Brianna talking, but it didn’t sound like words. Brianna cast a glance at Jamie. His look went from

concern to deep thought, and a smile flicked on and off.

 

“What gives?” Brianna questioned him.

 

Jamie raised his head, and an eyebrow, his lips pushed forward in thought.

 

“Well, it’s just, you see, there’s only one other time I’ve seen your mother sick like this, and it was when,” he couldn’t fight a smile just now. “Well, she’s not one to get sick, except…”

 

“Except?” Brianna asked.

 

“Except…when she’s with child.”

 

Jamie dragged one toe back and forth in the dirt, watching his own foot, hands clasped behind his back, waiting to see what his daughter might say. Brianna was slowly translating his words into understanding. Suddenly,

her eyes went round and she grabbed Jamie by the sleeve.

 

“You…you can’t mean…You’ve knocked up my mom?”

 

It came out louder than expected, all eyes turning to Brianna except Claire, whose only response came as she knotted her fists in the material of her skirt.

 

“Aye, I think I may have,” Jamie replied, sheepish grin flashing on and off between looks of extreme worry.

 

~~~~~

 

Everyone slowly filtered into the church, buzzing with conversation about what they thought they had just heard. Fiona went in ahead, trying to keep speculation from bubbling over, and keep the wedding on track. Brianna

let Claire lean on her while she found her feet and her breath again.

 

“Is he right?” Bree mumbled to her mother. “Is it possible?”

 

Claire just looked at her daughter for a moment, finally saying, “I don’t know.”

 

Jamie nervously paced, his kilt swishing back and forth as he turned. He held the hilt of his sword in one hand, and the hilt of his dirk in the other, squeezing them like unyielding stress balls until Roger stopped him by

stepping in his path right after one of his abrupt turns and grabbing him by the upper arms.

 

“Everyone’s in place, and no matter the truth, you are here to marry Claire today – and better that you do in case what you said is true.”

 

Jamie nodded at him and took in a deep breath. Brianna steered her mother over to Jamie and Roger, and finally let her stand on her own. Claire looked up at Jamie as he looked down into her eyes. They both looked

haunted. Claire put her hands up, palms toward Jamie. He slowly slid his fingers through hers and brought his forehead down to meet hers.

 

“Fiona has saved us seats in the front. Go ahead, I’ll make sure of things on this end,” Roger imparted to Brianna.

 

She nodded and reluctantly headed into the church.

 

“Alright now,” Roger gently spoke.

 

Jamie and Claire shifted from face to face to side by side, and came to within steps of the entrance to the church. Roger stepped before them, getting a reassuring nod from each of them before he ducked into the church.

 

“Ready?” Jamie queried.

 

Claire flicked her eyes to the side and smiled shyly.

 

“It’s never mundane with you,” she exulted, taking a step forward.

 

~~~~~

 

The warm glow of the candles in the church helped my complexion seem far less green and ashen. I was glad I had asked about the lighting – on our tour, the buzz of mid last century’s fluorescent lights had made me feel

a bit too much like Craigh na Dun had come to roost over my head. The candles had been good enough the first time, I saw no reason to add harsh shadows that would only further deepen the lines on my face. Although I

was pretty sure Jamie was looking at me through the light of love. There was no hint he saw me any differently than the first time we stood here.

 

I gladly walked down the narrow aisle of the church, having to take several sideways steps to make it past those kilted men sitting in the aisle seats, admiring each man as I slipped by him. Jamie was holding my arm tightly,

making sure I kept my feet and that I didn’t get too far ahead of him. I saw Brianna sitting between Fiona and Cassidy MacLeod in the front row, and it made me smile. Father McBride seemed a bit distracted by the buzzing

vibe coming off those assembled. He was perhaps the only person here today who had not overheard the conversation that took place outside, for he had been in the church preparing for the wedding. But the father did his

bit flawlessly, and we were pronounced husband and wife.

 

I stopped Jamie as he leaned in for a kiss and whispered, “hold up a second,” I looked over my shoulder and gave a slight nod.

 

Everyone in the church, including Jamie, looked shocked when Roger MacKenzie stood, pulled the dagger from Jamie’s belt, and placed a shallow cut on each of our inner right wrists, then tying them together with a length

of white linen. I surprised Jamie, again, by not only knowing the words, and the proper Gaelic pronunciation of our second vows, but when I took the lead in saying them by telling Jamie to ‘say the words after me’. I saw his

chest fill with pride, and as I got the very last of it correct, his smile blossomed, and he was already leaning in for his deferred kiss.

 

I swear it took all his strength just then, not to lay me on the altar and let them view the honeymoon, and I’m not so sure I would have minded this time. I did not plan on taking hours to warm up, nor did I have to work up

the nerve. Tonight, I planned to take my husband to bed, and keep him there until morning.

 

~~~~~

 

Everyone was expecting us at the reception. It was basically a family function with almost no one outside the MacKenzie family to be there, so Fiona had volunteered the manse, but Brianna had found and booked the small

banquet room of a hotel to handle the reception, and take that one item off the list of things Fiona would have to do for us. I’m sure it was beautifully decorated and inviting, but as Jamie and I were getting into the limo, we

looked at each other, and decided the last thing we wished to be doing was spending the evening with pleasant expressions painted on our faces.

 

“Bree,” I softly hummed, her head coming up.

 

“Would it be completely rude of us to not come?”

 

Her face fell at first, but I saw this wave of understanding wash over her. It wasn’t just that we wanted to start our honeymoon.

 

“I doubt anyone will ask me why you’ve begged off,” Brianna answered with an impish grin. “We’ll celebrate for you.”

 

I gave my girl a quick kiss and I saw a smile pass between her and Jamie.

 

~~~~~

 

“What have I missed now?” Fiona asked as she came upon Brianna watching the limo pull out of sight.

 

“They decided to skip the reception, but we are to enjoy ourselves for them,” Bree explained.

 

“Aye, I’m sure they have much to…” Fiona seemed to lose her words – a rare event, indeed.

 

“Yeah, I’m sure they do,” Bree joked.

 

“Will this leave you in need of a ride to your hotel?” Fiona asked.

 

“No, I just need to make it to the elevator at the end of the day, and remember my room number, but there are a couple of things I could use help with,” Bree warned.

 

“Anything, dear.”

 

~~~~~

 

A part of me pined for that sparse inn where we’d spent our first wedding night, but those feelings ebbed as I looked at the king size bed, and the bathroom with a whirlpool tub. Brianna had chosen our hotel, making sure

no one else knew where we would be. And she was sure NOT to book us into anyone’s ‘honeymoon suite’. It was just a luxurious room where nothing mattered but the two of us…and that damned figurative elephant.

 

I was sitting at the dressing table and couldn’t help but jump slightly when Jamie came in and closed the door behind him. I almost expected to see sword and dirk in his hand, but he had given the pair to Roger to protect

for the night, and for a historian’s chance of perusal. Few highland weapons of the era had survived in such good shape as Jamie kept his blades. I smiled at him, but his expression remained neutral, his stare seeming to

say ‘we have ways of making you talk’. His eyebrow lifted high, as if reading my thoughts, and not having a clue as to what I was talking about. I felt him walk up behind me as I fidgeted with my hands. I looked up into the

mirror and saw his desire to talk to me, and I knew this was not how either of us wanted to start our second marriage.

 

The ride from the church had been long enough for his exuberance to fade, and the events just before the wedding to invade. We nodded and smiled most of the trip, and I suddenly dreaded the moment we would be alone.

He held my hand, but he also held his tongue, and that made me nervous.

 

Now alone, though, Jamie went ahead and asked a question that would have been unspeakable and unnecessary on our first wedding night.

 

“Claire, are ye carrying my child?”

 

I felt my mouth open and my throat close.

 

“Very unlikely. I’m laying the blame on that abominable haggis at the rehearsal dinner!”

 

“Don’t go blaming the haggis – ye’ve always had a steel trap for a stomach. Ye know as well as I only one thing makes you that ill, and then is gone in the hour!”

 

“What do you want me to do? Have an emergency blood test? Confirm your suspicions? It won’t change anything!”

 

Jamie looked uneasy, almost sick with worry now. There was sad longing in his eyes – but he wasn’t looking at me so much as through me, seeing past flesh and bone, into the emptiness he felt was his fate. How was I to

change the centuries of pain and guilt Jamie felt about childbirth? He’d lost both children and women to it, and nearly both at once where I was concerned. Medical advancements notwithstanding, there still was a danger

inherent to the process. My age and previous history were no help. But then I thought of what this possible baby could do for Jamie. Perhaps I could teach him the joys of impending parenthood in a way he’d never been

allowed. Could I take the sting of loss from his heart, and instead fill it with the light of innocence?

 

He stopped dead behind me, turned me on the stool, fawning, not knowing to stand or kneel or grab me or walk away. He chose to clamp his hands on my upper arms and bring his forehead to mine. Jamie crouched and

slid his hands down my arms to hold my hands.

 

“Not change anything, Christ, Sassenach, it changes everything.”

 

He placed his head in my lap and exhaled warmly against my thighs, his hands at my hips.

 

“Mo nighean donn,” he deeply toned.

 

“It will be alright, Jamie. The two of us…three of us…having a baby in this century is not a death sentence.”

 

He raised his head and tried to smile, but he stared at my belly as the words coalesced in his mind.

 

“It doesna matter what century it is, nor what has come before – the same is still true – there is nothing I can do to help, and to be helpless…I die a little, each time, Sassenach. Each child I’ve lost, the women who’ve died

because of my selfish needs – each one takes a piece of me, but, Faith, perhaps because she was the first, I canna think of her without seeing you, and my heart almost stops. I nearly lost you then. I’ve only just gotten ye

back.”

 

“I’m not even sure,” I said, shaking my head, and before Jamie could interrupt I added, “Throwing up is not definitive proof, although in my case a rather strong indicator. But for tonight, nothing has changed. You are my

husband…again, and I want you – in the bed, on the floor, hanging from the chandelier – heck I’ll even give the luggage stand a go if you think I won’t fall through the straps,” I added, trying to inject some levity into the

serious turn our conversation had taken. He smiled in spite of his feelings.

 

“But it changes so much-” I brushed my fingers over his lips to stop him.

 

“Not tonight it doesn’t. It’s too soon to do anything, and too late to change anything.”

 

“It is possible, though, I could, as Brianna so nobly put it, have ‘knocked you up’?”

 

I was silent for a bit, wishing I had made a successful change of topic.

 

“Are ye still…with your courses?”

 

I scowled at Jamie, angry that he would ask – more angry that my honeymoon was being deferred for a virtual impossibility that was becoming all too possible. I stared longingly at him.

 

“Technically, but it’s been months – before I met up with you. I had no reason to believe – “

 

“So you’ve not been careful?”

 

“If you’re talking birth control, no, I didn’t think there was a need at my age! And if you will remember, we had sex five times in the first ten hours after we reunited, and we’ve been all over each other since then – I didn’t

see you stopping to ask, or offering to use a condom. I wasn’t thinking about being careful. I was thinking about how wonderful it felt, how much I wanted you, how hard you get when I…”

 

I had placed one hand on Jamie’s thigh, inching it closer and closer to the edge of his kilt. He stood abruptly, and turned away, taking a few steps toward the bed. His left hand went to his hip, his right pressed to his

temple. Suddenly I was on my feet, coming up behind him, my hands sliding up under his kilt.

 

“Can we not deal with this tomorrow, and enjoy tonight. Oh, God, Jamie, it would be a sin to keep that from me.”

 

I slipped his kilt free from its belt, and it fell between us.

 

“I just got you back, Claire.”

 

“And it will take more than this to take me from you. Will you have me?” I asked, knowing it would evoke an experience that saw us nearly destroying each other with our want and need to claim each other.

 

He turned in my arms, hesitating as our eyes found each other.

 

“Yes. Yes, I’ll have you.”

 

He tore at the laces of my dress, only getting it loose, but it was enough to start with. He pulled me around him and threw me onto the bed. While he removed his shirt, I rucked my skirt up to reveal that while the dress

may have looked vintage, there wasn’t so much as a shift to contend with. He began to shift his head toward my thighs, but I shook my head, intercepted his lips, and readjusted his aim.

 

“Oh,” I moaned, my back arching at the first moment of contact. He held me in that position, my back up off the bed. His grin grew the longer he kept me that way. He finally let me down, but shifted my hands to the

headboard with a look that very clearly said ‘leave them there’. Jamie went back to work on the laces of the dress, suckling the freed breast and groping the one still trapped behind the fabric. Finally it all came loose, and

he pulled it away, like he was slipping the shell off a lobster’s tail. There was a sudden increase in temperature as skin finally touched skin along our total lengths. I tickled his scalp with both hands – I had not been able to

keep them on the headboard and out of the action. By Jamie’s reaction you would have thought I had taken a whip to him, for he bucked hard, bound to possess me, fighting hard to forget everything except the knowledge

he had of my body and how he could rouse it to a fever pitch, only to let off and do it again and again.

 

In the twenty years without Jamie, sex had been an occasional physical need, often with the best results being by my own hand. I had come to think my sex drive was waning, but it seems it was merely in neutral, waiting for

the right chauffeur. Jamie knew how to take the curves, and could push me into overdrive. While I was scarcely a child the first time I had Jamie in my bed, and hardly a novice, since his return, my body had reached a new

plateau in sexual pleasure. They say women reach their full sexuality after forty, and men in their late teens and early twenties. Well, Jamie was a perpetual twenty-six year old, at least in body, but he had lifetimes of

knowledge and a few good years of hands on experience with my body. If ever there were a couple at a mutual sexual highpoint, we were it, and dammit if it wasn’t glorious.

 

~~~~~

 

“Hey, Bree,” Cassidy said as she came and sat next to Brianna at the reception.

 

“Hi,” Bree answered, face brightening considerably.

 

“Did I miss your mam and da already?”

 

Bree laughed.

 

“They skipped the whole thing.”

 

“Well, no wonder. Everyone still wants to know if it’s true.”

 

Bree shrugged her shoulders and put up her hands.

 

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” she revealed, “…Oh, my God, they might make me a big sister.”

 

Brianna looked horrified as she thought about it. Cassidy put a hand on Bree’s shoulder.

 

“I can get you through that, too,” Cassidy reassured her.

 

~~~~~

 

I felt like a luxuriating mermaid, settled into the whirlpool tub, about to unfurl my tail above the gold-plated fixtures. I heard the door open and close, and Jamie calling, “It’s only me,” as he walked across the room. A few

seconds later he was at the bathroom door, peering around the corner at me.

 

“Feeling better?” he asked, having heard my early morning emptying about an hour ago.

 

“Much,” I replied.

 

“Would you like to join me in here?” I asked, swishing my backside to and fro. “It’s the only place on last night’s list we didn’t get to, and I think the strap marks have finally faded,” I half-joked, trying to look over my

shoulder.

 

“We’ll have to pay for the luggage stand, ye know?”

 

“Oh, Aye,” I answered, smiling broadly. “I don’t think we can break the tub; we might flood the room, though.”

 

He didn’t seem completely opposed to the thought.

 

“Why did you go out?” I asked.

 

“Oh, there was a message – the phone was blinking at me so as I couldna ignore it. Seems those who attended the reception enjoyed themselves, and our lass saved ye the top tier of the cake – Brianna was upset that

Roger’s youngest son was not able to get there. The lass was really lookin’ forward to meetin’ ‘im for some reason. She was really just checkin’ up on us –well, on you, honestly, and she said she’d be sending something in

the morning you might be needin’.”

 

Jamie reached behind himself and brought forth a big box of saltine crackers.

 

“Brianna, you little imp,” I murmured.

 

Jamie smirked, obviously thinking it was funny, too – two peas in a pod when it came to that quirky sense of humor. I noticed Jamie was only wearing his shirt, and wondered if he’d had the audacity to go down to the front

desk like that. He must have taken the expression of my daydream image as a come-hither invitation because I felt the water level begin to rise, and he rolled me on top of him as he sank into the warm water. We did splash

several inches of water over the edge, as it was. We had made good use of the room last night, able to shed the possibility of parenthood once we were not thinking with our brains any longer.

 

Jamie gently touched me over the navel. I said, “Not yet,” and moved his hand to the small of my back, slowly undulating over him until resistance was futile. We lingered in the water, the mermaid and the silkie. At least he

didn’t get seasick in the bath, but the water was getting cool, and I was pruning in an unattractive fashion.

 

~~~~~

 

“She wants to meet him because they have similar interests,” I started saying, lounging on the bed in a fluffy robe Jamie had wrapped me in.

 

“Hmm?” he asked, tilting his head, coming to sit on the bed with me, and pulling his left leg up as he turned toward me. His robe split open too high up his thigh and I felt momentarily breathless.

 

“Ah, Roger’s youngest,” I got started finally, “ – he does restoration construction. She wanted to ask him about fixing the tower at Lallybroch – it’s right up his alley.”

 

“Oh. There wouldna be anything else to it, then?”

 

“What are you implying?”

 

“Well, she’s of an age to marry herself, and a nice Scottish lad wouldna be the worst thing in the world.”

 

“A nice Scottish lad who happens to be her own cousin?”

 

“He’s far enough removed from Dougal – I’d be more leery of Gellis’s blood in his line.”

 

“Don’t remind me. Ugh, it’s hard to believe such nice people descend from those two! Now don’t get me wrong, your uncle was quite seductive in his own right – he tried more than once to get me to his bed, or wherever –

even on our wedding night he encouraged me to try ‘other pleasures’ with very little doubt about what he meant.”

 

“Did he now? Good thing I didna know at the time. When was this, then?”

 

“I was still shaking off the effects of his offer when you dropped the pearls around my neck.”

 

Jamie leaned over looking at the bedside table where his mother’s pearls sat in a loop. He reached his hand out to skim along the bumps, his face telling me how glad he was that I’d worn them today, and then leaned over

me and looked down in my face, his hands pressed against mine on the bed.

 

“That was a revelation to me at the time, that sex could be that gentle, yet make ye feel so…like ye owned the world, because it was sittin’ in ye’re lap.”

 

I chuckled and he leaned in and kissed me softly. The tears were unexpected, but I couldn’t seem to fight them. His weight landed against me, just holding me until the tears subsided. And then my stomach growled – long

and loud, and we both broke out laughing.

 

“Shall we get dressed for lunch, or order room service?”

 

~~~~~

 

Turns out we had reservations for a late lunch – a surprise set up by Brianna that she’d even managed to keep from me! A driver arrived, and produced an invitation on heavy card stock. I knew in an instant my daughter

had written the text, because step one read, “Put on some damn clothes!”

 

Jamie slipped on his slim-fitting blue jeans with the cuffs turned up, black tee-shirt and weathered leather jacket – he’d seen that look come into style at least three times, and he looked damn good in it. I went with a few

more layers, not having been born with Jamie’s internal furnace, nor his imperviousness to the cold. Fleece leggings were a must, and a turtleneck, and a dress over that. Hooded jacket, scarf and fur-lined boots finished

me off, and had Jamie laughing.

 

We once more approached the door of our room, and found the driver still waiting.

 

“Shall we go?” Jamie said with a polite tilt of his head.

 

We were escorted to an inconspicuous car, and watched to see where our daughter would send us, knowing us as she did. After a while, I nestled back against Jamie’s chest, and was lulled to sleep with a combination of his

warmth and the thrumming of the engine. It was a quick squeeze on my arm that brought me awake as Jamie was suddenly drawn to attention. He sucked in a breath, and we were still on the highway.

 

“What?”

 

“She’s sent us home – Lallybroch,” he gulped.

 

It was a long thirty minutes before we pulled into the yard, the house standing tall and white before us. Memories washed over both of us. I could almost see Jenny coming out the door, smiling and approaching me with

open arms. I suddenly missed her more than words could say. When we visited a few days ago I had no inkling of her presence, but today it was everywhere. I knew Jamie saw her too, but he also saw Ian and the children,

and so many memories I was not a part of. So many years that should have been ours together. He took my hands as we both shook off the ghosts and headed into the house. An envelope sat propped on the old table in

the kitchen among the settings for two. Jamie grabbed the envelope and opened the note. He waved a hand at one chair and got me to sit before beginning to read Brianna’s words aloud.

 

“Dear Mom and Dad,” Jamie stopped and smiled at me. Brianna hadn’t called him that to his face yet, but that she would write the word warmed his heart.

 

“If I was able to pry you out of your bed, and get you here, then you are in for a treat. Your dinner will be served at your convenience, and should you find it to your liking, there is a room upstairs, and appropriate clothing

waiting for both of you should you wish to spend the night. I hope what I’ve done here is a good thing. Jamie – I want you to make my mother happy, and I’m glad you’ve found us again.”

 

My hand was on my throat and tears in the corners of my eyes as he finished and tucked the note back under the flap of the envelope.

 

“She knows what buttons to push, doesn’t she?” I said, looking up into Jamie’s face as he stood and came behind my chair, reaching over and kissing me on the left temple.

 

Out of nowhere a pair of young women appeared dressed in corseted dresses and aprons.

 

“Shall we serve now?” one asked.

 

“Why not,” I replied, both asking Jamie and inviting the young women to bring us our meal.

 

I was way past hungry by now, and it smelled sumptuous.

 

“Yes, of course,” Jamie nodded to the girls and took his seat at the table, across the corner from me.

 

We ate, and ate…and ate. I had a little bit of the wine that was served with each course, but drank mainly water. I knew that with drink in moderation I would not harm the fetus, that I wasn’t even sure was there, but I guess

I had already gone into that ‘mother to be’ zone in my head. Jamie kept looking at me across the table, sometimes beaming, sometimes shy and blushing. I still couldn’t read him, but I knew he was happy.

 

“We had some good times at this table,” he finally said.

 

“Yes, we did,” I replied with a smile, some memories unfolding that he could see in my eyes.

 

“But, there is another room with the best memory of all - when you finally told me the main reason you married me- that you wanted me - you loved me, and still another room where you showed me how much you loved

me until neither of us could move.”

 

“But I also believe that in that room, I told you how I could take pain myself, but could not bear to see anything happen to you. That I was glad, at that time, that ye thought you’d not be able to bear children, to me or any

man. I am glad that was wrong, I’m glad for the existence of our daughter, and to be sure I am proud as a peacock that I could ‘knock you up’ at this age, but I have never been more frightened for ye.”

 

“I know, and it is truly the last thing I expected, and if it’s true, it’s like starting over. I just got Brianna raised. When you came back into my life I was thinking of lots of sex, and days where we didn’t have to get dressed or

out of bed. But I’ve been thinking, if it is true, maybe it is a gift. We lost one child together, and we had one child apart – what if this is our second chance? What if we are finally allowed to have a child we both get to see

grow? There is so much they can do now for difficult pregnancies and premature babies. I’m around it on a daily basis, Jamie. This time is full of _real_ miracles.”

 

I reached for Jamie’s face and held his chin.

 

“As much as I cannot believe this is happening, what could fit the definition of ‘miracle’ more than the two of us?”

 

He reached across the table and massaged the base of my skull.

 

“I want to believe. I mean I look at my hand and my back, and my lifespan, and it is a miracle, but some scars will never heal, no matter how many lifetimes I live. But for you, I will try to put aside my fears, and accept the

miracle.”

 

~~~~~

 

We dismissed our serving girls after the dessert, tipping them well for their discretion, and near invisibility. Jamie and I decided to spend the night. While things were a little rough around the edges, there was something

about spending the night at Lallybroch that just felt right to the both of us. We followed the arrow signs that led us to our bedroom for the night. The fireplace had a note saying ‘light me’ and the bed had a sash across it

resembling the kind of caution tape often used to define dangerous areas. I felt the hand of Brianna’s sense of humor once again.

 

Even with the fire blazing, it was cold in the room, so once we were settled under a thick pile of blankets neither of us considered getting out of the bed. Jamie even threw the covers over our heads.

 

“I doona need to see you to know where everything is located, Sassenach,” he purred as our arms twined around each other’s backs and shoulders.

 

“Nor do I,” I replied, bringing my legs around his waist.

 

Soon we were more than warm, and we slept well here at Lallybroch. Our first real home still felt like home, and I couldn’t help but think about the first time we came here. I felt warmth in my belly as for the first time it

dawned on me…the first time Jamie got me pregnant must have been here at Lallybroch. You would think I would have realized that before, but so much happened between the time he got me with child and when I knew,

and I can’t help wonder, now, if the stress of his capture, torture, and desire to die were part of why I lost her. The medical knowledge in my brain tells me there were physical reasons Faith did not survive, but a darker,

more emotional space in my brain wonders if I traded our first child for the continued love and companionship I needed from Jamie. The doubts and darkness had disappeared by dawn, and I could hardly recall having any

conscious thoughts other than Faith was made here, and it left me with a smile.

 

~~~~~


	33. Never 21

Never 21

 

“This is a long way out there,” Fiona commented as she drove Brianna to Lallybroch.

 

“I know,” Bree’s voice wavered back.

 

“Does it worry ye that I’m just dropping you off, then?” Fiona asked, hearing the shaky warble.

 

“No, I’m sure you’ve said something to him to the effect that he’d lose body parts if he did anything to me.”

 

Fiona smirked wildly.

 

“Och, you do know me – William is a fine man, but some of his choices…I like to make sure of him…and you are a verra pretty girl.”

 

Bree blushed as she sat there.

 

After a considerable silence, Fiona cast a glance over at her passenger.

 

“Doona worry about him. He tries to maintain a reputation about town, and we tease him about it, but he’s really a gentleman. In fact, his heart gets him in trouble – it’s so big – so like Roger.”

 

“Well, if he’s walking funny the next time you see him, I know how to apply a knee to an unwanted advance,” Bree said with a toothy grin and one raised eyebrow.

 

“Och, you,” Fiona hissed. “You two will do fine.”

 

~~~~~

 

“Alright dear,” Fiona said as Brianna got out of the car, “he’ll be here soon.”

 

Bree nodded assuredly, “I’ll just look about a bit – I’m sure I’ll hear his car.”

 

“Truck,” Fiona corrected, almost rolling her eyes.

 

Bree released a nervous laugh.

 

“Sorry to make you drive me out here – I’m just not comfortable driving on that side of the car – I don’t know how mom and Jamie can switch so easily.”

 

“No bother, dear, you know that. And your parents are rather busy, with one thing or another,” she said with an impish grin.

 

Brianna grinned in return.

 

“Thank-you, Fee…for everything…for setting this up. I think – hope - this will help me come to a decision.”

 

“I’m sure it will. If nothing else, I know my boy knows his business.”

 

Fiona finally drove away, leaving Brianna at Lallybroch on her own.

 

Bree unlocked the house, leaving the key and her small bag just inside the door. She’d been scribbling notes and scrawling pictures with ideas for an updated layout within the walls of the house since she went to her room

after the reception, wondering if it would bother Jamie were she to change things around too much, knowing they must talk about such things if she did ultimately do the restoration. She began the walk to the tower,

keeping her ears open in case she heard an approaching vehicle. She wanted a chance to look over things for herself before anyone offered her an opinion.

 

She circled the base, having to avoid scrubby bushes that dotted the landscape around the tower. She looked back down toward the house, but saw nothing, so she circled once more to the doorway and stepped inside.

 

~~~~~

 

Jamie had told her to be careful if she went into the tower, but that had been days ago and Brianna had only been half listening. The steps felt sturdy under her feet, so any worry had left her mind. Light streamed in from

every little crack in the floors and walls. Brianna stopped to look at the view from the window on the third level. She pressed her elbows in the bottom of the opening and pushed her head outside, looking straight down at

the door below. She could really see the lean to the tower from here, but that was something she was not going to correct – it was part of the historic charm, and colloquial name that must stay a part of her ancestral home.

Freakin’ hell – ancestral home that belonged to her father – how to wrap her mind around that little tidbit! Two centuries of history in only one generation of family.

 

Brianna was distracted by all she had learned in the preceding months, and especially since starting this winter break. She thought her parent’s wedding would be the big news of the fortnight. But Jamie had told her some

things – some he meant to, some he did not. What a pedigree – her mother a time traveller, her father immortal, and the little bombshell that landed just before the wedding. She took a step toward the center of the circular

space, hearing a growing creak of boards, and the crumbling of the crackers they had become as she fell through and kept falling until she landed hard at the ground level. The only thing she could move was her head, but

her ears felt wet. Brianna tilted her gaze downward. There was a giant splinter of floor board protruding from her abdomen.

 

“Oh, God, I’m going to die.”

 

~~~~~

 

“It’s a wee bit cold for a swim, lass,” a voice calmly stated with a tinge of humor in it.

 

Brianna moaned and lifted her head slowly.

 

“What?” she groaned.

 

“Where am I?” She began pushing up on her arms, but quickly realized she was nude and dropped back down to the muddy ground beneath her.

 

“You wouldn’t happen to be Brianna Fraser, now would ye?”

 

Her look was bewildered. The last thing she remembered was being in the tower…and dying.

 

“Um,” she uttered, “Yes.”

 

He saw the confusion in her eyes.

 

“I’m William – William Wakefield MacKenzie – we Skyped last night. Did I get the date wrong? I thought we were going to go over some plans.”

 

“Right,” she answered, seeming to come out of her daze, “Um,” she repeated, furtively glancing about.

 

William began to shed his sweater, making Brianna gulp, but she sighed with relief when he handed it to her saying, “Here, lass.”

 

It covered her well from neck to mid-thighs, and once she had it on she looked at the man who had given it to her. He was tall and broad and dark haired, but familiar.

 

“Let’s get ye to the hoose, then. Can ye recall what happened?” he asked with concern.

 

“I…I don’t know. What I remember doesn’t make sense.”

 

William helped her up from her knees. Taking her hands and supporting her ascent. He was impressed with her height, and her build, and he smiled uneasily, hoping she couldn’t read his mind, but he got the distinct

impression she was in there right now, rooting out all his secrets.

 

“I’m sorry,” Brianna offered as they made a slow turn toward the house, “This is not how I wanted to meet. I just don’t know what happened. I was in the tower – I think I fell, but…I must have hit my head or something,

because I would swear my last thoughts were that… I was dead.”

 

She looked into William’s eyes. He was a little taken aback, but despite just meeting her face to face, he wished dearly to take the fear and confusion from her mind.

 

“It’s alright, lass. When we get to the hoose, perhaps a cuppa, or a nip if it’s to hand.”

 

They walked in silence until the house came into sight.

 

“Sorry to be so daft – I’ve had this odd feeling we’ve met before, and now I realize it’s your dad I’m thinking of. There’s a picture in the Manse, my mom pointed it out to me. She met your parents before I was born – I think

she met you then as well.”

 

“Aye, I’ve heard the story many a time, but I was a wee lad yet, and I barely remember.”

 

“William?”

 

“Call me Wake, will ye? I know to respond to it far better than if you were to call me anything else!”

 

“Wake, then, I’m sure people tell you all the time you look like your father.”

 

“Aye, but I don’t mind – he’s always been a handsome buggar – could probably still pull a bird if he wanted.”

 

The last thing he wanted to do was let go of her, but once they reached the old house, Wake had no choice but to let go of her as he placed her in one of the kitchen chairs. Brianna’s elbows slumped onto the table top and

she put her head down for a bit. She could hear a bit of bashing and clanging behind her, but didn’t have the energy to question it. Wake slipped a warm mug into her palms and helped her keep the hold on it while he got

a few sips into her. At first she only felt the warmth of strong tea, but when the burn came to her throat, she blew a strong breath out through her mouth.

 

“What’s in that?” she coughed.

 

“Just a little whisky – got you your color back, probably warmed ye up a bit, too.”

 

She smiled warmly at Wake and drank some more. At least he didn’t think she was too young to drink, or was he trying to get her drunk? Brianna felt odd, but she didn’t think she was drunk on so little whisky. She

felt…disconnected from time, like she wasn’t running at quite the right speed.

 

“Should we reschedule?” Wake asked, taking the mug from her before she could drop it.

 

“Um…just give me a few minutes,” she slowly slurred.

 

Bree blinked and shook her head.

 

“Hmm,” she hummed, trying to put the last few hours in some kind of order.

 

“Feeling better?” Wake inquired.

 

She looked into his eyes and they both froze. Brianna shivered when not just the image, but the feeling of being wrapped in his embrace came to her. Wake saw the quiver of her flesh. He got up and left the table, returning

a moment later holding a blanket he’d found somewhere.

 

“Come here lass, I’ll get ye warm.”

 

He pulled her to her feet and swung the blanket around her, bringing her body tight to his. She was still too weak to fight, and it felt nice, and Brianna let out a sigh of contentment and went face down into his shoulder. As

she warmed, Brianna felt more like herself, like her internal chronometer was resetting and she was coming up to speed. She turned her head ever so slightly to glance up the side of Wake’s face at close proximity. A

tentative smile was playing with the side of his mouth and his cheek muscle couldn’t decide whether it wanted to be involved just yet. He was calm, warm and solid, and he was making her body tingle.

 

~~~~~

 

Brianna darted into her hotel and got to her room with a minimum of notice, no small feat for a tall, bedraggled redhead wearing only a borrowed sweater. She’d promised Wake she’d get the sweater back to him when he

came to work on the North facing tower, a handshake promise on the deal.

 

“God, I need a shower,” she mumbled into the mirror of her bathroom.

 

As she pulled the sweater off, she took in a breath, Wake’s scent all over it. She shivered out of nowhere, and held the sweater to her chest. Thoughts of Wake made her smile, but then she flashed back to waking in the mill

stream, and to the moments before, where she swore she felt herself die.

 

The restorative power she was hoping to draw out of a hot shower did not come. She sat in her robe and pulled her feet up on the bed. She’d promised not to use the cell phone except in an emergency, and she hoped her

parents agreed that getting killed and coming back to life qualified.

 

“Mom?” she almost cried into the phone.

 

“What’s wrong, baby?” Claire answered, swept with fear.

 

“Can I come talk to you, and Jamie too? Something happened, and I need to talk about it.”

 

“Of course, Bree, whatever you need…Are you OK, though?”

 

“I don’t know. That’s why I need to talk to you two.”

 

“You know we’re here for you. Your dad and I will be waiting.”

 

Claire placed the phone tentatively down on the bed side table. Jamie simply raised an eyebrow and tilted his head at me.

 

“She wouldn’t go into details, but something has Brianna very troubled.”

 

“Should I get chocolate?” Jamie asked.

 

“By the tone of her voice, I think it’s hot cocoa all around.”

 

“I’ll see what I can do,” Jamie seriously replied, and headed down to see if the kitchen could fulfill their wish.

 

~~~~~

 

Brianna arrived while Jamie was tracking down cocoa. Claire swept her daughter into her arms.

 

“What’s happened?” she questioned, holding the girl much the way she held Jamie – chin lifted up to cradle her neck, dwarfed by Bree’s sheer size.

 

“I think I died, mom. I need to talk to Da – Jamie. I need to know what he felt when…he came back.”

 

Brianna was shaking now, and Claire maneuvered the girl to the bed, getting Bree’s head on her lap, and brushing her fingers through her daughter’s hair.

 

“It will be alright, sweetie,” Claire soothed.

 

She bent her head low over Brianna, rocking her ever so slightly. She wished dearly right then that she could speak those soothing Gaelic phrases Jamie used to make horses and women alike trust him and relax.

 

“Did something happen with William MacKenzie? I know you were meeting him today.”

 

“No…well…yes…but no – unless you want to count meeting him while I was stark naked.”

 

“Stark naked?” Jamie inflected, coming through the door in time to hear Brianna’s last two words, holding a tray with three thick white mugs on it.

 

He saw Brianna bolt from her mother’s lap and the bed in general, and put the tray down quickly, but carefully. He braced himself to receive her rushing form, and warmly embraced her as she enveloped him with her arms

and began to cry.

 

“Mo chridhe,” he breathed, swept with emotion himself.

 

He looked at Claire over Brianna’s shoulder, eyes burning with pain and pride as the girl clung to him.

 

“What’s happened, now, lass? Tell me…Brianna,” he finally had the courage to address her by name.

 

The feeling in him was overwhelming. His daughter needed him, and he was there to give her the comfort she’d needed as a child, there to offer his reassurance, and feel reassured himself that he had something to offer

his child, yet.

 

“I think I died today,” she softly spoke.

 

“A Dhia,” he whispered, holding her even tighter.

 

“I need to know…how does it feel? How do I know if…if I’m like you?”

 

Jamie pulled her back and looked her in the eye.

 

“Tell me what happened…everything.”

 

He guided her to an overstuffed chair and sat her down in it, crouching in front of her. He reached across the table where he set the tray and picked up one of the mugs.

 

“Here, have a few sips first,” he advised.

 

Her first sip was cautious, but she exhaled after swallowing and took several good drinks, visibly calmer. Jamie made a side-eyed glance at Claire and she shrugged. The charms of chocolate were rearing their head yet

again.

 

She held the mug and let it warm her hands as she began her story.

 

“I was in the tower, taking note of what needed to be done. Wake – William MacKenzie – was coming to discuss my plans. I took one, maybe two steps off the stairs, and the floor collapsed. I fell…all the way to the bottom. I

 

saw…a board…it was sticking up through me. I remember thinking I’m…I’m dying, and then I was floating. It was so quick…but…slow at the same time.”

 

Brianna paused for a moment to take another sip of the cocoa. Jamie sprang to his feet and spun completely around in frustration.

 

“Oh, lass, did I not warn ye about the tower? Christ I…”

 

Claire put a hand on Jamie’s chest and shook her head at him with a ‘not the time’ expression. He crouched back down in front of her, Claire coming to stand behind him.

 

“I know you warned me. I remembered your words as I fell, but it was too late.”

 

Claire took Brianna’s mug from her hand as she saw Jamie grab for his daughter. He pulled her tight to him.

 

“Is there no end to it? Must I always find myself so close to losing what I love the most?”

 

“I’m sorry,” Brianna wept in his ear.

 

The pair of them clung and cried for some time, Claire helplessly watching, hearing Jamie’s words of several nights ago. “I die a little, each time, Sassenach…each one takes a piece of me.” Once the emotions settled a bit,

Brianna told us the rest of the story. Jamie and I had settled together on the floor at Bree’s feet and she had sucked up into the chair, knees to her chin, and I had returned her cocoa to her and Jamie had given me my mug.

I saw him take a sampling from his mug, but he’d put it aside after a single taste.

 

“So, that’s what happened? I came back in the mill stream?” Brianna inquired.

 

“Aye, ye did, lass…but thank God ye did,” Jamie answered.

 

“So…that’s it. I just come back to life? No side effects? Nothing changes?”

 

“Ah, no, I wouldna say that, precisely.”

 

He pushed Claire up from behind and slowly rose himself. Brianna’s brows knitted.

 

“What then?” she asked, starting to look a little green around the gills.

 

“Well, for me, there’s always been two things I could count on happening after a return. One, sometime in the first day, you get ill and have to…”

 

Brianna suddenly stood, clamped her hand over her mouth and dashed for the bathroom.

 

“Throw up,” Jamie murmured.

 

“You didn’t think to warn her a little sooner?” Claire inquired.

 

Jamie pulled her to his chest and exhaled deeply.

 

“I never thought to be explaining what it is like.”

 

Claire sighed in understanding, and rocked back and forth, getting Jamie to sway with her.

 

“So what’s the second ‘symptom’ of resurrection?” Claire asked with her head pressed to his chest.

 

Jamie’s arms tightened slightly and she heard him gulp.

 

“That bad?” she questioned, feeling his hesitance to talk about whatever the other effect might be.

 

“Well, not bad so much as hard to talk about…at least with the lass,” he whisper added to his statement.

 

Jamie placed his lips right to Claire’s ear.

 

“The other thing it does is…it makes you unbearably horny.”

 

Claire pulled her head back so quickly her neck cricked. She stared at Jamie, her mouth a bit open. He nodded slowly, reaffirming what he meant. His eyes were quite round in explanation.

 

“Dear God,” Claire said with a bit of a smirk. “The price you pay.”

 

“Laugh if you want, but it’s a level of hell whose equal I’ve never met. Your body is in business for itself – kinda like how I feel when I’m away from you too long, Sassenach. But at least now I have you to come back to –

feelin that way and having no outlet, save a bit of self-abuse…well, it can be a serious problem.”

 

They turned out of each other’s arms as they heard Brianna return from the bathroom. She was dabbing at her face with a washcloth and looked quite ill indeed. Her parent’s moved toward her and she tilted her head on

Jamie’s shoulder when he came into range.

 

“It’s usually only the once, but it’s enough, lass, to be sure.”

 

He felt her nod on his shoulder.

 

“So what’s the other effect?” Bree monotoned.

 

Jamie and Claire exchanged glances.

 

“I think you better tell her,” Claire encouraged.

 

“Um,” Jamie hummed, “Well, it’s just that…something about the process…well, it just – it invigorates one’s libido,” he carefully phrased, rocking back on his heels.

 

Brianna and Claire both said, “What?” and Bree leaned back to look in his face.

 

“It makes you all-fired horny – ye want it all the time – sometimes for days.”

 

The look on Brianna’s face was all too familiar to Claire. It was the one she’d seen when the girl had caught her and Jamie in bed the first time – totally shocked and overwhelmed. Bree blindly walked to the bed and sat

down.

 

“Oh, wow,” she exhaled, hoping her face wasn’t showing every thought just now. Claire followed her and sat by her side, taking Bree’s hands in hers.

 

“Is that why I felt so attracted to Wake?”

 

She looked up at Jamie, hoping he had an answer. After a few moments contemplation he spoke.

 

“I canna tell you for sure. Could be, or could be ye’re attracted to the fella for the normal reasons, but I wouldna rush into anything just now.”

 

~~~~~

 

Bree was able to return to her hotel after staying with us for several hours of reassurance and a hot meal.

 

I had been anticipating a normal honeymoon this time with Jamie, but it was turning out to be anything but normal. So far we’d had to discuss an unexpected pregnancy, and all of its ramifications, and then deal with the

death and resurrection of our daughter. The emotional roller-coaster just kept making circuit after circuit.

 

After seeing Brianna off, I turned to see Jamie sitting on the bed, his head deeply cradled in his arms, completely bent over. He was rocking forward and back, almost masking the heaving of his shoulders.

 

“Jamie?” I whispered as I lightly touched him, “She’s alright…Brianna is fine.”

 

“I know,” he wept, “She let me hold her. She was in my arms,” he said as he unfolded and held his arms out within his view, like the feeling of her touch was still tangible, and he was looking to see if there were visible signs

as well.

 

“I held my daughter – for the first time,” he said, overwhelmed with emotion.

 

“You said it would happen – remember?” I reminded him, thinking of his prophetic statement of only the week before.

 

“I know, but…” Jamie sucked in a deep breath and attempted to smile, “I wanted to pull her up into my arms like a bairn…I wanted a lifetime of her embraces…I can only pray it continues - I just hope it wasna just

because…of what happened.”

 

“I think ‘what happened’ this time was that turning point you saw for her. Bree hasn’t been that open since before the attack, and while she’s been growing by leaps and bounds since knowing you…”

 

I took Jamie’s face into my hands. “I felt a change in her too.”

 

He pulled me into his arms and one hand quietly traveled to my abdomen. His palm was warm and reassuring against me. I knew once again being married to Jamie would be a source of high emotions, these just weren’t

the emotions I’d been counting on.

 

~~~~~

 

“I don’t know why, but I headed down to the old mill – it’s gotta be a quarter of a mile or so from the house, but I felt drawn to check it out. Well, the closer I get, I see a form lying on the bank of the mill stream, and as I

get closer, I realize, there’s a person – a naked person – an absolute goddess of a woman – but she’s damp and starting to shiver a bit - and it turns out it’s this girl, well woman – Brianna Fraser – the one I’m there to meet

with.”

 

“Brianna – she was alright, wasn’t she?…you didna do anything?” Jem accused, tilting his head and raising an eyebrow.

 

“What do ye take me for?...alright, yes, I wanted her – but I would never take advantage like that.”

 

“Then what did ye do?”

 

“I gave the girl my sweater and walked her to the house. It must take hell of a lot to faze her – she still wanted to talk about the renovations! We’ve got a handshake deal – if she decides to fix the place up, she wants me to

handle the day to day contractor duties until she can take over the job, and she’ll need me to rebuild the tower and for my knowledge of local regulations throughout,” he relayed to his brother, clearly none too upset at the

prospect of being around Brianna Fraser, working closely for months, should it come to pass.

 

“Oh, hey Mam,” Wake greeted as Fiona came into the kitchen, “Could you make a batch of your soup?”

 

“Are ye feeling under the weather?” Fiona asked, reaching out to test the temperature of his forehead.

 

“It’s not for me. It’s for Brianna Fraser. She’s rescheduled our rescheduled meeting three straight days now, and I think your soup might help her recover from her chill.”

 

“What’s happened? Why would the lass have a chill? William Wakefield MacKenzie what have you done to that girl?”

 

“It wasna me who did anything. Och, why does everyone think I’ve done something to her? I found her, stark naked, on the bank of the mill stream at Lallybroch. She canna even remember how she got there, just something

about being in the tower, maybe hitting her head. Why she was naked, God only knows.”

 

Fiona looked a bit perplexed, but began to nod as the truth of what she knew settled in. She set to making a pot of soup straight away.

 

~~~~~

 

Brianna woke with a start. Her heart was pounding, her cheeks felt red hot, and the throbbing that gripped her nether regions just wouldn’t stop.

 

“Gahhh, not another one,” she exploded, pounding her fists down on the bed.

 

The erotic dreams had been coming to her every night since she woke in the mill stream, and each one starred Wake MacKenzie, or at least Bree thought it was always him. There were always green eyes scanning over her

body like they were making a copy of her.

 

“I can’t take much more of this,” Brianna spoke to herself.

 

It was morning, just barely, but Brianna decided there was no reason to go back to bed, only to fall into another dream that left her hot and bothered. She was thankful for the water pressure at the hotel, using the pulsing

shower to, at least temporarily, relieve her body of the second symptom of her recent resurrection. She had been putting off another face to face meeting with Wake for three days now, claiming she wasn’t feeling well, but

in reality afraid she might roll over in the front yard of Lallybroch like a cat in heat, and beg him to have sex with her until the need subsided.

 

She had just finished dressing when there was a knock on her door. She sucked in a breath, scared to death that Wake MacKenzie was standing in that hallway.

 

“Brianna, dear?” she heard the voice say.

 

She sighed with relief. It was Fiona. Bree opened the door wide enough to stick her head out.

 

“Are you alone?” Brianna asked.

 

“It’s just me.”

 

Brianna opened the door enough to let her in, seeing that she was carrying a large basket.

 

“Wake said you’d not been feelin’ well, so I made you a batch of my cure-all soup.”

 

“It’s not a soup kind of ailment,” Brianna confided.

 

“Oh?” Fiona questioned. “What’s troubling you, lass?”

 

Brianna hesitated, but figured that next to her parents, Roger and Fiona knew the most about her situation as possible. She let Fiona set them each up with a bowl of her soup while she unburdened herself as much as

possible.

 

“How much do you know about my dad’s…longevity?”

 

“Just what he and your mother have told us.”

 

“Do you believe…it?”

 

“My dear, if we believe your mother travelled through time, we have no reason to doubt your father’s side of the story either. Claire is sure she has the same man back, and there’s only one way for that to be happening.”

 

Brianna shot off a slightly scared smile and nodded at the reassurance. She leaned forward from her perch on the end of the bed.

 

“Did he ever tell you about…side effects? From his returns, I mean?”

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

“Well, there are a couple…Fee…I died three days ago, and woke up below the mill. That’s why Wake found me like he did…and that’s why I’ve…been afraid to see him since. I’m not really sick, but the side effects, well one

of them, really. I don’t trust myself to be around him.”

 

Fiona’s eyes were wide and curious.

 

“This ‘side effect’, as ye call it – do ye become violent?”

 

Brianna’s face went crimson, and Fiona picked up a vibe from her expression.

 

“So…ye’re attracted to my baby boy, then?”

 

Brianna gulped.

 

“I wish I knew. I don’t know if it’s him, or just…oh, Fee, I don’t even know what end is up right now. Wake was so nice when he found me, and it is so sweet of him to get you to come, but we’ve just met, and I can’t be

meeting him for only the second time starting off with telling him, ‘by the way, I’ve just come back from the dead, and one of the side effects is extreme horniness, so please excuse me if I try to shag you every ten

minutes.’ I can’t face him like this!”

 

Try as she might, Fiona could not resist laughing.

 

“You poor dear, no, you canna go near him like that. Did Jamie let you know how long these side effects would be in force?”

 

“He doesn’t know for sure. A few days, and I can only pray by a few he means three or less, because I can’t survive much longer. I’m afraid to leave this room.”

 

~~~~~

 

Fiona sat with Brianna as she finished her bowl of soup, commiserating with the young Fraser over her predicament.

 

“Are ye headed to Paris with your parents, then?”

 

“For a couple of days, then I’ll be heading home – back to Boston,” she altered her words in response to the look Fee gave her. “I know, Scotland is home, technically, but I’ve lived in Boston so long, I’m not sure what it

would be like to live anywhere else anymore.”

 

“You’re a Scottish lass, and Scotland would be glad to have ye back.”

 

Bree smiled.

 

“True as that may be, I have classes to get back to. The new semester is about to start…”

 

“Well, I am sorry you and your parents won’t be staying through Christmas, but under the circumstances, I can see why you’d not want to be with us – not chance running into Wake the way you’re feeling.”

 

“I almost forgot Christmas was this week,” Bree responded with a shake of her head, “So much has happened – I would have…stayed for Christmas…but,” Bree took in an uneasy breath.

 

Fiona reached out and placed her hand on Bree’s wrist, nodding.

 

“In this case, better safe than sorry – but I do understand you’re coming back to us – to rebuild Lallybroch?”

 

“Oh, oh yeah. I’m pretty sure, anyway. I’ve been working on ideas non-stop, well, almost,” she shrugged.

 

“You’re allowed to think about yourself after what you’ve been through,” Fiona stipulated.

 

Brianna nodded, her visage looking introspective.

 

Fee gathered up her picnic set and was set to leave when Bree jumped up suddenly.

 

“Wait a minute,” she told Fee as she took several long, quick strides into the bathroom. She took the sweater Wake had covered her in off the hook and caressed it in her hands. She pulled it in tight and drew a deep breath

through the neckband. It was exactly the way Wake smelled when she’d been in his arms at Lallybroch. A wave of erotic thoughts had her stifling herself by shoving the sweater into her face even tighter until she could

function again.

 

“This is Wake’s sweater, could you make sure it gets back to him?” Brianna asked as she came back into the bedroom where Fiona was waiting.

 

“Sure,” Fee said with a bit of a smirk.

 

When she took the sweater from Bree’s hands, Bree took up the pad of hotel stationery and began jotting a few things down.

 

“This is my email, my Skype, and my brick and mortar address – could you…give him those as well? I never got to know all of what he thought about Lallybroch, and what it would take to…bring it back to life.”

 

“Of course, dear,” Fee replied, getting the feeling that wasn’t the only reason Brianna Fraser wanted Wake to have all her contact information.

 

Bree spontaneously hugged Fiona.

 

“I think the time here has been good for you,” Fiona expressed. “Compared to the day ye came through the door, it’s like you’re a brand new person, open to the possibilities life is beginning to present ye…” Fiona

 

hesitated, realizing what she was saying, and how Brianna might interpret it so soon after her life and death experience.

 

Bree helped Fiona get out the door before she murmured to herself, “Brand new person…Hopefully a braver one.”

 

~~~~~

 

We gathered for a farewell lunch at Roger and Fiona’s, Brianna, Jamie and I having checked out of our hotels and brought our luggage with us back to the manse. Jamie inventoried what was to be shipped back to Boston,

making sure everything that was meant to come back actually did. I watched as Jamie lovingly nestled the box with the Scotch pearls into its niche in the crate, clearly quite happy that I’d worn them for the wedding, even if

more pressing concerns were clouding his happiness.

 

After we ate, Brianna made her father immeasurably happy. We gathered in the study for one last talk before Jamie and I headed to the train station for our trip to Paris to continue our honeymoon. I could see that Brianna

was brooding a bit, clearly apprehensive, but also clearly wanting to say something. In a lull, I saw her take a deep breath and sit up straight.

 

“I’m going to restore Lallybroch,” she said in a shaky voice. “When I finish my classes, I’m coming back here, and restoring my ancestral home,” she said, confidence growing with each word.

 

I watched as Jamie wrapped his hands around Bree’s upper arms and pulled her off the couch. He held her like that, at arm’s length, studying her eyes until he was sure he would not be rebuffed. He pulled her in tight, one

arm diagonal-ing around her back, the other hand gently cradling her head.

 

“Brianna, mo nighean, mo chridhe.”

 

“I love you,” I heard her say.

 

Jamie sucked in a breath and stifled a sob.

 

“As do I, more than I ever knew was possible.”

 

There wasn’t a dry eye in the room. Jamie wouldn’t break contact with her, holding her to his side even after they’d sat back on the couch. I settled in on the arm of the couch, sitting just above them, my arm draped across

his shoulders. Jamie pulled me down on top of him and wrapped the three of us close together. He spontaneously kissed me on the lips, then planted one on Brianna’s temple.

 

~~~~~

 

It was a lovely evening, the eve before Christmas Eve. By morning we’d be in Paris, a city of many memories for Jamie and me. Roger drove us to the train station in our rented SUV, Fiona trailing him in her car so he could

get home. He pulled up to the curb while we unloaded our luggage, leaving Jamie, Brianna and me on the sidewalk when he drove off to return the vehicle. Bree carried my suitcase into the station. We waited for Roger and

Fiona to find us before we boarded the train.

 

I hugged Fiona and Roger, and smiled as I saw Jamie do the same. I could tell they were already as fond of Jamie as they had been of me all these years.

 

To my surprise, Brianna turned and gave a quick hug to Fiona, and had no problem letting Roger hold her a bit longer.

 

“Glad you’re back to your old self,” he professed, Brianna nodding with a shy smile.

 

“New self,” she corrected, leaning back in to hold him tight for a second time.

 

“Bree?” I questioned, “Why are you hugging them? We’re the ones who are leaving,” I said, sweeping my hand in Jamie’s direction.

 

“I’m coming with you,” she revealed. I turned quickly to look in Jamie’s eyes, both of us taken aback, both of us thinking the same thing – we have to tell her about Faith.

 

~~~~~


	34. Paris

Paris

 

Jamie and I kept shooting glances at each other while Paris kept getting closer. Bree had surprised us with her intentions to travel with us as far as Paris, and then fly home from there. Originally, she was going to spend the

holidays back at the manse.

 

Brianna caught me giving her a worried look.

 

“I’m sorry – I know you thought you’d have this part of your honeymoon to yourselves, but I just couldn’t stay at the manse right now. I was afraid of running into Wake.”

 

“I understand,” I toned, taking her hand in mine. “Are you…still feeling…”

 

“No, it finally passed, but, I don’t want to chance it, and do something I’d regret.”

 

Bree pulled one knee up and wrapped her arms around it.

 

“I feel so upside down right now.”

 

I leaned my head against hers.

 

“I know what you mean,” I concurred.

 

~~~~~

 

“How come we never visited Paris before?” Brianna asked her mother as they emerged from the train station.

 

“I guess I never thought of it…I…we spent some time in Paris,” Claire confessed.

 

“Aye, we did…those were…dark times,” Jamie struggled to give voice to.

 

Bree looked sympathetically at Jamie, hearing the tone of his voice and his hesitation. She turned and wrapped her arms around him. Jamie closed his eyes, almost shaking, as he let out a sigh, so glad for this new stage in

his relationship with Brianna.

 

“Was it during the French Revolution?” she asked as she started to pull back.

 

“Och, no, some time before that, but war was involved – stopping one…but we failed in our task, and lost so much in the process.”

 

“Perhaps we should go some place more private,” Claire suggested, “There’s something…important we need to tell you now that we’re here.”

 

“Mom?” she questioned, giving her an odd look.

 

“Your mam is right,” Jamie cautioned.

 

~~~~~

 

Our taxi sped along, and all the lights of Paris were a blur. Even though Bree had booked her own room, we went together to the room that Jamie and I were to share here. One week in Paris. One week to visit Faith’s grave,

and remember Mother Hildegard and all the Boutons. One week to retrace all the steps and missteps of our failed attempt to stop the end of Highland culture. Our lives would have been so different…

 

“Mom?” Brianna directed at me, bringing me back to the present, although not completely.

 

Jamie pulled me back onto the bed, fully supporting me.

 

“I’m here…tell her,” he urged.

 

Brianna was getting worried. I could see it in her eyes.

 

“We came to Paris to escape, recover, and find each other again, but we almost lost each other instead. Jamie was physically and emotionally wounded after a brutal imprisonment, and I…I had just found out I was pregnant.”

 

“Pregnant with me?” Bree asked.

 

“No, before you.”

 

~~~~~

 

Brianna sat motionless, staring straight ahead. I hated dropping this kind of news on her so soon after her ordeal, but the main reason Jamie and I returned to Paris was to visit Faith’s grave, and I had a feeling that Bree was

in need of clinging to us, and would be quite upset if Jamie and I were to simply disappear for several hours. Odds were good that Bree would want to stay with us, and I lacked the strength or will to tell her anything but the

truth.

 

“You had a baby before me?” Brianna queried, dropping her hands into her lap.

 

“She - ” I began.

 

“I had a sister?” Bree interrupted.

 

“She never took a breath…I miscarried…because of…”

 

“Because of me,” Jamie replied, hanging his head. “I insisted on fighting a duel, hoping to extract some satisfaction in killing the man who broke my spirit. Despite your mam’s protestations, and a promise I had made, I

engaged in revenge, and I paid for it with the life of our child.”

 

I proceeded to tell Brianna about my near death experience at L’Hopital des Anges; how Master Raymond had purged my body of illness, and how Mother Hildegard and Louise de Rohan had done their best to purge the

anguish and anger my heart and brain harbored after the loss of my baby. Jamie explained he’d been imprisoned yet again after the duel, as it was illegal to do so in Paris at the time; and how he’d not been there to comfort

me; how only through our joint strength were we able to bear our loss.

 

Brianna took it all in, barely reacting through our revelations, her stoicism at an all-time high, but I think she was in shock. Each time she came to terms with something we revealed, it was merely an opening act for the

next bit of information she must absorb.

 

When we had told our daughter what Paris had taken from us, she stood, her mouth gaping, pacing the length of the room. I stood and tried to hold her, but she shook me off, and Jamie steered me away from her. He took

me out onto the balcony, and together we cried.

 

When we went back inside, instead of pacing, Brianna was sound asleep in the middle of the bed. I don’t know if she had shut down or just worn herself out to the point of exhaustion, but she looked peaceful, and neither

Jamie nor I could bring ourselves to wake her.

 

“You should join her,” Jamie encouraged, “I’ll sleep in the chair.”

 

“I’m sure we could fit three in that bed,” I offered, “I don’t know that I could sleep without you anymore.”

 

“Ye can and ye will,” Jamie assured me. “You are just as exhausted as she is. I can see it in your eyes,” he said, taking my chin in his hand.

 

He leaned in and gave me the sweetest kiss.

 

“I’ll get ye settled, all tucked up, and then find myself a corner.”

 

“Alright,” I agreed, “but don’t be surprised if you wake up to find me curled up on your chest,” I half-teased.

 

Jamie helped me slide under the edge of the covers that were pinned under Brianna on the other side of the bed, and he held me and brushed his fingers through my hair until I did fall asleep.

 

~~~~~

 

I awoke several hours later, Brianna clinging to me, and Jamie no longer tucked in at my back. I raised my head enough to spy Jamie reclined in an overstuffed chair, his feet nearly over-shooting the ottoman. He slept

quietly, occasionally twitching his shoulders and hands. I looked back at Bree. I had awakened to her on many mornings, more than once feeling Jamie’s presence. I brushed her hair back, seeing at once the little girl and

the woman my child had grown into. She’d had to deal with so much recently, but I was sure she had the mettle to come through it all only slightly scathed.

 

“Christmas eve,” I whispered so as not to awaken Brianna.

 

“I used to have you sleep with me so you wouldn’t go looking for Father Christmas,” I continued to barely vocalize, stroking her hair back over and over.

 

“Not that you believed for all that long, but you were willing to play along with me, and I was thankful. I wanted to give you everything, and I think I did pretty well. The only thing I couldn’t give you was a father, but now

you have him, too. And Jamie will make up for all the time you lost with him – you two have all the time in the world, now.”

 

~~~~~

 

“Sassenach,” Jamie whispered, getting Claire to open one eye.

 

“The lass and I are going for breakfast; she’s restless. We’ll bring you back something to eat,” he assured, stroking her cheek and giving her a kiss.

 

“Sleep as long as ye can; we’ve got an arduous day ahead.”

 

~~~~~

 

Brianna and I took to the streets of Paris in search of the perfect Parisian breakfast, and I hoped to get Bree to open up. I knew as well as her mam how much she must be hurting right now. She’s been so brave in facing

everything that’s come into her life along with me, but I had seen a look in her eyes last night – she was nearing a breaking point.

 

I put an arm around Brianna’s shoulders, and she leaned her head on my shoulder as we walked. She exhaled heavily. I looked at her. Her eyes were sunken, and she looked on the verge of tears.

 

I led her into a patisserie and sat her at a tall, yet wee cast iron table.

 

“Bree?”

 

She looked up and nodded that she’d be OK, a slight smile flicked across her face for a moment. It had been a while, but my French was still sharp, and I didn’t raise as much as an eyebrow as seeming like a foreigner. I

came back to the table with three croissants, one wrapped for Claire, and two cups of high quality hot chocolat – something Claire and I had drunk often in our Paris stay of the 1700’s.

 

“Here, lass, try this,” I offered.

 

She sniffed it cautiously and smiled, taking a sip.

 

“It’s like a slightly more liquid form of my brownie batter,” she informed me.

 

“Try dipping the croissant into it,” I suggested, settling in at the table.

 

She took a nibble of the plain croissant.

 

“That’s really good – I guess a supermarket crescent roll is no comparison.”

 

“No, it really isna,” I agreed.

 

After letting her be while she stuffed her face, and letting the effects of chocolate take hold, Brianna looked considerably more composed and relaxed. She sighed and sat back.

 

“I knew you and mom had a life together, I just didn’t know how much of one,” she quietly revealed, shaking her head.

 

“There’d be no reason for you tae know, lass. I canna imagine your mam freely talkin’ about our dark times when she ha’ buried the good ones, but we’ve both opened our hearts and let the memories flood back to fill

them. And bein’ here, where it happened…”

 

“Would you have told me?...If I hadn’t screwed up your plans?”

 

I took in and released a deep breath.

 

“I’m sure at some point, we would have, but you’ve been through so much of late…I doona think we’d have volunteered it just now – your mam and I are still struggling with this, Claire with decades and I with…centuries –

it is still a raw loss, brought home to us all the more by almost losing you.”

 

Her hand slowly reached out for mine.

 

Within moments, we had both slid from our stools and stood holding each other.

 

“Mo chridhe,” I murmured in her ear. She may not have understood the word, but by the way her hands clutched momentarily, she heard my heart.

 

~~~~~

 

We walked and talked our way around the streets of Paris, and with it being just the two us, it was easier to tell her some of the difficult truths of my life. Although she didna know to ask about him by name, she did ask me

about ‘the man who shattered my soul’, so I told her, much the way my sister Jenny had enforced, that I would tell her these details only once about my encounters with Black Jack Randall, for the level of darkness that man

visited upon me, and Claire, and Jenny, and the world in general, were bad enough in their time, and need not be loosed on the world yet again. There is already too much evil swirling in today’s air.

 

As a child of mine, she understood instinctively how hard it was for me to tell her such things, even once. I swear I could see her thinking, taking in what I told her and beginning to come to terms with yet another set of

revelations.

 

“Does mom know all of this?” she tentatively asked, turning to face me on the sidewalk.

 

“Aye…she does…We had to fight hard to get past it, but your mam was willing to go to hell itself to bring me back to her, and I knew I must do the same when the situation called for it. And because of it, because we fought

our way back to each other, we were blessed with you. Had I thought for a moment I would survive Culloden, and that your mam could have brought you safely into the world we shared, I would have made it so - I’d have

never sent her away.”

 

I did my best to answer Brianna’s questions as we walked off our decadent French breakfast. Her cheeks had pinked up, a vast improvement over the pallid-faced child with whom I had ventured out onto the streets.

 

“Are you feeling better?” I asked tentatively, holding her chin in my hand.

 

She nodded and fought to bring a smile to her lips.

 

“I know there is…much to absorb, but none of it changes how your mam or how I feel about you.”

 

Bree bit her bottom lip and nodded.

 

“I know,” she said starting to tear up, “But I’ve never been so aware of being cared for…loved,” she choked out.

 

“You are, lass. You are loved whole-heartedly.”

 

Brianna hugged me yet again, and I felt like I was floating. After waiting so long, I would never grow tired of her arms around my neck. I could imagine holding her as a young girl who needed to be carried at the end of a

long day, her sleepy head down on my shoulder as I carried her to bed. I could place myself in her life, put myself into the pictures Claire had shown me early on.

 

With a sigh, I let her go, looking up to see where we were. We were steps from a flower shop, and I thought of the times I’d returned to Paris, and had gone to Faith’s grave to place a flower on the marker in the memory of

the child I never met.

 

Brianna saw my faraway gaze and took my hand.

 

“Do you take her flowers?” she asked.

 

“Aye, I have done…many times.”

 

“Would it be alright if I did?”

 

She looked unsure, not just about bringing flowers, but as to if she should go at all – like it would be an invasion.

 

I brought her hand up to my lips and kissed the back of it.

 

“Aye.”

 

We headed in, each choosing a flower for Faith’s grave.

 

~~~~~

 

Claire looked refreshed and ready to face the day when we returned to the suite.

 

“Hungry…or still in need of…”

 

“Starving, and well past having been sick this morning,” she retorted.

 

“Bree?” she questioned, hoping our girl was in better stead than she had been last night.

 

“Mom,” she said as she hugged Claire.

 

“You were sick again? So I guess…”

 

“It looks likely…sorry to add to the surprises.”

 

“It’s OK. I can deal with it…all of it. Jamie and I had a good talk, and some amazing chocolate,” Bree brightly informed her mother.

 

“Speaking of which,” I interjected, “No chocolate to go, but the croissant is pretty good all on its own.”

 

Claire devoured the croissant, barely missing the tissue it was wrapped in. I made her a cup of tea from the complimentary beverage caddy – a better choice than the instant coffee from my experience – and she washed her

throat down.

 

“What else is it you have there?” Claire asked, seeing that each Brianna and I had brought a package other than the promised breakfast.

 

“Flowers…for Faith,” I said.

 

“Bree?” Claire again questioned our girl, “You…want to come with us?”

 

“I need to – do you think these are appropriate?” Bree asked, un-wrapping her flowers.

 

Claire sucked in a breath, seeming shocked as she looked at the small purple/blue blossoms. She sank down and sat on the bed.

 

“Forget-me-nots,” she whispered.

 

“I’m sorry – did I do something wrong?” Bree asked as she knelt on the floor in front of Claire.

 

“This all started because of forget-me-nots. I went back to the stones that day because of forget-me-nots.” She was speaking as if in a trance.

 

Brianna turned and looked to me for an explanation, but I had none.

 

“Sassenach?”

 

Claire looked up at me and smiled.

 

“The day I fell through time, I had gone back to Craig-na-dun because of a flower I couldn’t rightly identify. I was going to take a sample of it back to the manse, try to match it to some reference book, but I was quite

certain it was some variety of forget-me-nots.”

 

She looked away from me and back to Brianna.

 

“It’s a perfect choice, not just because it’s how I came to be in the right place at the right time, but because I will never forget – losing her made it possible for me to have you.”

 

~~~~~

 

We walked into the cemetery. Jamie and mom were holding hands, supporting each other as they walked unerringly to where my sister was buried. I stayed back, letting them have a moment of reflection and memory

without me. I heard a high-pitched peep and saw my mom lean her head into Jamie’s chest. I fought not to cry myself seeing how much this was hurting them.

 

I came up to the flat marker and kneeled next to it.

 

“I know these flowers won’t even survive the night in this winter air,” I spoke to her engraved name, “But I guess that kinda…makes some kind of sense, because you didn’t have much time in the world. But, these are

forget-me-nots, and I promise, I will never forget you even though I never met you, and I didn’t know you existed before yesterday. Our mom and dad love us, and I would have loved to have a big sister. I’m here for them

now.”

 

The chill that had been at my back disappeared. Mom and Jamie had knelt to either side of me, and each put an arm around me. I watched as they each reached out their free hand and placed it in the grass to either side of

the marker. Jamie kissed me on the cheek.

 

“You do us all proud,” he burred in my ear.

 

After some time with the three of us bundled together in front of Faith’s grave, we all stood. I watched my mom wipe the tears out of the corners of her eyes, and put on that ‘well, that’s over’ smile. It was her way of

signaling that even if she was still very sad, she couldn’t let it control her. I’d seen it before, but I understood it today.

 

We paid our respects to Mother Hildegard. Mom and dad both had some nice things to say about her, but I was pretty sure they’d barely scratched the surface of what she had meant to both of them. Mom walked a few

graves over, bent and ran her hand across another marker.

 

“Good dog,” she said softly.

 

~~~~~

 

I offered to make myself scarce until I left for home, but Jamie and my mom wouldn’t hear of it. After an afternoon rest, and me finally finding my way to my own room, the three of us went to dinner together. It caused a

bit of a stir, as they had booked the dinner for two, but Jamie’s powers of persuasion, and perfect French, convinced them to make it a table for three. There were times I wondered what those around us must be thinking –

a romantic dinner for three? But no one seemed to even notice – maybe I was the only one who thought it looked odd!

 

We didn’t talk all that much while we were eating, but once we had reached the dessert course things started to change.

 

“Have you got ideas for what you want to do with Lallybroch yet?” Jamie asked.

 

I smiled and looked up from my chocolate cake.

 

“Actually, I’ve been sketching since before I told you I’d do it – thankfully I didn’t lose those along with everything I was wearing.”

 

I turned and placed a hand on Jamie’s sleeve.

 

“Where do all your things go when…you come back?”

 

Jamie burst into a broad smile, and puffed out a laugh.

 

“Wish I knew, lass – I’d love to have much of it back myself – the contents of my sporran at the very least. I lost some valued treasures before I learned to deposit them somewhere safe.”

 

I nodded, thinking I was actually pretty lucky to have only lost my clothes. Out of nowhere a scent filtered into my nose. I was sure if I turned around Wake was going to be standing there. I dared to look over my shoulder,

but no one was there.

 

“Bree?” Mom asked, seeing the look of fear that must have been in my eyes.

 

“Your hands are like ice,” she said, placing hers on top of mine.

 

“I’m OK, just a flash of memory…from after the tower.”

 

Jamie put one of his big palms on my back, and looked greatly concerned.

 

“Has it been haunting you?” he asked with an up inflection.

 

“Not too much,” I told them, screwing a smile on my face.

 

“Are you going to be alright flying home without us?” Mom asked, knowing I wasn’t the best flyer.

 

I nodded.

 

“I’ll be fine…so…getting back to Lallybroch, and my plans…I won’t do anything major without checking with you first – maybe we could do some rough sketching when you get home -after I have the exact dimensions…”

 

“No problem,” Jamie pointed at his forehead, “they’re all up here, down to the inch.”

 

I must have cast a doubting look back at him, because he smiled and said, “I’ll get you an official copy of the plans, too.”

 

I bit my bottom lip and could feel the blush creeping up my cheeks.

 

~~~~~

 

Jamie hung onto me tightly, unwilling to say goodbye quickly, and I closed my eyes and let him hold me until he felt ready to let go. I wasn’t quite used to it yet, but I wasn’t afraid of it anymore.

 

He smiled proudly at me for a long time as he held me at arm’s length.

 

“Be safe,” he advised.

 

“I will…and I’ll work on what DVD we can watch next.”

 

“I look forward to it, Brianna,” he said with the nod of his head. I guess he had been as nervous to say my name as I had been to hug him, but we had both found our way around those hurtles now.

 

I turned to mom, Jamie still unwilling to let go of my hand. I wrapped my free arm around her and got a kiss on the cheek.

 

“We’ll be back in Boston before you know it,” she reassured me.

 

“Don’t worry about it. Enjoy what’s left of your honeymoon – sorry I barged in on Paris…but I’m glad you told me about Faith…and everything,” I added, looking back at Jamie. “I think I…understand you both better

now…and…I know you understand me and what I’ve been through.”

 

Jamie wrapped around mom and me, almost squeezing the air out of me until I heard an announcement.

 

“OK, OK folks. I need to go now. Don’t want to miss my flight, or I might be here for the rest of your honeymoon,” I joked.

 

Jamie looked contrite as he clasped his own hands together in front of himself, fishy little grin taking over his face. Mom looked wistful, reluctant to let me out of her sight, but she let out a gushing breath and nodded at

me as she took a step back. She blindly reached out her hand and found Jamie’s hand waiting.

 

They clung more and more to each other as I headed toward the secure zone, watching me until the very last second they could, and I knew they were each in good hands.

 

~~~~~

 

As much as I hate to fly, getting back to Boston would at least put me in familiar territory, and right now, I needed a little ‘normal’ in my life. There was an odd sense of Christmas cheer among the passengers and it helped

me forget we were sealed in a tin can at altitude.

 

I actually managed to fall asleep on the plane, dreaming the whole way home about being ensconced in a strong pair of arms. Just before I woke, I leaned my head back, expecting to see Jamie’s smile, but found a pair of

green eyes instead.

 

I woke with a start as we began our descent into Logan.

 

~~~~~


	35. The New Normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know who saw my message last week, but as I said in it, I've been sick and injured, but diligently working on this new chapter, and I hope the wait has not been too difficult to endure! (Although gathering intel - i.e. - watching everything I could get my hands on with Richard Rankin in it, did have a therapeutic value in my recovery.)

The New Normal

 

“She should be landing soon,” Claire said, looking at the clock and then back at Jamie.

 

“Aye,” he answered, leaning back against the headboard, inviting Claire to join him on the bed with the raise of an eyebrow and a pat of the mattress.

 

Claire had been nervous from the moment Brianna left her sight, and had been pacing since they returned to their hotel room.

 

“Come, relax wi’ me,” Jamie requested of her.

 

“I’ve never been this far away from her,” Claire revealed, crumpling to the mattress.

 

Jamie reached out and pulled Claire back into his arms, kissing her on the neck.

 

“Call her – leave her word to call you back, let you know she’s arrived home.”

 

~~~~~

 

Still feeling a bit rattled after realizing she had dreamed of being in Wake’s arms the whole way home, Brianna almost bent down and kissed the ground once she had been able to deplane. She checked her phone as she

took a breather at a booth in one of the airport food stops, finding two messages waiting – one from her parents, one from Wake MacKenzie.

 

“Hello sweetie, call us when you land so we know you’re safe,” Claire’s voice sweetly requested, “Aye, lass…Brianna…we miss you already…” Jamie added, “Doona make your mam worry – or me.”

 

Brianna smiled and felt that warm sensation in her chest. She speed-dialed her mom.

 

“Hi mom, I’m here, I’m safe.”

 

“Good to hear,” Claire replied in a pitchy voice followed by several deep breaths. “Oh, God,” was what Brianna heard next, and her face went immediately pink.

 

‘I am sooo interrupting,’ Bree thought.

 

“Have fun,” she said into the phone and quickly cut the connection.

 

~~~~~

 

“She’s safe?” Jamie asked.

 

“Yesssss,” Claire hissed out, depositing the phone aside.

 

Jamie locked his hands through hers and got back to lavishing Claire with affection.

 

~~~~~

 

Brianna took a deep breath, and eyed the other message. She decided she wanted to be home, and safely locked in her room, before she listened to what he had to say. Just thinking of Wake had her nervous, and

unfamiliarly excited. She was glad she had packed relatively light and could just sling her bag over her shoulder for the multiple transfer T ride home. The electrical hum and dim lighting of the Greenline trolley that saw her

to the stop in front of her building were welcome. Bree dropped down the steps, her knees feeling just the slightest bit weak as she finally hit the pavement.

 

She was home.

 

Brianna looked across the street and traced her view up the building she had left just over two weeks ago. Everything else was the same, but she wasn’t – and that was a good thing. Bree let out a deep breath and began the

walk that would take her back to the room her former life was housed in. No one else was there. The roommates all had other plans for the holidays, and Bree was glad she’d have the place to herself for the next few days.

There was a lot to process, and the potential for dreams that might cause Brianna to call out in her sleep, and she didn’t want to have to explain anything. She settled in, kicked off her shoes, and looked once again at her

phone. Her index finger was tremor-ing as she tapped to hear the message from Wake.

 

“Hey, Bree, sorry you couldna spent Christmas with us. I had another look at Lallybroch, and I see no reason why you canna make it good as new. Mam says you’re going ahead with the project, I’ve got an opening in my

schedule, and I’d be glad to be your liaison until such time as ye can get back here yourself. Let me know – I’ve got a few other offers for what I could do next, but I’m giving you first right of refusal. But to be perfectly

honest, I see such potential in Lallybroch, I’d love to have a hand in it. Alright, talk soon.”

 

Even though she had spent the last few weeks surrounded by people who sounded just like Wake, there was something about his voice that just gave her chills. She listened to his message three more times. After trying

several times to figure out the time difference, Bree decided it was safer to send Wake an email reply – but then she realized, he had all her contact info, but she had none of his!

 

“Ugghhhh, how could I forget!” Bree bemoaned, grabbing her own forehead in frustration.

 

Brianna flopped across her bed.

 

“I’m not gonna deal with anything until I’ve gotten some sleep - I can’t deal with anything right now.”

 

~~~~~

 

A loud rumbling sound awakened Brianna. It was only when the sound recurred she recognized it. It was her own stomach growling. She had slept for the better part of twelve hours, and was only waking now in the wee

small hours of the morning. She needed to eat something, but since she’d been in Scotland, Bree hadn’t had to fend for herself or make any meals, and there would be nothing tantalizing just sitting about waiting for her to

happen upon it.

 

“The cupboard is bare,” she reconfirmed as she opened the last door of the kitchen cabinets.

 

It was the first time Brianna had noticed the little Christmas tree on the counter, and the four gifts that sat beneath it, all with labels addressed to her. With an impish grin, Bree shook each package, listening for clues as to

what might be inside.

 

“Sounds like cookies,” she said after shaking the third package.

 

She opened it to confirm, and set to making herself coffee while the neck of the ginger bread man was clamped tightly between her teeth.

 

~~~~~

 

Bree tried to get a few more hours of shuteye after her early morning snack, but she found herself staring at the ceiling.

 

“Too quiet,” she murmured into the air.

 

She reached over the edge of her bed and rummaged through the front pocket on the backpack that had just survived international travel. She grabbed her MP3 player and her ear buds and settled back on the mattress. She

tapped the button several times until a song that struck her fancy began to play, and she wiggled into the pillows and blankets to make herself comfortable. It was the distraction she needed to let her mind relax, and within

two songs, she was falling asleep again.

 

~~~~~

 

Bree still had a lot of thinking to do, so much to assimilate in her mind, and she wished she could just hole up in her bedroom until everything made sense again, but she didn’t know how long that would take, or if it would

ever happen. Besides, she was getting really hungry, and she’d decapitated all the ginger men, and eaten them to the last crumb, so necessity took over. Brianna bundled up, grabbed her shopping bags and her debit card,

as well as a little bit of cash, and braved late December in Boston. First stop was for lunch – one she didn’t have to make, and that would be ready quickly. That’s where the cash came in. It just never made sense to her to

buy a five dollar fast food meal with her debit card – and there had been a few stories in the news about skimmers and hackers that steal your account numbers and lead to full on identity theft from fast food chains, and

Bree preferred to keep out of that possible trap.

 

Unfortunately, Bree’s preferred grocery store was not directly on the train lines, but newly fortified with a hot meal, she didn’t mind a bit of a walk in the cold. She bit her lip as she thought about walking through Paris with

Jamie. He was a part of her life now, and she missed him right now. Brianna smiled and picked up her pace as the wind threatened to blow her hood back. She dipped her head and plowed on through.

 

~~~~~

 

Some of Fiona’s meals had clearly worked their way into Brianna’s consciousness to look at what she had come home with. Fresh meat and vegetables were a bit more prevalent than usual, but Bree had also bought the

makings for quick meals, sandwiches and the like, and of course she had resupplied her cocoa and brownie making collection, and even bought a couple of store-baked croissants, knowing they wouldn’t be as good as the

ones she and Jamie enjoyed together, but, she’d make due. Cooking a nice supper actually relaxed Brianna. She felt grounded, reconnected, like she had cobbled together a patch between her life before and her life now,

spliced the two sides together in the smallest way.

 

Thoughts and images charged through her brain. Parental love, the stirrings of romantic love, a sister she never knew, her mom pregnant with a new sibling, rebuilding Lallybroch – leaving Boston!

 

It was then the time struck her. “Damn,” she blurted.“I hope it’s not too late to call.”

 

She pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of her jeans pocket and smoothed it out on the kitchen island. She’d jotted a few notes, talking points, in case she got flustered trying to talk to Wake. She brought his message up,

and tapped the number, taking deep breaths as it rang.

 

“Aye?” a voice questioned.

 

“Wake?” she asked, not sure.

 

“Aye, last I checked.”

 

Bree could almost picture him half asleep, bleary eyed.

 

“Sorry to call so late…”

 

“Who is this?”

 

“Brianna Fraser, I – “

 

“Oh, och, yeah,” he cut her off, sounding like he’d been jolted wide awake, “let me get a light on.”

 

“If you’d rather do this another time…”

 

“NO, no – the sooner the better…so you made it home safe?” he asked.

 

“Yeah…I got your message right after I landed, but…I wasn’t in a fit state to call. I couldn’t sort the time difference, and I guess I’m no better off today.”

 

“No harm done – so, are you taking me up on my offer?” he eagerly inflected.

 

“I’d like to hire you to help me restore Lallybroch,” she said, then exhaled, feeling a nervous flip in her stomach.

 

“Brilliant…yeah. I’d be thrilled, but could we pick this up at a better hour – how about we Skype later today?”

 

“It is too late, I’m sorry – oh, I don’t have your contact info.”

 

“Not to worry, I’ll call next time – would your six AM be doable?”

 

“I can set an alarm!” Bree blurted loudly.

 

“Would noon be better for ye?”

 

“That’s…six PM for you?” she tried to clarify.

 

“Aye. It would be good if we were both awake.”

 

“I am sorry about the hour – I – I didn’t want you to think I was ignoring your message.”

 

“Like I said, no harm done. We’ll hash it all out – face to face, as it were – twelve hours on, then.”

 

“Good night,” she offered.

 

“You too.”

 

Bree didn’t realize how tightly she had been gripping the phone until she found she could not let go of it even enough to end the call. Wake had hung up promptly, so the connection had been severed and he wouldn’t be

listening in while Bree pried her fingers loose.

 

“This is ridiculous,” Brianna admonished herself. “You barely know him…it’s just a business arrangement…If only he wasn’t so hot.”

 

~~~~~

 

Was time going backward? Brianna looked at the clock again. It can’t have been only ten minutes since she checked the time. This was going to be a long twelve hours. There was nothing on TV, no class assignments to

work on – there had to be a way to pass the time, and even though Bree wasn’t fully attuned to the time zone she was in, sleep was not the answer. She began to unpack her bag, knowing she would need it once the new

semester started. It was mostly dirty laundry, and once that was sorted, she went about returning her toiletries to the caddy she carried to the shower from the zipper bag they’d made it through customs in. Just one thing

remained in her backpack - her sketchpad, filled with notes and little drawings, approximate measurements, and the layout of the out-buildings, or where they had been. As she pored over her drawings, Lallybroch came to

life in her mind’s eye. She could already visualize a major change she wanted to make in the layout – making the old kitchen into a livingroom instead, using the old cooking hearth as the centerpiece.

 

Before she knew it, hours had gone by and she had roughly drawn her ideas for the entire first floor, subject to change should Jamie object. Also subject to change if the plans showed a significant difference in room

dimensions from what Bree surmised from her limited time assessing the building. Brianna sighed with relief as she surveyed her evening’s work. “Not bad,” she commented as she stood from her drawing table. The more

work she did on the Lallybroch project the more comfortable she became with the idea of making her ancestral home into a modern, livable space for her parents.

 

Bree padded out to the kitchen to get a drink. The water slaked her thirst, but it wasn’t what she really wanted. The comfort of a warm cocoa before trying to sleep was what she needed. She blended up her usual mixture,

but it came out a little too hot. Brianna poured it into a mug and let it steam away on the counter while she changed for bed – cocoa in jammies always tasted better anyway, and then she could pour herself into bed with

the chocolate effects intact.

 

~~~~~

 

Brianna slept soundly despite all that was on her mind. When she first woke, the last few weeks felt like a convoluted dream, but the reality of it all settled once she was fully awake.

 

“I couldn’t have made that up if I tried,” she murmured to herself, thinking of all that transpired while she had been back in Scotland.

 

She tried to convince herself this was a normal day. She got up, showered, had breakfast, perused her drawings from the night before, looked through a couple of her text books – and it was still only nine-thirty in the

morning.

 

“Maybe I should have said yes to six AM,” Bree said shaking her head.

 

Bree made sure her computer was set up to receive Wake’s incoming call, and headed to the kitchen for something to soothe her nerves, if such a thing existed.

 

It was actually a relief when one of her roomies returned from vacation just before ten.

 

“Oh, you’re back…How was the wedding? Did you meet any cute guys? Were you allowed to drink? What do guys wear under their kilts? Did you try to find out for yourself?”

 

The questions came in an endless stream, with no time to answer in between. She didn’t even stop talking while she carted her suitcase into her room. Bree grabbed a drink and settled onto the couch in the common room,

waiting for the litany to continue.

 

“So,” the roomie came back at Bree with, “did you get our gifts?”

 

“Um, yeah, the little tree was a nice touch,” Brianna commented, genuinely smiling.

 

“I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you actually smile,” the returned roommate viewed.

 

Bree blushed.

 

“I’m sure you have, but it was a rare event,” Brianna admitted, realizing she was more at ease than what was usual before.

 

“So…who put the smile on your face?” she asked.

 

“It’s not what you think,” Brianna admonished. “I’ve got my first design job for after graduation – I’m restoring my ancestral home in Scotland – I’ll be leaving right after I finish my classes.”

 

“Oh, wow…wait, you’re leaving before our lease is up?”

 

“I’ll pay all the way through, unless you know someone who’d like to sub-let for a couple of months?”

 

“I might…so that’s…wow.”

 

“I know. An entire estate will be in my hands. It’s exciting, and frightening,” Bree admitted. “I’ve actually got a meeting at noon – via Skype, with the guy who’s going to be my, I guess he’ll be the project manager. He’s the

one who will get the ball rolling, and see to the permits, and find the workers…”

 

The roomies eyes were starting to glaze over.

 

“I know, you couldn’t care less about the details, could you?” Brianna asked.

 

“Sorry, we are just from different worlds. But I am happy for you. How’d it go being with your parents the last few weeks?”

 

“Never a dull moment, I can tell you that.”

 

“Good or bad?”

 

“A little bit of each – the real biggie – my mom might be pregnant – how’s that for a college graduation present?”

 

“We tell them to be careful, and they go and get themselves in trouble, don’t they?”

 

Bree laughed and nodded.

 

“I know, and you should have seen the look on my dad’s face!”

 

Bree found herself wanting to tell everything, but knew this was just about the only revelation she could make, and was probably the longest conversation she’d ever had with any of the girls who shared this apartment.

 

“Well, I should unpack,” the roomie revealed as she stood. “It’s good to see you so happy, Bree.”

 

~~~~~

 

A sense of panic struck Brianna when her computer alerted her to the incoming Skype call. She ran her fingers through her hair and settled in front of the computer on her desk. Bree closed her eyes and took a deep breath

before opening communications. She clasped her shaking hands together, finding her palms were sweaty. She wiped them off on the thighs of her pants, momentarily clamped her hands into fists, and clicked. Wake’s smile

came up full screen, and Brianna couldn’t hold a smile off her face either.

 

“Hi,” she feebly croaked out, then cleared her throat.

 

“So…”

 

“Um…” she hummed. “How do we get started?”

 

“Well, I pulled any plans I could find for Lallybroch – quite the history there.”

 

“I know, well, I know some of it, what my dad has told me, anyway, but I’m sure there’s plenty I don’t know about too.”

 

“Did you know it was used to house children relocated during the war?”

 

“No, I didn’t. That’s cool.”

 

“Aye, and that’s about when the indoor plumbing was first installed – that little second floor loo, but it was all older fixtures, so it looks like it was done up in the late twenties.”

 

“If Lallybroch could talk!”

 

“Aye, to be sure…so…according to my findings, your father acquired the property in the early eighties, but has done nothing with it…I was able to find plans, but not blueprints – they may require you to have it surveyed.”

 

“Is that a problem?” she sounded fearfully.

 

“Just the first of many hurdles,” Wake replied with a smile. “Doona fash.”

 

“So…what do you need? To get things started, I mean?”

 

“The first thing I need is to know you better.” Brianna gulped, and one eyebrow sprang up.

 

“It’s not how it sounds – I need to know your vision for the house. If I know you, I know what to expect, somewhat, of the plans, and then I can anticipate your needs.”

 

The explanation was good right up until Wake said, “anticipate you needs.” Bree got chills at those words, and a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach.

 

“OK,” she forced out, trying to keep her mind on construction, not seduction, but feeling the blush on her cheeks.

 

“I…I did some drawings last night – ideas for the ground floor. I could…send you those, if you think they would help – it’s nothing official. I’m not even sure if the dimensions are completely correct, I just kinda doodled

these drawings.”

 

“Sometimes it’s the hand-drawn scribblings that are the most useful – they can give you insights into the person who drew them, and sometimes that’s more useful than a perfectly rendered mechanical drawing.”

 

“Before you get off, give me a go,” a muffled voice at Wake’s end spoke, a hand appearing on his shoulder and Wake turning his eyes away from the screen and saying, “OK”, then turning his attention back to Brianna.

 

“I’ll email you all my contact details, so you can send those drawings on – I’ll also send you a reminder of the time difference so we don’t interrupt each other’s sleep,” he said with a sly smile.

 

Brianna was absolutely charmed by Wake.

 

“Sorry about calling so late,” she said, falsely chagrinned, “I’ll try not to interrupt your off hours.”

 

“We’ll get a handle on things – So, me Da needs a word,” Wake told Bree as he stood, but tried to keep his face in front of the camera.

 

“Hey Wren, look at that lovely smile,” Roger complimented. “I just want to let you know we shipped that ‘crate’ of yours – Fee slipped some Christmas treats and sundries in, but it should be coming in the next few days.

Could you be at your parents’ residence to accept the delivery?”

 

“Sure, just send me the tracking info so I know when to be there – I hope Jamie paid for the return shipping!”

 

“Aye, he slipped me a few bills before you left…You doin’ alright alone in Boston?”

 

“I’m not alone – my roommates are starting to filter back in, and I’ve always felt at home in this city.”

 

“Of course, dear, but your mam was always there before…Och, I know ye’re nearly grown, but…we’re concerned.”

 

“It’s OK,” Bree comforted, “After all that happened while I was there, I’d probably be more upset if I thought you didn’t care.”

 

“Aye, well, we do care, verra much.”

 

Wake poked his head in front of Roger.

 

“Hey, after I’ve had a chance to know you better by looking over your drawings, we’ll Skype again and hash things over. Can’t wait to get my hands dirty.”

 

Roger pushed his son out from between him and the camera.

 

“It was good to see you again. Don’t be a stranger. We love you, Wren.”

 

“Goodnight,” Bree exhaled and shut her computer.

 

She threw herself across her bed and put her hand to her chest. The feelings washing over her were thrilling, but so alien to her. With the similarities between Roger’s and Wake’s voices, for a moment it was like Wake had

said he loved her, and though it was ridiculous to even entertain the notion, Bree found herself thrown back to being in Wake’s arms. The warm secure feeling mixed with the excitement that rippled through her body.

 

“Get a grip on yourself, Fraser,” Brianna admonished herself, “It’s just a side effect…it has to be.”

 

~~~~~

 

Brianna came out of her room heading for the kitchen. Her mouth had gone dry. She took a bottle of water out of the fridge and downed it voraciously, then placed her now chilled hand on her forehead. The returned

roommate watched Bree’s actions and smirked.

 

“So, ‘project manager’ you say?” she teased as she crossed her arms on her chest. “He must be really hot if he gets to you like that. I always thought you were immune.”

 

Bree shyly smiled.

 

~~~~~

 

With spare key in tow, Brianna took the T to the house her parents were calling home right now. The ‘crate’ was due in, and she wanted to be there to accept delivery as she had promised Roger. If it had been a warmer day,

she would have sat on the steps, maybe with a warm drink, and braved the outdoors, but it was not a day for that. Her cocoa would have been a frozen fudge pop in no time.

 

It felt a little weird to enter the house alone, but she was glad to duck out of the wind, and felt quickly warmed in the shelter of the foyer. Bree made her way into the modern kitchen and found herself compelled to make

coffee. It took probing several cabinets to find what she needed, but soon the smell of coffee was wafting deliciously on the wind. Brianna sighed at the aroma. She was taking a mug out of another cupboard when the

doorbell rang. Through the sidelights, Brianna could see a cadre of delivery men standing in the yard, and one standing at the top of the steps just outside the door, toting an electronic clipboard. She could see her father’s

‘crate’ among the other men, so she figured it was safe to open the door to them.

 

“Hi,” she brightly greeted.

 

“Delivery for Fraser?” the man at the top of the steps asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Sign here,” he said, offering the clipboard in her direction, “Sorry for your loss,” he added, momentarily leaving Brianna confused.

 

“Oh, no, it’s just a crate,” she sought to correct. “My dad has a weird sense of humor,” she offered, handing the signed delivery slip back over, surprised when a printed receipt was proffered.

 

“Oh, thanks. Just bring it into the foyer.”

 

She backed away from the door to make space for the men to carry it into the house, watching them having trouble hoisting it up the steep stairs, smirking as she remembered how effortlessly Jamie had taken it out of the

house.

 

“Thank-you very much,” she said with a nod at each of the men.

 

Once the door was closed, the wafting coffee hit Bree’s nostrils yet again. With a deep breath, she headed back into the kitchen, and poured herself a cup. She sat at the kitchen table, letting the mug warm her hands as she

nursed it along. She remembered what Roger had said, that Fiona had packed some Christmas treats for them to enjoy, but Brianna wasn’t in a mood to find and use a crowbar just to get a cookie right now.

 

~~~~~

 

It seemed somehow wrong to just leave so soon after arriving, so Brianna gave herself a bit of a tour. Out of curiosity, Bree headed upstairs, but found all the rooms locked. She sat at the top of the stairs and looked down

on the foyer. It was an impressive open expanse. It felt peaceful, and helped to relax the tension she’d been feeling ever since Wake’s Skype call. When she sent him the scans of her drawings, she couldn’t help feeling like

she was sending him nude pictures of herself after the way he described getting to know her better. Now, sitting in a mostly white space, devoid of clutter, and personality for that matter, it was like a depravation tank, and

it was drawing the confusion out of her brain.

 

Bree took a deep breath.

 

“I want to feel normal, but what does that mean anyway? I guess…this is my ‘new’ normal.”

 

Her mind now calmer, Bree came down the stairs slowly. She continued through the house, hoping the Leoch room was unlocked, or that the key was easily accessible. Jamie had been so careful while they had been

restoring the room to keep it locked all the time, but she wasn’t sure what he’d been doing since the room had been unveiled. She gave the knob a twist, and was glad to find the door opened. The smoky smell of a burned

out fire greeted her, and it felt welcoming. As she looked around the room she felt proud of the hand she’d had in making this room what it was. She could see why her parents would have fond memories of a room like this

– everything about it was inviting. Brianna sat on the end of the bed, nervous for some reason, or at least slightly chilled. She shivered and crossed her arms on her chest.

 

“I have the oddest feeling I shouldn’t be in here right now,” Brianna said, drawing herself off the bed.

 

She took one more look around.

 

“This is a room for…lovers…not me.”

 

She pulled the door shut behind her and made her way down the hall to the media room. Before descending into the seating pit, Bree scanned the DVD collection to see if something caught her fancy.

 

“Vaguely Historical?” Bree questioned, reading the shelf label, and puffing a laugh out as she continued to scan the DVD spines.

 

Her finger halted thumping along the cases and a broad smile overtook her face.

 

“Now I get it,” she murmured, understanding the odd category at last, “I haven’t watched this in ages!” she excitedly said to the air as she pulled the DVD for The Princess Bride off the shelf, deciding right then she was going to stay and watch the movie.

 

As she settled in, she slipped off her boots and pulled a throw blanket over her shoulders to fight the slight chill she was feeling. This movie was cinematic comfort food for Brianna, taking her back to simpler days and the

rare nights her mother was free to just sit and watch a movie instead of falling asleep studying to become the surgeon she now was. By the time Princess Buttercup heard “as you wish”, revealing the true identity of the man

in the mask, Bree was deeply nestled on the couch, feet pulled up, pillow wrapped in her arms as she fought to stay awake.

 

~~~~~

 

“It is so good to be home,” Claire declared as she and Jamie crossed the threshold into the foyer.

 

Jamie strongly kissed her, wrapping his arms around Claire as he dropped the suitcases to either side. He smiled as Claire smoothed the backs of her fingers up and down his cheeks, and they gazed at each other lovingly

as the kiss ended. Jamie only had eyes for Claire, and expecting nothing in his way, began stepping Claire backward, hoping to get her to the Leoch room before she knew what was happening, but they ran aground a few

steps along, Claire fetching up on the ‘crate’.

 

“What’s that doing here?” Claire asked, seeing that she was seated on the coffin.

 

“Brianna must have received it for us,” Jamie brightly asserted, taking a deep breath afterward.

 

“You are really enjoying saying her name, aren’t you?” Claire happily hummed.

 

“Aye, it…warms my heart. I was afraid to say it, afraid to call my daughter by her own name, and she was afraid to hug me, but now…”

 

“But now…you can…and she can…and someday soon…she’ll be able to call you ‘dad’.”

 

Jamie moved in for a quick kiss, Claire sucking in air through her nose so he didn’t make her too light headed.

 

“Mmm, I smell coffee, fresh coffee,” Claire emphasized.

 

“She must be here!” Jamie excitedly peeped.

 

He took in a deep breath and opened his mouth wide to call out his daughter’s name, but Claire clamped her hand over his mouth.

 

“Don’t, you might startled her.”

 

Jamie took Claire’s hand away from his mouth with a nod of his head.

 

“Aye, let’s search her out, but I have a feeling as to where she is.”

 

~~~~~

 

Hands tightly held together, Jamie led them down to the media room, and from the library level they could see Brianna’s curled form on the sectional couch. The menu screen was up on the TV, the movie long over.

 

“Don’t wake her,” Claire softly advised, “She’s been through so much, it’s nice to see she can sleep so calmly…peacefully.”

 

“Aye, but we should tuck her in. It can get cold inside the rooms with the stone foundations.”

 

“Don’t I know it,” Claire replied, rubbing her hands together and blowing warm air into her palms.

 

“I’ll get her a blanket, and then I’ll see to warming you up,” Jamie said with a smirk and a peck on the forehead.

 

Claire stood watch over her daughter while Jamie was off finding her a blanket. He came back with a huge puff, and headed down the ramp at the side of the room. Claire followed him down, but merely watched as Jamie

gently plied her with the blanket, tucking it in all around her to keep the cold air at bay. As he tucked it in behind her head, and tried to get her extended arms covered, Bree moaned incoherently, and then mumbled, “Have

fun stormin’ the castle,” the exact way Billy Crystal toned those words in the film. He looked over his shoulder, seeing Claire holding in a laugh with a curled index finger pressed to her lips. He looked back at his sleeping

child. Jamie noticed the remote and slipped it out of Brianna’s fingers.

 

“Sleep well, a bheannachd,” he whispered, “sleep well, Brianna.”

 

He came to Claire’s side.

 

“What was that she said?” Jamie asked.

 

“It’s a line from the movie she watched,” Claire whispered in return, “we used to watch it together when she was little.”

 

Claire’s eyes showed great tenderness as she remembered Bree as a small child. For some time, the pair of them stood watching over their sleeping daughter, like she was a fresh newborn, fragile and in need of constant

supervision. Claire leaned more and more heavily on Jamie as they stood there and she was almost asleep on her feet when Jamie eased her out of the room.

 

“No, I don’t want to leave her,” she barely eked out.

 

“It’s OK,” Jamie soothed, “she’s sleeping, and you should be too.”

 

“No, I’m hungry, and that coffee smelled so good.”

 

“Alright, a few sips, and I’ll find you something to nibble on, but then it’s to bed wi’ ye.”

 

~~~~~

 

Jamie got Claire settled into bed with him in the Leoch room, and she was asleep in no time, her arms invitingly wrapped around his chest, but Jamie sat wide awake, occasionally bending down to kiss Claire on the

forehead, but mostly just watching his wife sleep. For the past week he’d let reality go, and enjoyed the last week of their honeymoon, pushing aside any concerns, but now that they were home, it began to hit him. Jamie’s

hand cradled Claire’s belly. He’d done it twice before with her, each time wondering what it would be like to greet their child, to become a dad, but the chance never came.

 

He sighed deeply, closed his eyes, and tilted his head back as tears streamed down his cheeks.

 

~~~~~

 

“Mornin’ lass, er, Brianna,” Jamie purred the moment Bree stirred from sleep.

 

Brianna lurched to a sitting position, her feet slipping towards the floor, big puffy blanket providing a buffer to the outside world.

 

“Where’s mom?” Bree sleepily asked, trying to free her arms from the blanket.

 

“Finishing up her breakfast.”

 

“When did you get back?” she asked, continuing to try to shake the sleep out of her brain.

 

“Last night – too late to send ye home.”

 

“I didn’t mean to…”

 

“No need to explain; it was a nice treat to find you here, Brianna.”

 

The look he gave her was so full of hope and joy it triggered her smile in return, and she leaned in toward Jamie and threw her arms around his neck, sinking her head onto his shoulder.

 

“I missed you and mom,” she informed him, the near cry sounding in her voice.

 

Jamie’s arms were holding her tight in no time.

 

“It’s OK now, Brianna, mo leanabh, we are here; I am here.”

 

“I thought I’d gotten over it all, tried to put it behind me once I was home…did…did the…side effects ever…linger for you?” she tentatively asked.

 

“Aye, sure they did, I guess I just got used to it. Is that what’s been happening?”

 

“Maybe…everything feels different.”

 

“Och, I know – the changes you feel, they’ll become more comfortable in time – it’s…it’s like a new shell is forming – nearly the same, but just enough different to feel…wrong.”

 

Brianna sat back up, wiped her eyes and her nose with the back of her hand.

 

“I’m OK…just getting to know the new me – apparently I’m a bit of a crier now,” Bree offered as a shy smile crept up her face.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Jamie guaranteed.

 

Getting herself composed, Bree brushed her hair back, and managed to put the rest of the blanket aside. She found her boots and got them on. Jamie patiently sat there, ready to be her sounding board if anything else was

asked.

 

“Did you find the crate?” Bree inquired as she finished arranging the ankles on her jeans, and stood

 

. “Aye, yer mam nearly fell over it – but that’s how we knew you were here, or had been.”

 

“Well, according to Roger, Fiona packed a few extras – I’m assuming cookies and the like, but you never know with Fiona.”

 

Jamie stood too.

 

“We’ll get ‘er open, then,” he offered, placing a supportive hand on Brianna’s back.

 

She turned and threw her arms around him, and he happily squeezed her tight.

 

~~~~~

 

“Mom!” Brianna exclaimed as she entered the kitchen.

 

“Oh, sweetie,” Claire replied, turning and taking her daughter into her arms.

 

Claire held her back to arm’s length, seeing a brightness in Brianna’s eyes that hadn’t been there for some time.

 

“I’ve missed you so much,” Claire told her, feeling as if the Brianna who had left for a beach vacation when she was sixteen was finally home, finally whole again.

 

“I’ll be right back,” Jamie said, slipping past them and giving Claire a kiss on the temple.

 

“Where?”

 

“Fiona packed some goodies in the crate, so we need to get it opened up,” Brianna enlightened her mother, then pulled her in tight for another hug.

 

“Is everything OK?” Claire whispered.

 

Brianna nodded against her mother’s neck.

 

“It will be.”

 

They disengaged and turned toward the sound when Jamie began prying the lid to the ‘crate’ free. They joined him in the foyer as he lifted the lid and found several new items packed on top, each one labeled.

 

“That’s not just cookies,” Brianna declared, realizing she’d not gotten the whole picture from Roger, or that he’d not gotten the whole story from Fiona.

 

Claire took the small package addressed to her, unfolding the letter that came with it.

 

_“Dearest Claire, I know you told me to give away all the baby clothes once Brianna no longer was in need of them, and, for the most part, I did, but parting with this would have been a mistake. If you are indeed expecting_

_again, (fingers crossed) I hope you will find a need for this. Love, Fiona. PS – you can always keep it for Brianna’s first born! (but perhaps don’t tell her that!)”_

 

Claire read the letter aloud, up until the PS, and then sheepishly smiled as she folded the letter and tucked it into a pocket. She carefully unwrapped the tissue paper and choked up when she unveiled a small knitted hat

that made the wearer look like a sheep.

 

“Little lamb,” Claire said reverently, “You wore this home from the hospital,” she said to Brianna.

 

Jamie then unloaded the package for Brianna and handed her the note.

 

_“Brianna, here’s just a taste of what it would have been like had you celebrated a MacKenzie Christmas this year. (It was Wake’s idea to throw in a few kisses for your chocolate tooth) Much love from all of us! PS – don’t_

_hoard it all for yourself!”_

 

Bree laughed out at the PS and took the well secured tray into hand.

 

“I’ll put this in the kitchen,” Brianna confirmed, quickly striding there and back.

 

“What did she send for you…Jamie?” Bree asked as she came back into earshot.

 

“I couldn’t begin to guess,” he asserted, reaching for his own letter from Fiona.

 

_“To our newest, and oldest, family member, my dear Jamie, you have imbued me, and Roger, with such family pride, and seeing you with Claire and Brianna reduces my fear about the two of them being so far away. Now_

_they have you to keep them warm and safe, but there is a whole family wanting the same for you, so when I saw this item, I knew I had to acquire it for you. Think of it as a warm Scottish hug from distant kin. All Love,_

_Fiona.”_

 

“You definitely won her over,” Claire said with a slight shake of her head and growing smile.

 

“Aye,” Jamie embarrassedly confirmed, ear tips quite pink as he turned toward the crate to pay too much attention to the wrapping on his gift.

 

After rattling the tissue paper around for quite some time, Claire came to his side.

 

“Do I need to help you with that?” she asked.

 

“I’m a bit worrit to expose her gift to the light of day after what she wrote!”

 

Claire did the honors of unwrapping the gift for Jamie.

 

“Oh, my,” she cried out, lifting the item high over her head to get the last of it free from the confines of the crate.

 

“What is it?” Bree questioned, blocked from seeing it by Claire’s body.

 

“It’s a coat – a great coat,” Claire replied, turning to show Brianna.

 

Their daughter approached, lamping onto the tag that still dangled from the sleeve.

 

“100% Shetland Wool,” she read, “Fee was probably pen pals with the sheep!” Brianna joked, making Jamie laugh out loud, and then pull down into a sheepish grin.

 

Claire turned the coat and held it out to Jamie, inviting him to try it on. One arm at a time he let it slide up his body, easing his shoulders in, not wanting to tear it apart should it not fit, but it came up around him perfectly,

with plenty of room for his broad shoulders. It flared from the shoulders down, the bottom hanging and swinging the way Jamie’s kilt did. Jamie looked like a dream in the winter white great coat.

 

Claire raised an eyebrow as Jamie turned to face her.

 

“And just how does Fiona know your size so well?”

 

One side of his lip curled up and he gave her half a grinchly grin. Jamie did a twirl, much like he had done to show off his kilt to Brianna before the wedding. Bree smiled, remembering how elegant he had looked in his kilt,

but Claire held a pseudo pout on her face.

 

With a moment to think, Jamie opened both sides of the coat and invited his girls to join him inside the coat.

 

“I think the coat is family sized,” Jamie informed them as he pulled the sides around them.

 

After a prolonged family hug, Jamie sighed with delight, and bowed his head.

 

“I have a family. My heart is full.”

 

~~~~~


	36. Transitions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm on the mend more or less, but my computer is another story! My monitor went all Max Headroom, so I got another used one, that seemed to have some kind of sleeping disorder (ie intermittent short, or something) so it only worked after a great deal of frigging or then only when it wanted to. Luckily, original monitor got fixed, but level of residual frustration made writing difficult. I managed a short chapter - hopefully more level footing is ahead of me, and the words will come back to me, and I hope this chapter keeps you going until the words get flowing.

Transitions

 

After so many days away from work, it was hard to get up, but I was due back at the hospital this morning with more than just work to take care of. It was time to face reality.

 

While I showered and dressed, Jamie made me breakfast – far more of a breakfast than my stomach was prepared for. I smiled apologetically as I sipped on my coffee, unable to partake in his generous offerings. If I wasn’t pregnant, I would have to look into what had caused my sudden inability to eat in the morning, but I seriously doubted I would need to look beyond the obvious.

 

As I put my coat on, I noticed Jamie donning the beautiful great coat Fiona had sent from Scotland.

 

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

 

“I’m coming wi’ ye.”

 

“As wonderfully supportive as that is, there’s no reason for you to come with me today. There’s nothing they can tell us for sure until the test results come back, and I haven’t even taken the tests yet.”

 

“I want to be there, when you find out.”

 

“I promise,” I said, clasping hands with Jamie.

 

“I want you to be there…for every minute this time, for me, as much as for you.”

 

He leaned in and gave me a humming kiss that buzzed my lips. I stepped right up to him and planted my lips even more firmly against his.

 

“I’m afraid I might go into withdrawal after all this time together,” I told him. His ear tips went pink.

 

“Is Bree coming over today?” I asked, knowing it would change the topic benignly.

 

“No, not today. She said she needed to ‘get into the swing’ of the semester, with it being her last. I think she’s still scared about rebuilding Lallybroch.”

 

“I’m sure she is, but she’s also excited – the end of college is a pretty big deal. Up until now, she’s been a student. From the time she was five, that’s what life has been for her…for most all children. It’s a dependable pattern, but it’s coming to an end. And that’s for people who haven’t had their lives set completely on end recently. Think of all Bree’s been through. And then you take away that normal pattern that’s been with her for most of her life, and she’s bound to be scared. And then throw in restoring her ancestral home, but having to leave the home she knows to do it. Jamie, her whole life is changing.”

 

Jamie nodded, absorbing what I’d just told him.

 

“Aye, I ken that. Everything is in flux, and she has one more bit of what’s familiar before even that changes.”

 

He continued to nod, closing his eyes for a moment, and then letting a big breath.

 

“Dinner, then?”

 

I nodded and kissed him yet again.

 

“I look forward to it. I’m sure I’ll be starving, and quite able to eat when I get home.”

 

~~~~~

 

As I headed into work, I worried some about what Jamie would do without me close at hand, and with his worries about my probable pregnancy, but there was no way around it. I had to return to work. I was so far inside my own head I almost missed my stop.

 

I went to my office and reviewed case notes, trying to come up to speed, and like Brianna, get into the swing of things. But I was distracted, knowing I was putting off something I really needed to do. I sent the order for my blood work electronically, and hoped it would reach the lab before I did. I was no fan of needles, at least those piercing my own skin, but I wanted a definitive test. I know the urine test is accurate for most people, but Jamie and I need certainty.

 

I closed my eyes as the needle went into my inner arm.

 

“All done,” the technician calmly stated, “Press this tight,” she said, putting a small cube of gauze over the needle hole.

 

I sighed out a breath and let my shoulders fall.

 

I took a detour on the way back to my office, stopping in front of the nursery window. Babies of all sizes and colors, some silently staring out at the world, others crying and waling at the recent change of venue, were there before my eyes. It was a first for me. Looking at babies was not something I did. I understood why Jamie was so worried, but I had to believe that if I was truly pregnant, it was something that was meant to be.

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever found you here before, Claire,” a voice said behind me.

 

“Janet,” I said with a smile. “No, I’ve never been here, in all the years I’ve worked here, but I was drawn here today.”

 

“Babies on the brain?” she asked.

 

I inhaled, turned to look at her and exhaled.

 

“A couple of test results will be coming your way – I…I may be pregnant – my symptoms are rather telling, but I need to be sure. Maybe we could schedule an appointment for the end of the week?”

 

Dr. Janet MacInnes was one of the good ones. A few years my junior, she’d come to work here not long after I finished my residency, and had become my doctor as well not a year after that. She was compassionate, intelligent and intuitive, and I wished like hell she’d been available after Brianna’s attack, as much for my sake as for Bree’s.

 

“Sure. But…weren’t we discussing the possible onset of peri-menopause at your last appointment?”

 

I raised one eyebrow at her and my lips narrowed.

 

“There have been some changes in my life, but as of yet, not that one!”

 

“That’s right, I heard you got married. You didn’t waste any time. Your results should be back in a few days, so…” she paused as she scrolled the screen on her phone. “Friday…either ten AM, or 3:45 PM?”

 

“Something tells me it better be the morning appointment,” I relayed – less time for Jamie to worry, I surmised.

 

She scheduled it and patted my shoulder.

 

“I’ll hold off on the congrats until we know for sure.”

 

~~~~~

 

I found Jamie in the media room when I got home.

 

“Did Bree show up and surprise you?” I asked, knowing he usually didn’t watch alone.

 

“Nah, I just,” he looked down and blushed, “I wanted to see the film our lass watched to comfort her. I hoped I could…feel close to her, understand her better…”

 

I smiled broadly and joined him on the couch, nestling into his chest, and taking a deep breath to inhale Jamie’s essence.

 

“What have you learned?” I asked.

 

“She likes word play – clever turns of phrase – I knew that from our time together, but I could…hear where she would laugh while I watched this. I understand why she would turn to this, why it would allow her to relax.”

 

I laced my hand through his.

 

“It’s a nice feeling, isn’t it? To understand what makes her tick – to feel a kinship.”

 

I had to gulp down the urge to cry just then, thinking of how many times Brianna had buoyed my spirits by bringing a bit of Jamie to the surface.

 

~~~~~

 

Jamie was nervous as he waited for Brianna to get there, and when she rang the bell he became giddy, and raced to the door.

 

“Brianna!” he called out, pulling her into his arms.

 

“Whoa, there,” she said in surprise, “It’s only been a few days.”

 

“Och, I know, but…I’ve been stockpiling hugs for you, and I don’t want a single one to go to waste.”

 

“That will never happen,” she replied.

 

Jamie held her for a long time. He just didn’t want to let go.

 

“Alright,” Brianna finally said, “We’ll run out of time for our movie,” she jokingly teased.

 

“Aye,” Jamie breathed, finally pulling back, but still holding Bree by the shoulders.

 

His smiled broadened.

 

“As you wish,” Jamie came out with, wondering if Brianna would recognize the phrase.

 

It took a second.

 

Bree turned pink.

 

“You watched…you watched The Princess Bride?”

 

“Aye, Brianna, I did…Would you want to…watch it wi’ me?” he hopefully asked.

 

“Not today, but we will, we absolutely will.”

 

Bree took hold of his hand reassuringly, and they walked in silence to the media room, bathed in each other’s smiles.

 

~~~~~

 

“Actually…I found something special for our first movie of the year,” Brianna reported as she came down the ramp, DVD in hand, pulled from the backpack slung over her shoulder.

 

“Turns out the library has a DVD section.”

 

“The library? So, it’s something you doona wish to own, but you want us to see?”

 

“Exactly. I caught part of this movie on TV like…five different times since I got back from Scotland – always the same part too. I’ve never seen the very beginning of it, either,” she continued as she set the disc in the player

and sat on the couch, right next to Jamie.

 

An incredible grin came up on Bree’s face as she handed Jamie the DVD cover.

 

“Flash Gordon?” Jamie questioned.

 

“I know the music was the best thing about this movie, but it’s got a lot of familiar faces in it!” she enthused.

 

They both kind of looked at each other suspiciously as the film got off to a rather ponderous start, Bree even blushing a bit as she hoped it would pick up soon. When the familiar themes of the music by Queen picked up, Brianna settled down a bit, and she put her head on Jamie’s shoulder, much to his delight.

 

And then it happened – a moment that would bond them even tighter. As Brian Blessed first graced the screen, both Jamie and Brianna suddenly yelled out, “Fresh Horses!” in their best imitation of the actor’s un- modulated tones. They slowly turned toward one another, each in shock at the other’s outburst, smiles slowly cracking each face wide open.

 

“You’ve seen?” Jamie asked incompletely.

 

“Black Adder!” she blurted as she nodded affirmatively.

 

Laughter overtook them in the joy of having a common reference, something they’d both seen that had left an indelible impression on both their brains. Bree held him tightly around the neck, having laughed to the point of happy tears. She let out a relieved deep breath.

 

“I’m so glad you’re in my life,” she sighed against his exhaling chest.

 

“Aye, me too lass, me too.”

 

When both were sitting forward again, they realized a good portion of the movie had gotten away from them.

 

“Should I rewind?” Bree asked.

 

Jamie nodded, smile still ensconced on his face as Brianna snuggled against Jamie’s side once more, and they continued to watch the movie once Brianna had found a point they both recalled seeing.

 

~~~~~

 

“Is something wrong?” Bree asked once the movie was over, seeing something in Jamie’s eyes.

 

Jamie dropped his head.

 

“Your Mam has an appointment tomorrow…we find out if…”

 

“If I’m about to be a big sister?”

 

Jamie nodded.

 

“Well, that’s good…right? Knowing is better than wondering, isn’t it?”

 

“I’m scared to know either way.”

 

“Scared?…but you already know you’re a good…dad, don’t you? You’ve only been in my life a few months, but everything you’ve done and said…your patience – knowing what not to do…you’ll get to be a father from the start this time. You won’t have to make up any time.”

 

“You know no matter what, no one will take your place in my heart. You’ve been,” Jamie stopped and pointed with two held together fingers to a spot on his chest, “right here from the moment I knew you existed.”

 

Bree tilted her head.

 

“I know,” she said with a nod, “And I couldn’t be happier for you and mom – a little shocked when I first heard, but…I’m just sorry I won’t be here for all of it.”

 

Jamie raised an eyebrow.

 

 

“I’ll already be restoring Lallybroch during mom’s third trimester.”

 

His lips pursed and he looked concerned.

 

“Aye.”

 

Jamie sat silently unmoving, awash in his fears for a minute. Brianna reached out for his hand.

 

“It’s gonna be OK,” Bree reassured.

 

Jamie nodded, and curled that one-sided smiled up his face.

 

“Keep telling me that,” he entreated, garnering himself another hug.

 

Jamie took in a deep breath in an attempt to stave off the tears he could feel coming on. He reluctantly broke their hug.

 

“I’ve…got those plans you wanted – for Lallybroch. I made the drawings after I…reacquired the land in the early eighties. I always intended to fix the place up myself…but I couldna think of livin’ there without yer mam.”

 

Jamie looked emotionally raw, and Bree could see it, but wasn’t sure if he wanted it acknowledged. He was usually emotionally controlled, inscrutable, but so much had changed in Scotland, for both of them. Bree took the chance.

 

“It’s OK for you to cry, if you need to.”

 

His tears flowed as his smile filled his face. Bree leaned in yet again and put her arms around his neck.

 

“It is going to be OK,” Bree reiterated.

 

~~~~~

 

Claire walked into the hospital, Jamie reluctantly being towed behind her.

 

“You wanted me to make this appointment, and you said you wanted to be here,” she stressed, looking back over her shoulder at him.

 

He nodded and gulped.

 

“I do want to be here…”

 

“Please don’t look so scared, Jamie. We’ll be OK. I have a good feeling about this. I’ve even stopped being sick already, just since earlier this week.”

 

Jamie looked rather green himself, sick with worry. The elevator did little to make Jamie feel less queasy, but he continued to escort Claire to her appointment. Claire was well known in these halls, being stopped more than once on her way down the hall.

 

“Dr. Fraser, lookin’ good,” one of nurses she worked closely with greeted her with.

 

“Heard you snuck off and got hitched – is that him?” she hooted, ogling Jamie.

 

“Nice catch.”

 

She moved down the hall, continuing to admire Jamie from every angle.

 

“Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite,” Claire reassured.

 

Jamie sighed deeply, rather from relief or anguish was indistinguishable. Claire seemed calm on the outside, but she was quite nervous. They were squeezing each other’s hands until the tips of their fingers turned white.

 

Once they were called into an exam room, Claire sat on the table and Jamie paced the short length of the room a number of times, then finally sat in the low chair to Claire’s left, and bent his head between his knees, gulping for air, and praying for his nerves to settle. As soon as Jamie saw the white coat of Dr. Janet MacInnes, he bolted for the bathroom just inside the door, and vomited.

 

“Is he OK?” the doctor asked, approaching Claire’s location.

 

“He’s caught my morning sickness,” she joked, getting a knowing smile from her doctor.

 

“Not uncommon – a lot of husbands manifest symptoms when their wives get pregnant.”

 

“So, I am pregnant then?” Claire sought to confirm.

 

“One hundred percent positive,” she said, placing a hand on Claire’s shoulder.

 

Jamie came feebly across the room, and thudded into the seat he’d been in before his urgent dash.

 

“As I was just telling your wife, congratulations, you are expecting. Looks like you two celebrated Samhain, then. November first is the probable date of conception.”

 

Jamie’s head came up when the doctor said ‘Samhain’. Claire took it as an indication he was paying attention.

 

“Jamie, this is my doctor, and one of my best friends here at the hospital. Janet MacInnes, I’d like you to meet Jamie Fraser.”

 

He reached out for her hand and she returned a tight, strong shake.

 

“Is this your first baby, then?” she asked of Jamie.

 

“No, he’s Brianna’s father too,” Claire interjected.

 

A slow smile came over Dr. MacInnes’ face.

 

“Really?”

 

Claire smiled and nodded quickly, taking Jamie’s hand into her own, and then looked back to her doctor.

 

“We…got separated – I mean literally, physically separated, not because we didn’t want to be together…so Jamie was…unable to be with me when I was pregnant with Brianna. The idea of me being pregnant worries him…and this wasn’t exactly planned, so…”

 

“Well, I expect when the shock wears off, you’ll remember what you’ll need to do, and you can help him get up to speed. Granted, though, twenty years on you’ll have some new choices to make.”

 

“Don’t I know it,” Claire retorted.

 

Jamie turned his eyes to her, horrified look on his face.

 

“What new choices?” he choked out.

 

Claire and the doctor smirked at each other.

 

~~~~~

 

Armed with pamphlets and timelines and suggestions for vaccinations, Jamie and I headed back to my office. He was quiet.

 

“Well, at least we have a few months to get ready,” I offered to comfort Jamie.

 

“Aye,” Jamie whispered, nearly to himself.

 

He hadn’t looked up since he landed in the chair.

 

“Are you…sorry…that I’m pregnant?” I asked matter of fact.

 

Jamie stood quickly.

 

“No, no never sorry, God,” poured out of him as he took my hands.

 

“Just…” He stared at my belly.

 

“Like I told you when we were at Lallybroch…I will try to put my fears aside,” he looked up into my eyes, “But I fear it willna come easily.”

 

I kissed him softly. Even his lips were cold, chilled by his fear.

 

“We can do this…and this time, we’ll be together.”

 

Jamie tried to smile, and he drew me tight to his chest.

 

We shared a nice, if subdued, lunch together before he left me to finish my day at the hospital. He’d passed some of his fear on to me, it seemed, for a feeling of dread tried to drag me down all afternoon.

 

Though I am not one to turn to God routinely, I found myself praying that this pregnancy was uneventful, and that Jamie would overcome the almost paralyzing fear I could see in his eyes.

 

“Don’t hurt him anymore,” I whispered with my head bowed.

 

~~~~~

 

I came into the Leoch room to find Jamie happily staring off into space. Whatever he was calling to mind, it was clearly pleasurable. I stood watching him, his peaceful demeanor washing over me.

 

“Did you wonder?” he spoke, “when the doctor said it happened on Samhain? Did you wonder which time? Where we were? The bed…or the hearth?”

 

“Do you think it makes a difference?”

 

“Och, probably not, but I’d like to know, so I can remember everything from the very beginning.”

 

“It’s entirely possible we were having breakfast when it actually happened – or it might have been while you were at the billiards table, for that matter. Pregnancy is not instantaneous.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“No. Even sperm as determined as yours need time to get the job done.”

 

Jamie laughed lightly.

 

I took this as a good sign. Jamie’s mood had lightened considerably since he’d left the hospital. He was even seeming almost happy about the baby, or at least happy about how the baby came to be.

 

~~~~~

 

“Whatcha up to there, Sassenach?” Jamie asked.

 

“Letting Bree know our news,” I hummed happily as I typed.

 

_“Are you ready to be a big sister, Bree?”_

 

I added a winking emoji to the end and sent my message.

 

Moments later the phone peeped an incoming message tone.

 

“What’d she say?”

 

“Well, I asked Bree if she was ready to be a big sister, and she replied, ‘As long as you don’t expect me to baby-sit…ever’ – and then a string of emojis – and no, I don’t know what they mean all strung together like that, but I can sense a theme.”

 

Jamie kissed me on the temple.

 

“She’ll change her mind someday.”

 

“What makes you say that?” I replied with some shock. “Not every woman wants children, and Bree has never shown any interest in that direction.”

 

“She’s also never been in love,” Jamie said, matter of fact, almost challenging me.

 

“So you think some man is going to come into her life and change her profoundly? That suddenly Bree will want a dozen kids of her own?”

 

“Well, not a dozen, but…surely…”

 

I glared at him.

 

“She’d be a fierce mother,” Jamie intuited, smiling broadly now.

 

“But it would have to be her idea, not something she does to please someone else.”

 

“Aye,” Jamie nodded, momentarily dropping his head.

 

“Besides, we don’t even know what being immortal might mean in that department. Infertility can be heart-breaking. What if she can’t…”

 

“I’m immortal, and I’ve made a baby with you, Sassenach.”

 

“But you aren’t growing the baby inside you, Jamie.”

 

He nodded sadly.

 

“We’ve gone far afield with this conversation. Bree is not thinking about having a baby. Lallybroch is her baby right now, and giving birth to that will be plenty.”

 

“Aye, Sassenach, it will…I gave her my copy of the plans for Lallybroch when she was here last, and I could see in her eyes she was…starting to take to the idea more and more, but she reminded me that she’d not be here, and I believe now I am the one torn about her leaving Boston.”

 

~~~~~


	37. Accidentals And Incidentals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having a bit of writers' block right now, but I got a few pages done out. I thought better a little something than making you all wait until the new year - so to celebrate my birthday (tomorrow) and all the holidays in the offing, here's a short chapter to tide you over. Thanks for reading, and commenting, and bookmarking, oh my!!

Accidentals and Incidentals

 

After a weekend of pouring over the drawings of Lallybroch Jamie had given her, Brianna was a mix of emotions. But what she was mostly was intimidated by the whole idea, and this was something she needed an outside

perspective to straighten out. She carefully furled up the hand-drawn plans and slipped them into a protective tube for transport. Her program advisor had always leveled with her, starting with some of the attitudes her

fellow students were likely to have until Bree proved herself. She’d appreciated his honesty, seeing him as a bit of a father figure, and he quickly saw her intelligence and the potential she possessed.

 

Bree knocked on his office door.

 

“Brianna?” he said in surprise, looking up and pulling his glasses off, placing them on his desk.

 

“Hi Professor, can I get an opinion on something?”

 

“Sure, have to decide between offers?” he asked, knowing she had applied to many prestigious architecture firms.

 

“Not quite…actually, I’ve been offered an opportunity to restore a Scottish estate, and I need a…un-jaundiced perspective.”

 

“I should have known you’d not take the conventional path, and have a job lined up before you even graduate – are these the plans?”

 

Bree nodded as she un-shouldered the transport tube and popped its lid out. With a gentle thump, she tapped the end of the tube to dislodge the drawings, and unfurled them across the drawing table. Her professor stood and ambled over to the laid-out papers, replacing his glasses.

 

“Let’s have a look,” he offered.

 

“The top sheet is the main house – there’s an overview of the entire property on the next page.”

 

“These are beautifully rendered,” the professor commented.

 

“My father drew them,” she proudly pronounced.

 

“You mean step-dad?”

 

“No, I don’t. The wedding I went to, that I needed to reschedule things for, was for my mom and real dad.”

 

“Is he a designer or architect?”

 

“No, just skilled in many fields,” Bree replied, her cheeks pinking up, “And I’ve barely scratched the surface of what he knows,” she smirked as she shook her head.

 

The professor puffed a little laugh and went back to looking over the plans.

 

“This is a nice spread – who owns it?”

 

Bree hesitated, not wanting to color his opinion, or make an assumption of nepotism.

 

“Um…my father – it’s…my ancestral home. I’ve already contracted with an architect in Scotland who can keep me abreast of all the local regs,” she added quickly, trying to show she was taking this seriously.

 

“Looks like you already have the ball rolling, what do want me to say?”

 

“I’ve gotten advice from so many people about this, but…each one has a vested interest. You’ve never sugar-coated anything before. I need your honesty – does this project have a chance in hell?”

 

Bree stood unmoving, her eyes un-flinchingly focused on her professor.

 

“I’m not sure I’ve even seen you this serious, Brianna, or this sure. I noticed your growing confidence last semester. Can I assume this has something to do with your father being back in your life?”

 

“In part…I’ve had to deal with…a number of changes in a very short time. I guess it’s helped me put things in perspective, and showed me what I’m made of.”

 

“I told you at the beginning of year two, the only thing I thought was missing was your drive – that your technique and recall were flawless, but that I didn’t know if you had the drive to succeed in this field. Well, you just showed me. Not only is this project feasible, if you take that attitude into your career, almost every one of your fellow graduates will be asking you for a job within a decade. You came in here like a wholly different person today.”

 

Bree’s eyes sparkled as she blushed.

 

“That’s because I am,” she boldly retorted.

 

~~~~~

 

“Jamie, have you had any inoculations?” Claire asked.

 

The question came out of left field for Jamie, who was lost in his own mind, absently stroking Claire’s still flat stomach.

 

“Um…aye – full military panel - twice.”

 

“Anything since 1945?”

 

“Nah. Pretty sure I can’t catch anything, so…”

 

“Yes, but nothing says you can’t carry a disease – unfortunately, you can’t get most of the shots while I’m pregnant without risking the baby. I swear the number of inoculations has quadrupled since Brianna was a baby. But we’ll work something out.”

 

Jamie furrowed his brows.

 

“You mean, you expect me to be jabbed for a host of diseases I most likely canna contract?”

 

“Better safe than sorry, Jamie. This baby…all things considered, is a miracle. This will not happen again, and I’m doing everything in my power to give birth to a healthy baby.”

 

“Of course, Sassenach. We both want that.”

 

Claire nestled more closely against Jamie’s body.

 

“What about names?” Claire warmly toned, “have you thought what we might name this one? There are so many family names we could choose among, or we could strike out on our own, and choose something original.”

 

Jamie hummed like he was thinking.

 

“If it’s a girl, we could name her Janet or Jenny in honor of your sister, or Ellen for your mother,” Claire suggested, sliding her hand over his and working her fingers between his.

 

“What about Venus?” Claire offered hoping to spark Jamie to respond.

 

“Would her middle name be ‘flytrap’, then?” Jamie humorously replied.

 

“I like Murtaugh.”

 

“For a girl?” Claire questioned in disbelief.

 

“She’d be the only one, to be sure,” Jamie inflected as an eyebrow raised along with a smirk.

 

“What if it’s a boy? What would you want to name our son?”

 

Jamie chuckled.

 

“We’ll not have to worry on that account Sassenach, it’s not gonna be a boy, we only make girls together,” he said, and then leaned in for a kiss.

 

Although it seemed to be done to put off the conversation, Jamie’s kiss didn’t dissuade Claire one bit.

 

“I promised to name Bree after your father, but would you want to name a boy Brian?”

 

“No, never. That name belongs to our lass. I’d never want her to think I wished her to be a boy, or that she was not good enough to bear the name of my father…Isn’t it a bit soon to be discussing names anyway, Sassenach?”

 

“The time goes by faster than you think,” Claire advised.

 

“I imagine it will,” Jamie replied in a whisper, and he moved to wrap his arms completely around Claire.

 

~~~~~

 

After a quite lengthy discussion with her program advisor, and a whole day’s worth of classes, Brianna set to work making a technical schematic from Jamie’s drawings of Lallybroch, and getting it loaded onto her computer so she could freely manipulate the images. She wanted to have several variations of her ideas fully entrenched in her mind before she showed them to Jamie, in case he didn’t like her first iteration. She already had some concrete ideas of what she saw in certain areas, but she wanted contingency plans so she wouldn’t get flustered and give in if he challenged her vision. She also wanted to be prepared in case Wake contacted her about the drawings she’d sent him. Since he was actually on site, his input could prove vital.

 

Things were happening so quickly. It hadn’t even been a month since Bree had said she would restore Lallybroch, but there was no turning back now. By the time the next movie day rolled around, Bree was happy to give in to Jamie’s suggestion that they watch The Princess Bride. Jamie could see the tension slip away from Brianna as she watched and nestled against him. It helped him relax as well. While Bree was by his side, he was content.

 

“Stay ‘til your mam gets home?” Jamie requested of her once the movie was over.

 

“Sure – I could help with the supper,” Bree offered.

 

The smile that blossomed on Jamie’s face lit the room.

 

“I’d like that, and Claire will be happy to see you. You’ve not talked face to face since…we knew for sure,” he said with some difficulty.

 

“It will all be OK,” Brianna reassured, remembering Jamie’s plea that she say that too him as often as possible.

 

“You remembered – thank-ye. It helps, as does having you around.”

 

Bree smiled at that thought, but behind her smile, a level of concern was growing – would she be able to leave Jamie and her mother when it came time to return to Lallybroch…and would it be safe if she did?

 

~~~~~

 

Bree’s fears settled to the back of her mind once more as she and Jamie began to work on dinner. She knew she couldn’t ‘solo’ on preparing anything other than a couple of recipes Fiona had drilled her through – and even then she felt tentative, but she could survive.

 

“So, have you been workin’ on the plans…for Lallybroch?” Jamie asked.

 

“Yeah, I have. Would you…I’ve got some ideas I really like, but…”

 

“Brianna – lass – doona fear that your vision doesna match mine.”

 

Bree nodded and pressed her lips together.

 

“I was gonna wait until I had the 3-D images done, but…I’m dying to show you what I’ve been working on. I’ve got it all on my computer now. We could…go over it after we eat.”

 

“Aye, I’d love that.”

 

~~~~~

 

“Brianna,” Claire said with a broad, welcoming smile. “I’m glad you stayed.”

 

She gave her daughter a warm embrace.

 

“You’ll get sick of seeing me I’ll be over here so much.”

 

“Never,” Claire replied, shaking her head as she held onto Brianna’s shoulders.

 

“Like she said, never,” Jamie reiterated as he came over and kissed Claire on the back of the neck.

 

Claire turned and smiled at Jamie, giving him a solid kiss on the lips. She smiled solicitously at her husband, telling him with her eyes the day had been fine, but she had missed his touch.

 

“Why don’t the two of you relax - I’ll finish the supper,” Jamie suggested.

 

“You know he won’t take ‘no’ for an answer,” Claire stated to Brianna. “I’ve been on my feet all day, why don’t we go down to the bedroom and find my slippers?” she suggested to Bree.

 

The two of them made their way down to the Leoch room. Claire marched right in the door, but Brianna entered hesitantly. Claire was too focused on finding her slippers and soothing her feet to notice at first, but saw Brianna stiffen up as she came into the room.

 

“What’s this about?” Claire asked, taking one of Bree’s balled up hands into her palm.

 

“I feel like I don’t belong in here – like I’m an anachronism here. This is your special room with Jamie.”

 

“Non-sense – you helped create this place - ”

 

“But as soon as it was complete…Mom…are you two going to be OK if…when I leave? Jamie’s told me he’s scared – he wants my reassurance. Should I put restoring Lallybroch on hold?”

 

“Jamie’s nervous about the baby – the past is still haunting him. He’s convinced something bad is going to happen, but I feel it in my bones – this baby is a gift – a miracle – and I don’t want you putting off your life because of fear – Jamie’s, or your own. We’ll be fine – Jamie will be fine. I appreciate your concern – I love you for it, and the way you and Jamie have forged a relationship, but you have a life to live waiting for you. Just come back for the birth?”

 

“Of course I will! My little brother or sister needs to know who came first – the pecking order.”

 

“Very funny, sweetie…Jamie will work through his fears – there’s nothing your Dad and I can’t get through as long as we’re together, and you can count on that. I’ve never known someone with a stronger will…except you,” Claire said with a tilt and nod of her head.

 

Bree laughed as she smiled and moved in to embrace her mom.

 

“I’ve missed talking with you lately,” Claire whispered, “Everything’s been a whirlwind.”

 

“Like I said, I’ll be around so much before I leave, you’ll get sick of me, and just because I’ll be in Scotland, don’t think I won’t call and skype and make a virtual pest of myself!”

 

“I certainly hope so.”

 

~~~~~

 

The three of us headed down to the media room after Jamie fed us dinner. Bree had promised to show him her preliminary layout for the restoration of Lallybroch, and I was interested in what she had come up with. I had tooled around that house as it had been, and remembered the layout, but there was room for improvement, or at least modernization.

 

At first Brianna set up her laptop on the table in front of the sectional which held the remote tower. She was leaned forward in front of it as she typed and ran her fingers over the touch pad to bring up the page she wanted to share. With a deep breath, Bree pulled the computer onto her knees and set the screen back at a broad angle.

 

“I know it’s a little small, but I can expand anything you want a closer look at,” Brianna said to both of us, the hopefulness obvious in both her face and voice.

 

I leaned in, clinging to Jamie’s shoulder as he studied the screen. For a long time, he didn’t react one way or another, and I could see Bree starting to fidget out of the corner of my eyes. I hummed in his ear and he looked at me long enough to catch the signal from my eyes.

 

“Um…well…it certainly is different,” he commented.

 

“You don’t like it,” Brianna surmised from his tone.

 

“It’s fine – it’s good – inspired even. I’d never have thought…it’s a far more practical use of the space for today.” Jamie looked up and smiled at Bree. “It’s beautiful,” he assured her. “You don’t need my approval, though.”

 

“But you need to like it too,” she implored.

 

“Brianna, I’ve known this house as it was since I was a bairn, but...clearly you have a vision of what you want, and what will work. Trust yourself,” he affirmed, taking her hands into his. “Whatever you do, it will be a home when you’re done.”

 

~~~~~

 

Bree found herself anticipating Wake’s next contact, but everything they talked about was purely hypothetical until she settled on her final plans, and until the permits came through, both of which were proving difficult. But their conversations were lively and varied, and often lasted far longer than either of them had intended. And she always came away from their talks physically exhausted, but with her mind racing. Brianna thought it had to do with the time difference and scheduling of the calls, and her excitement about the project, but she couldn’t explain the tingly feeling that lingered long after each long-distance communication.

 

Movie day with Jamie was joined by weekends spent in their entirety with Jamie and Claire, lazy breakfasts when time allowed, and hours of just being together in the same room. Bree always brought a copy of the Lallybroch plans with her, either on paper or on her computer and she and Jamie spent many hours with their heads together, Jamie often waxing about his memories of how the house was laid out originally, often leaving Brianna in a quandary because he would speak so fondly of the places that affected his childhood.

 

Jamie soaked in all the togetherness, forcing himself to remember everything in minute detail, all too aware of how quickly time moved on. It was like they were creating a microcosm of Brianna’s youth, letting Jamie experience what it might have been like to raise her, and of what a continuous marriage to Claire might have brought. Brianna’s constant presence and reassurances were keeping Jamie on an even keel, but making the upcoming separation far more difficult to think about. Bree had put in the paperwork for her early graduation, and was already looking into cheap plane fares, as well as packing anything she wouldn’t need before spring, so she could begin shipping her life, piece by piece, to Scotland.

 

Despite all the togetherness, there was one thing Brianna kept to herself, and did in private – talking to Wake. She liked being alone with him – even if he was thousands of miles away.

 

And so the new year began, but this idyllic fantasy couldn’t go on forever. Soon, Claire would begin to show, and Brianna would have to go, but Jamie tried not to think about it.

 

~~~~~


	38. Making A House; Making A Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the writing of the latest chapter, I passed the 500 page mark, although you have only read about 330, so rest assured, there is a lot more story coming your way as I tweak and complete chapter by chapter, and I still have many gaps to fill in, so this thing may end up at 1000 pages before I'm done. Thank-you for your patience and continued readership, because an even bigger milestone is on the horizon as this story closes in on 10,000 reads - which I find almost unbelievable, and most humbling. Thank-you all.

Making A House; Making A Home

 

The laptop sat open on her bed, books and papers sat scattered around her as Brianna drowsed. She’d been working diligently

all afternoon, but her eyelids were refusing to cooperate, and she drifted into dream. The green eyes moved in. He kissed her

again and again and she melted to her back, pulling him down tighter. She’d let him do anything he wanted…the computer

signaled an incoming message.

 

  
Bree’s eyes opened and her heart pumped furiously with the rush of adrenaline from both the computer awakening her and

the dream she had found herself in for that moment. Ever since returning to Boston, whenever her mind wandered, he was

there. She’d left without saying goodbye, afraid she’d do something she’d regret if she found herself alone with Wake

MacKenzie, at least without several thousand miles of physical separation between the two of them.

  
She gathered the papers, pushing them out of the way as she rolled to her stomach on the bed, and set the computer up in

front of herself as she opened the window on the Skype call from Scotland.

  
“Hey!” Brianna emitted as Wake’s face came up on the screen, breaking up at times like he’d turned into Max Headroom.

  
She propped herself up on her elbows, unaware that the angle she had her screen tilted at left Wake looking well into her

cleavage, and silently praying and wishing that one day he’d be face to face with her breasts in person once more.

  
“How goes the approvals? Are we close to beginning any actual work on the house?”

  
“I hold in my hand the official permission to begin any needed structural repairs on the house and out buildings on the

property known as Lallybroch,” Wake reported with a smiled. “How are you coming along on the final plans? Should I be

expecting the blueprints any time soon?”

  
“Not yet, I’m afraid. My dad keeps trying to tell me how it all was when he…I mean…the way it was when it was built, but so

many changes have been made, there’s just no way to take it back to its inception.”

  
Bree got an itch on her calf and unconsciously moved to scratch it, making it look like she’d been yanked away, and with her

head off to the side, that former cleavage view was replaced by a waist down shot showing the snug jeans that traced her

form.

Wake began to blush slightly, feeling quite the voyeur.

  
“You OK?” he asked.

  
“Sorry – I got an itch. My roomie offered to do a few items of my laundry, and I forgot her soap makes me break out,” Bree

rather over-shared, rolling back, her face once again visible, along with the top curve of each breast.

  
“Sorry to hear that – there’s nothing worse than an itch that canna be scratched.”

  
Bree smiled and blushed at his comment, wondering if he meant the innuendo she could hear in his word choice.

  
“So…” Bree breathed out, hoping to find some other reason to keep him talking.

  
Wake smiled back, the screen freezing for a moment on an image of Wake that made Brianna’s mouth go dry.

  
“When do ye think we can expect you back here to supervise?” Wake asked hopefully.

  
“I…I graduate in April,” she informed him, “I think I told you that…or did I tell your mom? Anyway, I can’t leave until I get all

my classes done, but I’m looking forward to getting back to Lallybroch…besides, there’s a lot of work to be done on the

house before I come. I want to be able to live there.”

  
“It’ll be a tall order, getting enough of the house done in time…but I’m sure my Mam and Da would find room for you with

them in the meantime. We could take over the study with the plans!” he broadly declared.

  
Brianna laughed, and it was music to his ears. He wanted to crawl through the screen and lay atop her, plying her with

kisses.

  
“Well then…” Wake spoke, prolonging their interaction, “Have a good Valentine’s.”

  
Bree curled a tress of her hair around her finger as she bit her lower lip. She felt immeasurably shy at his mention of

Valentine’s Day. She’d been waiting for hours for his call, centering her Valentine’s Day around what he might say, and just

hearing his voice.

  
“Well, I wouldna want to keep you from…any plans ye might have,” Wake said in an attempt to fill the silence.

  
“I…I don’t have any plans,” she hesitantly replied, chills marching the length of her spine.

  
“Too bad we’re on different continents…I’d have taken you for a celebratory dinner – for getting the permits, of course.”

  
“Of course!...That would have been nice.”

  
They smiled as they stared at each other through the computer screen.

  
Brianna crossed her arms across her chest, hoping to obscure her body’s reaction. Thinking about Wake taking her to dinner

had Bree thinking about what a date with Wake might be like, and about being in his arms, and about how far she’d let him

go, or if she’d stop him at all if he made a move on her. The blush on her cheeks was readable.

  
“Wake, Dinner!” Bree heard faintly in the background of the transmission.

  
“Was that your mom I hear?”

  
“Aye – I’m at the manse – better connection here.”

  
Again they stared at each other in silence for a moment.

  
“Um…” Bree toned, “Tell them I said hi.”

  
“Sure thing. Until next time,” Wake burred.

  
She saw his hand reach forward and click off the connection, a beautiful shot of his eyelashes and eyelids half closed as he

looked down, frozen as the final frame of their video conversation.

  
~~~~~

  
I had been thinking about tonight all day. I could only imagine what a romantic man like Jamie would have waiting for us this

Valentine’s night. My body was tingling with anticipation, and the feelings of desire were running rampant. I couldn’t wait to

get home.

  
Jamie has been extra careful with me ever since the pregnancy was confirmed. And while I appreciate his want to be gentle,

once the morning sickness passed, I wanted to enjoy being a newlywed. We’d had some pretty amazing pregnant sex before,

and I only hoped I could coax Jamie into a demonstrative display of carnal enjoyment.

  
Jamie welcomed me with a breath-stealing kiss and I melted into his embrace.

  
“Happy Valentine’s day,” I hummed as I clung to him to stay upright.

  
He toted me into the kitchen and set me down at the table, quickly presenting me with a glass of mulled cider – it was

non-alcoholic, but it had a nice spicy kick to it.

  
“Um,” I exhaled, placing the drained glass down.

  
“That was quick,” Jamie quipped, “Refill?”

  
“Yes please, and I’ll sip the next one,” I answered him.

  
He handed me back the refilled glass and sat next to me, wrapping his arm around mine with a filled glass in his own hand.

We carefully each took a sip from our own glass, having to crane our necks slightly, and awkwardly pull against each other to

make it work. I smiled at him, hoping the whole night would feel like this.

  
We lingered at the table, taking in our meal at a leisurely pace. I cast a glance at Jamie I hoped would convey how I wanted the

rest of the night to unfold. I reached out for his hand across the table, and I know he felt the same surge of energy when we

touched because all the hairs on his hand stood up.

  
“Dessert can wait,” I appealed, and quickly moved to place myself in his lap.

  
I could feel his heart pounding, but there was a feeling of…hesitation.

  
“Jamie, I won’t break.”

  
“But…the baby.”

  
I touched my finger to his lips.

  
“Nothing you’ve done to me while having sex ever put any of our children in jeopardy,” I assured him.

  
I caressed Jamie’s cheek and leaned in for a long kiss. While he was still exhaling from that kiss, I stood and grabbed him by

the hand, almost skipping toward the Leoch room, and Jamie was providing no resistance. He was caught up in my wake,

following me through sheer instinct.

  
As we entered the room, he used the hand I had used to lead him to keep me from advancing, spinning me back against the

shoulder width of wall next to the doorway, and pinning me there with his full weight.

  
“Yes,” I hissed as we tasted each other.

  
I felt myself being undressed, amazed yet again that he could be so delicate with hands that were also such formidable

weapons. The bed greeted us, enveloped us.

  
Getting Jamie to forget his worries had brought me contentment, and Jamie exhaustion. He was splayed across the bed like he

had escaped a Renaissance painting, finally able to relax after centuries in a fixed pose. I hoped it would be the beginning of

Jamie being able to enjoy and share in this pregnancy without focusing on his fears. I need Jamie to get me through this.

  
~~~~~

  
Claire was sitting leisurely at the little round table under the window in the Leoch room. Jamie was still sleeping off the

previous night’s activities, and it made Claire smirk as she looked over at him. She’d thought ahead, recently stocking the

Leoch room with tea and coffee so all she’d have to do is set a kettle in the fireplace. Being February in Boston, Jamie always

got the fire roaring late in the afternoon, and there were useful coals left behind in the morning for heating the kettle.

  
The room was a bit chilly, so Claire draped her lap with a blanket as she looked over a pile of forms on the table.

  
“I can’t believe how many forms there are,” she mumbled to herself, taking another sip of tea.

  
“CLAIRE?” a worried yell called out from the bed as Jamie woke and didn’t find her by his side.

  
His eyes were wide with fear until he saw her. He exhaled and unconsciously crossed himself.

  
“Are you alright?” Claire asked, seeing his distress.

  
“Nah – bad dream, and you werna in the bed. Why are you up so early?” Jamie inquired.

  
“Paperwork…our wishes for the baby’s delivery and care. We need to have this all decided.”

  
Jamie slunk out of the bed and came to stand behind Claire, feeling her warmth giving him solace.

  
“I’m sure you want your input, but I do intend to send the cord blood to a public bank, so it can help babies and children in

medical need.”

  
“Always thinking of others,” he said warmly, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

  
He closed his eyes and pressed his lips tightly together.

  
“Join me in going over these?” Claire lightly pleaded.

  
“In all things medical, I trust your judgment, Sassenach.”

  
He kissed her on the temple, lingering a moment, taking several deep breaths with his face pressed against the top of her

head.

  
“Come back to bed ‘til the alarm sounds…please?” he added to his request.

  
Claire stood and turned to face Jamie, her hands reaching out to his chest.

  
“You’re like ice,” she said with concern, pulling him in tight. She towed him back to the bed; tucked the blankets up around

Jamie. She pulled the curtains closed, reaching across Jamie to close his side, and then snuggled into his embrace.

  
“Sorry I worried you,” Claire gently spoke as her fingers moved like tendrils, nearly becoming embedded in Jamie’s flesh.

  
Jamie’s giant hands covered as much of her skin as they could, holding her firmly to him.

  
“Doona fash, leannain, I have you now.”

  
~~~~~

  
With Claire gone for the day, Jamie found himself tidying up around the house, following the trail they’d made back from the

kitchen to the Leoch room. He straightened up the bed clothes, refolded the blanket Claire had shielded herself in at the

table.

  
He did his best to ignore the papers on the table. He took the kettle upstairs to refill the water, and the teacup to give it a

rinse, bringing it back down and placing it on the hearth. The room was all set to right, but Jamie couldn’t leave it, finding a

wrinkle in the blankets, an off pleat in the curtains. He’d stop and look back at the table after each readjustment of the room.

  
He picked up one of the papers, read it, one by one down the pile, finally lifting the last sheet off the table. His left eyebrow

went up and he set jaw, seemingly incensed as he reread what he’d seen.

  
“Over my dead body,” he proclaimed, turning and shoving the corner of the paper into the dying embers of the fireplace.

  
~~~~~

  
Claire’s face held a crumpled expression as she returned to the kitchen after swapping out her shoes for slippers and day

clothes for something more cozy.

  
“Hhmmff,” she exhaled, scuffing across the floor. “One of the papers is missing.”

  
Jamie nodded, anger boiling in his chest after spending the whole day accruing pressure.

  
“Aye, it is.”

  
“What did you do?” Claire questioned flatly.

  
“I burned it.”

  
“We needed that – now I’ll have to get another copy,” she told him, brows furrowing.

  
“I’ll not sign it, and I don’t know how you would even consider it – you are willing to let them…mutilate…”

  
“What? – that was the page about circumcision,” she said calmly after a heated opening.

  
“Aye, and I’ll not allow it,” he spat out, “it is a painful and unnecessary barbarism.”

  
“I was going to talk to you before anything got signed – but this morning you said you trusted me in all things medical –

besides a few weeks ago you were convinced we only have girls.”

  
“Well…that’s true, but I don’t want it to be true only due to the slip of a knife!” he refuted, shifting uncomfortably.

  
“Jamie…I wouldn’t have given my permission,” she soothed, turning and touching her hand to his chest. “I agree with you –

it’s not medically necessary, and we don’t have religious considerations. But you could have talked to me before you shoved it

in the fire – it was two-sided,” she said with a growing smile.

  
Jamie’s ear tips and cheeks flushed quickly. He tried to hold a straight face, but soon smirked an embarrassed grin.

  
“Sorry…forgive me?”

  
“Forgiven,” Claire purred back at him.

  
~~~~~

  
When this week’s movie was at an end, Bree sighed and sat forward.

  
“What’s the trouble?” Jamie asked, also sitting forward, shoulder to shoulder with Brianna, his hands pinned together between

his knees.

  
“We’ve only got a few more weeks of this…before I leave. It feels like it’s flying by,” she revealed, her voice a cross between a

reverent whisper and a tearful confession. “But I was wondering…I have some…things…stuff I won’t be taking to Scotland with

me, and I was wondering if I could bring it here for safe keeping in the meantime.”

  
“What kind of things?” Jamie asked out of curiosity.

  
“My record collection for one – I have copies of everything on my computer and MP3 player, and it’s just too much to take with

me. Stuff like that…”

  
“I’ll put it in the treasure room,” Jamie vowed, putting an arm around Bree’s shoulder.

  
As he held her to his side, he had a thought.

  
“You’re here half the week as it is…why don’t ye move in…full time?”

  
Bree slowly turned her face toward Jamie, seeing he was serious.

  
“I couldn’t…my roommates need my rent. I’m already leaving them short by moving to Scotland before the lease is up and I

don’t want to put them in any more of a spot, and I’m gonna be on my own once I leave…”

  
Jamie nodded sympathetically.

  
“I understand – your own two feet.”

  
Brianna nodded, but her eyes betrayed her independent stance.

  
“I could bring the Wagoneer around to fetch the things you want kept.”

  
“That won’t be necessary. I can bring a couple of things at a time starting this weekend, if that’s OK?”

  
“Aye, it’s fine.”

  
“OK…I actually have to get going – tell Mom I love her?”

  
“Without hesitation,” he said, nodding.

  
Jamie escorted Bree up the ramp and to the front door, keeping an arm around her back, the two of them playfully bumping

into each other as they walked.

  
“I love you,” Bree breathed out, giving Jamie one more hug before she left. “See you on the weekend.”

  
The content smile was still on Jamie’s face when Claire got home.

  
~~~~~

  
Jamie spied Brianna struggling with an uncooperative backpack and a storage tub as she arrived for another weekend. Not

even stopping to put on a coat, Jamie tapped down the stairs and took the tub from her grasp.

  
“Let me help you, there, lass,” Jamie happily offered.

  
He put the tub down in the foyer, waiting for Bree to catch up with him.

  
“You toted that all the way here? You are a strong lass!”

  
“It wasn’t that bad,” she down-played with a shake of her head.

  
“Shall we take it to the treasure room, find it a place?”

  
“Sure,” she shyly peeped, “Lead the way.”

  
Jamie took the tote back into his grasp, and led them to his treasure room. Brianna noticed the small ‘shipping’ coffin as she

entered the room, smiling at the memories it begat. She found herself looking around at the different items decking the walls

and standing about, and finally looked back at her father. He was crouched next to the tub she’d brought, the lid in his left

hand as he reached in with his right.

  
He took the top album sleeve out and smiled as he saw the image of himself with the rooster comb hair style and the square

microphone cradled in one of his massive hands.

  
“You know, I have that microphone…and the boots,” he added, cracking a broader smile and looking up behind himself to the

left to see Brianna.

  
Bree crouched to his side.

  
“Those boots are something,” she declared.

  
“They’d likely fit ye,” he suggested, remembering the likeness of their feet.

  
“You think?” she brightly retorted.

  
“Sure – they’re yours if you like.”

  
“I’m not sure…I’m more a work boot person.”

  
“Och, those boots were remarkably sturdy, and I’m sure they’d serve you well.”

  
“I guess…it’s the color – I’m not sure I can pull off cherry red leather.”

  
“Bold boots for a bold lass.”

  
Bree blushed as she began to nod.

  
“I’ll try them.”

  
Jamie stood and went directly to where the boots were stowed. He took them in hand, gave them a loving brush, and

presented them to Brianna with a bow of his head.

  
“Thank-you,” she shyly replied.

  
~~~~~

  
Bree took her newly acquired boots and her backpack down to the media room where she’d been camping out on weekends.

She set the boots on the coffee table and looked at them like they were an exhibit in a museum – vintage Doc Martin boots,

greasy cherry red leather, circa 1980.

  
She thought about how many times she’d listened to the record by Threat of Thunder; Threat of Rain before she knew the

voice was that of her own father, and she dropped her head as she thought about the tragic end that befell the band, making

Joe MacLeod an orphan, and of her new friend Cassidy who had been lucky enough to have Jamie in her life from a very early

age. She sighed, feeling tears creep into the corners of her eyes.

  
She let it all wash over her, the tidal wave of knowledge that had pasted her to the sand since that day she walked in on her

mother with Jamie laid atop her. Brianna had done so much growing up since that day. She became content in the knowledge

that as awful as portions of what she went through were, it had had an overall positive effect on her life, and had lifted the

dark veil that had landed on her life when she was sixteen. She smiled as the tears washed her eyes out.

  
“I’m free…” she vocalized, “…And I’m ready.”

  
~~~~~

  
“When did you get those?” Claire asked as Brianna marched proudly into the kitchen wearing the cherry red doc martin boots,

“I’ve never seen those boots.”

  
“Actually, you have, but only in a picture – they’re on the album cover,” she turned and beamed a smile at Jamie, “He gave

them to me,” she effusively informed her mother as she turned back to look at Claire.

  
Claire also beamed at Jamie, seeing yet another bond grow between her two favorite people in the world.

  
“How in the world do you…I thought you lost everything after a…resurrection.”

  
“Aye, but these weren’t on my person – our equipment and most of our belongings were on a different plane. It was…quite

bittersweet to go through all of it. I saved very little from that life.”

  
“You saved a small boy from going down the wrong path. I think that’s far more important than the material things.”

  
Jamie’s expression was wistful as he came to take Claire into his arms to thank her for her words. They held each other tightly

for a bit, Jamie soaking in the feel of her body against his. He then let her go and turned his attention back to Brianna.

  
“So they fit?” he asked.

  
“Perfectly…How do they look?” she asked in return.

  
“They suit you.”

  
Bree smiled.

  
“I wouldn’t have thought so, but they do, don’t they?” Bree admitted.

  
~~~~~

  
Just as Brianna was settling down in the media room, Claire dropped in for a visit, coming and sitting so she could draw

Brianna’s head into her lap.

  
“Mom?” Bree questioned.

  
“Shh, I just wanted…I needed to…mother you.”

  
“Something you need to talk about?”

  
“I thought I had prepared myself to let you go. Our time together over the summer was supposed to let me launch you into

adulthood, but in reality…”

  
“Do you need me to reassure you that everything will be OK?” Bree said with a hint of humor.

  
“Yes, please, I would like that,” Claire concurred, brushing her fingers through Bree’s hair.

  
“It will be OK,” Bree said, looking up into her mother’s face.

  
“I remember when you were young, even if it was hours after your bedtime when I got home, often you’d make your way to

my bed after the sitter would leave – that’s what this feels like, only this time you have the calm voice of reason.”

  
Claire kissed Bree on the forehead.

  
“Alright, I’ll let you sleep now,” Claire hummed, “Love you.”

  
“Love you too – both of you.”

  
Claire slipped from the room as silently as she had come, reassured, relaxed, and ready to curl herself around Jamie.

  
~~~~~

  
Bree finally made it back to the apartment after a full Monday. She was feeling a little down after leaving her parents’ company

once again, wondering if she should have taken Jamie up on his offer to move in, despite her want to keep her independence.

For a moment she felt paralyzed, stuck between what she wanted to do and what she thought she should do.

  
“Roommates meeting,” Bree heard after a rapping on her door, “Bree are you free?”

  
“Coming,” she called back, making her way into the common room.

  
“I’m assuming everyone knows Bree will be leaving us before the lease is up,” said roomie number one.

  
They all nodded.

  
“Well, I know someone who’s in need of a place to stay, but I wanted to run it by all of you first, especially you, Bree. This

person, friend, needs a place now –I don’t want you to think I’m trying to throw you out…but…I wondered…You are staying

with your parents half the time now…”

  
Bree smiled and nodded.

  
“I’ll have to call and ask, but I’m sure my parents would be thrilled if I spent the next few months with them before I leave. I

can be out by mid-week if they say yes. Will that do?” Brianna asked, secretly pleased with this turn of events.

  
“You’re not sore about this?” roomie number two asked earnestly.

  
“No,” Bree simply answered with a shake of her head. “I’ll call them now.”

  
Brianna left the room to make her call, coming back less than three minutes later, laughing.

  
“All set,” Bree chuckled as she returned.

  
“What’s funny?” roomie one asked.

  
“My father would have come tonight. He’s so excited…I am going to miss you guys. I know we’ve never been really close, but

living here gave me what I needed to feel like an adult, so thank-you.”

  
The gathered roommates all stood stunned as one by one, Brianna gave them each a hug, and then headed back to her room

to begin packing.

  
~~~~~

  
Jamie dashed from the kitchen to the Leoch room, catching Claire changing into her relaxed evening wear. He grabbed her up

into his arms and spun her around.

  
“She’s coming home,” he exclaimed, “Brianna is moving in with us until she leaves for Scotland.”

  
Jamie was in tears, and shaking with happiness as he placed Claire back on her feet.

  
“How did you manage that?” Claire asked with equal excitement, “I thought you said she turned down your offer again?”

  
“She had…but, someone else needs the room – can take over her rent right away. She asked me to help get her belongings!”

  
“That’s wonderful, oh Jamie, I know it’s only a couple of months…”

  
Jamie took hold of Claire by the elbows.

  
“Our daughter will be living with us – two weeks or two months, it matters not. She’ll be under our roof until she takes up

under the roof at Lallybroch. We can love her up, fortify her with hugs and kisses.”

  
Claire didn’t have any words to answer Jamie with, but she smiled and searched his eyes, caught up in the overwhelming love

she saw emanating from his every pore. They were both breathing hard, so much feeling having come to the surface in a

hurry.

  
The Leoch room amplified their reaction, and soon they were locked in a naked embrace, their joy uncontainable.

  
With a sigh from Jamie, it ended.

  
“I’d stay here for hours, but the supper needs my intervention if we are to eat tonight. Come up when ye can.”

  
With a kiss Jamie slithered away, leaving both of them content in the knowledge that their daughter was coming home.

  
~~~~~

  
Movie day also became moving day this week, and Jamie wasted no time in getting ready and having the Wagoneer sitting in

front of Bree’s apartment.

  
“You weren’t kidding,” roomie number one said, looking out the window, “Your dad is already waiting downstairs.”

  
Bree grinned and came up to the window her roommate was looking out.

  
“He’s been trying to get me to move in with them for months, but I thought I needed to stay here to prove I was an adult. I

finally got smart enough to know better.”

  
Bree’s eyes were a little glassy as she fought back her tears.

  
“You have changed,” roomie number one said to Bree. “But I like who you’ve become.”

  
“Thank-you,” Bree answered with a nod.

  
“Can I give you a goodbye hug?”

  
“I’d like that,” Brianna said, opening her arms and enjoying a friendly embrace.

  
“Be good,” the roomie whispered as she let go.

  
“I will,” Bree assured her.

  
It took Jamie and Brianna less than a half hour to clear out Bree’s room, and all her belongings fit with room to spare into the

back of the Jeep. The drive from the apartment to Griff’s house took longer than it had to remove Bree’s presence from her

bedroom, and by lunch time she was moved in with her parents, and she sighed, happy to be home.

  
~~~~~

  
“Will that placement for the drawing table suit you?” Jamie asked as Bree came into the modern kitchen from the corner of the

foyer where her new work station had been established.

  
“It’s fine,” she replied, not completely convincingly.

  
“You sure? We could find someplace else – someplace more private?”

  
“No, really, I don’t want to be shut away, but I do need to make some final decisions for the plans. Wake needs the completed

blueprints pretty soon.”

  
“I’ll only give suggestions when ye ask from now on, will that help?” Jamie asked.

  
“I am designing your house.”

  
Jamie nodded slowly, face scrunched as he thought how to reply.

  
“Aye, but…it will be your house as well – I want you to feel at home at Lallybroch. I know I’ve sent ye mixed messages, and I

hate to think I’ve undermined your creative process…I’ll not say another word after this – make it a home for yourself. I don’t

know if Claire and I will ever call Lallybroch home again, so make it your home, but leave some room for our visits,” he added

with a tilt of his head and a lilt in his voice.

  
“Why do you think you and Mom won’t come back to Lallybroch?” Bree asked, a bit shocked.

  
“She’s…established here – her job…”

  
“Mom and I talked a lot about what she might do after I graduated, depending on where I wound up for work. She’s not

wedded to Boston, not if she has a good enough reason to leave, and that was before you came back into her life, our lives.

And I know she loved being back in Scotland. Don’t assume you know what she’s thinking. So much is about to change.”

  
“Aye…,” Jamie said sadly, but a smile slowly crept up his face, “Perhaps we’ll make it to Lallybroch after all, but I leave it to

you to make it a home again, deal?”

  
“Deal,” Brianna answered, quickly moving to wrap her arms around Jamie’s shoulders and kiss him on the cheek.

  
“Isn’t it a bit early to start supper?” Bree asked, still holding onto her father.

  
“Your Mam’s been hungry when she gets home, so I’ve been stepping up the start time.”

  
“We used to eat earlier in the winter – I think it’s because it’s dark so early, and the cold also makes you burn off more

calories during the day, and, of course…”

  
Brianna trailed off.

  
“The baby,” Jamie said in her stead, “You still wouldna know to look at her, but it has affected her…appetites,” Jamie

articulated, his choice of word carefully considered. “Help get this cooking, and we can go see our movie, unless you need to

get your things settled.”

  
“I’m…settled…and…I’m glad I’m here.”

  
~~~~~

  
“Where is she?” Jamie said in a worried tone, after checking the supper. “Your Mam should have been home twenty minutes

ago. She knew you were movin’ in today – she teased me about how excited I was.”

  
“I wouldn’t get worried yet - twenty minutes could just be the trains, or snowy sidewalks, or something kept her at the

hospital a few extra minutes. She’ll be here in a few minutes.”

  
Jamie nodded, but Brianna could tell he was keeping an ear attuned to the sound of the door. He let out a deep breath when

Claire finally rattled the knob and walked through the door.

  
“Sorry I’m late,” she announced entering the kitchen, “I made one quick stop, and next thing I know, there’s a ten minute wait

for the next train, and it’s packed, and I didn’t feel like riding home as a sardine, so I waited for the next one,” Claire

explained as she put her bags on a chair and doffed her coat, hanging it over the back of the chair.

  
She made a bee line for Jamie and kissed him. He melted against her as his worry filtered out.

  
“God, you feel good,” Claire complimented, staying in his arms until he was ready to let go.

  
“And Bree,” she engaged with a smile, moving into her arms, “I’m so glad you’ve decided to be here with us.”

  
“Me too…should I carry your bags down so you can get changed before we eat?”

  
“That would be helpful…we’ll be right back.”

  
Claire gave Jamie a lingering look as she sauntered out of the room, Mona Lisa smile intriguing him.

  
~~~~~

  
Jamie said little during the meal, but he looked across the table at his two girls often, fighting the urge to cry. Claire saw the

emotional struggle going on behind the mask he was trying to keep intact and reached out for his hand. He let one tear go.

Brianna saw all of it, but tried to ignore it, not wanting to turn her moving in into a big thing, but Jamie’s gaze bored into her.

  
“Please don’t make a big deal – moving in here was the logical thing to do – it simplified things for all parties involved, and if

you keep looking at me like that, I’m gonna start crying.”

  
Jamie and Claire smirked at each other.

  
“How about a toast, then?” Claire offered, raising her glass.

  
The three of them each held their glasses aloft, and without prior arrangement, all three said, “to family,” as if they were of a

single mind.

  
Their mouths fell agape for a moment, and then they drank, celebrating that they were under one roof to stay for now.

  
Once they all put their glasses down to rest on the table, Jamie reached out one great paw to Brianna and the other to Claire.

They spoke no words while they remained touching, but none were needed.

  
~~~~~

  
When Jamie came into the Leoch room, Claire turned, revealing two items on the circular table.

  
“What are ye up to, Sassenach?”

  
“Presenting you with a choice,” she calmly stated.

  
Jamie ambled over, curious as to what she was on about. He stopped and kissed Claire, then put one hand on his hip.

  
“Now that Brianna will be living with us until she leaves for Scotland, I think it only prudent that we avoid…exposing her

to…your complete person. There have been a few…near misses because of the bathroom situation, so you have your choice.

You can either wear the robe…or the bell.”

  
Claire was smiling sheepishly, and blushing for a rare occasion.

  
Jamie picked up the jingle bell by the red ribbon at its top and gave it a shake. He laughed.

  
“The ribbon’s a bit short if you wish me to wear it, is it not?”

  
“Not for where I plan to tie it,” she decreed.

  
“Oh?” Jamie inquired, one eyebrow raised.

  
“Don’t try to play innocent with me – I don’t mind if you’re naked all the time, but…Bree’s not ready to see something like that

– nor do I think ever seeing her father naked is a good idea – she’s had enough shocks this year!”

  
“Aye,” he agreed with a nod, “I take your meaning. I’ll wear the robe – after all, the last time she almost saw me naked, the

only thing I was wearing was you!”

  
He grabbed Claire about the waist and kissed her before she could retort.

  
~~~~~


	39. Separation Anxiety

Separation Anxiety

 

Two months. That was basically the amount of time Jamie had to live in a nuclear family with Claire and Brianna. And he was going to make the most of it. He made sure Bree got up and had a breakfast waiting each morning, especially the days she had classes, since she was now much farther from campus and had to switch trains to make her way to class on time. Some mornings he was seeing Brianna and Claire off at the same time, to the same train until their transfers. For those hours each day, Jamie had a purpose, and a focus. He did his best to fill the hours when they weren’t home – a true house husband, he cleaned, cooked, did laundry. He went on grocery runs after scouring circulars for the local sales. It was as close to domestic bliss as Jamie could create.

 

But there were two countdown clocks imbedded in Jamie’s brain – one counting down to Brianna’s departure, another counting down to the end of Claire’s pregnancy.

 

~~~~~

 

I watch Jamie growing more emotionally dependent on Brianna with each passing day, and it worries me what he’s going to do after she leaves. I know it’s going to be difficult to let her leave, because I’m feeling it too. We haven’t been separated by more than a few miles for any length of time in her entire life, and I am dreading the initial period of only being able to communicate through technology – not being able to hug her. But at least we’ll have that line of communication, for I know what a true separation is like.

 

~~~~~

 

Bree arrived home and made a beeline for her drawing table, energized with an idea.

 

“I’m home,” she called out, knowing by now that Jamie’s keen hearing would not miss her announcement.

 

She laid a sheet of tracing paper over the plans for Lallybroch and began drawing her new idea in place, rough sketching on the semi-transparent paper, knowing she could discard this idea, too, without leaving a permanent mark. Brianna was intently focused. She knew she really needed to complete these plans soon, and she had made some final decisions in the last week. It was nit-picky details that were tripping her up, but if she was right, she’d finally come up with a working solution. She was shaking as she put down her pencil.

 

“That’s it…I…I finished. That works…Oh my God.”

 

She sat stunned, taking deep breaths, almost hyperventilating. She’d done complete drawings for classes before, but this was different. This was really going to be built, it was going to exist, and she was responsible for it. It was exhilarating, but terrifying.

 

She stood and walked stiffly into the kitchen, getting herself a drink. She stood staring off, holding the glass in her hand.

 

“You look as if someone’s handed ye a cup o’ poison,” Jamie quipped.

 

“Huh?” Bree sounded, coming out of the depths of her mind.

 

Jamie pointed to her cup.

 

“Something wrong with it?” he asked.

 

“No…I…I figured out that last piece of the puzzle. I finished the plans – not the third floor, but everything else has fallen into place. I can send Wake the final design!” she exclaimed.

 

“Oh, lass,” Jamie whispered, taking her by the elbows, but stopping long enough to take the glass from her hand.

 

He pulled her in tight, both proud of her accomplishment, and scared that this took her one step closer to leaving.

 

~~~~~

 

With slight trepidation, Brianna sent the PDF of her completed blueprints for Lallybroch to Wake. She sat, her fists clenched, waiting to see if he sent a return message, or if a Skype call was incoming. Chills waltzed along her spine, and for a moment she thought she was going to throw up, but the feeling passed after a few deep breaths, and after a few minutes passed without a reply. It was the middle of the night For Wake right now, after all. Bree had actually timed her email for when she hoped Wake was asleep. He’d been getting a bit impatient, frustrated that Brianna was having trouble finalizing the plans, but

also understanding her fear to take that final step, to say she was finally done and that was it.

 

Bree often fretted about making a choice, but once she was sure, she was sure. She wasn’t ready to face him or talk to him just now. There was very little time until she would be back in Scotland, and each interaction with Wake left her in turmoil.

 

Later in the day, when she checked her messages, she was relieved to find a short reply from Wake.

 

“Thanks,” followed by a winking emoji was all it said.

 

~~~~~

 

Once the weather warmed a bit, Jamie and Brianna revisited the salvage store that had furnished most of the Leoch room. Each noted in their own minds how much more comfortable they were with each other this time, and Jamie even reached out at one point, taking Brianna’s hand and remarking, “a lot of water has gone under the bridge since we did this last."

 

“I know…I was just thinking how much has changed, and how glad I am.”

 

“Aye,” he exhaled, glad to hear they were of similar minds, “I was a bundle of nerves that first time, going into ‘unfamiliar territory’,” he said, recalling Bree’s words, remembering how she’d thought he was armed.

 

Brianna looked over at her father with a growing smile.

 

“It feels like a lifetime ago now,” she offered.

 

Jamie smiled in return.

 

They both had ulterior motives in revisiting the salvage store. Bree wanted to find something special to give Jamie for his birthday since she’d be leaving so soon after, and Jamie was hoping to find a keepsake of some kind, something his daughter could treasure and remind her of home once she was on her own in Scotland. Jamie had spied a few interesting items on their first visit.

 

Once there, they each set off on their own journey.

 

“Meet you by the checkout in an hour?” Brianna asked as they were about to part.

 

“Aye,” Jamie said, and then winked playfully.

 

When their shopping time had elapsed, they each had a few items to show for it, and they each also had one item they were keeping secret from the other.

 

“You should bring Mom here sometime,” Bree commented.

 

Jamie laughed lightly, but was distracted by the new items being placed on display – a cradle and crib set. Jamie’s eyes lit up for a moment, dimming again, but not before Bree could notice.

 

“Do you think mom would like those for the baby?” she asked, placing her hand softly on top of Jamie’s.

 

“You could bring her…to look at it. She’d find all sorts of treasures here…I know it.”

 

Jamie smiled at her suggestion, sandwiching her hand between his and barely shaking his head.

 

“No need, lass.”

 

“Why not?” Brianna earnestly asked.

 

“You can’t tell me you didn’t get excited when you saw those,” she said, pointing at the baby furniture.

 

“Aye…aye I did…but…It’s not ye’re mam’s taste – besides, the need for that is months away…And a bairn should be…inseparable…I canna imagine…letting go…”

 

He was holding her hand so tightly it almost hurt. They locked eyes for a moment while Jamie sorted out his words. Brianna was afraid she’d put the pain in Jamie’s eyes because she’d be leaving soon, but it seemed somehow deeper than that. Bree remembered her mother’s words when she’d told Claire about Jamie’s worried inclinations. Jamie was haunted by his past, and Bree could see the ghosts in his eyes.

 

“All in good time, lass. Bairns don’t need material things as much as they need love.”

 

His grip eased and the smile returned to his lips, even if it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

 

“Everything will be alright,” Bree promised her father once more.

 

He nodded, and was finally able to release a deep breath. Jamie squeezed his eyes closed.

 

~~~~~

 

The days were flying by, and Jamie was feeling it intensely. How long did this family have until it was once again splintered? There was a growing hollowness in Jamie even while he tried to imprint these few months forever in his mind.

 

Bree had pared her wardrobe down to just the bare essentials, having begun packing for Scotland already. She wanted to ship most of her ‘household’ so it could be there when she reached Scotland, and save some of the baggage fees. Two thick blankets surrounded anything breakable in her first crate to be shipped out. Brianna knew Fiona would supply her, at least temporarily, with sheets and towels, and probably enough leftovers to keep her from needing to cook at all, but she wanted some familiar surroundings to put her stamp instantly on Lallybroch. Wake had made it sound like she’d be roughing it at first, and she wanted to be prepared in case it was closer to camping out than living in a house.

 

She was doing the final inventory when Jamie came across her.

 

“What’s this, lass?” he asked, brows furrowing.

 

“My first shipment to Lallybroch – I won’t need these things again while I’m still here.”

 

Jamie took in a deep breath and nodded.

 

“It’s a lot closer than I’d like to think -you leavin’. But I am…so proud. You made this a home just by being here, I have no doubt you can do the same at Lallybroch.”

 

“You really are determined to make me cry,” Bree said, blinking frequently, trying to keep her tears at bay.

 

Brianna melted into him, nestling against his chest.

 

“I would never try to make you cry,” he whispered, “I hope you know that. I want nothing but happiness for you – you deserve the best life has to offer.”

 

“I do?” she snuffed in return.

 

“Sure…” Jamie exhaled the word. “You are my bairn; I want the best for you…I just thought…I might…have more time – If I’d found you sooner, you and your mam. You are grown, ready to go out there on your own, but you will always be my bairn, my heart, mo chridhe.”

 

Jamie kissed Bree’s forehead.

 

“Always.”

 

~~~~~

 

“Did I sleep for a week, Mom? What happened?” Brianna asked, perplexed as how her mother could look so much more

pregnant in such a short span.

 

“I’ve ‘popped’ as they call it – I knew it was coming. It happened just about this far in with you, too. One day you’re a little bit pregnant, next thing you know, you couldn’t hide it if you tried.”

 

“Scary,” Brianna commented, “How did Jamie handle the sudden change?”

 

“Angst, fear – irrefutable physical proof of my pregnancy is now staring him in the face. It only lasted a moment, but…I know this is stirring up memories for him – to be honest, it’s stirring up quite a few for me, as well.”

 

There was a pregnant pause as both women thought about Jamie.

 

“I shouldn’t go, not now,” Brianna fretted.

 

“You must – you’ve put in so much work. Jamie told me how…stunned you looked when you finished the plans. The more real this becomes, the more scared you get, just like Jamie and this baby. You are so like him in many ways. You feel and fear more deeply for those you love than for yourself. It makes you a wonderfully caring person, but one who worries so much it can paralyze you. You must keep moving forward, just like Jamie.”

 

Bree nodded, knowing her mother was right.

 

Claire and Brianna continued talking until Jamie came down to tell them supper was on the table. Bree had now had a heart to heart talk with each of her parents, and while leaving still loomed large, she was trying to steel herself for the inevitability. Bree had stood on her own two feet through most of her college years, and after this span of being strengthened and tempered in a two-parent home, she’d be able to withstand the storm, and take root at Lallybroch.

 

~~~~~

 

Bree stood over the last crate of items she was going to have shipped to Scotland. She looked from the shipping crate to the several boxes of items around the floor, trying to decide what went and what stayed in Jamie’s treasure room.

 

“It’s hard to decide, is it not?” Jamie asked, seeing Brianna pensively making her assessments.

 

“Will something be of use, or merely a hindrance,” Jamie mused, “If something gets left behind, lass, we can send it along,” Jamie assured her, clamping his hand on her shoulder.

 

Bree put her hand on his on her shoulder.

“I know, it’s just…I find myself thinking about what it would be like to leave everything behind – to have to just shed my entire former life. You and Mom have both done that…”

 

“Aye, but you don’t have to,” he smiled warmly, “In fact, do you think ye have room for one more thing?”

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“I got ye a little…token…”

 

He took a long, narrow box from his pocket.

 

“It’s just a little something to keep you safe as you venture into…unfamiliar territory.”

 

Brianna opened the box and smiled as she saw the small folding knife. The pearl handle shimmered in the light.

 

“I’ll keep it handy…Thank-you.”

 

The tears were welling up.

 

“I wish I could go and stay at the same time. I’m gonna miss you so much, you and Mom.”

 

~~~~~

 

All the movies, save one, had been watched. All that could be shipped in advance was in transit, if not already waiting for Brianna in Scotland. Tears had been shed, in private and together, fears had been shared as much as anyone dared. But before this family of three left the comfort of each other’s company, there was one more truly joyous occasion to celebrate – Jamie’s two hundred and ninety fifth birthday, this first day of May, 2016.

 

Brianna made cupcakes – chocolate of course, and had everything set up in the kitchen for when Jamie and Claire came back from Claire’s doctor’s appointment. Bree had wrapped the treasure she found in the salvage store, hoping it would be something that could bring a smile to her father’s face while she was not there. As long as she kept busy, she could think about the party without thinking about leaving the next day. Her classes had been over, and she was technically graduated from college for two weeks now, but she couldn’t imagine leaving that close to Jamie’s birthday, so she’d decided to stay until they could celebrate the milestone.

~~~~~

 

“You doing OK?” Claire asked as she and Jamie waited for Dr.MacInnes.

 

“I’ll do,” Jamie said with a pained smile.

 

Claire reached out her hand and left it hanging in the air until Jamie took it in his own hand and came to her side.

 

“Claire, sorry to keep you waiting this afternoon,” the doctor spoke as she entered the room, “but you did keep me waiting for this appointment – you’ve rescheduled this ultrasound twice.”

 

Jamie looked wide-eyed at Claire, unaware of these scheduling changes.

 

“Not that it affects the health of the baby,” Janet said in soothing tones, seeing Jamie’s expression.

 

Janet put a hand on Jamie’s upper arm.

 

“Claire has done everything possible, taken all the tests, taken most of my advice. There’s nothing to worry about.”

 

Jamie nodded.

 

Dr. MacInnes began setting up the monitor and took a tube of gel that had been warming.

 

“Why don’t you get on the other side?” she suggested to Jamie, having him move to the other side of the bed so she could get close enough to Claire to do the scan.

 

The gel made a flatulent sound as it splatted on Claire’s belly, and the doctor proceeded to slide the head of the ultrasound around until she found her first target – the heartbeat.

 

“The heart sounds good and strong.”

 

Claire smiled at Jamie, hoping to make him smile back at her, but he was concentrating on what the doctor was doing, and what she might say next.

 

“We’ve got a complete compliment of fingers and toes – those are some feet, now, the big question – do you want to know the sex of the baby?”

 

Jamie very quickly said, “No.”

 

“No, I’d like to be surprised, too,” Claire concurred.

 

“OK, then. Let me take a few measurements, do some calculating…looks like I was right on the money with the conception date – Samhain – so you should be greeting this baby late July. Everything is right on track. I see no problems. This is one of the least complicated geriatric pregnancies I’ve ever encountered.”

 

With that, and the snap of a pair of rubber gloves, Dr. Janet MacInnes exited the room.

 

“What does she mean… ‘geriatric pregnancy’?”

 

“It’s just the term they use for mothers over a certain age – I think the cutoff is 35. Sometimes older women have problems that younger ones do not – certain genetic errors become prevalent – but I’ve had testing done, and there’s no sign.”

 

Claire used the sheet on the bed to wipe the gel off her belly and pulled her shirt back in place.

 

“I would say this was a pretty good birthday present for you, but you don’t seem convinced,” Claire lamented.

 

“Aye, it’s good news, but…”

 

“But Bree leaves tomorrow.”

 

“Aye,” he said with a sad nod of his head, keeping it bowed for a beat.

 

“Let’s get home to her,” Claire suggested.

 

~~~~~

 

Brianna was nervous as she waited for her parents to arrive home. Her mother had assured her there would be no surprises at this appointment, so she needn’t worry that Jamie would be unwilling to celebrate his birthday. She released a relieved breath as she heard them enter the foyer, and she lit the candle on the cupcake she’d placed on Jamie’s plate. He saw the little licking flame hovering above the swirl of frosting, and looked up, looking for Brianna.

 

“Happy Birthday,” she greeted him.

 

She relaxed as she watched the one sided smile creep up Jamie’s face.

“Och, ye did all this for me?” he questioned.

 

Bree nodded vehemently as he pulled her into his arms. She felt Jamie sigh and kissed him on the cheek.

 

“I’m gonna miss this,” Jamie proclaimed.

 

He felt her nod, slowly this time.

 

“The candle is about to become a puddle on your frosting,” Claire warned, interceding to blow it out herself.

 

Jamie and Brianna moved back to arm’s length, Jamie looking adoringly at his daughter. He opened his mouth to speak several times, but no words came out, and he just shook his head, obviously filled with pride.

 

~~~~~

 

I spent most of Jamie’s birthday party fighting tears, but they were mostly tears of happiness. Watching Brianna interact with Jamie was at once heartwarming and heart breaking. They were just finding each other on the eve of a prolonged separation, but the joy the pair was expressing left me almost euphoric. Considering the fare, it could have just been a sugar high, or a hormone surge on my part.

 

And then came a moment that is now imprinted in my heart for all time. The box was so small that it hid under the edge of the plates on the table. It could have easily gone unnoticed, and I could tell by the sudden look of dawning on her face that she had nearly forgotten.

 

“Here,” she offered nervously.

 

Jamie took the box from Brianna’s hand and slowly opened the lid. A sphere the size of a half dollar slipped into his palm. He turned it over a couple of times. The outside did, indeed, look like the two faces of a walking liberty half dollar, but more curved, like it had been split in two and a puff of air blown in between the two halves.

 

“It opens,” Brianna told him, offering to help with the extension of her palm. Jamie poured the little round into her hand and watched as she found the latch, revealing the secret opening, and the added gift within it. She handed it back to him, and the most delighted smile lit Jamie’s face.

 

“Och,” was all he managed vocalize.

 

“What is it?” I asked.

 

Visibly overcome, Jamie handed it to me, and I saw the tiny picture of Brianna that was inside.

 

“Oh, my, Bree.”

 

“I have other pictures if you don’t like that one – actually I’ve got several dozen other shots – it was so hard to decide.”

 

“Tis a perfect choice,” Jamie choked out, his voice still failing him.

 

~~~~~

 

After the cake course, Jamie and Brianna cobbled together a decent supper, and we sat around for a bit, basking in each other’s company. It was bittersweet when Brianna made the move to clear the table, but she was smiling as she announced, “Movie time.”

 

“Mom, will you join us tonight?” Brianna queried, looking at me with hopeful eyes.

 

“Of course,” I replied, honored to be part of Bree and Jamie’s private ritual.

 

We made our way down to the media room, Jamie getting me all nestled by his side.

 

“I know I promised, so tonight…would you both watch The Princess Bride with me?”

 

Jamie looked at me and then turned his smile toward Brianna.

 

“As you wish,” Jamie said in a soft voice.

 

~~~~~

 

Bree was feeling a bit apprehensive as she waited for the plane to take off. Part of her wanted to make a break for it, run home, and hide with the blankets over her head. She was leaving home – the only city she knew by heart, and her mom, and a dad she was still getting to know. But it was an amazing opportunity. She was going to be able to put her new college degree to work, and restore her ancestral home. Jamie trusted her to make Lallybroch a home again. Bree just wished it didn’t mean being away from her soon to be growing family.

 

Brianna was worried, but less for herself than for her parents. Her mom was six months pregnant, after all, and had confided in her that sometimes Jamie would look at her like a fading memory. Knowing what she did now about Jamie’s life, and about the baby they lost, and how even her own existence had been in question, Brianna didn’t want to be leaving just now, but the ball was already rolling. Bree had been working on plans for the house and other buildings at Lallybroch since before she returned home from the wedding. And she knew Wake had already put a lot of work in on her behalf.

 

The plane started to move, and Bree knew it was too late to change her mind. She white-knuckle grabbed both arm rests, and steeled herself for take-off. She closed her eyes and imagined herself locked in the tight hug Jamie had given her.

 

“You’ll do, lass,” a warm burr sounded next to her. “They’ll get us home.”

 

Brianna opened her eyes and flashed a glance over. A wave of warmth went over her. Home. She hadn’t thought of Lallybroch or Scotland that way until now. She smiled at the older gentleman seated next to her, and he patted her hand.

 

~~~~~


	40. The Long Road Home

The Long Road Home

 

Brianna had just retrieved her second large suitcase from the carousel. She exhaled in relief – she, and her luggage, had both safely traversed from Boston to Scotland. Solid ground had never felt so good. She hoisted one handle in each hand and lurched along with a heavy weight on either side, headed for the place she and Roger had agreed to meet.

 

She passed by a bank of windows and noticed it was raining.

 

“It’s Scotland,” she muttered, “I’m sure they have thirty-five words for rain like the Eskimos do for snow.”

 

Bree turned around, craning her neck to try to sight Roger somewhere in the crowd.

 

“Looking for someone?” A somewhat familiar sounding voice asked from behind her. She turned quickly, both suitcases swinging at arm’s length. She had her smile set to greet Roger, but her jaw dropped some as the face she saw was the one she’d been unconsciously flirting with over Skype the last few months. One suitcase was venturing very close to his nether regions, so his hands went into protection mode while he prepared for impact.

His entire face was anticipating a hit, but Bree altered the trajectory of the bag and only skimmed his knuckles.

 

“Sorry,” she said with a smirk. “Hospitalization averted,” he joked, but put a hand over hers, and pushed down until the bag settled on the floor and he felt her hand release the handle.

 

“What are _you_ doing here? Roger – “

 

“I…I thought we might need my truck – and it looks like I was right,” he said, tilting his head toward the two knee-high, couch-cushion sized suitcases.

 

“I am moving here, not just here for a two week vacation this time. I need…my stuff.”

 

“After all ye shipped, I woulda thought there’d be nary a thing left!”

 

Bree’s face turned sullen and she shot a dirty look at Wake. He immediately felt he’d stepped in it and began back-peddling.

 

“I’m…I’m trying to joke with you, and doing a crap job of it,” he confessed, hoping honesty would work where humor was dying a slow death.

 

Bree’s smirk slowly returned, up one side of her face, but she also felt her cheeks burning and a warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of her stomach. And this time, she didn’t have the safety-net of thousands of miles or closing the computer.

 

Her nod let him off the hook.

 

~~~~~

 

It was down to a light mizzle as they headed outside.

 

“If you wait here, I’ll bring my truck around. I’m no planning to rupture myself to get your luggage to its new home.”

 

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it,” Brianna commented, taking the mince-y steps that were all she could muster with such weight in her hands.

 

Wake looked mournfully in her direction.

 

“Doona be like that,” he requested, “You have nothing to prove.” Wake put one hand on each of Brianna’s shoulders. “To me or anyone else here.”

 

“I wasn’t…I just…I don’t want anyone to think…that I can’t handle what I’ve gotten myself into…even if it is true.”

 

Bree looked down, feeling completely exposed.

 

“Why would you think that? Even for a minute?...Not once, in all the times we talked, did I feel that you were not one hundred percent on top…I mean…in total control of this project.”

 

Bree looked back up into his eyes. He looked so reassuring. Brianna bit her lower lip with her upper teeth.

 

“I’ll be right back with the truck.”

 

~~~~~

 

“So…to Lallybroch, or to the manse?” Wake asked as he navigated his way out of the airport parking lot.

 

“You know they’ve got a feast in the works,” Wake continued.

 

“I was afraid of that,” Brianna piped. “I’d really like to see where things have gotten at Lallybroch.”

 

“Then Lallybroch it is – you can see if things are up to snuff in terms of staying there – if not, Mam’s set up a room for you.”

 

~~~~~

 

Bree was caught off guard as Wake took a turn to the right as they approached the house.

 

“Um, ah…um,” she vocalized as she pointed back to the left.

 

“We put in a new access road, had to, there was no way some of the trucks would make it otherwise – it can be changed…removed completely if ye like, once the trucks no longer need it.”

 

“O…K,” she hesitated, “I have only been here in person once – well, twice, technically, so my mind was kinda set on how it looks in the drawings. Coming at it from a new place – it just…looks so different.”

 

“Aye,” Wake replied with a nod, “Perspective.”

 

Brianna nodded.

 

“I just wonder if I need to reconsider what I designed.”

 

“Nothing’s set in stone, yet,” Wake offered, “But…I like what you had in mind – it works within the traditional outline, but it feels very modern inside – perhaps just some tweaking is needed.”

 

The warm and fuzzy feeling was creeping up from Brianna’s toes. It was an effect Wake had on her that she liked, most of the time. But right now, being alone with Wake, on a property that was miles from anyone, with no one likely to be anywhere nearby, and the memory of him finding and seeing her naked, it was the last thing she wanted to be feeling. Alert sirens started going off in her head.

 

~~~~~

 

“Here we are,” Wake said encouragingly as he pulled up to the new front door of Lallybroch.

 

Brianna slid from Wake’s truck and walked up to the door, open-mouthed as she took in the vista. The double doors welcomed her into the structure that was still mostly bare bones on the ground floor, but Bree could see the beginnings of the new kitchen, and the potential for the old kitchen to become an inviting living-room space. The new platform for the stairs wrapped around, and the steps dropped into the new kitchen. Wake followed Brianna around as she took it all in. She was taking in deep breaths, trying to burn off her nerves.

 

“I know it still looks quite rough – we had to tear out to the framing, even to the stones in several cases. All the electric had to be replaced, and piping fitted throughout the house, so there’s not a wall we havna put at least a hole into.”

 

Bree let out a breath and a sigh, a pathetic smiled adorning her face.

 

“It’s not all bad,” Wake consoled. “I…took the liberty of setting up some of your stuff in a third floor bedroom – Da had a couple of bedframes in storage, so we set one up for you, and another in the next best third floor room in case you had a guest. Ma insisted on two new mattresses if you insisted on staying here while the work continued. Shall we…head up?”

 

Bree nodded and began the climb. Wake came up behind her, gently placing his hand on her back to stop her from going by the room he meant to be hers. She took in a quick breath and tensed up.

 

“This one,” he informed her, pulling his hand back and pushing the door open.

 

She gave the room a quick scan then looked over her shoulder with an amazed smile for Wake.

 

“You set this up?”

 

“Aye,” he replied with a subtle nod.

 

Brianna was at a loss for words as she gave it a more careful look-see.

 

“It’s…it’s really nice.” Bree bit her bottom lip.

 

“Well, you did say ye wanted to live here, so I tried to make it livable, if a bit rustic. So you’ve got this, the second floor bathroom, and I cobbled a bit of a kitchen in the utility room until the full thing gets installed.”

 

“Show me?” she asked, unable to hide the excitement in her eyes.

 

Wake nodded and led Brianna back to the first floor and into the utility room.

 

“Coffee pot, hot plate, toaster oven, microwave, and micro-fridge,” he said as he pointed out each item.

 

Bree turned and put her arms around Wake’s shoulders.

 

“Thank-you,” she simply said, pulling back before Wake could circle her with his arms.

 

For a second, their eyes locked. The pull between them was magnetic. Wake began leaning in. Bree could feel the heat coming off his face. He closed his eyes as he whispered, “Bree.”

 

“No,” Bree softly gulped out, turning her head quickly, afraid that if she let this kiss take place, she’d find herself unable to stop.

 

As she fought not to tremble, Bree realized how strong her attraction to Wake had grown. She felt vulnerable and alone, but there was too much at stake. Their business relationship had to take precedence over any budding romance. Restoring Lallybroch – that was why Brianna was here. She steeled herself, fists clenched at her sides.

 

After a few awkward moments of keeping her back to Wake while she calmed herself, Bree turned back to face him, took a deep breath and asked, “So…Fiona has plans…for dinner I mean?”

 

“Aye, she does,” he answered, apologizing with his eyes.

 

“Perhaps we should go,” Bree suggested, afraid of being alone with him much longer.

 

“After you. I’ll lock up so it’ll be safe ‘til morning.”

 

“I am coming back here tonight, if it’s not too much trouble?” Bree inflected.

 

“No trouble,” he said with a relieved breath, realizing there would be some differences between long-distance and face to face, and he had to tread more lightly, even if the only thing he could think about right now was kissing Bree until she melted into him.

 

“I’ll get your bags,” Wake volunteered, hoping that moving away from Brianna would clear his head.

 

He took his time, breathed in the fresh air. He sat on the opened tailgate of his truck and tried to purge the feelings of desire that had bedeviled him since he had found Brianna below the mill, but that only brought forth the image of her body as she rose from the waterside.

 

“Och, Brianna Fraser, you’ll be the end of me,” he whispered.

 

He took the handle of each bag and drew them up beside him. He stood and hoisted the heavy collection of belongings and headed into the house. Bree held the door open for him and watched him head up the stairs, unable to keep her eyes from appreciating his rear end. She blushed, glad he wasn’t about to turn around and see her cheeks and ears glowing like beacons.

 

~~~~~

 

“Wren,” Roger greeted with a broad smile. He was unsure how much contact would be acceptable to Brianna, and it warmed his heart as she hugged him tight and gave him a peck on the cheek.

 

“How was the flight?” he asked.

 

Bree just sighed and nodded.

 

“Well, I hope it hasna rattled you so much as you canna eat.”

 

“No…I’m starving. I couldn’t eat before I left.”

 

“Fee will be glad. She’s been cooking all day.”

 

“I didn’t want any fuss,” Bree notified.

 

“You know it’s just her way of showing her love.”

 

“I’m just…trying to avoid any big emotional scenes. Leaving my parents in Boston, coming here right now with all that’s going on…I’m trying not to fall apart before…” she gulped.

 

“It’s alright, now, lass. I know we’re no yer parents, but perhaps in loco parentis? Fee and I are here for ye, but would calling them help?”

 

Bree nodded, snuffing back her running nose.

 

“I think it might, but I don’t want to call them crying.”

 

“Of course…wouldn’t do to get the lot of you cryin’. Would you like to wash your face, freshen up a bit?”

 

Bree nodded.

 

“You know the way.”

 

Wake had been surreptitiously taking in the conversation between Brianna and Roger while still sitting in the kitchen with his mother. It made Wake come to think Bree was in a more fragile state than it seemed, and he felt doubly guilty about making a move on her so quickly.

 

“Are ye even listenin’ to me?” Fiona asked her son.

 

“Sorry, my mind drifted.”

 

“Well, you better just un-drift it where Brianna Fraser is concerned for the time being.”

 

Wake flashed a sheepish grin, but tried to keep it to himself.

 

“I wilna do a thing she doesna want me to,” he burred with an exaggerated accent.

 

Fiona snapped at Wake with her kitchen towel.

 

“Out, out now. This kitchen is feeling crowded, and I need my space to work.”

 

Wake laughed his way into the study.

 

“Have ye annoyed your mam again?”

 

“Always,” he replied with a smirk, throwing himself at the mercy of the couch and putting his feet up on the coffee table.

 

“How’d it go…pickin’ the lass up? Ye took your time.”

 

“She wanted to see Lallybroch right off, and I’ll be takin’ her back out there tonight.”

 

Roger nodded slowly.

 

“You won’t be stayin’…”

 

It was more a warning than a question.

 

“Not unless she begs,” he joked. “No, Da, I’ll be sleeping in my own bed.”

 

They both fell silent as Bree came back downstairs.

 

“Would it be alright if I use your den to make my call?” Brianna asked as she entered the study.

 

“Of course, Wren.”

 

~~~~~

 

Brianna returned from the den about twenty minutes later, obviously having been crying again.

 

“Nothin’s wrong is it, Wren?” Roger asked.

 

“Mom’s feeling emotional,” Brianna revealed, trying to smile.

 

“Understandable, lass,” Roger replied, knowing Bree was just as likely as emotional as her mother. He knew they’d never been separated for long or such a great distance, and could understand if Brianna was feeling a level of angst over the separation herself.

 

Roger opened his arms, inviting Bree into a comforting hug. She gladly accepted the silent invitation and briefly nestled her head into his shoulder. It felt nice. It felt familiar. It felt like Wake. Bree’s head snapped up as Roger felt the jolt run through Brianna’s body. He gave her a look of concern as they parted, which she shook off subtly.

 

Wake nodded at Bree as she sat at the opposite end of the couch. Her apprehension permeated the room. She tucked her hands under her thighs, palms down to the cushions below. She didn’t want to fall apart in front of Wake, but she was barely holding it together. She was two ragged breaths away from breaking down into a sob when Fiona called them to the table.

 

She seated Bree and Wake across the table from one another. It was a quiet table for the first part of the meal. Lots of glances passed between the MacKenzies, their non-verbal shorthand providing them with communication without words while Brianna concentrated on her plate. Her main course ingested, Brianna released a sigh and looked up.

 

“Feeling better, dear?” Fiona asked.

 

She nodded, her cheeks pinking up.

 

“I didn’t dare eat anything before getting on the plane. Jamie said it was like him when he was about to go into battle – he could never stomach food. It’s just one more way I take after him…I guess.”

 

“Your Da was a soldier, then?” Wake asked.

 

“A couple of times,” she said with an impish grin taking over her face.

 

Roger and Fiona both laughed at that, Wake knowing there was something he didn’t know.

 

“Could I entice you with a piece of chocolate cake?” Fiona inflected, leaning in close to Brianna’s ear.

 

“Did you make a cake for each of us?” she eagerly replied.

 

“Och, good – your appetite is back on track I see,” Fiona commented.

 

“Can I have milk with it?” Bree shyly asked in a child-like voice.

 

“And you asked why I got in an extra milk,” Fiona directed at Roger with a finger pointed right at him. “Get her the metal measuring cup.”

 

“It makes the milk taste better - ice cold,” Brianna interjected before anyone asked.

 

Wake found this dinner theater amusing, but it had told him several useful things about Brianna that he could put in the back of his mind for future reference. Bree all but licked her plate clean, and the four of them made their way into the study to relax after her welcome dinner. Bree was much more relaxed, and sat back as she settled into the corner of the couch, extending her legs and crossing her ankles.

 

“Feeling a bit more settled now, lass?” Roger inquired, seeing the mellow expression on her face.

 

Bree nodded lazily.

 

“I know I shouldn’t be tired – it’s barely noon in Boston, but…” Brianna yawned.

 

“Should I take ye back to the house?” Wake asked.

 

“If I sleep now, I’ll be up way too early tomorrow – no – talk to me – tell me how the work at Lallybroch has been going. I’d like to be up to speed on the project.”

 

It was the first time Brianna had looked animated since her excitement about the make-shift kitchen in the utility room had led her to hug Wake leading to his attempt to kiss her.

 

“Well…when we first got in there, we knew there was some kind of leak. Wallpaper was peeling off the walls on either side of the bathroom, and I was afraid it was the plumbing – turns out, it was the flashing where the exhaust pipe went through the roof, but the moisture had wicked into a lot of the roofing, and was beginning to seep into the walls as well. That’s when we decided to strip back to the timbers in any room the leak had

reached. I think we were lucky – the leak wasn’t all that old – if it had gone on, you would have had a real mess on your hands.”

 

“Timing is everything, lass,” Roger interjected. “Had you not taken on this project when you did…” He shook his head.

 

Bree suddenly had a practical concern. “Is there hot water…at Lallybroch?” Bree asked Wake.

 

“Aye, most of the utility work is completed, roughed in at least, but the original plumbing stack was solid – cast iron solid, so no need to replace it. It was a retrofit, as ye know, but done right, so the original indoor bathroom is all good.”

 

“In other words,” Roger translated, “Ye can take a hot shower.”

 

“I said that,” Wake complained.

 

“Don’t worry, I speak contractor,” Brianna offered with a sly smile.

 

Wake nodded his head in appreciation, very much liking her reply, knowing his blush must have been visible.

 

“Quick question,” Wake blurted, “Do ye wanna meet everybody all at once, like reviewing the troops, or would you rather I introduce them when the need arises, one by one?”

 

Bree glared at Wake.

 

“I uh…I guess one at a time.”

 

“You should know, up ‘til now, once I’ve opened the house for the day, the men are in and out – but I told them that would change once you were here because you’d be livin’ in the house.”

 

“Oh,” Brianna responded, “Well, I’ll try to set a schedule that doesn’t interrupt the status quo – the first few days, though…”

 

Wake nodded. The harder he tried to think about the restoration of Lallybroch, the more images of Brianna crowded out all other thoughts. Just being in the same room was stirring him – Bree was enchanting whether it was intentional or not.

 

“So,” Roger ventured, standing from his chair and placing his whisky glass back on the tray on the table behind the couch, “You’ll be joining us for meals each night...for a while anyway?”

 

“If it’s not too much trouble.”

 

Bree glanced at Wake.

 

“Wake will be glad to bring ye, when he comes,” Roger promised Bree as he came up behind his youngest and placed his hands on Wake’s shoulders and pressed him into the couch.

 

“Aye,” Wake concurred with a quick nod of agreement.

 

“You come here for dinner every night?” Bree asked. “I thought you had a place of your own.”

 

“Aye, I do, but it doesn’t have much of a kitchen, any more,” he added subliminally, “Or home cooked food,” Wake admitted, sheepish grin painting his features.

 

~~~~~

 

“Now, you’re sure you doona want to stay here until the house is a bit closer to done?” Fiona asked Bree.

 

“No, it would take too long each day coming and going. Besides, Wake has set things up really nice for me at Lallybroch, and I’d like to give it go out there. I might just see something living there that makes my plans feel impractical. I’d rather see it now than when more is in place.”

 

“Well, the room will stay available should the rustic charm wear off.”

 

Bree nodded and smiled, but noticed the glances passing between Wake and Fiona, and felt something was amiss, but didn’t feel on solid enough footing to point it out.

 

~~~~~

 

Fiona took Wake aside just before he and Brianna headed out.

 

“You’ve gone and given the lass your kitchen, haven’t ye? Not that that collection of toys constituted much of a kitchen to begin with.”

 

Wake bowed his head.

 

“It’s a lovely gesture,” Fee complimented, “But ye didna tell her – I didna know you had such a selfless side,” she teased.

 

~~~~~

 

“Hey,” Wake said, reaching for Bree’s hand before she could get out of the truck.

 

“I’m…really glad you’re here now.”

 

He shifted his eyes up to gauge her expression.

 

“Anything you need…ask me.”

 

Her hand relaxed allowing Wake to interlock his fingers with hers as he slid his hand along hers. She clamped her fingers over his, her head beginning to nod.

 

“I’m here for you.”

 

“Thank-you,” Brianna softly spoke, “I think I’m gonna need the help.”

 

Bree cracked a shy smile.

 

“Och,” Wake breathed out, smiling himself, “You’ve got this.”

 

“I hope so.”

 

“I know you’re scairt. I heard you talkin’ wi’ Da, but there’s no need. Ye can trust me.”

 

“I…I do…It’s just going to take some time for me to get my feet under me,” Bree admitted.

 

Wake hoped she meant it that she trusted him, and he hoped this approach would put their relationship on the right track.

 

“I can tell you, everybody here wants you to succeed.”

 

“That’s good to know…Well…I should…go get some sleep. I wouldn’t want to make a bad impression on my first day!”

 

“Aye.”

 

They both looked at their joined hands as they slid them apart.

 

“Goodnight,” Bree barely forced from her throat.

 

“Sleep well,” Wake warmly toned.

 

Brianna nodded, slipped from the truck, and closed the door with enough force for it to catch.

 

“Take an extra blanket for tonight,” Wake called out the window behind her, “It’s meant to be cold.”

 

Bree turned back, smiled and waved.

 

~~~~~

 

There was barely enough room in the second floor bathroom to get off the toilet without banging headfirst into the door, and there would be no lounging in hot water in the tub for Brianna, as the tub was little more than four feet long, in fact, she’d not even be able to stand fully upright in the shower, either, as the shower head was only inches higher than she was tall. Brianna needed a shower, though, and she didn’t want to leave it for the morning in case she couldn’t get going. She held her breath until the water became tinged with warmth, and it came up to temperature rather quickly.

 

The bed felt good. It had been perfectly made, corners folded and tucked, and sliding into fresh sheets always brought a calming effect as Bree slid her feet down into the darkness. It was crisply cool against her skin, but thankfully warmed quickly. She pulled the hood of her sweatshirt up and brought the blankets up over her shoulders, including the extra blanket she spread over the bed. As soon as she felt warm, Brianna fell asleep.

 

~~~~~

 

The beeping was incessant. Bree swatted wildly, hoping to get the alarm to stop before she realized she hadn’t set an alarm. As her consciousness deepened, she knew where she was.

 

“Scotland…Lallybroch…morning.”

 

She groggily got to her feet and headed to the nearest window. A large truck was backing and beeping, doing it’s best alarm clock impression.

 

Bree swung one of her suitcases onto the bed and unlatched it, throwing back the cover. She gathered a pair of dark blue carpenter jeans, black tee shirt and a faded dark green pull-over sweatshirt, and all required under-garments into a bundle and made her way down to the bathroom. She emerged from the cubicle dressed and refreshed, but still in need of shoes. She’d have to think about stationing footwear on the first floor, she thought to herself, as she headed back up to her bedroom to find appropriate shoes.

 

She sat on the bed to lace up her work boots and almost succumbed to the siren call of her still warm bed, shaking off the thought of crawling back in when the load on the previously beeping, backing truck dropped with a thud, and at least two voices yelled, “stadaibh a-nis!”

 

“I’m up, I’m up,” she told herself. “Was that in English?” she asked the air, “No, I don’t think it was.”

 

Bree had just landed on the ground floor and was about to amble into her make-shift kitchen when she heard three taps on the door.

 

“Bree, ye decent?” curled out of Wake’s mouth.

 

“I’m coming in.”

 

She heard the key turn in the lock and watched as Wake slowly pushed the door in and peered around it. He smiled broadly as he spotted Bree standing there.

 

“Och, good, you’re up. I brought coffee - thought you might not be up to speed this morning enough to make it yourself.”

 

He worked the cup loose from the holder and then took a drink from his own cup that was still wedged in the multi-cup holder. He held Bree’s cup out to her.

 

“Here.”

 

Bree took the cup with a smirk.

 

“What were you going to do if I wasn’t up yet?” Brianna asked.

 

“I’d have left a note on the cup…stomped around until I woke you, and then asked, ‘sorry, did I wake ye?’.”

 

“Not the ‘Sleeping Beauty’ treatment?” Bree innocently quipped, and then bit her lip thinking about Wake waking her with a kiss.

 

“Not on the first day,” he threw back, seeing that she had caught herself off guard with the hidden innuendo of her words.

 

“So, drink up, I’ve got a couple of people you should meet,” Wake advised.

 

“I’m good,” Brianna said with a smile and a nod.

 

Wake gave his head a healthy point toward the door, and Bree followed him outside.

 

~~~~~

 

For most of her first day at Lallybroch, Bree met the people who had been working for her. Wake escorted her and introduced her to each department head, for lack of a better title. They were mostly men, and mostly twenty or more years older. They were polite, but Bree sensed she saw doubt in their eyes.

 

“So, we now report to you?” one man questioned.

 

Bree stood up tall, his tone making her indignant; she flashed anger in her eyes that Wake saw.

 

“You have been reportin’ to her from day one – through me, but with Ms. Fraser’s full knowledge and approval. She is your boss – she’s my boss. Ye had no problem with that before she got here, before ye saw her face, so I’d think you might want to watch yourself if you want to stay employed.”

 

Wake stood, staring defiantly at the man in front of him, like a rooster pondering whether or not to strike when Brianna intervened.

 

“Stop it,” Bree roared, stepping between the men, staring at Wake.

 

“You don’t have to defend me,” she barked, and then turned to face the other man. “And if you have a problem working for me…get over it or get out,” she pointed emphatically over her shoulder.

 

“No problems,” he mumbled.

 

Bree waited for several beats so as not to look like she was making a hasty retreat, and then shot a glance over her should at Wake, and began walking away. Wake was on her heals. Her anger fueled her straight to the tower. She stopped as she placed both hands on the side of the tower. Wake was almost afraid to interrupt her thoughts.

 

“Um…”

 

“Thank-you,” Bree exhaled, trying to flush her anger out with a deep breath.

 

“Thank me? For what?”

 

“For giving me enough time to form the words I needed. I expected to find that reaction, but I wasn’t prepared,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m also sorry – that I jumped at you that way.”

 

“No harm done,” Wake warmly burred.

 

“You haven’t done any work on the tower yet?”

 

“Afraid bein’ in charge doesn’t leave much time for my own craft – and you needed the house first.”

 

Bree nodded and slowly turned.

 

“Right…so…is there anyone else you think I should meet today?” Brianna queried humorously.

 

“I think that’ll do, don’t you?” he chortled back.

 

“Yeah, probably.”

 

“Look,” Wake launched into, “the day is nearly done, and I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. We usually take a lunch break, but I worked you straight through today – not that I meant to, but, Mam’s got a good supper in the works – always does, and I think we could both use a good meal and a good cool down after that confrontation.”

 

Bree nodded in agreement.

 

“One day at a time, lass,” he counseled.

 

~~~~~


	41. Learning Curves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to post this chapter. I don't know who saw the message I posted a couple of weeks ago, but March was hellish - snow every time I turned around, one storm leaving us in the dark for 6 days with no power or heat, getting below 40 degrees in the house the last 3 nights before we FINALLY got power back (that was after an accusation from the power company that we stole components of the transformer off the closest pole!) That storm also collapsed our chicken yard, so it's been 24/7 close quarters with our birds. I did get some writing done by flashlight until my fingers went numb and I had to dive back under the multiple covers, but once power was back, it took a long time to feel human again, and it effected my writing. Sometimes real life gets in the way...and then the Outlander season 3 DVD got released...Binged over the last two days, but got the chapter done. Again, sorry for the delay.

Learning Curves

 

It was suspiciously quiet this morning. Bree sat up in the middle of her bed to the sounds of silence. She brushed her long tresses out of her face and listened for the rhythms of construction. All she heard was birds calling, and other tell-tale sounds of nature. She gave a sigh of relief. She’d hit the ground running, as far as getting her feet wet in her first construction project was concerned, and this first weekend was welcome. Bree hoped she could take a few breaths, and let it all sink in. She was in a whole new world, and a whole new part of her life.

 

“Time to be an adult,” she mumbled to herself.

 

Fiona had given her a good number of leftovers and some fresh baked-goods in case she meant to be on her own for the weekend. Brianna got her coffee made and broke into the cinnamon rolls Fiona insisted she take, all but taking one out of Roger’s hand to give her the fresh batch the night before. It brought a smile to Bree’s face as she thought about Roger quickly scarfing down the freshly frosted bun before he was required to relinquish it. She’d been so busy with the workers since she got there that she hadn’t even had the chance to look around.

 

With her second mug of coffee in hand, she started her tour of the house. She stopped for a moment at the entrance to the utility room on her way out, leaning against the wall as she scanned the space where the kitchen was being assembled. The fireplace on the far wall caught her eye. It was considerably smaller than the kitchen hearth, and at floor level, but Bree could imagine briskly rubbing her hands together above the flames and turning her back to a roaring fire to toast her backside. It was a shallow fire box. She knew it was similar to what in New England was called a Rumford fireplace, but this quite likely pre-dated those by many years. No matter what, though, she knew it would throw a great deal of heat into the room if a fire was lit in it.

 

Scanning to the left, Bree noted various bits of construction clutter, but it looked like the men had endeavored to clean up the space before they left for the weekend. Several sheets of plywood were leaned against one wall, with sawhorses stacked three high in front of them. Bree counted twelve. Wake had told her a number of the men usually gathered for lunch in the house, and the sawhorses and sheets of plywood would make quick, sturdy tables, and could be cleared away like they were without much difficulty. She hadn’t witnessed it herself, yet.

 

Bree headed to the far end of the house – which used to be the very front of the house before her redesign turned it all around inside. She still wasn’t sure what she was going to do with the lady’s parlor, but the room across the hall, a room that had been an office, a study, a library, a man’s retreat; that room was set up right now in very familiar terms for Brianna. A drawing table sat pushed to one side, against the wall. Another stunning fireplace and surround filled the far end of the room. Bree walked up to the drawing table, finding the blueprints for Lallybroch laid across it. Bree leafed through the pages, surprised to find the copies of her original, hand hewn sketches under the plexi-glass top on the desk. They were arranged like wallpaper, tiling the surface, but protected from any damage. Wake had taken great care with the copies, reproducing them in high resolution so one could even see the individual pencil strokes. A warm feeling went through her body.

 

“Oh, Wake,” she hummed, putting her hand on the clear cover.

 

~~~~~

 

With time of her own, Bree decided to begin setting up house. Food items she’d shipped from home were carted to the utility room, near the make-shift kitchen, until the shelves in the pantry section were installed. She set up a pop-up laundry hamper garnered at the dollar store in her bedroom, and took all her toiletries to the bathroom. Little sundries, collected in an old jewelry box, were placed by her bed side, but not before she opened the box and removed the pearl handled folding knife Jamie had given her for venturing into ‘unfamiliar territory’. She slipped it into the rule pocket of her carpenter jeans, wanting to have it by her side, not that she thought she would need it, but it was like having Jamie with her.

 

With everything else put in place, Bree tackled her greatest challenge – unpacking her clothes and setting up her closet.

 

~~~~~

 

Bree was beginning to forage through the leftovers Fee had offered up when she thought she heard a knock on her door. Her heart began to pound. She wasn’t expecting anyone, and she was all alone for nearly the first time since that first night she’d arrived. She cautiously poked her head out of the utility room, listening for another knock. She heard three loud raps.

 

“Bree?”

 

She exhaled and put her hand on her heart.

 

“Wake.”

 

She walked to the door quickly and pulled it open.

 

“We’ll be late for dinner, come on,” Wake cajoled.

 

“I thought I was on my own for the weekend. Your mom loaded me up with leftovers.”

 

“Och, well, I have come all this way…and a…hot meal would be preferable, would it not?” he enticed.

 

She acquiesced with a nod.

 

“Yeah, it would. Wait a minute, I’ll get my coat.”

 

Wake happily escorted Brianna to his truck, opening the door for her and closing it once she was in. Bree could feel her cheeks burning, and couldn’t help thinking he was too good to be true.

 

~~~~~

 

“Are you the only one who goes home for dinner?” Bree asked as they rode.

 

“Nah, the others drop in – Jem more than the rest. My sisters have their hands full with their own bairns, and Rabbie is off god knows where, but we all get drawn back to Mam’s table at one time or another, and the occasional family gathering is not unknown. Da tries to get us in with movie nights, but I’m sure Mam’ll bring you in the next time we gather, if you think ye can handle us all,” he replied with a grin.

 

“Should I be scared?” Bree chortled.

 

“We’re mostly harmless,” he teased back.

 

~~~~~

 

“Are we late?” Bree asked Roger as she entered the manse.

 

“Right on time – I’m glad ye decided to come, and not stay locked up in your ivory tower.”

 

“I can’t do that until the tower is redone,” Bree said with a broad smile, walking with Roger’s arm around her shoulder into the kitchen.

 

“Look who’s come,” he appealed to Fiona.

 

Fee gave a quick nod, but was absorbed in her cooking for the moment.

 

“Hey Mam,” Wake greeted, wrapping his arms around her from behind and bending down to kiss her, “Miss me?”

 

“You’d have to go somewhere if I was to miss ye,” she dismissively retorted.

 

She stirred the contents of several pots, turning off the burners and letting one pot continue to simmer while the other was whisked off the heat and promptly poured into a colander in the nearby sink. That task done, and dinner well in hand, Fiona turned her attention to Brianna.

 

“So, Bree dear, have you had the chance to settle in a little, get unpacked?”

 

Bree smirked broadly, sitting back, crossing her arms across her chest and her legs under the table. Her gaze was focused on Wake.

 

“I thought I’d be living out of my suitcases until I managed to put everything away myself. Imagine my surprise when I finally open my closet door, and find it full of all the clothing I shipped. And not haphazard or just shoved in there – I can’t organize a closet so nice,” Bree effused, leaning in across the table, smiling at Wake.

 

“Och, well…you had enough to handle upon arrival, and I found myself with time on my hands on the weekends before you came, so…” Wake smirked back.

 

“Thank-you…again.”

 

“Whatever I can do,” Wake declared.

 

Bree stood and sidled her way between the table and the counter.

 

“Be right back,” she softly offered.

 

Roger leaned in on his elbows and Fiona quickly turned from the stove as Brianna retreated to the bathroom, neither of them speaking until they heard Bree hit the stairs going up.

 

“You’re really feathering the girl’s nest – like those birds in that documentary Rabbie narrated a couple years back. I’d expect it of him,” Fiona charged.

 

“Aye, and that lass is not the woo and forget type. She’s as close as family,” Roger added.

 

“I did some of her unpacking, big deal…Seriously, the crates were taking up space – I admit, I hoped to learn a little something about her but…I couldna bring myself to go through her keepsakes. It felt like an invasion, but…her clothing – there was nothing intimate, jeans, t-shirts, and a shitload of boots and shoes. You did tell me to be nice where she was concerned.”

 

“There’s being nice, and then there’s being nice, my lad. Tread carefully,” Roger insightfully suggested.

 

~~~~~

 

Once again after dinner, they repaired to the study, Bree and Roger on the couch, Fiona in her chair, and Wake standing with his back to the fireplace, warming himself as he swirled a glass of whisky.

 

“So, Wren, I know it’s been less than a week, but have you had any epiphanies of redesign since moving in at Lallybroch? Something that absolutely willna work for ye?”

 

Bree refocused her attention on Roger and grinned.

 

“Actually…”

 

“Have I opened a whole kettle of fish?” Roger inquired, reaching his hand out to hers and touching it lightly, wondering if he was in for a litany.

 

“Just the one thing so far – replacing the showerhead in the second floor bathroom. It’s so low I’ll turn into a hunchback using it!” Roger and Wake both laughed.

 

“I did notice that,” Wake mentioned. “I think it’s on the check list.”

 

“Good – that showerhead is almost beyond help – If I was a foot shorter it might be passable, but I can barely get wet above my chest!”

 

Wake’s smile now had a partner – a glowing blush on his cheeks as he thought about the water hitting her in the chest and trickling down her body.

 

“Aye…well,” Wake started, his eyes darting around, not wanting anyone to make eye contact, finally focusing into the whisky glass and taking a quick sip.

 

“I’ll double check – plumbers are due back to finish in the kitchen – one more fixture shouldna send them into a tizzie.”

 

That warm feeling rose through Brianna’s body again, and didn’t stop until her scalp was tingling.

 

~~~~~

 

Brianna was slowly gaining in confidence each day she was at Lallybroch. The transition between Wake being in charge and Bree being the go-to person on site had gone relatively smoothly. Wake checked in with her several times a day to begin with, making sure she had a handle on things. He wanted very badly for everything to go well. She’d already developed a good rapport with many of the older men, and Wake had had more than one of them come up to him in the pub on the weekend and tell him how Brianna reminded them of their daughters or mothers. In short order, Wake and Bree were having one meeting before the day got into the swing of

things and one meeting before he left for the night to review the next day’s schedule and troubleshoot any difficulties she’d come across during the day.

 

Wake continued to ferry Bree to and from the manse for dinners. They were starting to feel comfortable with each other, and Wake did his level best not to ruin what he felt was slowly building between them. She was coming into her own. Her capabilities were becoming obvious to everyone, and no one was gladder of that than Wake. It also freed him up to begin working on the tower – something he’d been chomping at the bit to get started on from the moment he and Bree shook hands on their initial agreement.

 

~~~~~

 

Brianna wasn’t dressed for the day, having gotten a bit of a late start, but what she wore to bed was easily mistaken for street clothes, so when she heard the knock, she didn’t hesitate to open the door. She smiled when she saw William Wakefield MacKenzie, or Wake, as he’d instructed her to call him on that day they first met.

 

“What can I do for you this morning?” she asked.

 

There was a hesitation before he spoke as he cleared the image that flashed into his head of the two of them pressed against the stone of the tower ravaging each other.

 

“In lieu of the morning meeting I…um…I was wondering…would you…like a lesson in laying…stone, that is. Always good to have a working knowledge of all the trades under you.”

 

He gulped and turned momentarily red as he heard only the subtext of his words.

 

“Sounds fun. Let me get dressed and I’ll join you.”

 

His eyes bulged. The thought that she was not dressed reminded him of finding her by the mill, and he looked her up and down. She seemed quite dressed to him.

 

“Aye,” he gulped, backing away from the door.

 

A few minutes later, Brianna emerged from the house dressed for the day, and Wake almost fell over when he saw her. She was wearing blue jeans that were virtually painted on her body, the thighs so threadbare they were sheer. A flannel shirt in a non-tartan plaid with the bottom tied up around her waist, and the sleeves turned to the elbows covered a tight tank shirt, and her hair was loosely pulled back under a baseball cap. She smiled at her perception of his reaction, quite pleased to think he liked what he saw.

 

“Ready?” she bubbled eagerly, finding his eyes and smiling broadly right at him.

 

“Aye…ready,” he echoed, completely taken with her.

 

~~~~~

 

“You still lookin’ for a car?” Wake asked as they made their way to the tower.

 

“Yes!” she replied, eyes opening wide, “Do you know of something?”

 

“Actually, a mate of one of my roomies is selling his business van – the business went under, and he wants rid of the reminder. It’s got some miles on it, from what I hear, but it would get you from place to place until something better comes along.”

 

“And it would let you off the hook for driving me around,” Bree said, matter of fact.

 

Wake blushed and smiled.

 

“Aye,” he mumbled, knowing he would miss having the need to drive her to civilization and back.

 

“I’ll see about setting a meeting for the car then, shall I?” Wake asked.

 

“Would you?” she chirped as she smiled broadly.

 

“Aye, not to worry.”

 

They’d reached the base of the tower now, and Bree was a bit taken aback.

 

“What happened?”

 

“There was a minor collapse in one quadrant, and I thought it sensible to rebuild from the bottom. I’ve laid out the stones in order, so if you’ll hand me the stones as I restack and mortar, we should get this filled in right quickly. Here,” he said as he offered Bree a pair of gloves.

 

After handing about five stones to Wake, Bree shed the gloves.

 

“You giving up on me?” Wake asked.

 

“I can’t hang onto anything in those. Just have to go at it the old fashioned way, and let the callouses form where they may.”

 

Wake chuckled and nodded. Bree was no shrinking violet, definitely not afraid to get her hands dirty. They worked well together, intuiting each other’s movements until the repair had been completed.

 

“That needs to set up before we go any higher or we might get a blowout and have to start all over.”

 

Brianna nodded.

 

“Lunch, then?” Wake asked, gauging the time by looking for the sun’s position in the sky, and then back at Bree as he rubbed as much of the mortar off his hands as could be done. He was crouched down, putting his tools in order as Bree took a few steps closer.

 

“Your mom sent me home with half a roast chicken last night, and explicit directions on how to reheat it. Will you join me?”

 

“She does know you doona have a real oven yet?”

 

“She asked the dimensions of the toaster oven – I had no idea, but she divined the proper size after asking me what I had cooked in it!”

 

Wake shook his head.

 

“She’s putting you on.”

 

“What makes you say that?”

 

“She knows very well what will and willna fit in that toaster oven from sending packets home with me!”

 

Brianna raised an eyebrow.

 

“That was your toaster oven?...and the rest of it?”

 

“Aye.”

 

“You gave me…”

 

“I did – I didna need it, but you did,” he played off, feeling caught by his kind act.

 

“It was…quite…chivalrous.”

 

Bree looked at him quite warmly.

 

Wake stood, leaving very little space between them. Bree’s whole body shivered. Wake wanted to kiss her. They were alone and far from anyone else at work on the property. He began to reach out for her, wanting to cradle her cheek in his palm and draw her into a kiss. He wanted to leave her breathless and rubber-limbed. Her guard was down. He wanted…

 

Like a shadow beneath a quickly moving sun, Brianna moved out of reach, almost stumbling back down the incline toward the house.

 

“I’ll…I’ll go get the food warming,” she offered as she took several more steps backward, keeping her eyes on Wake.

 

~~~~~

 

Bree made it back to the house and managed to get the roast chicken out of the mini-fridge before she felt it hit her. Wake had tried to kiss her again. She closed her eyes as her heart pounded. There were so many times when they were Skype-ing she longed to be there with him. Bree did want to kiss him, but she also didn’t wish to send him the wrong message. What worried her more were the messages darting through her mind and body – ones that were urging her to give in, ones that screamed in the back of her head to take a chance.

 

“No,” she admonished herself, “I’m not ready for that.”

 

She shook off the feelings that were trying to swamp her just as Wake made it to the house. He looked a bit apprehensive as he entered the utility room, but went straight to washing up. Bree was keeping herself busy getting plates and silverware and setting them out on the small table. Wake stood over the deep set tub where he had been cleaning up his hands, thinking how to break the silence.

 

“I’ll soak my head while I’m at it if you wish it,” he offered in penance for his actions by the tower, slowly turning his head and lifting his eyes to look at her.

 

She simply shook her head and flashed the slightest smile. For the moment, their magnetic attraction had had a polar shift, keeping them at an emotional distance, but one unexpected turn away from careening into each other.

 

~~~~~

 

Just short of three weeks into her first professional project, Brianna had become well absorbed in her work, and the yo-yo emotions of dealing with Wake face to face. Scotland was so different from what she had expected, except for the weather. While the weather in New England could change in five minute’s time, Bree was amazed at how many different speeds the rain could fall, and how unless it was an absolute deluge, work went on.

 

Bree had pitched in, helping and learning about each trade, not wanting to come off as just the boss, and truly fascinated by it all. Today was a big day – the kitchen was getting fitted out. Appliances were dollied into place, sinks installed after the countertops were fastened down. It was a far cry from the makeshift appliances in the utility room, but Bree smiled, thinking how Wake had given those to her to his own detriment. She’d kinda miss using those, knowing what a kind gesture was behind them, but as the new kitchen came to life, Brianna was enthralled with the way it looked. To see it come off the paper, designed by her hand, and to now be standing in the middle of it, it was astounding. Bree wished she had someone to hug and celebrate with, but would have to be content in the knowledge that things were progressing, and that she could now make her morning coffee in a well lit room, instead of a concrete bunker.

 

~~~~~

 

When Brianna and Wake reached the manse, she bolted from the truck and into Fiona’s kitchen.

 

“They installed the kitchen today,” Bree enthused.

 

“Och,” Fiona toned, opening her arms to the young Fraser. Brianna wrapped her arms around Fee, finally having someone to celebrate with who was safe to hug without it meaning anything more.

 

“Finally…I can send ye home with proper meals!” Fiona informed her.

 

Wake made his way into the kitchen and saw Brianna hugging his mother. He let out a puff, like he’d been punched in the gut. He watched longingly as they rocked side to side, locked together. He would have gladly been on the receiving end of Brianna’s joy, but it was not to be. Even if Bree felt free to give him a hug, he was covered with spots and splotches that became dusty as they dried. It was getting more difficult to be around her without doing something about those feelings.

 

“Da, I’m gonna slip upstairs for a shower. I’m a bit messed up.”

 

Roger did an upward nod of acknowledgement.

 

“Need to borrow a change of clothes?”

 

“I’ve got something in the truck, so…” Wake nodded and pressed his lips together.

 

He sighed once again.

 

“Wish you were on the other end of that hug, don’t ye?”

 

Wake shot a pained look at his father.

 

“Aye,” he sadly breathed out.

 

Roger patted him on the shoulder, watching after him as he headed back out to the truck. It was a side of Wake that seldom reared its head, but Roger was actually glad to see it. Wake was seriously miserable, and that meant he really cared.

 

~~~~~

 

“You’ll still be coming to eat with us, won’t you?” A concerned Fiona inquired.

 

“Of course I will. I’m not going to have time to whip up full meals for myself…but I wouldn’t mind if you taught me some more of your recipes – I did pretty good with your pot roast when I was back in Boston.”

 

“Good for you,” Fiona said with a smile and a squeeze around Bree’s waist.

 

Roger’s steps on the linoleum caught Fee’s ears.

 

“Has Wake gone off?”

 

“Just collecting a change of clothes from his truck, hen. He’s gonna duck into the bath and get freshened up before he joins us.”

 

“Well…there’s a first time for everything!” Fee teased her absent son. “He was always the hardest one to coax into a bath,” she said as an aside to Brianna who smiled and blushed.

 

~~~~~

 

Damp, but refreshed, Wake joined the rest for dinner, looking worn out and a bit down.

 

“You’re not coming down with anything, are you?” Fiona asked, placing her hand on Wake’s forehead.

 

“Being in charge is taxing, but not tiring, whereas stone work takes it all out of ye.”

 

Bree nodded in agreement.

 

“So far, the hardest work I’ve done was helping with the restoration of the tower. A two by four might be heavy, but it’s spread over a distance. The stones – heavy and difficult to manipulate. It’s also the dirtiest job on the site, so I understand needing to shower.”

 

Wake smiled appreciatively, then looked down, continuing to smile. It would be a real shame if he didn’t end up with a woman who understood him that well, he thought.

 

“Thanks,” Wake finally said after a rather lengthy pause.

 

~~~~~

 

Wake and Brianna were deeply ensconced on opposite ends of the couch, both leaned back into the cushions, eyelids at half-mast. Roger sat between them and assumed the same posture. Sweaters and a roaring fire were still fitting even in mid-May, so the toasty confines of the study were comforting.

 

“So, Bree…” Fiona brought her alert with.

 

Brianna’s eyes came fully open and she sat up a bit, reading something in Fiona’s tone.

 

“I’ve been keeping yer folks updated on your progress and such, but yer mam would appreciate hearing your voice.”

 

Bree opened her mouth to speak when Fiona put up her hand to stop her.

 

“I know…you’re just getting settled in, and the job is all consuming – I’m not trying to nag or make ye feel bad. But…by the way you dashed in here, all excited to share your news – your mam could use a dose of that enthusiasm right now. She’s feeling a bit rough just now.”

 

“I think about them every day, but it’s always at the wrong time, and I don’t want to wake her up with a call in the middle of the night. I’ll make myself a note. If I call mid-morning, I should be able to catch mom at work.”

 

“Don’t leave your da out – he misses you, too. I saw for myself the depth of that man’s love for you, and having to let you go so soon after finding you…” Fiona shook her head.

 

Bree’s cheeks were pink, embarrassed that she’d let this much time go by without calling home. Only that first night after she’d landed had she called home.

 

“I’ll tell them to expect a call or two in the next week, shall I?”

 

Bree nodded, trying very hard not to break down.

 

~~~~~

 

Bree was still feeling raw on the ride back out to Lallybroch. Fiona had been right and Brianna felt embarrassed that she’d let her new circumstances keep her from calling home and making sure her parents were alright. She was quiet on her side of the truck cab, letting silent tears cascade down her cheeks in the darkness. Wake glanced from time to time, whenever he could take his eyes off the road. They had just pulled into the yard when Wake heard Bree make the slightest sound. It was a stifled sob. She tried to get out quickly, but had forgotten to unbuckle her seatbelt, and found herself hanging against it, unable to get out of the truck. Wake grabbed for her hand and pulled her back onto the seat, keeping a tight grip on her wrist.

 

“Have you been cryin’ this whole time?” he gently asked, oddly tearing up himself.

 

She nodded, keeping her eyes turned away.

 

Wake pulled her head into his shoulder and put his hand on top of it to hold her in place against him. Any attempt at a façade melted away, Bree’s chest heaving as the sobs came and tears poured down her face. Wake didn’t ask for any explanation, but Bree tried to apologize for the tears as they were in progress.

 

“Sorry…I…I let myself…get so…wrapped up in what was happening here…I should have called home…let them know what was happening…I…I…”

 

“Shhh,” Wake soothed, “I ran you off your feet the first week, and then you stepped in to fill my shoes – a job I know takes over your mind. Mam wasnae trying to make you feel like this.”

 

He felt Brianna nodding as his palm cradled the top of her head.

 

“I’m sorry,” Bree repeated.

 

“For what? Having feelings? For bein’ human? Och, don’t fash over that. You’ve got a lot on your plate just now. Remember what I said after that run-in with one of the workers? – One day at a time. You’ve found your footing, now you’re just left finding a balance between your life here, and your family in America.”

 

He felt her pull away, back to sitting upright. She unbuckled her seatbelt and sat slumped forward for a few minutes, thinking about what he said.

 

“Know what? My advice, wash your face, call your mam, even if it is late, or early as the case would be, then take a shower with that brand new showerhead that got installed today. You’ll feel better come morning.”

 

“Thank-you…and…um…could you not tell anyone about this? I feel foolish, and I’d rather not have anyone else know how easy it is to make me cry.”

 

“My lips are sealed – not even mam will know.”

 

She managed a quick flash of a smile and successfully exited the truck this time. Wake just sat there, reveling in the fact that, on some level, she trusted him, and that was a good foundation to build upon.

 

~~~~~

 

 


End file.
